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  • #46
    hilarious
    ----------------------------------------
    F, 48, 5'10"
    Start Date: 25-06-12 @ 161lbs
    Goal Reached: 30-09-12 @ 143lb. Now bouncing between 145lb - 149lb. I'd like less bounce and more consistency :-)

    Started Cross Fit 20.12.12 ---- Can't wait to submit my success story on the 1st anniversary of starting primal.

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    • #47
      So you want to hunt and gather . . .
      The 6 Manliest Ways People Still Hunt for Food | Cracked.com
      Buy house, Demolish house, Build house.

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      • #48
        "Honey, its me. Are you at the club?"
        "YES,
        "great I am at the mall two blocks from where you are, I just
        saw a beautiful mink coat. It ‘s absolutely gorgeous!! Can l
        buy it?"
        " What ‘s the price? "
        "Only $1,500 00. "
        "Well, OK. go ahead and get it, if you like it that much... "
        "Ahhh and I also stopped by the Merredes dealership and
        saw the 2001 models. I saw one l really liked. l spoke
        with the salesman. and he gave me a really good price and since
        we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year . “
        "What price did he quote you? "
        "Only $60,000... "
        "OK, but for that price l want it with all the options. "
        “Great! But before we hang up. something else., "
        "what? "
        "lt might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank
        account and. .. I stopped by the real estate agent this
        morning and saw the house we had looked at last year.
        lt ‘s on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool. English
        Garden, an acre of park area, beach front property... "
        "How much are they asking?"
        "Only $450,000 - a magnificent price... and I see that we
        have that much in the bank to cover... "
        " Well, then go ahead and buy it. But just bid $420,000. OK? "
        "OK, sweetie . Thanks! I 'll see you later!! l love you! "
        "Bye... I do too... "
        The man hangs up. Closes the phone 's flap, and raises his
        hand while holding the phone and asks lo all those present:
        "does anyone know who this phone belongs to? "
        Last edited by NZ primal Gwamma; 11-23-2012, 11:33 AM.
        "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

        ...small steps....

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        • #49
          Three nuns die and go to heaven, but all must answer one question to get in.

          The first nun is asked, "Who was the first man on Earth?" She says, "Adam." Lights flash and the pearly gates open.

          The second nun is asked, "Who was the first woman on Earth?" She says, "Eve." Lights flash and the gates open.

          The third nun is asked, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" Puzzled, the nun is says, "Hmmm, that's a hard one." Lights flash and the pearly gates open.

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          • #50
            There once was a little old lady who visited the grocery store once a week like clockwork. She always bought a loaf of bread, a wedge of cheese, a head of lettuce, and a large bag of dog food. A clerk there became accustomed to seeing her every week with her unvarying purchases, and one day struck up a conversation.

            “That must be quite a large dog you’ve got,” he said, “if you buy a big bag of dog food like that every week.”

            “Oh my no,” said the little old lady. “I don’t have a dog! This is for my husband.”

            Aghast, the clerk said “Lady, I don’t mean to tell you your business, but you can’t feed your husband dog food, it’ll make him sick!”

            “Oh, I don’t think so,” she replied. “He absolutely adores it. Been eating it for years. Good afternoon!”

            The clerk shook his head and went about his work. Every week he saw her, and every week it was the same thing. A loaf of bread, a wedge of cheese, a head of lettuce… and a large bag of dog food. Then one day the little old lady came in, dressed in black. She looked very sad. And when she came to the cashier, no dog food. Just the bread, cheese, and lettuce.

            The clerk was afraid to ask, but he felt he had to: “No dog food? Is… is your husband alright?”

            “No, I’m afraid he isn’t,” the little old lady said, weeping. “He died!”

            “Lady, I’m really sorry, and I don’t mean to say I-told-you-so, but I told you that dog food was going to make him sick!”

            “Oh no, no, it wasn’t that at all! He was on the couch licking his balls and he fell and broke his neck.”
            "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

            B*tch-lite

            Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

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            • #51
              One day in a small town, a hypnotist came to visit. Everyone went to Town Hall to see him, a bit skeptical.

              The hypnotist took the stage, and said "When I bring out my pocket watch, you'll all be under my spell and do exactly as I say".

