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  • A question for the Grokettes.

    Hello Ladies.
    I was wondering what you look for in a man? How do you like a man to approach you? What would be your top tips for single men looking to meet a girl?
    I ask this as ive been reading alot of dating "advice" latly and its pretty much all written by men so just wanted to get a females point of view. I thought to myself, what better place to ask than the MDA forum which is full of open minded, helpful women.
    Cheers, Kieran
    Last edited by Kieran; 10-29-2012, 02:33 PM.

  • #2
    I think once a woman gets beyond the "i like his looks" she will be looking for consideration - just things like courtesy, (dont cancel dates at the last minute), dont plan an activity you "hope" she'll like (ask her if she wants to see a ball game, or that new horror movie). Simply being honest, having consideration, and being thoughtful are very important qualities in any relationship.

    Comment


    • #3
      what is a grokette? a diminuation of grok?? grok is a gender neutral term.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Kieran View Post
        Hello girls.
        I was wondering what you look for in a man?
        Me. Thread closed. You're welcome.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by Kieran View Post
          Hello girls.
          I was wondering what you look for in a man? How do you like a man to approach you? What would be your top tips for single men looking to meet a girl?
          I ask this as ive been reading alot of dating "advice" latly and its pretty much all written by men so just wanted to get a females point of view. I thought to myself, what better place to ask than the MDA forum which is full of open minded, helpful women.
          Cheers, Kieran
          I am guessing that you don't mean to call women "girls" (since you later use the word women) and I think if you want someone who thinks of herself as an equal you'll have to stop referring to full grown adult women as "girls." That would be a start.

          Just be yourself. That's the most important thing I would think. That way if you're an ass, she can find out sooner than later.
          Female, age 51, 5' 9"
          SW - 183 (Jan 22, 2012), CW - 159, GW - healthy.

          Met my 2012 goals by losing 24 pounds.
          2013 goals are to get fit and strong!

          Comment


          • #6
            Lets not get too PC here about Grok/Grokette. Part the looks, I like a guy who is courteous, confident, and is able to hold a conversation. Approaching me is difficult, it depends on my first impressions of you, if its a good first impression, I will be more receptive, if not you just become the creepy guy who asked for my number. I'd say a good way to meet girls is just to chat someone up when you're doing an activity you like, browsing through a bookstore or a sports gear store or a gym. Whatever you enjoy, it's a good common ground for starters.
            F 28/5'4/100 lbs

            "I'm not a psychopath, I'm a high-functioning sociopath; do your research."

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Damiana View Post
              Lets not get too PC here about Grok/Grokette. Part the looks, I like a guy who is courteous, confident, and is able to hold a conversation. Approaching me is difficult, it depends on my first impressions of you, if its a good first impression, I will be more receptive, if not you just become the creepy guy who asked for my number. I'd say a good way to meet girls is just to chat someone up when you're doing an activity you like, browsing through a bookstore or a sports gear store or a gym. Whatever you enjoy, it's a good common ground for starters.
              Thanks this is exactly the answer i was looking for.

              Originally posted by jojohaligo View Post
              I am guessing that you don't mean to call women "girls" (since you later use the word women) and I think if you want someone who thinks of herself as an equal you'll have to stop referring to full grown adult women as "girls." That would be a start.

              Just be yourself. That's the most important thing I would think. That way if you're an ass, she can find out sooner than later.
              I'm sorry if i offended, was just trying to be informal on a somtimes akward subject. Considering many women refer to their female friends as their "girl-friends" and grown men and women refer to each other as girlfriend and boyfriend i didnt think it was a big deal. But thanks for advice.

              Originally posted by sunne1954home View Post
              what is a grokette? a diminuation of grok?? grok is a gender neutral term.
              It was a play on words, was not meant to be offensive.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Mr. Anthony View Post
                Me. Thread closed. You're welcome.

                Cheers will definitely give that ago.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by HopelessDreamer View Post
                  I think once a woman gets beyond the "i like his looks" she will be looking for consideration - just things like courtesy, (dont cancel dates at the last minute), dont plan an activity you "hope" she'll like (ask her if she wants to see a ball game, or that new horror movie). Simply being honest, having consideration, and being thoughtful are very important qualities in any relationship.
                  Good advice, thanks.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Keiran, firstly good luck on your quest. I haven't been in the dating game for 29 years, and then I wasn't really "in" the dating game! My husband picked me up hitch-hiking !!!! however I do not suggest that this is how you go about it !!!!!!
                    Beauty comes from within, whether you are a male or female.
                    Honesty is your best medicine, however don't tell her about the boils on your bum - let her find them herself !!!! Don't tell her that you are a proctocologist - wait for her to tell you about her piles ! For heavens sake do not....and I repeat.... DO NOT tell her about your ex-partner, who ran off with dadedas daughters, husbands ex marine buddy, after having a b'n'd sess with a chick from out of town. These things don't go down well with the first impression image
                    Don't name drop and flex your muscles, cos (in this old Gwammas opinion), it becomes quite cheesy. However if after a few dates in - you would like her to know that - the Queen of England is you cousin - slip it in !!!!!
                    Smile, look her in the eye, and see where it takes you....good luck, and failing all of that - come over to NZ. We have some lovely genuine chicks over here. Well worth a visit !!!!
                    G
                    "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

                    ...small steps....

