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  • #31
    Originally posted by LauraSB View Post
    My first date with my husband was dinner at his place, but I thought it was a "just friends" thing. We had known each other for a few months and gone out with a group of friends many times. If I had know what he was plotting at the time, I would never have accepted! I ended up basically moving in that night, so be careful what you're doing, lol.
    I love that story.

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    • #32
      No way you should be cooking on the first date. Third, at earliest, if things go super well.

      Personally, I like to make the first date a bunch of activities, like drinks at one place, tapas or an activity at another, coffee at a third. This makes it feel like you've been out several times, but doesn't have to take 7 hours. A quick 30 minute drink, run through a museum or get a few small plates for another 45, and coffee for 20 minutes can do more good for your prospects with a girl than sitting through a movie, and in far less time.

      See if you can get her to meet you at your place, but at most, give her a VERY quick tour, let her use the bathroom if she needs to (they always do), and make it seem like you're in a hurry to get her out of there - it will, ironically, set her at ease. She won't think you're headed straight for the kill (a/k/a sexy time), but also will feel less uncomfortable next time she's invited in. That being said, don't push it at all. If she has the slightest hesitation about going inside (women always assume you're an axe murderer) just head straight off to destination # 1.

      And spend some damn money. Doesn't have to be an incredible amount, but should be some. If you can take her places where people will know your name or even come up to you and say "hi," do it. It gives you social credibility.

      You should be the one saying "let's move on to the next place" and especially "hey, it's getting late." Never let her get those words in first. If things are going so well that neither of you is going to say it, make sure your kitchen and bathroom are spotless and smell nice. But don't push the issue.

      So when all that probably doesn't happen (congrats if it does), be the one to end the date. You can use any excuse about having to be up early the next day or whatever. What matters is that you're not hanging onto every second with her like a lost puppy.

      And don't worry about all that junk about waiting 3 days to call her. Send her a text around the middle of the next day just saying that you had a nice time and would like to get together again if she would. Then shut up and wait. She may make you wait an entire day or even more for a response. Be glad that she cares enough to make you squirm, but don't, under ANY circumstances send another message before hearing back from her.

      Good luck.
      The Champagne of Beards

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      • #33
        Originally posted by RichMahogany View Post
        No way yould be cooking on the first date. Third, at earliest, if things go super well.

        Personally, I like to make the first date a bunch of activities, like drinks at one place, tapas or an activity at another, coffee at a third. This makes it feel like you've been out several times, but doesn't have to take 7 hours. A quick 30 minute drink, run through a museum or get a few small plates for another 45, and coffee for 20 minutes can do more good for your prospects with a girl than sitting through a movie, and in far less time.

        See if you can get her to meet you at your place, but at most, give her a VERY quick tour, let her use the bathroom if she needs to (they always do), and make it seem like you're in a hurry to get her out of there - it will, ironically, set her at ease. She won't think you're headed straight for the kill (a/k/a sexy time), but also will feel less uncomfortable next time she's invited in. That being said, don't push it at all. If she has the slightest hesitation about going inside (women always assume you're an axe murderer) just head straight off to destination # 1.

        And spend some damn money. Doesn't have to be an incredible amount, but should be some. If you can take her places where people will know your name or even come up to you and say "hi," do it. It gives you social credibility.

        You should be the one saying "let's move on to the next place" and especially "hey, it's getting late." Never let her get those words in first. If things are going so well that neither of you is going to say it, make sure your kitchen and bathroom are spotless and smell nice. But don't push the issue.

        So when all that probably doesn't happen (congrats if it does), be the one to end the date. You can use any excuse about having to be up early the next day or whatever. What matters is that you're not hanging onto every second with her like a lost puppy.

        And don't worry about all that junk about waiting 3 days to call her. Send her a text around the middle of the next day just saying that you had a nice time and would like to get together again if she would. Then shut up and wait. She may make you wait an entire day or even more for a response. Be glad that she cares enough to make you squirm, but don't, under ANY circumstances send another message before hearing back from her.

        Good luck.
        ^ this is great advice
        Im a 28 yo female if that lends any credibility

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        • #34
          I wouldn't run for the hills, but I'd definitely say no. Making dinner for a woman is a lovely gesture, but get to know her a bit first. Meet her at a teahouse or a coffee shop. I always made it a rule to meet on neutral territory first; maybe by dates 3-4 (if you hit it off), then invite her home.

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          • #35
            Yeah, I made dinner at my place for the now-Mrs. FW, but that was a few weeks into dating.

            My cooking skills were rudimentary, but she was very impressed by the effort. And 17 years later I've gotten pretty good at this cooking thing, and she's not complaining!

            All in the timing. Agree with the rest that it should be light and breezy to start. "Dinner at my place" sounds a bit odd for the first.

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            • #36
              She's coming over on Wednesday! I left it up to her whether to go out or cook something, we'll play it by ear. The thing about going out is I don't have a car at the moment. I'm actually just outside of NYC in a place where a car is necessary for going out. She can drive but I'm sort of embarrassed to ask her to drive, that's why I suggested staying at my place.

              But if she wants to go out, I guess to bite the bullet and ask her to drive

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              • #37
                Yay!

                Is there anything you can do around your neighbourhood? Go for a walk in the woods?

                If you do ask her to drive, don't be embarrassed about it. Be strong in yourself - there's nothing wrong with not having a car, but if you are ashamed of it she'll pick up on that.

