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When making friends do you prefer quality or quantity?

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  • #46
    Originally posted by Nady View Post
    Finding a 'true' friend is difficult for me~ seems they always want/need something and I'm happy to help~ but when it's my turn, huh, where is everybody? I do better by myself.
    So often true
    You know all those pictures of Adam and Eve where they have belly button? Think about it..................... take as long as you need........................

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    • #47
      okay so here is an interesting one, and I know that this thread hasn't been created for this - but ....... I have had this friend for 28/29 years. We don't catch up heaps now that I have moved 1 1/2 hours away, but we still ring every two weeks or so. About 6 months ago....long story....but her husband was caught red handed!!!!!! He was doing the massage palour thing and was being "satisfied" by the ladies. She found phone numbers which led to credit card details....yadda yadda ya.
      Anyway I was the confidant. So our relationship went from strength to strength. I had her back, as it were and took her away to the north Island for a week, took her to Aussie for a week....however as the weeks went by I began to remember all the good times over the years....and began to think of him as a fraud. I didn't let on to my friend, but became increasingly disgusted, angry, sad, etc... over what he had done to her. (he doesn't know that I know) Anyway here is the thing....she has stayed with him (for the childrens sake - 25,23 and 18), which I can sort of understand - but now she has no time for me, and has been picking at me for stupid little things. Its almost as if she has forgiven him, but needs someone to dump on - and I am it ???????
      I don't dump on my friends, because I don't believe that is the role that we play - and when I mean dump on, I don't mean share daily life stories, I mean nag and grizzle the other one for trivial misdemeanours?
      My initial reaction is to step back, I don't need someone elses shit in my life. If I have done something bad then yes I will suffer the consequences, but I think she is defering her hurt, anger etc...
      We have so much history, and I will always be there for this woman, but nagging and bitching at me? How do I deal with this one? thoughts please
      "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

      ...small steps....

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      • #48
        Originally posted by NZ primal Gwamma View Post
        okay so here is an interesting one, and I know that this thread hasn't been created for this - but ....... I have had this friend for 28/29 years. We don't catch up heaps now that I have moved 1 1/2 hours away, but we still ring every two weeks or so. About 6 months ago....long story....but her husband was caught red handed!!!!!! He was doing the massage palour thing and was being "satisfied" by the ladies. She found phone numbers which led to credit card details....yadda yadda ya.
        Anyway I was the confidant. So our relationship went from strength to strength. I had her back, as it were and took her away to the north Island for a week, took her to Aussie for a week....however as the weeks went by I began to remember all the good times over the years....and began to think of him as a fraud. I didn't let on to my friend, but became increasingly disgusted, angry, sad, etc... over what he had done to her. (he doesn't know that I know) Anyway here is the thing....she has stayed with him (for the childrens sake - 25,23 and 18), which I can sort of understand - but now she has no time for me, and has been picking at me for stupid little things. Its almost as if she has forgiven him, but needs someone to dump on - and I am it ???????
        I don't dump on my friends, because I don't believe that is the role that we play - and when I mean dump on, I don't mean share daily life stories, I mean nag and grizzle the other one for trivial misdemeanours?
        My initial reaction is to step back, I don't need someone elses shit in my life. If I have done something bad then yes I will suffer the consequences, but I think she is defering her hurt, anger etc...
        We have so much history, and I will always be there for this woman, but nagging and bitching at me? How do I deal with this one? thoughts please
        If you were the only one she told, then you might be a reminder of a very painful period of her life. It's hard to get over things and move on when the *keeper of your secrets* is there too.

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        • #49
          Originally posted by Nady View Post
          If you were the only one she told, then you might be a reminder of a very painful period of her life. It's hard to get over things and move on when the *keeper of your secrets* is there too.
          That's what I was thinking, a little break might be in order so she has time to move on.
          Life is death. We all take turns. It's sacred to eat during our turn and be eaten when our turn is over. RichMahogany.

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          • #50
            Thanx guys, actually that is what I have done. Stepped right back. I am one of two "keepers of the secret", but the other friend actively dis's the husband, whereas I don't - well not out loud !!!!!!
            "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

            ...small steps....

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            • #51
              I will be friends with anyone who doesn't mind a lot of politically incorrect statements and my sexual advances! I like to flirt with my female friends to drive my husband crazy. "You flirt with them already, just have sex with one of them! ... and let me watch."

              I spend most of my time with my puppy. She doesn't make demands, or ask if I can bring her doughnuts (which is a really ironic request), or ask if she can have a ride somewhere. She just gives me kisses and takes long walks with me and digs me out of my blanket in the morning. Then I give her a beef knuckle and she's occupied for hours. It's the perfect friendship.

              Speaking of demands, a "friend" messaged me on Facebook (because texting or calling is too hard) and asked if I would pick up her girlfriend's medicine because she has strep throat. This is also the same "friend" who messaged me two days ago to bring her doughnuts because her girlfriend had the flu.

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              • #52
                I'd obviously choose quality but when I think about it, most of the people I know who have a lot of friends do because they also value quality. I guess it depends on what you would consider a high quantity. But generally I find that those who are willing to invest in good relationships have a strong network of friends and, though some friends are closer to them than others, they don't put all their work into those friendships to the exclusion of their acquaintances or those they do see less frequently/havent known as long, etc.

                I'm an introvert and need a great deal of 'Sarah time' but I still get bored of hanging out with the same 5 people or whatever number constantly so, whilst I keep a select few closer than others, I like developing friendships with others that maybe don't require the same level of input but aren't shallow, either.

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                • #53
                  I'm not a people person at all period. That being said, if I had friends, I would pick quality over quantity. I am the only person in our house who rarely calls people and I do not go out of my way to stay in contact with people, including family. Most of my "friends" are my spouses friends. If I just had to deal with people at work, I would be perfectly happy. Some may think its sad or pathetic, but I don't like dealing with the drama that comes from other and prefer the company of my dogs and the very few people I want to have contact with.
                  Georgette

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                  • #54
                    We have so much history, and I will always be there for this woman, but nagging and bitching at me? How do I deal with this one? thoughts please
                    I am all for honesty. Sounds like you have known her long enough to say "hey, what's the deal?". I think it probably is a reaction to what has happened. Maybe she feels defensive around you because she thinks she should have left him?
                    You know all those things you wanted to do: You should go do them.

                    Age 48
                    height 5'3
                    SW 215 lbs
                    CW 180 lbs (whole foods/primal eating)
                    LW 172 lbs
                    GW 125ish lbs

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      Originally posted by valmason01 View Post
                      I am all for honesty. Sounds like you have known her long enough to say "hey, what's the deal?". I think it probably is a reaction to what has happened. Maybe she feels defensive around you because she thinks she should have left him?
                      you might be right Valmason. And yes I just might ask the question when I put my big girl pants on.....hate rocking the boat thou....and this could be a boatrocker
                      "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

                      ...small steps....

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                      • #56
                        I hear ya..Confrontation is very hard for me. And I hate those damn big girl panties I just know that eventually I will obsess until I get an answer.

                        Originally posted by NZ primal Gwamma View Post
                        you might be right Valmason. And yes I just might ask the question when I put my big girl pants on.....hate rocking the boat thou....and this could be a boatrocker
                        You know all those things you wanted to do: You should go do them.

                        Age 48
                        height 5'3
                        SW 215 lbs
                        CW 180 lbs (whole foods/primal eating)
                        LW 172 lbs
                        GW 125ish lbs

                        Comment

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