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In my defense, my wife has been slightly less faithful than I (but it was when we were dating).
You, my friend, are not suited to polyamoury. Go talk with your counsellor and work your way through this. I can see why OW is attracted to you, but I think you (and therefore we) are less clear on why she's catnip to you. My hunch is that she's giving you the chance to be a hero/rescuer. Perhaps your wife is strong and sorted and doesn't require that from you? Look for the whys and this thing will be easier to work through.
That said, at this stage, all options are going to hurt and involve some form of loss. (Sorry) But I think you knew that.
I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.
I think we've all established that the guy is in a less-than-ideal situation right now, people. Why do we need to impute bad intentions on him? These things happen--often not by choice or intent. The fact is he's in the situation he's in, it's not an easy thing to resolve, and he's looking for help.
The genetic predisposition of the male to want to spread his seed from sea to shining sea theory falls apart after the offspring are born. Human babies need their parents longer than just about any other animal on the planet. Therefore, it seems more logical that the predisposition would be to stay with one woman so he can make sure his offspring survive and grow into the adults than can spread his genes.
Sorry if that's off topic.
"Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine
Personally, I think OW is probably going to hurt you in the end if you keep up your relationship with her (you are in a relationship). Cheated on and dumped by husband? Sleeping with multiple men while separated? Back with loser husband? She probably soaks up the attention she is getting from you and has the least to lose. If you wife is not the type to want to share you, then you owe it to her to distance yourself from OW and focus on your marriage. If you want to be with the OW then you need to end your marriage out of respect for your wife.
You can cut it off with OW. Saying you cannot because she is a neighbor is just an excuse in my book. No more intimate conversations. I also think you don't give your wife enough credit. She probably suspects something. I find it amazing that this has gone on for a few years. There is no way your marriage hasn't suffered and I feel bad for your wife, really.
Yes. You need to talk to somebody about how to work your way out of this with the least amount of damage. In this instance, you can't have it all from what you are telling us.
How is this related to Primal living I'll never know.
Start date: 7-5-12
GOAL: to live to be a healthy and active 100
"In health there is freedom. Health is the first of all liberties."
Henri Frederic Amiel
Ultimately, I confided in the OW because she is the one person other than my wife I feel close enough to talk to. It may have been poor judgement and I should have kept it to myself. Honestly I thought saying it out loud to her would result in enough ridicule for me to WANT to avoid her. I didn't expect it to be reciprocated.
You were hoping though. And that she says her feelings are similar means... you are playing with fire here.
You are posting to a bunch of strangers, and telling us that you've got kindling spread throughout your living room, and you soaked it in gasoline, and you've lit a match, but you would NEVER actually burn your house down.
This is teenage girl stuff: that the feelings are overwhelming and you're just "swept away" by it all. You can't help yourself. I can see the same drama on an episode of the Vampire Diaries.
And just like a teenage girl who gets "swept away" by her feelings, you're in serious danger of ruining your life.
You will badly hurt your wife, you will hurt your children, you will hurt the OW's children and you'll wind up alone anyways. Cause if the OW has a lick of sense, she doesn't want another cheating bastard in her life, so starting a relationship there is pretty much going to doom it.
So... put the damned matches down... or let yourself be swept away because you couldn't help it.