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Any gentle/attached parents around? Need advice?

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  • #76
    Originally posted by Uncephalized View Post
    Totally. The "no horseplay" rules schools all seem to be adopting these days are anti-male bullshit in my opinion. There's nothing wrong with playful wrestling--and it's not hard to tell the difference. Playing involves laughing and happy shrieking, real fighting is accompanied by shouting, pain squeals and blood, then tears.

    Telling little boys (and little girls, are they so inclined, though obviously it's more common for boys) never to roughhouse at recess is insane. Some schools don't even allow tag anymore!
    Agreed. We used to invent games where the potential of injury was involved. Hell, how many games of Smear the <slur> here did we play? How many games of tackle football with no pads, heck, a punch was as good as a handshake back in the day.

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    • #77
      Originally posted by Uncephalized View Post
      Totally. The "no horseplay" rules schools all seem to be adopting these days are anti-male bullshit in my opinion. There's nothing wrong with playful wrestling--and it's not hard to tell the difference. Playing involves laughing and happy shrieking, real fighting is accompanied by shouting, pain squeals and blood, then tears.

      Telling little boys (and little girls, are they so inclined, though obviously it's more common for boys) never to roughhouse at recess is insane. Some schools don't even allow tag anymore!
      Kids are being suspended for playing "cops and robbers". Parents Furious After Boys Suspended For Using Fingers As Guns CBS Baltimore

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      • #78
        Originally posted by cori93437 View Post
        The no hands/no horseplay rules extend to both sexes equally.

        Children in general are seriously discouraged from being too touchy with each other at all. Period. For any type of play.
        This extends to little girls doing each others hair and make-up when playing dress up as well.
        No touchy!

        It's all liability issue.
        However, it impacts boys more than girls
        Starting Date: Dec 18, 2010
        Starting Weight: 294 pounds
        Current Weight: 235 pounds
        Goal Weight: 195 pounds

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        • #79
          Originally posted by fuzzylogic View Post
          Your way is obviously NOT working. However, you only want to hear from people who are doing it your way. Cue the eat more wheat and high-fiber, low fat CW of the parenting world.

          Some kid will smack the crap out of your kid, being bigger and faster, and your child will learn to quit hitting.
          Um read the thread update, not sure why you think my way is not working.
          Hitting is NOT ok.

          Originally posted by canio6 View Post
          Wait, the school doesn't allow the kids to play rough? I don't mean fight, but wrestle etc? That is kind of sad. I know growing up we played all kinds of rough games at school. It was great.

          Edit: and I am not looking for justification or explanation nor am I saying it is wrong/right/whatever. I just think it a bit sad.
          Yeah its one of their rules, and if it continues discipline goes to the next level, but they call me first. We will find another outlet for him, he wants to do martial arts. I know this is just a game and he and the other boys weren't hurting each other.
          But sadly he does have to follow the school rules. It didn't happen at all yesterday, but we will keep explaining what will happen if he carries on. I still don't know if he starts the game, but from what I have heard from the teacher, it doesn't seem so.

          Originally posted by JayGee View Post
          No TV made an enormous difference in my childrens' behavior. The first day or two was hard for them, but now they are so immersed in their playing, reading, jumping, creating and building every day that they rarely even ask for TV. Does your son eat primally? Taking wheat out of my daughter's diet + no TV was the miracle behavior changer I had been hoping for! Best of luck to you!
          Yes 100% primal, the rest of his behaviour is fine.

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          • #80
            how do you handle the fact that in your home, there is no reward pursuit or punishment fear, but at school, "he has to follow the rules?" Has he asked about this at all? I am very interested in emergent awareness of subtle threats and such especially from the perspective of someone without such influence at home.
            "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

            Jack london, "Before Adam"

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            • #81
              Originally posted by Mr.Perfidy View Post
              how do you handle the fact that in your home, there is no reward pursuit or punishment fear, but at school, "he has to follow the rules?" Has he asked about this at all? I am very interested in emergent awareness of subtle threats and such especially from the perspective of someone without such influence at home.
              I've not had chance to read the whole thread yet, but will if I get time. To answer this point - this one of the HUGE reasons we don't send the kids to school, it would be so difficult for our 4 year old, who is a 'free spirit' to deal with the rules of school, it would break her or the teacher in short order. She can't comprend the need for strict rules in classroom setting, they don't have the ability to see others needs at this young age so we feel it's unfair to force her into an environment she can't understand.
              You know all those pictures of Adam and Eve where they have belly button? Think about it..................... take as long as you need........................

