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  • #16
    Originally posted by Grumpycakes View Post
    Men and women don't have different libidos, individuals do. Read the book Sex at Dawn and you will realize that if your boyfriend wants sex more than you do, it is a perfectly cromulent solution to allow him to get some on the side. I am absolutely serious.
    Umm... really? Should relationships begin with a disclaimer?!

    Maybe I just won't ever tell them about that book...
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

    Comment


    • #17
      Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
      Umm... really? Should relationships begin with a disclaimer?!

      Maybe I just won't ever tell them about that book...
      You can get some on the side, too. It's a very enlightening read. The whole commitment thing we force ourselves into is silly and contrary to our nature.
      You lousy kids! Get off my savannah!

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Grumpycakes View Post
        You can get some on the side, too. It's a very enlightening read. The whole commitment thing we force ourselves into is silly and contrary to our nature.
        A few years ago I felt the same way. Now I think that both models (monogamy and polygamy) can be overly idealistic. Polygamy might suit some people, but for others it would be really hard work. A pit of mind games and stalkings... Similarly monogamy isn't for everyone. But most people don't know what's right for them til they try it, and by then they're locked into something...
        "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

        In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

        - Ray Peat

        Comment


        • #19
          Originally posted by little vase View Post
          Since it's different for everyone there's obviously no way to answer this.

          My husband likes his sex like he's smoking some ribs on the bbq....low and slow....I like wham bam thank you ma'am just fine sometimes, and have told him that. Just give it to me, babe...

          My husband has turned down blow jobs many many times because he didn't want a quickie, he wanted the whole naked in bed skin on skin experience instead...
          OMG this cracked me up. I have the same issues with my husband, but you said it so well.
          Primal since 9/24/2010
          "Our greatest foes, and whom we must chiefly combat, are within." Miguel de Cervantes

          Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools
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          • #20
            Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
            Part of my problem is that in those first few months I'm very up for it, and I'm very... generous! But once a few months passes the steaminess of first lust starts wearing off for me, and the previous level of intimacy (a lot) isn't sustainable.
            This is actually very common. Most people start out messing around like bunnies in heat, then it slows down a little when the novelty wears off. For some, it only slows down a little, and for others, it slows down a lot more. That's where you have to be either on the the same wavelength or both of you be willing to compromise a little. But the changing amount isn't really the big problem...

            Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
            But then the guy notices a difference, gets demanding, starts complaining, I get turned off... vicious cycle.
            THIS is the bigger issue.

            I would say the same thing regardless of gender or orientation. Sex is one of the most intimate things you can do with a partner. If someone is "demanding" or "complaining" instead of maybe trying to make an environment more conducive to what they want when I'm trying to at least compromise, then I'd basically say "Thank you for showing me how you really are" and I'd bail.

            I just think it goes deeper than just wanting sex and whining about it constantly.
            Durp.

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            • #21
              Still, the problem is trying to cram a person's particular preference for a relationship under either of those two labels. Monogamy: "I AM SO FAITHFUL TO YOU THAT IT HURTS." Polygamy: "WHEEEEE *HUMP HUMP HUMP* so lonely..." Probably the more natural human relationship could be described as having a main partner with whom you share a deep emotional bond, and other partners with whom things are more or less just physical. Of course pregnancy is a problem. But the book talks about HG cultures who have the notion of shared paternity, that all the semen a woman receives, even after conception, goes towards forming the baby, so all the men involved with the woman care for the baby. Interesting to think how that might be applied to our society.
              You lousy kids! Get off my savannah!

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              • #22
                Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
                I'm aware that sex is always an explosive topic, so I'd just like to say at the start that I genuinely want to hear other people's perspectives and I hope that we can all learn from each other...!

                When you're in a relationship with someone, what do you think is a reasonable amount to have sex?

                I ask because when I was in a long term relationship my SO wanted to have sex once or twice a day. For the first year or whatever I was up for it, but after that I would have been happy with five nights a week. BUT, the SO always took me not wanting to have sex as a personal slight; would guilt trip me etc; and most of the time I ended up having sex with him when I didn't want to: purely cos' he was giving me grief. If any other women have done this, you'll know it's a horrible feeling. Ultimately it was very destructive for me, him, and our relationship.

                I didn't really think about it for a few years, til a recent conversation with someone who described a similar scenario. Then I started thinking of other women who recounted similar situations: all of them mentioning how crabby their boyfriends get if they don't get sex when they want it (which seems to be most of the time )

                So, ladies and gents, do you believe that men and women have inherently different libidos, and if so, what is the way of navigating this in a relationship?
                If you don't want to take care of your SO's needs then break up with him and allow him to find happiness. Or allow him to sleep with other women. Or figure out why you have no libido.
                Starting Date: Dec 18, 2010
                Starting Weight: 294 pounds
                Current Weight: 235 pounds
                Goal Weight: 195 pounds

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by Grumpycakes View Post
                  Still, the problem is trying to cram a person's particular preference for a relationship under either of those two labels. Monogamy: "I AM SO FAITHFUL TO YOU THAT IT HURTS." Polygamy: "WHEEEEE *HUMP HUMP HUMP* so lonely..." Probably the more natural human relationship could be described as having a main partner with whom you share a deep emotional bond, and other partners with whom things are more or less just physical. Of course pregnancy is a problem. But the book talks about HG cultures who have the notion of shared paternity, that all the semen a woman receives, even after conception, goes towards forming the baby, so all the men involved with the woman care for the baby. Interesting to think how that might be applied to our society.
                  I get why it would be a great approach, but I think in reality it wouldn't be so straight forward. Relationships in general bring out people's deepest fears and insecurities, and I could imagine that in a polygamous relationship one person would be driven insane with jealousy, while the other one would be perfectly content with the arrangement...

