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  • #31
    THE PRICE OF A BRAIN

    Relatives gathered in the waiting room of a hospital as their family
    member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and
    somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed
    the worried faces.

    "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain
    transplant.

    It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.
    Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the
    brain yourselves."

    The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great
    length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The
    doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a
    female brain."

    The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?"
    The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group,
    "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."
    "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

    ...small steps....

    Comment


    • #32
      Cool. Primal Jokes.

      One day Mark Sisson and a Vegan were walking together down the street.
      The vegetarian constantly berated Mark for eating meat!
      After stopping for a hot dog, the vegetarian erupted "Why do you eat meat?, Do you even know what's in that hot dog? You know, you are what you eat!"
      Mark replied "I am what I eat, an uncontrollable vicious animal (beating his chest)"
      As they stepped off the curb a speeding car came around the corner and ran the vegetarian over.
      Mark called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able.
      The injured vegetarian was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery.
      After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared.
      He told the uninjured Sisson, "I have good news, and I have bad news.
      The good news is that your friend is going to pull through."
      "The bad news is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life."

      Comment


      • #33
        Originally posted by NZ primal Gwamma View Post
        5 Secrets of a perfect relationship

        1. Itís important to have a woman who cooks, cleans and has a job.
        2. Its important to have a woman who makes you laugh
        3. Itís important to have a woman you can trust and who would never lie.
        4. Itís important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes being with you.
        5. It is absolutely imperative that these four woman should never meet.
        much truth to this!
        ----------------------------------------
        F, 48, 5'10"
        Start Date: 25-06-12 @ 161lbs
        Goal Reached: 30-09-12 @ 143lb. Now bouncing between 145lb - 149lb. I'd like less bounce and more consistency :-)

        Started Cross Fit 20.12.12 ---- Can't wait to submit my success story on the 1st anniversary of starting primal.

        Comment


        • #34
          Originally posted by Paleobird View Post
          A very sad looking guy walks into a bar and pulls up a stool. From out of his pocket he pulls a little toy-sized piano. From the other pocket, he pulls out a little Liliputian sized person wearing a black tux. The little guy sits down at the little piano and starts playing.

          The bartender is watching all this and comes over and says, "Um....Do you mind if I ask what is going on here?"

          The man sighs and says, "This is my twelve inch pianist."

          The bartender says, "Your what?"

          "Well, let me put it this way", says the guy. "If a genie ever grants you one wish, SPEAK CLEARLY!"
          I almost had this confused with the "over-sized, one-eyed, trouser snake".
          ----------------------------------------
          F, 48, 5'10"
          Start Date: 25-06-12 @ 161lbs
          Goal Reached: 30-09-12 @ 143lb. Now bouncing between 145lb - 149lb. I'd like less bounce and more consistency :-)

          Started Cross Fit 20.12.12 ---- Can't wait to submit my success story on the 1st anniversary of starting primal.

          Comment


          • #35
            Originally posted by NZ primal Gwamma View Post
            > A recent scientific study found that the kind of male face a woman finds
            > attractive can be different depending on where she is in her menstrual
            > cycle.
            >
            > For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and
            > masculine features.
            >
            > And if she is menstruating, she is more prone to be attracted to a man
            > doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors shoved deep into his
            temple
            > and a cricket stump jammed up his arse.
            >
            > Further studies are expected.
            funniest thing i've ever read...seriously
            ----------------------------------------
            F, 48, 5'10"
            Start Date: 25-06-12 @ 161lbs
            Goal Reached: 30-09-12 @ 143lb. Now bouncing between 145lb - 149lb. I'd like less bounce and more consistency :-)

            Started Cross Fit 20.12.12 ---- Can't wait to submit my success story on the 1st anniversary of starting primal.

            Comment


            • #36
              Originally posted by CrazyCatLady View Post
              Back when I was in college, I worked at a large preschool. The kids came from all types of backgrounds, and sometimes we had kids asking why we weren't watching R rated or harder movies.

              One day my job was to sweep and vacuum, which happened to be in front of the bathroom. As I was sweeping, I heard two little boys in the bathroom talking.

              "Why are you in here?" asked one.
              "I am just playing with my balls." replied the other.

              I about choked, knowing that these boys were about 3-4 years old. I couldn't bear to go in, so I asked another teacher to do so.

              One boy was zipping up from peeing. The other boy had two tennis balls that he was bouncing against the wall.
              Funny. I have a true one too, from when my big girl went to kindy. Her bedtime toy was a plush monkey. She and her 'boyfriend' were both 4, and went to the toilet together.
              He: Do you have a willy?
              She: Yes I do.
              He: Oh. My mum says she doesn't have a willy and I thought that maybe girls didn't.
              She: Yes. My willy is a monkey and he sleeps in bed with me at night.
              Disclaimer: I eat 'meat and vegetables' ala Primal, although I don't agree with the carb curve. I like Perfect Health Diet and WAPF Lactofermentation a lot.

