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  • Originally posted by Mr.Perfidy View Post
    Ayla you obviously miss the point of not using fear to teach lessons, because you keep repeating, "it's illegal in NZ" as if it has not occured to you that "illegal" is code for, "strange men will come and hurt and maybe kill you."



    because...(3rd time)- when you do this to your child specifically as mentioned in your thread, violence is still just an idea. Its a concept, a mystery word that mommy uses. When his lips swells up from a smack in the mouth though, he tastes violence and feels it. Then you can try words again, now that that word is no longer a concept, and is instead an experience label that makes his belly uncomfortable to dwell on.
    I said I took the illegal thing back, it was dumb, I admit that. Whether its illegal or not, doesn't change my view.

    I am sorry but no, I am not doing that to my children, and have them sit here in 20 years time, being upset and reminded about how I hurt them. I love my children, and am there to protect them. They are not objects, and things that are there for me to control. I am here to show them how to become good, loving people. And not that its OK to express your anger with your hands.
    Getting their emotions out using crying or talking is more important. If you bottle up anger it can over whelm you and you can take things too far.

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    • Can we address though how soft and feeble we sound, collectively? People are still talking like a slap in the face is the same thing as an amputed hand.
      "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

      Jack london, "Before Adam"

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      • Originally posted by Ayla2010 View Post
        I am sorry but no, I am not doing that to my children, and have them sit here in 20 years time, being upset and reminded about how I hurt them. I love my children, and am there to protect them. They are not objects, and things that are there for me to control. I am here to show them how to become good, loving people. And not that its OK to express your anger with your hands.
        Getting their emotions out using crying or talking is more important. If you bottle up anger it can over whelm you and you can take things too far.
        And if that works for you and your kids that is awesome I wish you the best of luck.

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        • Originally posted by cori93437 View Post
          And there still has not been a definitive answer on what constitutes "enough" spanking.
          A smack on the bottom.
          A smack on the hand.
          Smack them in the face... like the OP said... so it swells up?
          Multiple smacks on the bottom with your own hand?
          Multiple smacks on the bottom with some other implement? What implement is OK to use?
          an open handed swat on the bottom or hand is okay, in my opinion, when child insists on being turdly. and i'm not talking anxiety or hormonal freakouts. i mean seriously being a giant smelly turd for funsies

          a fist, a belt, a hanger, a switch, a hole-drilled paddle are not

          if the bottom swat is effective in making your child not be a turd, then that is the corporal punishment. if the swat does nothing, then grounding from favorite toy is the corporal punishment

          if grounding doesn't work then god help you, you spawned damian

          and i wanted to add in, before it's insinuated i'm a child beater again by whoever feels like saying it next, swats shouldn't be the first line of defense. getting child to understand okay and not-okay via words is a given
          Last edited by bloodorchid; 02-11-2013, 07:58 PM.
          beautiful
          yeah you are

          Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
          lol

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          • Originally posted by phigment View Post
            Paternal grandmother spanked me all the time. That is all that I remember of her. She died around when I was 6. Mom hit with whatever was in hand (belt, brush, plastic bag) but few and far times. She was more effective with guilt. Dad was not allowed to touch us.

            That is strange, do you know why not your dad?
            Why would someone else be allowed to smack your child? That seems crazy to me.

            Originally posted by Mr.Perfidy View Post
            and meat has everything to do with it- you can't teach your kid that violence is wrong and feed him animals that were murdered and skinned and chopped up and cooked.
            Oh please. I am certain you are the ONLY one here who thinks that. It is no where near the same at all.
            You are tripping.

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            • Originally posted by Mr.Perfidy View Post
              Can we address though how soft and feeble we sound, collectively? People are still talking like a slap in the face is the same thing as an amputed hand.
              Yeah, maybe I am soft and feeble, but I don't see the need to smack a kid in the face.

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              • Originally posted by bloodorchid View Post
                an open handed swat on the bottom or hand is okay, in my opinion, when child insists on being turdly. and i'm not talking anxiety or hormonal freakouts. i mean seriously being a giant smelly turd for funsies

                a fist, a belt, a hanger, a switch, a hole-drilled paddle are not

                if the bottom swat is effective in making your child not be a turd, then that is the corporal punishment. if the swat does nothing, then grounding from favorite toy is the corporal punishment

                if grounding doesn't work then god help you, you spawned damian
                I am sorry, but in my parenting experience, my children do not act out just for the fun of it.
                It can be as simple as tiredness or hunger, or someone took something, and they aren't able to express to them that its not OK.
                There is always an underlying reason.

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                • Originally posted by canio6 View Post
                  And if that works for you and your kids that is awesome I wish you the best of luck.
                  I hope you aren't being sarcastic.
                  Hard to tell for sure.

                  If not, thanks. If I get to the point where I can see what we are doing isn't working, then of course I will change something. But I will never ever hit them. I can be certain of that.

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                  • Originally posted by Mr.Perfidy View Post
                    Can we address though how soft and feeble we sound, collectively? People are still talking like a slap in the face is the same thing as an amputed hand.
                    Do you have children?

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                    • Originally posted by Ayla2010 View Post
                      I hope you aren't being sarcastic.
                      Hard to tell for sure.

                      If not, thanks. If I get to the point where I can see what we are doing isn't working, then of course I will change something. But I will never ever hit them. I can be certain of that.

                      Yeah, sorry if it came across that way. I really do wish you the best. I want everyone's kids to turn out great. We need some better adults in this world

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                      • Someone replied to my comment about making the environment safe for our children. I am sorry that didn't work for you, but it did for us. Mine figured out child locks yes, but if they opened them we moved on to something else.

                        Ill be honest here. My children find things they shouldn't be playing with while I am doing things like replying to threads like these. It made me realise they need more of me. Sorry if anyone is offended by that, but it was also hard for me to admit to myself too.

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                        • Originally posted by canio6 View Post
                          Yeah, sorry if it came across that way. I really do wish you the best. I want everyone's kids to turn out great. We need some better adults in this world
                          We sure do.

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                          • Originally posted by Ayla2010 View Post
                            I am sorry, but in my parenting experience, my children do not act out just for the fun of it.
                            It can be as simple as tiredness or hunger, or someone took something, and they aren't able to express to them that its not OK.
                            There is always an underlying reason.
                            i'm related to some brats that take joy in being mean

                            brats is harsh. they're sweet. sometimes.
                            beautiful
                            yeah you are

                            Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                            lol

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                            • Oh and I wasn't saying children need 100% of our time either, we as parents do need time to do shit like argue on forums

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                              • Originally posted by bloodorchid View Post
                                i'm related to some brats that take joy in being mean

                                brats is harsh. they're sweet. sometimes.
                                I find that children like that have usually been trained to act that way by their parents through either negative or irregular reinforcement.
                                Don't blame the kids. It's the adults who are raising them that need the "swat".
                                “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
                                ~Friedrich Nietzsche
                                And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.

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