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Kieran View Post
                      Hello girls.
                      I was wondering what you look for in a man? How do you like a man to approach you? What would be your top tips for single men looking to meet a girl?
                      I ask this as ive been reading alot of dating "advice" latly and its pretty much all written by men so just wanted to get a females point of view. I thought to myself, what better place to ask than the MDA forum which is full of open minded, helpful women.
                      Cheers, Kieran
                      Hi, Kieran: It's such a loaded question and there are so many variations of grey, aren't there? I don't know how old you are but you may want to consider using the term, 'ladies' as opposed to 'girls'. We are not girls, we are mature ladies and we are generally looking to be considered as an equal or important person.

                      It's my experience that meeting a 'nice guy' is challenging as there aren't enough of them around ....hoping you are one of those nice 'guys' or gentlemen. The fact that you are posting this and asking for advice gives me a good vibe about you.

                      It's not easy for men to 'get out there' and put their best foot forward and risk what is 'perceived' rejection. Always remember that 'rejection' is never really about you -- it's more about what's going on in a young lady's life that you may be unaware of (recent breakup; lesbian; recently moved; still in school and not ready for a relationship etc etc). All you can do is dress nicely (get some advice on how to dress to impress a nice lady): Get a nice haircut, be clean shaven, freshly showered, wear nice shoes and just be yourself. Put aside your fears of rejection and approach some young ladies and engage in a friendly, light conversation. Try not to focus on 'getting a date', but think about meeting some interesting ladies who may become great friends in your life. If there is one particular lady who just stands out, get to know her by asking her questions. This demonstrates your interest in her and your ability to actively listen. Generally, young ladies want to know that you are interested in them as people -- over and above their bodies (wink wink, if you know what I mean).

                      And lastly, remember that some girls have not been raised with as many manners as you would like, and do not take their 'rudeness' as a personal affront. Just know that there are numerous fish in the pond, and you have to keep searching, digging, sorting and putting yourself out there, until you meet that one special lady. And also remember, that you are a unique, caring individual who is worthy of a great relationship and never settle for anyone that treats you as anything less. Get out there and embrace the ladies of this world --- because most of us are looking to meet our prince (except me -- I found mine after 18 years of being single ;-) Cheers, mate: Good luck on your adventure! /Lu
                      Last edited by Louisa655; 10-29-2012, 02:42 PM.
                      ----------------------------------------
                      F, 48, 5'10"
                      Start Date: 25-06-12 @ 161lbs
                      Goal Reached: 30-09-12 @ 143lb. Now bouncing between 145lb - 149lb. I'd like less bounce and more consistency :-)

                      Started Cross Fit 20.12.12 ---- Can't wait to submit my success story on the 1st anniversary of starting primal.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Dedicated, considerate, respectful, humorous. Looks are the least important, but being healthy and in shape don't hurt. I also second Damiana's advice to spend time in public places, where there will always be an occasion to happen across someone without having to be 'creepy' about it.
                        Making adventure out of this thing called life

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          What are you looking for in a woman? Beyond whatever physical attributes you're interested, what kind of personality? What kind of sense of humor, how friendly, intelligence level, interests, etc.? I would think that tailoring your approach to the type of woman you're looking for would be a good start. Most women like to be amused, but that what that means to specific women varies. I'm not at all interested in most mainstream pop-culture so if you referenced a reality show I'd look at you like you were from Mars. Something out of left field, OTOH, would be a good approach. There's a good chance you won't know what a women is interested in just by looking at her, but it's a quick way of finding out if she's got potential.

                          As for what I look for, a lot of the things others have mentioned, but also a man that has his own life, his own interests. The ability to entertain himself, is comfortable doing his own thing and with me doing mine. Jealousy or dependency is a big turn-off.
                          Buy house, Demolish house, Build house.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Louisa655 View Post
                            Hi, Kieran: It's such a loaded question and there are so many variations of grey, aren't there? I don't know how old you are but you may want to consider using the term, 'ladies' as opposed to 'girls'. We are not girls, we are mature ladies and we are generally looking to be considered as an equal or important person.

                            It's my experience that meeting a 'nice guy' is challenging as there aren't enough of them around ....hoping you are one of those nice 'guys' or gentlemen. The fact that you are posting this and asking for advice gives me a good vibe about you.

