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Polyamoruous Love Sickness: Can This Be Primal?

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  • #91
    Originally posted by PaleoPanda View Post
    I was thinking in fact of something that happened to my partner... she didn't want him when he was available. She wanted the drama, frisson, and attention. She barely spoke to him the whole time he was single...

    ...I wonder exactly just how interested your OW would have been if you had offered to leave your wife and sail off into the sunset with her, or whether she was another of those who just wanted attention and excitement, and dare I say to stir things up a bit.
    Would anyone be shocked to learn that I got freindzoned a lot before I met my wife?

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    • #92
      Originally posted by liminal_luke View Post
      Here's the tricky thing for me about the OW. On the surface she wants you because you're everything the men in her life so far haven't been--caring, genuine, etc. But what will she end up thinking if she succeeds one magical night by the fire in taking things a step farther? After the euphoric haze clears she'll come to the conclusion that she was right in the first place: all men are pigs. Afterall if you could betray your wife, what's to stop you from betraying her?
      You're right, the last thing she needs is to see me turn into a pig. And she certainly doesn't need to bear the guilt for it afterwards.

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      • #93
        So, now that your good wife is up to speed, and hasn't spun out on you, I think if possible you could get the two dialogues together on this.( A "trialogue") .....It should be possible since the two ladies are friends, and then all cards will be on the table out in the light so to speak. From what there is to see in this thread it appears that you guys may be whole enough to sort through this yourselves, thus avoiding having to reshape advice given with someone elses moral and ethical paradigm.
        "Continue being a man and you will be excellent. Pussy will rain from the sky. " - Legbiter
        Couldn't resist immortalizing this quote.

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        • #94
          and what you're about to do, is the dumbest thing any man in a longtime marriage could do, is trade 80 to get 20, or more to get even less. No one could stay in a committed marriage for 24 years without getting at least 80% of what they need from a partner to be happy with them. Hell, she might be coming up with 90 - 95% from what you describe. What you're fixated on is the missing percentage. Suppose OW is all of the missing 20%? How much of the other 80% does she have? If you leave DW will you ever be that close again to having the 80% you have now? It's why the second marriage is more likely to end in divorce than the first. Trading 80 to get 20. Just steeeeewpid!
          Last edited by pace2race; 10-10-2012, 06:34 PM.

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          • #95
            "men are made to be promiscuous and women aren't"
            A little off topic but this makes no sense - if the men are promiscuous and the women aren't - who the heck are the men boinking - each other?
            I have seen many studies in the past that say men on average have x number of partners but the women have only x-y number of sexual partners. This does not add up. First of all there are roughly equal numbers of men and women - so put 50 men and 50 women in a commune - at the end of ten years - on average they will have to have equal number of opposite sex partners - it is simple math. There are two comments on this 1) a survey won't show this - men brag and women minimize. 2) Likely to do with upbringing about 'women shouldn't'. I have met more promiscuous women than men. In my married years I have had several women discuss with me that they are bored and looking for 'something". I have yet to have a conversation with a man about him going looking.
            Sorry - back to your regularily scheduled programming.

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            • #96
              @pace2race- the OP has stated he has no intention of wrecking his marriage, you've read this thread through your own lens.

              @twa2w- if the women are getting more than the men, you can easily have 20 happy bonking women and 60 happy bonking men...your math-fu is weak
              "Continue being a man and you will be excellent. Pussy will rain from the sky. " - Legbiter
              Couldn't resist immortalizing this quote.

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              • #97
                Originally posted by LordPistacchio View Post
                You know, there might be a soap opera flavor to some of this, but, besides sleep, one of the most neglected aspects of what is espoused as "Primal" is the social. Interpersonal relationships are damn complicated and when they go wrong can be painful and damaging on several levels. I honestly think that addressing issues like this is far more beneficial from a Primal perspective than how many eggs someone has for breakfast.
                I get it, but I am gonna have to disagree. My experience is that when your health, diet and mindset are dialed in, everything falls into place. Including relationship drama; typical and atypical
                Here to eat and move like a caveman, not look or stink like one

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                • #98
                  Lordy be Lord Pistacchio - that is one hell of a journal to wade through, and this old Gwamma was there for you man, then I wasn't , then I thought - oh I am so falling in love with this man - then I wasn't and then this comment....