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              • #82
                My son does the right thing at home, because he wants to, not due to fear or expecting a reward.
                At school, he thinks its a bit of fun to have a bumble bee on a chart they move forward for particular things, when they reach the end they get time on the ipad. He gets some time on it today.
                The teachers didn't seem to think it was a problem or would confuse him. Home is different, and it should have a fairly large impact on how he reacts to rewards and punishments at school. Its not over the top on rewards.
                He knows school is different, and they have their rules there, just as we have boundaries at home.
                At school they consider wrestling not a safe game, and have to protect everyone. At home if he was to play with his brother like that, and his brother was happy to do so, I wouldn't intervene.
                Another rule at school is no hat no play (unless under a covered area). We think vitamin D is important, so when with us, or before school he knows its OK not to wear his hat so he can get vitamin D. He has not asked why school is different, and he has been doing pretty well doing what the teacher asks.
                I think for the wrestling and being warned 3 times for it, is because one of the other boys is the ring leader, and encourages it. So I can only remind my son about the school rules and the next stage in discipline if it continues. But the teacher is keeping an eye on the 3 of them. If there is one child who is continuing to encourage this behaviour, then I will pursue it, as I imagine the parents will be dealing with it differently to me.
                I do believe home, and the rest of the world can be kept separate. School has rules that get warnings if broken, then punishment. Home we have boundaries, and if those aren't met the results aren't a punishment but natural consequences.
                For example if he was busy doing something, and I went and asked him to get ready as we were leaving for school soon, and he continually kept playing and not getting ready to leave. I would remind him that he will not have enough time to play at the park, and that he may be disappointed if we run out of time. And yes if he didn't want to get ready but keep playing, then fine, he chose to miss the park. But that would be my last warning, as I will not let him get to school late, and I am driving, so after that I would say we are going.

                Maybe not the best example, but its something I could think of right now. I don't have a real example right now.

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                • #83
                  Mussolini said that kids should not be in school and away from their mothers until they were at least 8. lol makes these contemporaries look like fascists...
                  "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

                  Jack london, "Before Adam"

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                  • #84
                    Originally posted by Tribal Rob View Post
                    I've not had chance to read the whole thread yet, but will if I get time. To answer this point - this one of the HUGE reasons we don't send the kids to school, it would be so difficult for our 4 year old, who is a 'free spirit' to deal with the rules of school, it would break her or the teacher in short order. She can't comprend the need for strict rules in classroom setting, they don't have the ability to see others needs at this young age so we feel it's unfair to force her into an environment she can't understand.
                    This is why I liked Steiner, their rules were not crazy and they did not use reward systems. He went to pre-school there, but it was too far to go every day, and very expensive, and id have two there eventually. So I had to choose the next best school.
                    But homeschooling is at the back of my mind, if i could find more groups.
                    He did not go to pre-school last year, but I think was quite bored, as we didn't hang out with enough other kids. He is very social and outgoing.

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                    • #85
                      Originally posted by Mr.Perfidy View Post
                      Mussolini said that kids should not be in school and away from their mothers until they were at least 8. lol makes these contemporaries look like fascists...
                      That makes more sense.
                      Here you must start school by 6 unless homeschooling of course.

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                      • #86
                        Ayla your response raises an interesting question...

                        what happens when he says, "But I don't want to go to school."
                        "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

                        Jack london, "Before Adam"

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                        • #87
                          Then we don't go. I will not force that.
                          But I will talk through with him, what is making him not want to go, and I can guarantee there will be something he needs or is worried about and we can work through that and come up with a solution. And if it was something we couldn't resolve then I guess we would stay home. If he gets sick, he would not be going though, he knows that is not negotiable. I am not one of those parents who lets her sick child make others sick.
                          But my son loves school and the chances of him not wanting to go are unlikely, we never had a day like that when he went to preschool.

                          Satisfied? Time to get to school now anyway.

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                          • #88
                            haha I don't want your kid to get beat and shit, don't say, "satisfied?!" like I was hoping you'd say, "Well then I'll swat his ass!"

                            I kinda don't believe you though and am confident that australia sucks on par'ish with america regarding the State's assumed ownership of everyone's children. If that isn't true, awesome, but I don't think the Anglo-sphere has any kind of family reliance kind of attitudes left in its law.
                            "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

                            Jack london, "Before Adam"

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                            • #89
                              Why would I lie?
                              Seriously what are you getting out of this?
                              What do you want from me?
                              All I wanted was advice for a rare issue we don't have problems often I don't care if you believe that of not.
                              I am just a mum trying to do the best for my family without giving them issues for
                              a nasty upbringing like I had.

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                              • #90
                                I do not own my children. I am there to guide them not control them.

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