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  • #16
    Originally posted by magnolia1973 View Post
    Oddly, I met some of the men she dated, and a couple were genuinely nice and concerned about her. And I was always like, why the hell are they swapping pics of their genitals? That's just bizarre. It's not like in most relationships you spend hours that much time looking at a cock or pussy. I'd be more impressed with a pic of your tidy kitchen or clean car.
    When I used to hang out in chat rooms, I would say that if I had to see a guy naked on cam, he had to be washing dishes.

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    • #17
      I have sympathy for both sides of the equation. Free sex has been tried many times in many countries under many names, and yet we seem to pair bond, even those of us who chose not to breed and have indulged in serial monogamy.

      JoanieL's theory on the whole free sex/one night stand thing:

      First the physical. If you (generic you, not addressed to anyone specific) believe that sex is only a biological function like shitting, then I guess you can fuck whomever you want and walk away unaffected by the whole experience. However, you guys don't get your groove on mostly 'til your 40s and I know few women under that age who have orgasms from one night stands. So all we walk away from a one night stand with is some goo and the need for a shower.

      The emotional + physical. You guys have outies. You stick a part of your body into something. We women have innies. We take someone into our bodies. You can't relate to us on that and we can't relate to you. To be really crass, I could stick my finger (since I don't have a penis) into a jar of mustard and feel nothing, but at the very least, I'd feel discomfort if the jar of mustard was stuck into me.

      The lies on both sides. Men who pretend sex means something and women who pretend it doesn't.

      All of the above shit gets us all into trouble with misunderstandings. I'm sorry if it sounds sexist, but men and women are different when it comes to sex. I don't believe the old BS about men having some primal (not Mark's primal) need to spread their genes around because if you want your offspring to live, you need to stay around to protect them.

      Given the standard one night stand scenario, a man picks up a woman, if he's smart he uses a condom, (hopefully) he gets out before light of day, and it's over. The ramifications are different for the woman. Any error, from misjudging the man and sleeping with a serial killer to a broken condom resulting in pregnancy or disease (and the risk of disease for men in this situation is substantially less because he hasn't exposed a mucus membrane to a stranger) carries a higher risk.

      I don't know the solution to it all. Men, stop being so egocentric and thinking that ten minutes of the old in out is gonna do it for us. Women, stop trying to act/be like men. Women are too easy and men think they are all that. I have no answers. The zipless fuck (Erica Jong) can be fun for some women, but if we're honest with ourselves, the reality is that we are more complex, and most men don't get it in one night. That's why we feel ripped off by one night stands.

      JMO obviously, but I have a lurid past.
      "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

      B*tch-lite

      Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

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      • #18
        The shyness you encounter is not always shyness, but caution due to the sheer amount of penis pics flooding most women's email. When 8 out of 10 guys open convos with innuendo and dick pics, you learn to proceed with caution. Humor, honesty and charm will get you what you want a lot faster. Don't promise anything you aren't going to give, relationship-wise or you'll attract the crazy.

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        • #19
          Off line is the real world.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by JoanieL View Post
            I'm sorry if it sounds sexist, but men and women are different when it comes to sex. I don't believe the old BS about men having some primal (not Mark's primal) need to spread their genes around because if you want your offspring to live, you need to stay around to protect them.
            The maximal biological advantage for men is to pair up and provide support to a woman who is raising his children (maximal investment with best guarantee of return), while occasionally sowing some wild oats on the off-chance that a woman he may never see again (and possibly her partner) will raise his offspring (minimal investment with possibility of return).

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            • #21
              Originally posted by Zanna View Post
              The shyness you encounter is not always shyness, but caution due to the sheer amount of penis pics flooding most women's email. When 8 out of 10 guys open convos with innuendo and dick pics, you learn to proceed with caution. Humor, honesty and charm will get you what you want a lot faster. Don't promise anything you aren't going to give, relationship-wise or you'll attract the crazy.
              I think Zanna is right on about shyness.

              I met my husband online (OK Cupid). Before I met him I met about 50 other men in person and hundreds more online. I was clear from the beginning that I had no interest in a one night stand or FWB scenario though. I would have avoided any guy that said he wanted FWB and if a guy sent me a croch shot he was immediately ruled out. I ruled out many more men for similar icky behaviors which are plentiful online.

              I know lot of people who met their SOs online. My sister, best friend and several other friends all come to mind. None of them are crazy or socially awkward. So, to the original question, yes you can meet nice people online. I don't know if it really saves any time though. I usually emailed people between 2 and 6 times, arranged to meet, met them, then never spoke to them again. There were only a few people I wanted to see a second time. The whole process was quite time consuming. I often had 3 to 5 dates in a week and sometimes had more than one in a day. I knew what I was looking for and was going to look until I found it though... most people are not as intense as I am.

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              • #22
                Well, if you're looking for open relationships, apparently OK Cupid is where they like to go fishing

                Just, for pete's sake, don't send an opening note of "Sex?" (yes, I got one of those), and make sure that you fill in the profile with full sentences and at least decent punctuation and spelling. Also, look for women that note an interest in casual sex, instead of relationships, since you'll probably have better luck.
                http://cattaillady.com/ My blog exploring the beginning stages of learning how to homestead. With the occasional rant.