                  Originally posted by LordPistacchio View Post
                  ............ end up drunk and screwing in the back yard?
                  If you truely loved this woman you would so not call the coupling, if it ever happens.... screwing in the backyard????? Wouldn't it be .... end up drunk and making sensuous love to this da-dee-da.....

                  Screwing really conjures up negetive thoughts in this old Gwammas mind
                  Just thinking on paper !!!! but if I ever heard my husband tell his mates that ...oh yeah last night we had a screw...... I would possibly emasculate him !!!!
                  "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

                  ...small steps....

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                  • #99
                    Originally posted by NZ primal Gwamma View Post
                    Screwing really conjures up negetive thoughts in this old Gwammas mind
                    Just thinking on paper !!!! but if I ever heard my husband tell his mates that ...oh yeah last night we had a screw...... I would possibly emasculate him !!!!
                    Gwamma, I chose that word very deliberately for a couple of reasons. First of all, in my present state of mind, categorizing it that way is far less painful. Thinking of it as a beautiful, intense moment where we finally express our hidden, repressed...

                    I can't go there.

                    Secondly, under the circumstances described, screwing is exactly what it would be, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself otherwise.

                    Finally, I think we can all agree that my wife is a beautiful person deserving of the highest respect. But privately, when she asks me to f*ck her senseless on top of the clothes drier, that's what she gets. And that's what we both call it. Is it not supposed to be fun anymore?

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                    • Originally posted by LordPistacchio View Post
                      Finally, I think we can all agree that my wife is a beautiful person deserving of the highest respect. But privately, when she asks me to f*ck her senseless on top of the clothes drier, that's what she gets. And that's what we both call it. Is it not supposed to be fun anymore?
                      Got to agree with you there - "making love" is highly overrated, in my opinion. The drier option sounds way more fun.

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                      • Originally posted by Zanna View Post
                        I'm curious how the OW sees this. She's getting your stellar example of a good guy, which should be diminished in her eyes simply because you are focusing so much of your mind and self on someone other than your wife. But I'm thinking she just loves being the object of desire of a good guy, one that maybe wants her so much he does things like have drunken, intimate conversations by the firelight. So she can stay with her loser husband or sleep around while being on this pedestal you created. Might be a way for her to avoid finding her own decent relationship instead of siphoning one from her 'best friend's husband.

                        As long as you are examining your own motivations with a hard, clear eye - spend some time examining the OW's reasons too. She's being a lousy friend to your wife. You think maybe she'd love it if you slipped, allowing her a way out of a marriage she doesn't want to stay in? You might lose some of the glow-y, forbidden love feelings if you start seeing some of the flaws in her behavior.
                        this. the OW is evil. she should be uncomfortable with this situation. she's being a terrible friend to your wife. if you sleep with her, she gets an out, screws your wife/her friend over, and destroys life as you know it. if you don't, you get tortured by this whatever-it-is situation, and eventually something will have to give.

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                        • So... your wife is pretty, nice, understanding, runs a good household, drama free, and loves to screw?

                          And you enjoy her company, screwing her, her appearance, how the household runs?

                          Tell the OW in no uncertain that things are over unless you want drama in your life. I have actually figured out my husband likes a bit of drama. I hate drama. He loves it and creates it without admitting it. He claims to hate drama, but he jumps right in. I suggest for the sake of your wife, that you find drama somewhere else. Stir the pot at work or at the gym or whatever.

                          http://maggiesfeast.wordpress.com/
                          Check out my blog. Hope to share lots of great recipes and ideas!

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                          • this. the OW is evil. she should be uncomfortable with this situation. she's being a terrible friend to your wife. if you sleep with her, she gets an out, screws your wife/her friend over, and destroys life as you know it. if you don't, you get tortured by this whatever-it-is situation, and eventually something will have to give.
                            It takes two to tango- yeah, the OW may not be perfect, but our poster had a role in this too.

                            http://maggiesfeast.wordpress.com/
                            Check out my blog. Hope to share lots of great recipes and ideas!

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                            • Originally posted by magnolia1973 View Post
                              It takes two to tango- yeah, the OW may not be perfect, but our poster had a role in this too.
                              definitely. sorry if i came across like i didn't think that too. i kinda thought that went without saying...

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                              • We should all read "The Female Brain" and "The Male Brain" and start a new thread.

                                http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/28/bo...pagewanted=all

                                Really quite interesting. I am half way through the Female version. It is science based, and gives quite an insight into gender behavior. We really are different.
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