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  • Any primal non-christians here?

    Not long ago my girlfriend said she couldn't see herself marrying me because I'm not a christian. This really hurt me because she knew I wasn't christian from the beginning and it never bothered her. I don't know what I believe and I'm not very religious right now. Are there any good morale, non-christian women out there? I'm going through some tough times and I need some re-assurance I'm not crazy for believing what I believe. And that there is some hope out there for me.

    Thanks,
    Chris

    Edit:
    I was a very devout christian until last year. I stepped away from the church, because I no longer trust that the faith is perfect/correct. I do understand the faith deeply and respect the core morals of the church. It's not like I am shunning her for her faith. I love the church, I just don't believe. So what is the point in going?
    Last edited by cruncan; 12-03-2012, 07:52 AM.
    Hustle for Happiness, Hustle for Love, Hustle for Health, Hustle for Wealth, Hustle for Muscle

    http://www.hustleformuscle.com

  • #2
    Not Christian or part of any major faith/ religion. Closest I come is a cross between pagan, Buddhist, and agnostic. My husband is the same way, without the pagan aspect. As engineers with a very scientific/ logical outlook, religion just didn't work for either of us.
    You'll find someone who loves you for you and respects your faith (or lack thereof.) If you really want them to have your faith (or lack thereof), there are dating sites for most of the faiths and nonfaiths. Otherwise, have faith (heh) that there are women like you out there. Patience. Give yourself permission to get beyond this pain before jumping into the next relationship.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Latest Journal

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    • #3
      It's my impression that christians are a minority on this board. Maybe that's just me.

      Hang in there.
      Disclaimer: I eat 'meat and vegetables' ala Primal, although I don't agree with the carb curve. I like Perfect Health Diet and WAPF Lactofermentation a lot.

      Griff's cholesterol primer
      5,000 Cal Fat <> 5,000 Cal Carbs
      Winterbike: What I eat every day is what other people eat to treat themselves.
      TQP: I find for me that nutrition is much more important than what I do in the gym.
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      • #4
        Unwashed heathen here.

        I don't think morality/good character and religion have anything to do with one another. There are very moral and very immoral people who are both christian and non christian.

        Sounds to me like your gf is looking for a "way out" of the relationship. I'm sorry that your feelings are getting hurt in the process.
        Also your religious differences may have been something that didn't seem like that big a deal when it was new and all about the hormones. Then when she is considering you as the potential father of her children, her priorities started to shift.

        Frankly, while I respect any person's right to believe whatever they want, I could never see getting serious with someone who believed in christianity as a fundamentalist literal interpretation (6000 yr old earth, virgins having babies, dead bodies that get up and walk). Someone who understood those stories as parables and cultural mythology might have an open enough mind for me.

        You might want to have a talk with the gf and see if you can find some common ground in between. Or you might want ot move on and find yourself a nice young atheist girl.

        I highly recommend the Unitarian Universalist Church for someone who would like the community aspect of religion but without the dogma. This may be what your gf needs. Ask.

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        • #5
          Mostly rich people who have never needed faith, so probably MOST.

          Maybe she's trying to force you into believing so her family will be more accepting. Tell her "No." She should take you as you are, as she always has.

          I believe in Jesus, but I DON'T watch Fox News or vote republican. I believe in the Jesus who shared wealth and healed the hurting - you know, the one in the Bible! The modern church makes me ashamed of the Gospel. Greedy jerks with oppressive mentalities and political agendas half the time. I say I'm a Christian and instantly you (might) assume a lot of things. But I've been through enough hard times to see what it is. People are real. Everybody has the right to speak, and even if I think Jesus is the only way to heaven, I get it - you don't, and that's fine. We're grown-ups, here. I believe God made evolution, and guided it however he wanted whenever he wanted. The Bible even seems to somewhat mirror the migration of man out of Africa. Seriously, read the first two books of the Bible and start asking yourself which tribe went where and which people they became. And who did Adam and Eve's kids marry? Probably Neanderthals, even if not until Esau and Jacob.

