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Any gentle/attached parents around? Need advice?

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  • #31
    This isn't a matter of right vs. wrong parenting. People have their own parenting styles and while you might not agree with them, please don't insult other people's choices. This goes to multiple posters here. I have seen this very topic turn into a really ugly thread in the past before. It was shut down & deleted, IIRC, when people got really nasty.

    Him, my memories of Simpsons when I was little were not so happy. I remember seeing a fair amount of cartoon gore. My parents didn't let me watch it & I didn't want to, it came on after some other show I was watching a few times so I caught a few minutes. Obviously that means my impression is not a great one, since I haven't ever watched a full episode, but I find it hard to believe that a 5 yr old would get anything positive from that show.
    Depression Lies

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    • #32
      Yeah I regret letting them watch that show nw but no more

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      • #33
        Oh and other people can parent how they want but I was after advice from those who parent the same way not interested in other advice

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        • #34
          Originally posted by namelesswonder View Post
          Him, my memories of Simpsons when I was little were not so happy. I remember seeing a fair amount of cartoon gore. My parents didn't let me watch it & I didn't want to, it came on after some other show I was watching a few times so I caught a few minutes. Obviously that means my impression is not a great one, since I haven't ever watched a full episode, but I find it hard to believe that a 5 yr old would get anything positive from that show.
          The Simpsons is quite polarizing in that some people think it pushes badness while others think it pushes overly preachy morality tales. As far as I can tell the difference is that the first group has watched short snippets of the show while the second group has watched at least one full episode. As for a 5 year old... totally depends on the kid/their attention span/etc..

          Personally, I don't watch any TV for entertainment. I grew up with a TV up until I was about 10, at which point we moved and didn't replace it for many years. After an adjustment I just haven't wanted one. I make a point of watching a few episodes of most programs because they are part of the common cultural fabric and you can end up sounding pretty out of touch if you don't at least know about the various shows, but it's such a huge time killer.....so I'm not going to say that any kid should be watching any TV... but since I have watched some full episodes I'm also going to say that The Simpsons is like a trip to Morality School compared to most shows. It's not equivalent to South Park.
          Last edited by Him; 02-11-2013, 02:14 PM.

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          • #35
            okay - so Gwamma is doing some thinking................IMO
            it is possibly irrelevent as to what disciplining methods a Parent uses (smacking, gentle etc... ) to teach our children about cause and effect, about actions and consequences. But it is our role as the Parent to pass on that actions have consequences and some of them are worse than others.
            These teaching have to be age appropriate.
            No point is saying to a new born baby - if you run across the road you might end up looking like that road kill.
            However a three year old child will understand that this could be a consequence of this action. ( if you stop and show him the roadkill)
            A new born baby learns that if it is hungry it cries - the consequence being it will be fed.
            Older children know that if you kill somebody and get caught - you will probably end up in jail.
            So as a parent we need to be able to pass on this wisdom without the child losing that ability to learn by its own mistakes.
            And we need to keep it age appropriate simple.
            What works for one family doesn't neccessarily work for another. What works for one child doesn't neccessarily work for another

            ..............sorry just the musing of an old Gwamma..............
            "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

            ...small steps....

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            • #36
              Originally posted by Ayla2010 View Post
              Oh and other people can parent how they want but I was after advice from those who parent the same way not interested in other advice
              Got to be careful going there...I know a lot of parents who call themselves 'attachment' parents who are doing nothing of the sort.

              And as attached as I am to my kids, I wouldn't align myself with any parenting label, because no matter how closely you follow it, you'll only be noticed for the exceptions.

              There are lots of effective and loving parents here who don't call themselves 'attachment' that might have some good advice to offer.
              Last edited by Sandra in BC; 02-11-2013, 02:33 PM.
              Sandra
              *My obligatory intro

              There are no cheat days. There are days when you eat primal and days you don't. As soon as you label a day a cheat day, you're on a diet. Don't be on a diet. ~~ Fernaldo

              DAINTY CAN KISS MY PRIMAL BACKSIDE. ~~ Crabcakes

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              • #37
                Originally posted by Ayla2010 View Post
                Thanks for the advice. I am reluctant to do the punishment and reward thing.
                Where's zoebird when you need her? In lieu of her insightful posts, here's something she would probably link to. This is not the first time that this topic has cropped up on these forums, and I think that what you are looking for is known as Aha parenting.

                It sounds great philosophically, and who knows? Maybe I would have done that if I'd know about it before I started parenting the way I did.

                Our family doesn't spank, but we DO use punishment in the form of 'time out', so if your objection is to one person exerting power over another, sorry, I don't practice a model that you would want to follow
                Disclaimer: I eat 'meat and vegetables' ala Primal, although I don't agree with the carb curve. I like Perfect Health Diet and WAPF Lactofermentation a lot.

