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i thought you wanted to romance, not reenact Wrong Turn *chin rub*
She'll give you all that she got to give
But I'm gonna make it hard to live
Big salty tears rollin' down to her chin
And it smears up her make-up
I never wanted
So we ran away
And I'm sorry when I say, that straight to this very day
It was the wrong way
Intelligence: I could apologize all day for bragging and supply evidence so the reader knows this is not a delusion of my own, but I won't for the sake of brevity. Let's just accept I'm in the top 5 percentile of intelligence (could be anywhere in there; could be #1 ever, could be the last guy to make it). If I'm going to have a girlfriend and not a f*** buddy, that means we need to get along, laugh at each others jokes and be on the same wavelength. Let's just assume that means we need close to equal intelligence. I've already limited the field to 5% of women if we assume the distribution is the same for women and men. For one, women are generally more capable of dating a less intelligent persons because they are their lovable 'manly' men. For two, what are intelligent women my age (22) doing? Are they out having fun on Friday nights or even out on Fridays at 4 going to the grocery store? No, they're in school, working on something after school, or simply at work. And how many of that 5% are off the market anyways? That number means 5 in 100. Let's say 2 out of 5 are too busy to ever get out much (that might be very conservative), 2 out of 5 do have serious relationships, and 1 out of the 5 is physically unattractive to me (and 1 out of 5 are low standards...come on). So what are my odds of finding a girlfriend right now before we factor in anything else about the situation? Technically 0 in 100. Less than 10 in 1000. So essentially, I'm learning more and more that I have to just ignore the search for a great mental connection in the interest of at least getting laid and feeling some sort of intimacy at all. I'm 22...sh*t, I can't miss out on those good things while waiting for love if it ever effing comes. That's not a totally rosy path either though. How many ladies are just looking to hook up? And what percentage of them are weird or shady? Most of them are defected in some way, so I'm going waaay below my level just so I can get a little release.
5. By virtue (or vice) of being smart, you eliminate most of the planet's inhabitants as a dating prospect
Let's say by 'smart' we mean 'in the top 5% of the population in terms of intelligence and education'. Generally speaking, smart people seek out other smart people to hang out with, simply because they get bored otherwise. And if they're going to spend a lot of time with someone, intelligence in a partner is pretty much a requirement.
Well, congratulations -- you've just eliminated 95% of the world's population as a potential mate, Mr or Ms Smartypants. Now, luckily, the world's kinda big, so the remaining 5% of the gender of your choice is still a plentiful 160 million or so people. Even if only 1% of those are single enough, good-looking enough, local enough and just all-around cool enough for you, that's over a million people you can date out there.
Still, that's less than one in five thousand people. And if you live in a smaller city, it may be just a handful of folks who are going to meet your stringent criteria.
At this point, you have three choices:
A) Loosen up
B) Do a very thorough search all over the planet and be prepared to move to Duesseldorf OR
C) Join a monastery.
My hearty recommendation is choice A. The purpose of relationship (and perhaps all of life) is to practice the loving. No partner is going to be 100% perfect anyway, so learn to appreciate people for what they have to offer, not what they don't. And love them for that. That's what real loving is.
Nobody's asking to lower your standards here; you should still spend time only with worthwhile company. But do question the standards to see whether they're serving you or you're serving them.
And ultimately, I have to agree with their conclusion now.
Personally, I think the biggest problem with gifted education and construct is that gifted people don't get mainstreamed. Mainstreaming -- a process that happens often with variously abled students -- brings about a cohesive sense among classrooms (and later in life) that everyone has some kind of talent and value, and that you can be friends with anyone.
I was raised mainstreamed; my husband was raised gifted. The suffering that being raised gifted brought him was hard-core. I can't explain all of it, but the angst that you describe here is basically it (not to mention a lot of anxiety about not living up to his potential/etc). I don't really have those hang ups -- about others or myself.
Basically, I like a lot of people for a lot of different reasons. I have friends at all intelligence levels and from all kinds of walks of life. Each one brings joy and richness to my life, and I enjoy their company. A lot of them do a LOT of things way better than I ever could, and what I do -- perhaps I do it better than they do. But at the end of the day, that doesn't matter. What matters is that we enjoy each other.
There are people out there in the world who are smarter than you. There are people who are more determined. There are people who are more successful. And there always will be. And, there are people who are not as smart, not as determined, and not as successful. But *all* of these people are really valuable, awesome people. You can enjoy them in a variety of ways -- including in a romantic, non-"fuck buddy" way.
All you have to do is get over yourself. That's really it. You get over the idea that the person you are with has to be "X." Consider other valuable attributes to you.
I say this because I have a friend. She's very special. She is totally unique. And, she also has a very specialized diet (for health reasons). The reason she has trouble meeting people is not because people aren't good enough, it's becuase *she believes* that people A. won't accept and/or understand her uniqueness, and B. won't accept and/or accommodate her unique dietary needs.
You might notice that the "dark side" of your rant is not that you are intelligent, but that you think your intelligence inhibits your ability to relate AND that it inhibits other people's ability to relate to you. Likewise, you might think that your diet won't be accepted or accommodated, rather than noting that most people really, truly don't care when it comes down to it, and it needn't inhibit you.
So basically, in order to "loosen up" -- you need to explore the "shadow sides" of these attributes that you prize and how those become excuses as to why you can't achieve what you want to achieve.
I agree with zoebird. I'm a pretty smart person. When I was dating I went out with people of various levels of intelligence. Everyone had something to offer. My best relationship outside of my husband was a guy that was probably below average intelligence. He was incredibly kind, fun, interesting and just a good person to the core.
Maybe I just got lucky. My husband is also really smart. After we met we joined Mensa together. We haven't done much with Mensa though because so many of the members were totally caught up in their own intelligence and it was really annoying.
Anyway, while it is true that not everyone is super smart you can target smart people by going where they are. Pretty much everyone I know could get into Mensa and I know a lot of people. I met them in college, gaming groups, art classes, at work, etc. There are lots of smart people out there.
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