                  Originally posted by RitaRose View Post
                  I would say the same thing regardless of gender or orientation. Sex is one of the most intimate things you can do with a partner. If someone is "demanding" or "complaining" instead of maybe trying to make an environment more conducive to what they want when I'm trying to at least compromise, then I'd basically say "Thank you for showing me how you really are" and I'd bail.

                  I just think it goes deeper than just wanting sex and whining about it constantly.
                  Yeah, good point. Probably goes deeper on both sides too... If I'm to be totally honest, being the temptress initially is probably my way of trying to captivate the guy. Not to say I don't like having loads of sex, but maybe I've played up to it in the past.

                  Originally posted by kenn View Post
                  If you don't want to take care of your SO's needs then break up with him and allow him to find happiness. Or allow him to sleep with other women. Or figure out why you have no libido.
                  Dear Kenn,

                  The relationship I'm referring to was five years ago, and I did break up with the SO, who subsequently did find happiness. I have no sex drive right now because of a hormonal imbalance (oestrogen dominance) and borderline hypothyroidism.

                  Thanks for your concern.
                  Last edited by YogaBare; 06-01-2013, 10:58 AM.
                  "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                  In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                  - Ray Peat

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Good that's all a man can ask for.

                    My fiance has estrogen dominance and is being bullheaded about the topic. Her OBGYN acted like it was no big deal. I have serious concerns about this relationship moving forward.
                    Starting Date: Dec 18, 2010
                    Starting Weight: 294 pounds
                    Current Weight: 235 pounds
                    Goal Weight: 195 pounds

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      If I ruled the world the answer would be never. So far so good. The whole taking 2 hours thing really turned me off the whole thing completely. That and the let me get you off first so I can rub you raw for 2 more hours thing. Thank god old men kind fall apart after a while. If you can keep them away from the Viagra you can keep the skin in your nethers.
                      Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by kenn View Post
                        Good that's all a man can ask for.

                        My fiance has estrogen dominance and is being bullheaded about the topic. Her OBGYN acted like it was no big deal. I have serious concerns about this relationship moving forward.
                        Well, OD can cause infertility amongst loads of other nasty things (like no libido) so I'd disagree that it's no big deal...

                        Are you being facetious or for real? How a couple handles sexual problems can be indicative of the relationship at large...


                        Originally posted by sbhikes View Post
                        If I ruled the world the answer would be never. So far so good. The whole taking 2 hours thing really turned me off the whole thing completely. That and the let me get you off first so I can rub you raw for 2 more hours thing. Thank god old men kind fall apart after a while. If you can keep them away from the Viagra you can keep the skin in your nethers.
                        You can always count on shhikes to make people want to die by 45
                        "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                        In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                        - Ray Peat

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Once a day minimum, preferably 3 times a day on average.
                          I'm high-maintenance.
                          --
                          Perfection is entirely individual. Any philosophy or pursuit that encourages individuality has merit in that it frees people. Any that encourages shackles only has merit in that it shows you how wrong and desperate the human mind can get in its pursuit of truth.

                          --
                          I get blunter and more narcissistic by the day.
                          I'd apologize, but...

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                          • #28
                            I think that probably most couples are matched at the start then change. Either your priorities change, you break up or you find someone on the side. Just make sure on the side sex knows the drill lol, and doesn't come try and kick your wife out.

                            http://maggiesfeast.wordpress.com/
                            Check out my blog. Hope to share lots of great recipes and ideas!

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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by sbhikes View Post
                              The whole taking 2 hours thing really turned me off the whole thing completely. That and the let me get you off first so I can rub you raw for 2 more hours thing. Thank god old men kind fall apart after a while. If you can keep them away from the Viagra you can keep the skin in your nethers.
                              ::snort::

                              I'm only laughing because it's so very true!
                              Durp.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
                                Well, OD can cause infertility amongst loads of other nasty things (like no libido) so I'd disagree that it's no big deal...

                                Are you being facetious or for real? How a couple handles sexual problems can be indicative of the relationship at large...
                                We were great til she changed her pill prescription, then we waddled along then she got pregnant and lost it because of estrogen dominance.
                                Starting Date: Dec 18, 2010
                                Starting Weight: 294 pounds
                                Current Weight: 235 pounds
                                Goal Weight: 195 pounds

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