                Griff's cholesterol primer
                5,000 Cal Fat <> 5,000 Cal Carbs
                Winterbike: What I eat every day is what other people eat to treat themselves.
                TQP: I find for me that nutrition is much more important than what I do in the gym.
                bloodorchid is always right

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                • #38
                  Originally posted by Ayla2010 View Post
                  Oh and other people can parent how they want but I was after advice from those who parent the same way not interested in other advice
                  I think what some people are trying to tell you is that the way you parent may be part if the problem. Saying that you want no other advice is like saying you want no advice. Please be open minded when reading the inputs here as there may be something that may work better for your kids.

                  *edit: And I don't mean beating them!

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                  • #39
                    Originally posted by Mud Flinger View Post
                    I think what some people are trying to tell you is that the way you parent may be part if the problem. Saying that you want no other advice is like saying you want no advice. Please be open minded when reading the inputs here as there may be something that may work better for your kids.

                    *edit: And I don't mean beating them!
                    She's not saying she wants no advice. She's saying she doesn't want to have an arguement with people who disagree with her approach.

                    Those are two quite different things.
                    Disclaimer: I eat 'meat and vegetables' ala Primal, although I don't agree with the carb curve. I like Perfect Health Diet and WAPF Lactofermentation a lot.

                    Griff's cholesterol primer
                    5,000 Cal Fat <> 5,000 Cal Carbs
                    Winterbike: What I eat every day is what other people eat to treat themselves.
                    TQP: I find for me that nutrition is much more important than what I do in the gym.
                    bloodorchid is always right

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      So to recap for anyone not interested in reading 5 pages...

                      the woman's kid is accused by his teacher of hitting other kids. The kid denies this except for one particular child that hits him first? Is that correct?
                      Informing the situation is that the poster's child in question hits his own brother around the house when he is angered.

                      lol what if the teacher is just maliciously lying, and continues to do so even after you express your anger with words?

                      I imagine that you will pursue some form of violence against them (lawsuit, criminal prosecution, etc)
                      "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

                      Jack london, "Before Adam"

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                      • #41
                        FWIW, my daughter went through the 'addicted to the TV' period, when she watched the Little Mermaid for a few hours in a row (she was 4; now she is 6). We kept offering other entertainment options, and now she is much more into games, books, crafts etc and doesn't watch TV unless it's the TV night. We do not have cable TV, so we do either Netflix or DVDs, which has a beginning and end point. So, in case of the TV, you are on the right track, and it will be a distant memory once other cooler things to do are there and he can do it well. We still have regular tears over checkers because she still can't win. But games that are left more to the chance (go fishing, dominoes, snakes and ladders etc) are always a hit. And now that she can read herself, it's a big boon. Well, unless she is reading mom's novel. Lol.

                        Hitting, luckily we did not have it since age 3, so I can't give any age-appropriate advice.
                        My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread57916.html
                        When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

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                        • #42
                          Originally posted by magicmerl View Post
                          She's not saying she wants no advice. She's saying she doesn't want to have an arguement with people who disagree with her approach.

                          Those are two quite different things.
                          If you read her literally, she's saying she not interested in any advice from people who follow different practices, regardless of what that advice would be.

                          As in, if you had raised your kids in a Gentle/Attached Parenting way, and thought it was awful and caused your kids to become Catholic priests or something, you could argue with her all you wanted and she would be interested. If, on the other hand, you raised your kids using Tough Luck Parenting, but thought in hindsight that Gentle/Attached Parenting would've been great, she's not interested.

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                          • #43
                            Originally posted by Him View Post
                            If you read her literally, she's saying she not interested in any advice from people who follow different practices, regardless of what that advice would be.

                            As in, if you had raised your kids in a Gentle/Attached Parenting way, and thought it was awful and caused your kids to become Catholic priests or something, you could argue with her all you wanted and she would be interested. If, on the other hand, you raised your kids using Tough Luck Parenting, but thought in hindsight that Gentle/Attached Parenting would've been great, she's not interested.
                            That wasn't what I got from her replies at all...
                            What I got was that any sort of gentle advice was welcome... just no "spank them" type advice because that's not going to happen and that is not how she is going to parent her children.
                            Which is just an honest boundary for her to be setting out really.
                            “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
                            ~Friedrich Nietzsche
                            And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.

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                            • #44
                              Originally posted by cori93437 View Post
                              That wasn't what I got from her replies at all...
                              I'm just going by this, "Oh and other people can parent how they want but I was after advice from those who parent the same way not interested in other advice"

                              It doesn't say what type of advice she wanted (as in, argument would be fine), but it does say she "just" wants advice from those who follow the same school.

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                              • #45
                                Originally posted by Him View Post
                                I'm just going by this, "Oh and other people can parent how they want but I was after advice from those who parent the same way not interested in other advice"

                                It doesn't say what type of advice she wanted (as in, argument would be fine), but it does say she "just" wants advice from those who follow the same school.
                                In all fairness the title of the thread does ask specifically for advice from other gentle/attachment parents... that pretty much sets up the conversation from the start, doesn't it?

                                Her responses throughout the thread are just to reiterate that point.
                                “You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”
                                ~Friedrich Nietzsche
                                And that's why I'm here eating HFLC Primal/Paleo.

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