              Griff's cholesterol primer
              5,000 Cal Fat <> 5,000 Cal Carbs
              Winterbike: What I eat every day is what other people eat to treat themselves.
              TQP: I find for me that nutrition is much more important than what I do in the gym.
              bloodorchid is always right

              Comment


              • #37
                Originally posted by magicmerl View Post
                Funny. I have a true one too, from when my big girl went to kindy. Her bedtime toy was a plush monkey. She and her 'boyfriend' were both 4, and went to the toilet together.
                He: Do you have a willy?
                She: Yes I do.
                He: Oh. My mum says she doesn't have a willy and I thought that maybe girls didn't.
                She: Yes. My willy is a monkey and he sleeps in bed with me at night.
                MM that is classic.....I can so imagine that happening with a couple of four year olds !!!!!!
                "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

                ...small steps....

                Comment


                • #38
                  A couple was invited to a swanky costume party.
                  Unfortunately the wife came down with a terrible headache,
                  so told her husband to go to the party alone.

                  He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and
                  said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed.
                  And there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.

                  So he took his costume and away he went..

                  The wife after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened pain free.
                  And as it was still early enough, decided to go to the party.

                  Since her husband did not know what her costume was.
                  She thought she would have some fun by watching her husband
                  to see how he acted when she was not with him.
                  She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around
                  on the dance floor.

                  Dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little touch here and a little kiss there.

                  So his wife sidled up to him and, being a rather seductive babe herself.
                  He soon left his current partner high and dry, and devoted his time to
                  the new babe who had just arrived.

                  She let him go as far as he wished naturally, since he was
                  her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition
                  in her ear and she agreed.
                  So off they went to one of the cars and had a nice quickie.


                  Just before the unmasking at midnight, she slipped away,
                  went home, put the costume away and got into bed.
                  She was wondering what kind of explanation he would
                  make for his behavior.

                  She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she
                  asked what kind of a time he had.
                  He said: "Oh, the same old thing.
                  You know I never have a good time when you're not there."

                  "Did you dance much?"

                  "You know, I never even danced one dance.
                  When I got there I met Pete, Bill Browning, and some other
                  guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.
                  But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned
                  my costume to."
                  "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

                  ...small steps....

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    lol!

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      these jokes are great

                      I never remember them so I have nothing to add except that I am loving this thread!

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Rangi applied for a fork lift operator job at Paknsave. A white man applied for the same job and since both applicants had
                        similar qualifications, they were asked to take a test and led to a quiet room with no interruptions by the Manager.

                        When the results were in, both men had scored 19 out of 20.

                        The manager went to Rangi and said, "Thank you for coming to the interview, But we've decided to give the white guy the job."

                        Rangi, "And why would you be doing that, are you a racist? We both got 19 Questions right?

                        Manager, " We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you got wrong."

                        Rangi said, " Tell me now, how would one wrong answer be better than another?"

                        Manager, " Simple. On question number 7 the white guy wrote down, 'I don't know.'

                        You put down, 'Neither do I.'
                        "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

                        ...small steps....

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          The Indian With One Testicle

                          There once was an Indian who had only one testicle and whose name was 'Onestone'.

                          He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

                          After Years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,

                          ' If Anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'

                          The word Got around and nobody called him that any more.

                          Then one Day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good Morning, Onestone.'

                          He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night.

                          He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from Exhaustion.

                          The word got around that Onestone meant what he said.

                          Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.

                          Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed to see Onestone. 'Good to see you, Onestone.' She said

                          Onestone Grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!


                          Why ???

                          OH, come on.

                          Take a guess !!!

                          Think about it !!!

                          You're going to love this !!!

                          Everyone knows...

                          You can't kill Two Birds

                          With OneStone!!!
                          "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

                          ...small steps....

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            A Native American brave was curious as to how he had received his name. So he went to speak to his father, the chieftain of the tribe.

                            "Father," he asked, "how is it that I acquired my name?"

                            The noble chieftain began a long narrative for his youngest son.

                            "Well, my son, I named you and both of your brothers for an event which occurred on the day each of you were born. For example, the day your eldest brother was born, I saw a deer running swiftly through the forest, so I named him Deer Running Swiftly.

                            "Likewise, when your middle brother was born, the rain was pouring hard outside of the wigwam, so I named him Rain Pouring Hard.

                            "Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"
                            "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

                            B*tch-lite

                            Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.

                              As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

                              She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

                              He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'

                              She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women.

                              As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.

                              The two sat sipping in silence.*

                              A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

                              He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.
                              Randal
                              AKA: Texas Grok

                              Originally posted by texas.grok
                              Facebook is to intelligence what a black hole is to light
                              http://hardcoremind.com/

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                "Go For Broke"
                                Fat Kine-230/24% @ 6'2"
                                Small Kine-168/9%
                                Now- 200/8%
                                Goal- 210/6%

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