                Originally Posted by TheFastCat: Less is more more or less

                And now I have an Etsy store: CattailsandCalendula

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                • #23
                  I have had terrible experiences with specific online dating (eHarmony, okcupid, etc) but excellent experiences with 'dating people i happen to meet online.'

                  in fact all my successful relationships came about by befriending people in video games, and all of them went from online relationships to real life in person dating, including my current one.

                  it works great for me because it takes a looooooong time for me to trust people enough to be physical with them so the long slow burn is ideal for me. when i date men from actual dating websites, they were always super handsy and wanted to grope me on the first date, or lick my tonsils on the first date, and i was having none of that which led them to believe i was frigid or some such. dating the women i met online, they were often too much like myself - too shy to make any sort of move at all, even hug. which is sad because i felt much safer with the women and would have been more inclined to kissing, but am not very aggressive myself in that regard. =P (note, i am female, and bisexual. dating a woman very happily, currently. ymmv)
                  yay!

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by drssgchic View Post
                    Well, if you're looking for open relationships, apparently OK Cupid is where they like to go fishing
                    omg yes i got SO MANY invites to join couples on OKC. i was not interested in that, as i've tried it in the past and always felt jealous and or neglected and or generally not good in some way. i received many polite inquiries as well as some gross ones for this particular thing though.
                    yay!

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                    • #25
                      Originally posted by qqemokitty View Post
                      I have had terrible experiences with specific online dating (eHarmony, okcupid, etc) but excellent experiences with 'dating people i happen to meet online.'

                      in fact all my successful relationships came about by befriending people in video games, and all of them went from online relationships to real life in person dating, including my current one.

                      it works great for me because it takes a looooooong time for me to trust people enough to be physical with them so the long slow burn is ideal for me. when i date men from actual dating websites, they were always super handsy and wanted to grope me on the first date, or lick my tonsils on the first date, and i was having none of that which led them to believe i was frigid or some such. dating the women i met online, they were often too much like myself - too shy to make any sort of move at all, even hug. which is sad because i felt much safer with the women and would have been more inclined to kissing, but am not very aggressive myself in that regard. =P (note, i am female, and bisexual. dating a woman very happily, currently. ymmv)
                      I have gotten more good stories than good dates from OK Cupid, and you're right about them being handsy. But now I put my foot down and say "just friends." It scares some away (and one notable exception took it for a challenge), but I have recently stumbled across a wonderful guy that is willing to take me at my word. Which means that if anything happens, it will be at my pace, and in the real world. (And it's a totally novel experience to have a guy call me hot and still keep his hands to himself.)
                      http://cattaillady.com/ My blog exploring the beginning stages of learning how to homestead. With the occasional rant.

                      Originally Posted by TheFastCat: Less is more more or less

                      And now I have an Etsy store: CattailsandCalendula

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by qqemokitty View Post
                        I have had terrible experiences with specific online dating (eHarmony, okcupid, etc) but excellent experiences with 'dating people i happen to meet online.'

                        in fact all my successful relationships came about by befriending people in video games, and all of them went from online relationships to real life in person dating, including my current one.
                        ^This. I met my wife online but in a place where we both shared a common interest not in a random 'lets start a hookup/relationship' site. My buddy met his ex-gf through World of Warcraft. Hell, if nothing else at least they can both raid together (though her DPS was terrible ) I found that by being friends with my wife online first I got to know her really well. There was no pressure to hook up or do anything we were uncomfortable with and we were already friends before we met in person. Worst case scenario would could have remained friends...well, we have remained friends but it went beyond that.

                        My advice if you go the dating site route is to be honest. That way you are not wasting time with women who want relationships when all you are looking for is a place to put the D (or vice versa if you are looking to settle down). Otherwise, try to meet people at places online where you might share a common interest. Is the primal hookup group still active?

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                        • #27
                          I met my fiance online. Not through a dating site, though. Just a standard forum. We just got talking and realized we were made for each other.

                          I'd guess that works well simply because we already have something we're mutually interested in, we weren't looking at the time and we could see each other for who we were. Past-stalk each other on the forums and the likes.
                          --
                          Perfection is entirely individual. Any philosophy or pursuit that encourages individuality has merit in that it frees people. Any that encourages shackles only has merit in that it shows you how wrong and desperate the human mind can get in its pursuit of truth.

                          --
                          I get blunter and more narcissistic by the day.
                          I'd apologize, but...

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                          • #28
                            I only internet meet radicals and activists; it's way more fun because there is an element of, "Is he/she a secret policeman? What have I said or done that would make them think that about myself?"
                            "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

                            Jack london, "Before Adam"

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                            • #29
                              I have been happily married for over 7 years (been together for about 9). My wife and I are together 24/7 (we work together, commute together, sit next to each other at work etc...) We met on hotornot.com. Romantic, huh?
                              The above should be viewed as complete and utter nonsense.

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                              • #30
                                Originally posted by wiltondeportes View Post
                                That isn't any different from the dating game as a whole though.
                                I met my husband online. Past a certain age it became harder to meet single people in a town the size of mine without going online. I found online dating to be not a whole lot different than the old fashioned way. You still have to be careful about safety no matter how you do it. Unfortunately I lost my dear to a brain tumor after 3 and a half years of marriage. It's been long enough and I'm young enough that I am sort of contemplating going back online. Haven't quite made up my mind whether to get back in the pool or not...
                                Breathe. Move forward.

                                I just eat what I want...

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