          Anyway, GO SCIENCE! And GO JESUS! And everywhere they intersect, I'm glad.

          My wife and I have VERY similar belief systems! Liberal, scientific, and faith blended. It works well for us! But having different faiths would be tricky, I'd think. Plan wisely. I'd say "Pray about it" but maybe a good list of pros and cons is more in order.
          Last edited by Knifegill; 11-28-2012, 02:18 PM.
          Crohn's, doing SCD

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          • #6
            I'm an atheist. I guess I can see where your girlfriend is coming from. If I started dating someone who came from a religious family and marrying them would require switching to their religion, I would have a lot of second thoughts and likely bail in the end. People get pretty weird about their beliefs and for some, their entire lifestyle revolves around their religion, and religion is likely to become a big problem when it comes to raising children and the like. Definitely not for me. Met my last two boyfriends online and both times, I limited my search to "agnostic or atheist," because I just didn't want to deal with that.

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            • #7
              Also your religious differences may have been something that didn't seem like that big a deal when it was new and all about the hormones. Then when she is considering you as the potential father of her children, her priorities started to shift.
              Right on. She said she wants her children to be raised in church.

              Frankly, while I respect any person's right to believe whatever they want, I could never see getting serious with someone who believed in christianity as a fundamentalist literal interpretation (6000 yr old earth, virgins having babies, dead bodies that get up and walk). Someone who understood those stories as parables and cultural mythology might have an open enough mind for me.
              We believe about the same! I wrote a long paper about all of these impossible/contradicting ideas along time ago. I actually sent my paper to her to read. She is the type Christian that believes in God, but doesn't go to church, and she believes in the bible, but has rarely read it enough to educate herself in it. I attribute her ignorance to being uneducated in Christianity. It's like having faith and being scared to see if its real or not. I grew up a big christian and until last year I was a HUUGEE christian. The "closer i got to god, the more I read the bible, and then the more I discovered and started questioning. My questioning led to more research to confirm my hunch that I was worshipping a Bible that I could no longer trust. Well now I'm not Christian and in this Bull ish lol

              You might want to have a talk with the gf and see if you can find some common ground in between. Or you might want ot move on and find yourself a nice young atheist girl.
              I think I'm going to move on, unless she changes her mind.

              I highly recommend the Unitarian Universalist Church for someone who would like the community aspect of religion but without the dogma. This may be what your gf needs. Ask.[/QUOTE]
              I live in Alabama and I bet there aren't any of those around here LOL If you know where I'm coming from. I am intrigued by this church though. Interesting. Thanks Paleo bird!
              Hustle for Happiness, Hustle for Love, Hustle for Health, Hustle for Wealth, Hustle for Muscle

              http://www.hustleformuscle.com

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              • #8
                I'm an atheist. I like the Buddhist philosophy. I had a Christian lover put the brakes on our relationship because he felt that if we got more serious, we'd be a house divided. (yawn) Anyway, it was about the same time that I started to think he'd taken on an atheist girlfriend to try to save her/me, so it was all good, and we're actually pretty good friends now, and he was very stand up when I went through a rough patch.

                I've had relationships (friends, husbands, and lovers) with people of many faiths and what makes it work is respect for the other person's beliefs or lack thereof. Personally, I judge people by their actions rather than their beliefs. Strong, decent, ethical people are awesome whether they believe in a sentient creator or not.
                "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

                B*tch-lite

                Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

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                • #9
                  We all believe what we believe.......but forcing ones belieifs onto another is just not right. We love who we love for whatever reasons, but its not our right to force those people to change.
                  You will KNOW when the right girl comes along. You will work through the lust, the admiration, the beliefs, the interests......and after a while you are left with the RAW person....and trust me....you will know if you want to spend the rest of your life with her.
                  if this wee blip makes you feel uncomfortable....it will not get better !
                  There are many good people out there - get back out on that horse !!!!!
                  "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

                  ...small steps....

