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How often should we have sex?

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  • #31
    Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
    I get why it would be a great approach, but I think in reality it wouldn't be so straight forward. Relationships in general bring out people's deepest fears and insecurities, and I could imagine that in a polygamous relationship one person would be driven insane with jealousy, while the other one would be perfectly content with the arrangement...
    If this current generation were suddenly forced into polygamy somehow, then yes. But where do these insecurities and jealousies come from? Maybe from the idea that one ought to have a single person to be in love with and who loves him/her just as much in return. Maybe from all the moralistic hangups and notions of ego our culture give us. Those things just aren't present in people who are raised in small, intimate communities where everything is shared and everyone is valued and has an important role to play. The way we live, value is dependent on career, which children are thrown out into the wide world to find on their own, more or less unprepared. They land a crappy job which does not satisfy the basic human need to be an integral part of society, so they try to find a meaningful "place" in someone else's life via a relationship, and invest all their emotional energy into that sort of identity. Anyway, I'm going way off course here.
    You lousy kids! Get off my savannah!

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    • #32
      Originally posted by kenn View Post
      We were great til she changed her pill prescription, then we waddled along then she got pregnant and lost it because of estrogen dominance.
      Shit man - I'm really sorry to hear that. Possibly her loss of libido is emotional too. Losing a baby can be really traumatic.

      I'm sure you've tried to talk things through already, so it might be worth considering couples counselling. Would be a waste not to fight for something great.

      Originally posted by Grumpycakes View Post
      If this current generation were suddenly forced into polygamy somehow, then yes. But where do these insecurities and jealousies come from? Maybe from the idea that one ought to have a single person to be in love with and who loves him/her just as much in return. Maybe from all the moralistic hangups and notions of ego our culture give us. Those things just aren't present in people who are raised in small, intimate communities where everything is shared and everyone is valued and has an important role to play. The way we live, value is dependent on career, which children are thrown out into the wide world to find on their own, more or less unprepared. They land a crappy job which does not satisfy the basic human need to be an integral part of society, so they try to find a meaningful "place" in someone else's life via a relationship, and invest all their emotional energy into that sort of identity. Anyway, I'm going way off course here.
      It's a relavant tangent

      It's a good point: it's difficult to know how different or similar people would be to how they are now if you removed all the social conditioning. I'd suspect however, that we wouldn't be as enlightened as all that. Jealousy, and the desire for power, run deeply within the psyche. Even dogs experience jealousy (though it could be argued that this is due to domestication).

      Also, I think sometimes monogamy is not a social constraint, but the expression of a genuine bond. There are animals who mate for life too.

      Saying that, it would be interesting to have a society where everything was allowed, but given how immature our society is it would probably all end in Shakespearean-style tears...
      "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

      In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

      - Ray Peat

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      • #33
        to answer the first question: each person in a relationship (however that is formed) should work together to find the right frequency where both parties are happy with the resultant "sex life."

        there are so many factors that go into an individual's "hang ups" around sex. when i say "hang ups" i don't just mean things stopping people from having sex, but also things like you describe -- your ex being upset that you didn't want to have sex all day long or whatever is also a form of hang up. THere are cultural reasons, social reasons, personality type what nots, family crap, personal crap, and just general stupidity.

        I put myself in this category, yo. I got all kinds of weird hang ups and i haven't met a person yet who doesnt' have something weird going on in relationship to sex.

        in the end, you find a partner (or several or whatever) and you work out your shit together. hopefully, along the way you have a good time.

        we do.

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        • #34
          Gotta agree with zoebird here. There's an quote I've always liked:

          “We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.”
          - Robert Fulghum
          Durp.

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          • #35
            Also, Dr OZ says men should have sex at least 700 times a year (according to men's health article on the matter).

            Assuming a gal doesn't want to do the deed for 12 weeks out of the year due to red tent experiences, that means that "on" weeks would be 16 times per week.

            Apparently no one has studied what women need for health. I couldn't find any on google anyway.
            Last edited by zoebird; 06-01-2013, 05:43 PM.