                            It's not easy for men to 'get out there' and put their best foot forward and risk what is 'perceived' rejection. Always remember that 'rejection' is never really about you -- it's more about what's going on in a young lady's life that you may be unaware of (recent breakup; lesbian; recently moved; still in school and not ready for a relationship etc etc). All you can do is dress nicely (get some advice on how to dress to impress a nice lady): Get a nice haircut, be clean shaven, freshly showered, wear nice shoes and just be yourself. Put aside your fears of rejection and approach some young ladies and engage in a friendly, light conversation. Try not to focus on 'getting a date', but think about meeting some interesting ladies who may become great friends in your life. If there is one particular lady who just stands out, get to know her by asking her questions. This demonstrates your interest in her and your ability to actively listen. Generally, young ladies want to know that you are interested in them as people -- over and above their bodies (wink wink, if you know what I mean).

                            And lastly, remember that some girls have not been raised with as many manners as you would like, and do not take their 'rudeness' as a personal affront. Just know that there are numerous fish in the pond, and you have to keep searching, digging, sorting and putting yourself out there, until you meet that one special lady. And also remember, that you are a unique, caring individual who is worthy of a great relationship and never settle for anyone that treats you as anything less. Get out there and embrace the ladies of this world --- because most of us are looking to meet our prince (except me -- I found mine after 18 years of being single ;-) Cheers, mate: Good luck on your adventure! /Lu
                            Originally posted by alg2435 View Post
                            Dedicated, considerate, respectful, humorous. Looks are the least important, but being healthy and in shape don't hurt. I also second Damiana's advice to spend time in public places, where there will always be an occasion to happen across someone without having to be 'creepy' about it.
                            Originally posted by NZ primal Gwamma View Post
                            Keiran, firstly good luck on your quest. I haven't been in the dating game for 29 years, and then I wasn't really "in" the dating game! My husband picked me up hitch-hiking !!!! however I do not suggest that this is how you go about it !!!!!!
                            Beauty comes from within, whether you are a male or female.
                            Honesty is your best medicine, however don't tell her about the boils on your bum - let her find them herself !!!! Don't tell her that you are a proctocologist - wait for her to tell you about her piles ! For heavens sake do not....and I repeat.... DO NOT tell her about your ex-partner, who ran off with dadedas daughters, husbands ex marine buddy, after having a b'n'd sess with a chick from out of town. These things don't go down well with the first impression image
                            Don't name drop and flex your muscles, cos (in this old Gwammas opinion), it becomes quite cheesy. However if after a few dates in - you would like her to know that - the Queen of England is you cousin - slip it in !!!!!
                            Smile, look her in the eye, and see where it takes you....good luck, and failing all of that - come over to NZ. We have some lovely genuine chicks over here. Well worth a visit !!!!
                            G
                            Thank you for these brilliant replies. I feel that men are barraged with all this advice that meeting women is some magic formula and you have to be the "bad boy" to get the ladies and then theres the men like me who are just looking to meet a nice women who like them for just being them instead of having to act like a dick/cool/fake so the women likes them etc etc.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Here's what women (including myself) TYPICALLY drool over which ISN'T looks:

                              Grooming:
                              A man who is obviously clean and who seems to care about what he looks like (acne under control, beard shaven or neat, hair combed...). It's OK to have a "messy" hairSTYLE or some stubble, but we women usually know when it's an intentional "bad boy" look and when it's laziness. ;p
                              Wear whatever you're comfortable in and groom however you like to look, but DO keep an eye on what you look like. A man who looks a mess will appear to disprespect himself. Which leads on to...

                              Posture:
                              We don't only like a man to dress like he loves and respects himself, it's nice if he can carry himself that way too! Keep your head up, make eye contact when talking, smile somtimes, keep serious when required... Basically: act like you're confident and take pride in yourself! You're a Grok, so you should have PLENTY to be proud of. Don't be an arse about it, just show that you like who you are and that you have reason to. Also, adopting a confident posture can inspire confidence and mental strength in EVERYONE. Shoulders back, back straight, head up = you feel good and strong. If you feel the part, you'll look the part and the cycle repeats until you have women swooning over your Alpha-ness.

                              Personality: Be yourself. That's just it. If you pretend to be X, you'll get a girl who likes X, not a girl who likes YOU. Be yourself and you'll meet Mrs Right. Just remember to listen too, to make sure she's right for you!

                              This isn't very precise, I know, but this is just a general look at what a TYPICAL female finds attractive beyond looks. Some may prefer the quieter male, for example, but USUALLY women go for the Alpha, the Beta or the Rogue: the strong, confident men of society. Just be yourself, love yourself and be nice to ladies and you'll find someone who's right for you.
                              --
                              Perfection is entirely individual. Any philosophy or pursuit that encourages individuality has merit in that it frees people. Any that encourages shackles only has merit in that it shows you how wrong and desperate the human mind can get in its pursuit of truth.

                              --
                              I get blunter and more narcissistic by the day.
                              I'd apologize, but...

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