              He brought out the watch and moved it back and forth, and within seconds the entire town was under his command.

              The hypnotist went to put his watch back into his pocket and accidentally dropped it. "Oh, shit" he said.

              It took them 3 weeks to clean Town Hall....

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              • #52
                One day, a young man got a phone call from his elderly, widowed neighbor. "I have a puzzle here" she said, "And I cannot seem to figure it out. I can't even get it started. Would you please come over and help me?"

                "Sure", said the young man. He hung up the phone and walked to her house and knocked on the front door.

                "It's in the kitchen", the old woman said as she led him down the hallway. "See if you can make heads or tails of it, because I certainly cannot!"

                "I'll do my best", he replied. "What is the puzzle supposed to be when it's done, anyway?"

                "It's a chicken", she responded.

                As they entered the kitchen, the young man studied the picture on the puzzle box. He stared at the pieces for a few minutes, and tried to stifle the smile coming over his face.

                "OK," he said, trying to be kind with his words. "Honestly? There is no way you're ever going to make this puzzle look like a chicken. Now come on". He gently took her hand in his, and said "Let's put the Corn Flakes back in the box now"....

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                • #53
                  Omg Shelly, I fear that may be me someday.
                  "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

                  B*tch-lite

                  Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    last night my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them
                    "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens - just pull the plug"
                    they got up, unplugged the computer and threw out my wine
                    the little bastards...............
                    "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

                    ...small steps....

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                    • #55
                      some people just suck the nice right out of me
                      "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

                      ...small steps....

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        some people just suck the nice right out of me
                        i am so gonna get a tattoo saying that!

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          Originally posted by NZ primal Gwamma View Post
                          last night my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them
                          "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens - just pull the plug"
                          they got up, unplugged the computer and threw out my wine
                          the little bastards...............
                          ha!

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                          • #58
                            Caviar is simply fish eggs that are sold at a very high price

                            It is a medical fact that women die with some eggs still in their bodies

                            I propose that we harvest those eggs and sell them

                            I present to you, cadaviar
                            Randal
                            AKA: Texas Grok

                            Originally posted by texas.grok
                            Facebook is to intelligence what a black hole is to light
                            http://hardcoremind.com/

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                            • #59
                              Originally posted by texas.grok View Post
                              Caviar is simply fish eggs that are sold at a very high price

                              It is a medical fact that women die with some eggs still in their bodies

                              I propose that we harvest those eggs and sell them

                              I present to you, cadaviar
                              So wrong on so many levels...


                              So...

                              A woman brings her lover home during the day and soon they are taking care of business on the bed.
                              Unbeknowst to them the woman's 9 year old son comes home. Curious as to what is happening he hides in the closet to watch.
                              Suddenly the woman's husband comes home early and the lover hides in the closet not knowing the boy is there.

                              "Sure is dark in here," the lover hears the boy say.
                              "Uh, yeah..." he replies.
                              "I have a baseball," the boy says, "Do you want to buy it?"
                              The lover says, "No"
                              "Well, I will just go tell me dad you are in here then," the boy says.
                              "Fine! How much?" the man asks.
                              "$500" the boy says.
                              The man pays and lives another day.

                              A week later the same senario plays out.

                              "Sure is dark in here," the lover hears the boy say.
                              "Uh, yeah..." he replies.
                              "I have a baseball glove," the boy says, "Do you want to buy it?"
                              The lover says, "No"
                              "Well, I will just go tell me dad you are in here then," the boy says.
                              "Fine! How much?" the man asks.
                              "$500" the boy says.
                              The man pays and lives another day.

                              The next weekend the dad asks his son if he wants to throw the baseball around. The boy says he would love to but that he sold his glove and ball.

                              "How much for?" the dad asks.
                              "$1000" the boy replies.

                              The dad is horrified that his son would take advantage of one of his little friends this way so drags him to church for confession.
                              The boy is inside the confessional and says, "Sure is dark in here."

                              The priest replies, "Don't start with that shit; you are in my closet now."

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                              • #60
                                what is a calorie ??????
                                calories are the little bastards that get into your wardrobe @ night and sew your clothes tighter.
                                My closet is infested with the little buggars !!!!!
                                "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

                                ...small steps....

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