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            • #36
              Originally posted by zoebird View Post
              Also, Dr OZ says men should have sex at least 4 times a week for health, supposedly based on some study. But, apparently there haven't been any studies about how often women should have sex for health, because why would anyone study women anyway?
              Here you go:

              PNAS | Mobile
              Make America Great Again

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              • #37
                Originally posted by RitaRose View Post
                Gotta agree with zoebird here. There's an quote I've always liked:

                “We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.”
                - Robert Fulghum
                LOL, this is so true. And in 25 years we've been through all manner of weirdness. Differences in appetite have almost always been due to something going on in the relationship and not due to something innate. It's a lot harder, though, to face up to relationship issues than it is to blame something vague and external.
                50yo, 5'3"
                SW-195
                CW-125, part calorie counting, part transition to primal
                GW- Goals are no longer weight-related

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                • #38
                  I'm not really one to be taken seriously or given any validity to when it comes to this issue, but - and I would probably change my mind if I were actually in this situation - I possibly wouldn't have a problem with my partner paying for a "professional" if we he was dying for sex and I wasn't willing to participate for some reason. To me it would just seem like a business transaction... People pay to have their naked bodies touched all the time (massages) and this would just be a little extra...
                  Is it weird in here, or is it just me?

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                  • #39
                    Originally posted by Derpamix View Post
                    Here you go:

                    PNAS | Mobile
                    sadly, this study does not indicate how much sex a woman needs for her health every week.

                    It simply studies how llamas ovulation is affected by seminal fluid -- which isn't exactly a study of female, human health. Likewise, it focuses on how the male acts on the female, not what the female is and/or may need independently.

                    So, no.

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                    • #40
                      ombat,

                      that works for some couples -- though they don't always go for professionals. and as long as everyone is in agreement, I don't see the issue.

                      --------

                      when i said to DH that he needed 16 times a week for health, he decided that twice a day Mon-Fri and three times a day on Sat/Sun was "way too much of a burden" and "who has the time" -- whereas my reaction was "yeah! lets do it!"

                      so, you know. . .sometimes people are just different.

                      i think that if we could close the door to our bedroom, it might be possible. . . but the kiddo is all in our grill, so that makes it tough.

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                      • #41
                        Originally posted by zoebird View Post
                        sadly, this study does not indicate how much sex a woman needs for her health every week.

                        It simply studies how llamas ovulation is affected by seminal fluid -- which isn't exactly a study of female, human health. Likewise, it focuses on how the male acts on the female, not what the female is and/or may need independently.

                        So, no.
                        there are studies going back decades about this:

                        pnas semen ngf - Google Search

                        it implies that men stimulate her neurons with their NGF, and they might embed ourselves in her memory more strongly during and immediately after intercourse.

                        doesn't this spark interests in why women often feel more strongly and serious about the act?

                        Semen - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

                        it's the OIF(ovulation-inducing factor) and it's in all mammals, including humans.

                        so, yes. should I check my privilege!?
                        Make America Great Again

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                        • #42
                          again, it doesn't go to the *question*. and, i'm not sure it could be extrapolated out to what you assert.

                          the question is about how often we should have sex.

                          dr oz asserts that *for men* it should be 700 times a year for health. I haven't seen a study for how often a woman should.

                          that being said, *obviously* women's sexuality and sexual health *is* being studied. which means, of course, I was being mildly facetious. there you go.

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                          • #43
                            Originally posted by zoebird View Post
                            again, it doesn't go to the *question*. and, i'm not sure it could be extrapolated out to what you assert.

                            the question is about how often we should have sex.

                            dr oz asserts that *for men* it should be 700 times a year for health. I haven't seen a study for how often a woman should.

                            that being said, *obviously* women's sexuality and sexual health *is* being studied. which means, of course, I was being mildly facetious. there you go.
                            probably not, and it's cool. it is being studied though, so it's not unimportant. i don't think an arbitrary number can be attached to either sex, it all depends. sexual intercourse has positives for both.

                            i don't like dr. oz.
                            Make America Great Again

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                            • #44
                              uhm, ok.

                              first, i don't know if i 'believe' there is a number. my commentary is that there apparently is a number for men, but not for women. i find that confusing/interesting/whatever.

                              second, i don't care about dr oz or any one expert, honestly. i just pointed to a mainstream 'common knowledge' process about 'how often should we have sex?'

                              third, obviously sex is positive for both, etc. i already said that.

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                              • #45
                                I couldn't put a number on it, so I would say as much as possible. There's this one tribe in which the average amount for a man is 6 times a week, and I'm pretty sure they don't have a concept of marriage there. I can't recall more specifics. This would be a good starting point for me, but I'd want to make it the low end.

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