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  • Train came across as negative at first but yes I guess it is what parents are doing in some way or another

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    • Sorry I mean I took it as a negative thing as I didn't think about it properly before posting

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      • Originally posted by Ayla2010 View Post
        Itchy if I came to that situation with my children I may re think things.
        I am sorry your daughter went through that.
        Thank you. We have five, the oldest two are out of the house, the next two are teens, and the youngest is eight.

        From our experience, all children will lie (especially at that age) until taught otherwise. Boys hit, also until taught to do otherwise. Your son will be in fights, some of them others will have started, some he will have started. Its part of being male, and its part of finding himself and his place in the world - there is nothing you can do to change this, nor do you want to. You can teach him to get along in this world and not to lie, cheat, steal, bully, or fight, but you can't take away his maleness.

        If you do your job well, he will not continue fighting into adulthood unless he has no other choice (there are still muggers and bullies in this world). Martial arts are excellent for boys and men alike, it teaches self-defense, it teaches anger control, and it teaches to never use your fighting skill unless it is to defend yourself or others. Very good for self-confidence too.

        Good luck!
        "It's a great life, if you don't weaken.". John Buchan

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        • My son does want to do martial arts. Is 5 too young?
          I updated my other thread. It was not as bad as I thought.

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          • I know there is violence out there and there may be a situation where defending yourself is needed. Maybe ill do martial arts too

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            • Originally posted by itchy166 View Post
              Martial arts are excellent for boys and men alike, it teaches self-defense, it teaches anger control, and it teaches to never use your fighting skill unless it is to defend yourself or others. Very good for self-confidence too.
              Same for girls, too...

              BTW - you get forever brownie points with me for teaching your little lady how to sock a few noses. Like you said, in a perfect world, it wouldn't be needed, but we ain't there yet.
              I have a mantra that I have spouted for years... "If I eat right, I feel right. If I feel right, I exercise right. If I exercise right, I think right. If I think right, I eat right..." Phil-SC

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              • I think itchys situation was different to my son.
                I think his daughter seemed to have no other choice. That school should have handled it better.But my son is only 5 so I think teaching him to use his words instead of his hands while learning to control his emotions is the best thing to do at the moment.
                Will reevaluate if and when needed.

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                • I was smacked as a ikid. I turned out fine.

                  Nowadays, kids are turning into spoiled brats. "Time outs" don't do the trick, IMO.
                  Dark chocolate and coffee, running through my veins...

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                  • No hence why we don't do them either

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                    • Originally posted by itchy166 View Post
                      Really does the method really matter that much if the result is a well-adjusted adult who can (and does) look after herself? In a word, no.
                      To use your own words... I have to disagree on this one.

                      While I'm a fairly "well adjusted" adult who as you put it "can (and does) look after herself" it took a load of hard work on my part to get me here... along with years of therapy. And while I'm functional, I'm also deeply scarred and still a work in process, still fighting back against the psychological damage that was done to me.

                      Yes... the method matters.

                      I'm not saying that your little story is what I'm talking about.
                      I'm saying that advocating for hitting kids is a slippery slope...
                      People are quick to say it's not right to never hit, but there is a wide disparity in how much people think IS appropriate.
                      Some think a simple smack on the bottom or hand is appropriate, but no harm.
                      OTOH the person who started this thread thinks smacking your own child in the face so that you swell their cheek and bust their lip is perfectly fine (his description "taste of blood" I think)...
                      That is a huge divide...
                      And you can be sure if OP smacks his kid in the face and bloodies their lip and someone sees it and says something that he'll tell them it's none of their damned business... but it IS his business if someone says I will NEVER hit my child? (Yes, he said it was his business in another post... not that I feel that is valid in any way.)

                      Originally posted by AngryKiwi47 View Post
                      I was smacked as a ikid. I turned out fine.

                      Nowadays, kids are turning into spoiled brats. "Time outs" don't do the trick, IMO.
                      Kids acting spoiled and bratty has nothing to do with smacking or lack of smacking, or time outs either...
                      It has to do with parents reinforcing/rewarding negative bratty/spoiled behaviors.
                      Period.

                      As in being in the grocery store and bribing them with a cookie, or if they whine in the store giving them anything they want (sweeties) just so they are quiet, allowing the child to demand something rudely and giving it to them because it's easier than talking them through being polite and asking, parents over scheduling their 4 year olds to have a million things to do when they should be napping... ect.

                      Spoiled/bratty behavior is the result of bad parenting.
                      Kids aren't that hard to figure out... c'mon.
                      Last edited by cori93437; 02-12-2013, 12:24 AM.
                      “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
                      ~Friedrich Nietzsche
                      And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.

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                      • Holy guacamoly - I go off to a funeral for the afternoon having just read page 3................. come home and we are up to page 18 !!!!!!!!
                        obviously a HOT TOPIC
                        anyway just thought that I would say that DH went to catholic boys boarding school ................. his tally ???????.............. 55 canes
                        and he tells me that sometimes they drew blood, and sometimes he couldn't sit down for days !!!!!!!

                        I haven't found any permanent scars on his bottom....... and Gwamma has looked !!!!!!!
                        "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

                        ...small steps....

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                        • I'll repeat something a mother (not mine) told me - the minute you hit your child, you have lost the fight. Rang true then and I have followed that idea since becoming a parent. We tell our child not to hit and, as adults, we follow that rule too. Now... I'd better read the whole thread.
                          I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

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                          • Originally posted by badgergirl View Post
                            I'll repeat something a mother (not mine) told me - the minute you hit your child, you have lost the fight. Rang true then and I have followed that idea since becoming a parent. We tell our child not to hit and, as adults, we follow that rule too. Now... I'd better read the whole thread.
                            Maybe best you don't

                            Good advice

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                            • Originally posted by Ayla2010 View Post
                              I think itchys situation was different to my son.
                              I think his daughter seemed to have no other choice. That school should have handled it better.But my son is only 5 so I think teaching him to use his words instead of his hands while learning to control his emotions is the best thing to do at the moment.
                              Will reevaluate if and when needed.
                              Yes, always words first
                              "It's a great life, if you don't weaken.". John Buchan

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                              • Originally posted by Ayla2010 View Post
                                I know there is violence out there and there may be a situation where defending yourself is needed. Maybe ill do martial arts too
                                Gracie Jiu-Jitsu has anti-bullying classes for youngsters, and women's self-defense courses. Their style of fighting is very defensive, and uses mostly holds stop stop attackers.

                                http://www.gracieacademy.com/
                                Last edited by itchy166; 02-12-2013, 04:36 AM. Reason: wrong link
                                "It's a great life, if you don't weaken.". John Buchan

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