                Also, on that note, be proud of your past, and of who you are now - even if you don't have a car You don't need to tell her your life story but if you think about what you've overcome then you'll hold yourself with a quiet dignity, which is super attractive. Women love stories of men overcoming odds and bettering themselves anyway - so long as you don't sound like you pity yourself.
                "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                - Ray Peat

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                • #38
                  Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
                  Yay!

                  Is there anything you can do around your neighbourhood? Go for a walk in the woods?

                  If you do ask her to drive, don't be embarrassed about it. Be strong in yourself - there's nothing wrong with not having a car, but if you are ashamed of it she'll pick up on that.

                  Also, on that note, be proud of your past, and of who you are now - even if you don't have a car You don't need to tell her your life story but if you think about what you've overcome then you'll hold yourself with a quiet dignity, which is super attractive. Women love stories of men overcoming odds and bettering themselves anyway - so long as you don't sound like you pity yourself.
                  Not picking on you, but if the consensus here is that even asking a girl to your place on a first date is creepy, maaaybe proposing a walk for two in the woods is doubly so.

                  I definitely agree re: not being embarrassed about anything. I read an NY times article recently about how young people are on a much more level playing field now with respect to dating responsibility. Apparently lots of men ask women out on cheap non-dates to avoid wasting resources on something that probably won't work out, or make a "date" but invite them out at the last minute to a group activity.

                  Anyway you sound like a more classic guy, and she'll probably appreciate that. I guess you have to strike a balance between what seems right to you and keeping up with the times. Hope you have a nice time!

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Do not (on a first date):

                    1. Take her to see a double bill of Eraserhead and Repulsion.
                    2. Choose the cheapest ass restaurant and then assume she's splitting the bill.

                    If you do the above, leave your lips at the curb, 'cuz you're not even going to get any lip lock.

                    Not saying a date like that could ever actually happen, but if it did, it would be remembered as the worst date ever even 30+ years later.
                    "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

                    B*tch-lite

                    Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

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                    • #40
                      Originally posted by RichMahogany View Post
                      No way you should be cooking on the first date. Third, at earliest, if things go super well...
                      I've heard the third date meant many things, but never "a home cooked meal"!

                      Seriously though, that post had some great advice. I wish someone had made me understand such thing when I was young and dating. It makes a lot of sense to me now, and might have helped me back then.
                      Began Primal Living: 25 Sep 2012
                      Starting Weight: 82kg (180 lbs) - Lost 30 lbs since going Primal!

                      "I do not eat enough carbs to justify eating low-fat."
                      "Have some bread with your bread, pasta, bread, and HFCS." - Unicorn
                      "I also walk my dog twice a day now instead of paying someone else to do it." - IronGirl
                      "Tell me you're not weak minded enough to be outsmarted by a donut?" - not on the rug


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                      • #41
                        Originally posted by dizzyorange View Post
                        But if she wants to go out, I guess to bite the bullet and ask her to drive
                        You could always offer to drive the car (her car). She might appreciate that.
                        Began Primal Living: 25 Sep 2012
                        Starting Weight: 82kg (180 lbs) - Lost 30 lbs since going Primal!

                        "I do not eat enough carbs to justify eating low-fat."
                        "Have some bread with your bread, pasta, bread, and HFCS." - Unicorn
                        "I also walk my dog twice a day now instead of paying someone else to do it." - IronGirl
                        "Tell me you're not weak minded enough to be outsmarted by a donut?" - not on the rug


                        Comment


                        • #42
                          Originally posted by PBNewby View Post
                          You could always offer to drive the car (her car). She might appreciate that.
                          Personally, I'd be way more okay with a home-cooked meal on a first date than letting someone I don't really know (and have never seen drive) drive me anywhere in my vehicle. And if she doesn't appreciate it, you put her in the awkward spot of saying no in the nicest way possible.

                          Don't let the fact you don't have a car hinder you...if she isn't a flake, something like that shouldn't be a dealbreaker.

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                          • #43
                            Originally posted by lemontwisst View Post
                            Don't let the fact you don't have a car hinder you...if she isn't a flake, something like that shouldn't be a dealbreaker.
                            True, but I would give her a heads up before hand or have something planned within walking distance.

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                            • #44
                              Just tell her that you don't have a car. I know people used to think that having a car was a big status symbol, but I think that is changing a lot. Speaking as a 20 something woman, if a guy was like, "Hey, I don't have a car because I use public transportation most of the time. I'd really like to take you to xyz place because it's delicious/fun/interesting/whatever, would you mind driving?" I would be totally fie with that. I would probably respect that you don't pay for a car you don't need, contribute to pollution, etc. Don't feel emasculated because you don't have a car that you don't actually need. If she is awesome, and I assume she is if you want to date her, she will not think less of you for making smart choices about your lifestyle.
                              No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated with any other means.
                              -Maimonodies

                              The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea.

                              Babes with BBQ

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                              • #45
                                Originally posted by lemontwisst View Post
                                ...And if she doesn't appreciate it, you put her in the awkward spot of saying no in the nicest way possible...

                                In the context of the original discussion, I offered the OP an out for the possible uncomfortable-ness of asking her to drive. If she doesn't appreciate his offer to drive her car, and prefers to be the driver herself, she can easily say so without saying "no".
                                Began Primal Living: 25 Sep 2012
                                Starting Weight: 82kg (180 lbs) - Lost 30 lbs since going Primal!

                                "I do not eat enough carbs to justify eating low-fat."
                                "Have some bread with your bread, pasta, bread, and HFCS." - Unicorn
                                "I also walk my dog twice a day now instead of paying someone else to do it." - IronGirl
                                "Tell me you're not weak minded enough to be outsmarted by a donut?" - not on the rug


                                Comment

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