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                  • #10
                    Bummer. I think you and I are both in the wrong part of the world to find many nice atheist (non-religious in general) fems who are out/open. It's not that they don't exist, but unbelievers are about the most hated minority in the US right now and there are a lot of people who don't want to deal with the BS that comes with being openly unaffiliated with a mainstream religious brand. I personally became a lot quieter about my own views after a few bad experiences.

                    Add the fact that the christian community has this "unequally yoked" meme floating around that is specifically designed to cause outcomes like you have experienced and it's just not good. I have been there, and it's a drag indeed.

                    Unitarian Universalists are better than most religious groups but are still fairly closed-minded about a lot of things. My parents were married in a UU church so I have some positive thoughts towards the group, but they are what they are....

                    You might try this group: Introduction - Freedom From Religion Foundation -- I know nothing about them from personal experience but there are similar groups around here that are pretty cool.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by cruncan View Post
                      Not long ago my girlfriend said she couldn't see herself marrying me because I'm not a christian. This really hurt me because she knew I wasn't christian from the beginning and it never bothered her. I don't know what I believe and I'm not very religious right now. Are there any good morale, non-christian women out there? I'm going through some tough times and I need some re-assurance I'm not crazy for believing what I believe. And that there is some hope out there for me.

                      Thanks,
                      Chris
                      Sorry for butting in here.

                      Since you said "girlfriend", not "ex-girlfriend", I will point out that what you heard may have been a plea for you to at least seriously consider her beliefs. Have you taken the time to understand what she believes, and why she believes it? Or have you rejected it based on what you have picked up from popular culture? If she is serious enough about her faith to realize that she shouldn't marry a non-Christian, then as a non-Christian you would probably not be very happy married to her. At least, it would be an additional point of contention between you.

                      Once you look into it, "Christian" is used in a lot of different ways by different people. If you are still dating this woman, you owe it to yourself to understand what she means by the term. To understand that, you need background.

                      If you are a reader by nature, I would encourage you to read the New Testament. That's the back part of most Bibles, starting at Matthew. Take it in small bites, perhaps a chapter a day. When you have questions, ask your girlfriend what *she* thinks things mean.

                      By the time you get to the end of the book, you will at least understand your girlfriend better, and you will have a much better idea of whether you would want to be married to her.

                      If you prefer to read online, here is where I am suggesting you start:
                      Matthew 1 - ESVBible.org

                      ====

                      Sorry, I hadn't seen your response yet, when I wrote the above. If you feel you have adequately researched what Christians believe, but that she has not, then perhaps you should ask her to read the Bible with you.
                      Last edited by Philmont Scott; 11-28-2012, 02:53 PM. Reason: Postscript

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                      • #12
                        I discovered that when I went back to church (It's Colorado Springs, that's what you do, right?) I got everything from "I'm so proud of you" to *wince* "Really?" That told me who I probably did or didn't want to continue to have a conversation with. (Hint- it wasn't the one that was proud of me) I have been friends with people of lots of different religious persuasions, but being friends or even dating is not the same as the commitment of marriage.

                        I'm going to plug because I can. UUs rock. UUA: Find a Congregation
                        http://cattaillady.com/ My blog exploring the beginning stages of learning how to homestead. With the occasional rant.

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                        • #13
                          I am Christian and I actually served on the other side of your situation. I thought that it didn't matter very much that my ex was an atheist when we first started dating, but I found out later on that there were very deep issues that we couldn't agree on, and that neither of us would change for. That's when I realized that we weren't meant for each other, in that we couldn't sacrifice certain values that we held strongly for the other's own beliefs.

                          By the way, I don't hold the Bible literally for every single word. I mean, all of the texts are what man transcribed from what God said. Shouldn't there be room for human error in that? I just believe in the core values of what the Bible preaches, and I feel that it liberates the soul immensely to believe in God.

                          But different folks, different strokes. Just find the same folks next time and you'll be fine.
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                          • #14
                            With me and the wife, it's simple, we never go to church except for the cultural events (baptism, weddings,confirmations, funerals) although both of our sons are baptized and will be confirmed should they wish so. Her parents say grace before dinner and that's about it.

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                            • #15
                              i have imaginary friends, just not jesus.

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