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  • How often should we have sex?

    I'm aware that sex is always an explosive topic, so I'd just like to say at the start that I genuinely want to hear other people's perspectives and I hope that we can all learn from each other...!

    When you're in a relationship with someone, what do you think is a reasonable amount to have sex?

    I ask because when I was in a long term relationship my SO wanted to have sex once or twice a day. For the first year or whatever I was up for it, but after that I would have been happy with five nights a week. BUT, the SO always took me not wanting to have sex as a personal slight; would guilt trip me etc; and most of the time I ended up having sex with him when I didn't want to: purely cos' he was giving me grief. If any other women have done this, you'll know it's a horrible feeling. Ultimately it was very destructive for me, him, and our relationship.

    I didn't really think about it for a few years, til a recent conversation with someone who described a similar scenario. Then I started thinking of other women who recounted similar situations: all of them mentioning how crabby their boyfriends get if they don't get sex when they want it (which seems to be most of the time )

    So, ladies and gents, do you believe that men and women have inherently different libidos, and if so, what is the way of navigating this in a relationship?
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  • #2
    Multiple wives? Not serious. I don't think there is a solution.
    Crohn's, doing SCD

    Comment


    • #3
      I think libidos are as varied as anything else. Compatibility is also key. I like daily sex when I'm in a relationship, but I don't think there is one right number. For me, it's also a function of how "talented" my partner is. Fortunately, at my age the whole talent thing isn't too much of an issue - even the most numbnuts of men at sixty have figured out what goes where and how.
      "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

      B*tch-lite

      Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

      Comment


      • #4
        its the pressure rather than the amount of sex that's the problem.
        Hubby and me have sex most days although this last 10 months with this cancer and surgery business there have been long periods of none and no interest in it from me. Saying that though when I've felt motivated or have energy enough I've used the randomly applied BJ to good effect! Its not his fault and I didn't want him to 'suffer' and he's certainly worth 1/2 hour of my time.
        When i was younger I had a relationship that involved pressure and i found it put me off; he wasn't very good either which made it worse. Too much trouble and aggravation; I don't really like high maintenance egos much
        When I'd had enough of the grain and starched based 'diabetic eating for health' diet (eating for health, my ass!) my weight was 242.5 lbs. On starting primal- 18th April 2013 weight : 238.1.
        27th July 2013. weight after 100 days 136.9 weight lost 101.2lb ; that's 105.6lbs since I stopped the 'diabetic eating for health'
        new journal http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...ml#post1264082

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        • #5
          As often as both parties find mutually agreeable. If your sex drive and your partner's are incompatible, reconsider your choice of partner.
          The Champagne of Beards

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          • #6
            Everyone is different. Some people think 3 or 4 times a day isn't enough while others are just fine with 3 or 4 times a year. And even with an individual, it's going to be more or less for them depending on whether they're busy, stressed, sick, bored, happy, depressed or any other of a thousand different things.

            If you and your partner aren't compatible, you can either compromise (BOTH of you...) or keep looking.

            And I agree with CarbDodger that a BJ is a good thing when you're not in the mood. But some women hate them, so...
            Durp.

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            • #7
              As often as she says yes.

              Comment


              • #8
                2x a day is a reasonable expectation
                Starting Date: Dec 18, 2010
                Starting Weight: 294 pounds
                Current Weight: 235 pounds
                Goal Weight: 195 pounds

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by kenn View Post
                  2x a day is a reasonable expectation
                  According to my ex, 2x a year was really pushing it...
                  Durp.

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                  • #10
                    Men and women don't have different libidos, individuals do. Read the book Sex at Dawn and you will realize that if your boyfriend wants sex more than you do, it is a perfectly cromulent solution to allow him to get some on the side. I am absolutely serious.
                    You lousy kids! Get off my savannah!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      How often should we have sex?
                      Chance would be a fine thing...

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Since it's different for everyone there's obviously no way to answer this.

                        I would have sex every day or several times a day if I could make it take 5-10-15 minutes. My husband likes his sex like he's smoking some ribs on the bbq....low and slow. I don't really care to devote two hours a day every frigging day to having sex. I like wham bam thank you ma'am just fine sometimes, and have told him that. Just give it to me, babe. No half hour of foreplay and half hour of cuddling afterwards Every. Single. Effing. Time.

                        My husband has turned down blow jobs many many times because he didn't want a quickie, he wanted the whole naked in bed skin on skin experience instead. Sorry, but 2 hours a day for sex is just......not doable on the daily.

                        I know, I know.....such terrible problems.

                        Oh.....and guilting someone into having sex is shitty. End of story. Go fap off and get the hell over yourself.
                        be the hair that knots with my hair
                        - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
                        primal since oct. 1, 2012

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Grumpycakes View Post
                          Men and women don't have different libidos, individuals do. Read the book Sex at Dawn and you will realize that if your boyfriend wants sex more than you do, it is a perfectly cromulent solution to allow him to get some on the side. I am absolutely serious.
                          I would agree with you on this; however, it's me who wants it more than the once a month or less he's willing and he would never entertain my getting some on the side, not in a million years.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by CarbDodger View Post
                            its the pressure rather than the amount of sex that's the problem.
                            Hubby and me have sex most days although this last 10 months with this cancer and surgery business there have been long periods of none and no interest in it from me. Saying that though when I've felt motivated or have energy enough I've used the randomly applied BJ to good effect! Its not his fault and I didn't want him to 'suffer' and he's certainly worth 1/2 hour of my time.
                            When i was younger I had a relationship that involved pressure and i found it put me off; he wasn't very good either which made it worse. Too much trouble and aggravation; I don't really like high maintenance egos much
                            Originally posted by Pebbles67
                            ^+1

                            Both partners have to be willing to take a "not tonight" without insult, but on the other side both need to be willing to do it at times when they don't feel like it, without showing it. My husband and I have had our issues, especially when I was very unhealthy. I have learned that for him, having sex often, tells him that I still love him and want him after 23 years. He has learned not to hurt my feelings if he wants to get some that night.

                            The really funny thing is that I am Primal and he is not. Now he is having a hard time keeping up with this sex kitten. The man needs to get with the program!
                            Originally posted by RitaRose View Post
                            Everyone is different. Some people think 3 or 4 times a day isn't enough while others are just fine with 3 or 4 times a year. And even with an individual, it's going to be more or less for them depending on whether they're busy, stressed, sick, bored, happy, depressed or any other of a thousand different things.

                            If you and your partner aren't compatible, you can either compromise (BOTH of you...) or keep looking.

                            And I agree with CarbDodger that a BJ is a good thing when you're not in the mood. But some women hate them, so...
                            Part of my problem is that in those first few months I'm very up for it, and I'm very... generous! But once a few months passes the steaminess of first lust starts wearing off for me, and the previous level of intimacy (a lot) isn't sustainable. But then the guy notices a difference, gets demanding, starts complaining, I get turned off... vicious cycle.
                            "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                            In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                            - Ray Peat

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by lemontwisst View Post
                              I would agree with you on this; however, it's me who wants it more than the once a month or less he's willing and he would never entertain my getting some on the side, not in a million years.
                              I have a very bad feeling about your relationship, sorry to say. Best case scenario is if you two do low-carb Primal together. If so, let him eat his carbs so he can get his libido back. Healthy men want sex more than once a month. .
                              You lousy kids! Get off my savannah!

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