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  • Cure for broken heart?

    A woman I loved very much pulled the rug out from underneath me and broke my heart last weekend. My heart is utterly destroyed. I am so sad. Beyond this my life seems empty and lonely without her and I don't find fulfillment, enjoyment or motivation for anything. I have lost weight that I don't have to lose, food is unappealing and tasteless. I continue to exercise but lack desire to. I don't want to be by myself but I have no where else to be that I want to go. I look ahead and there is nothing I want or am excited for.

    My heart hurts so much. I don't want it anymore. I am so sad.

    How is there anything evolutionary about what I feel. I don't want to feel this way. Why do I and how can I stop. Is there a drug? sitting in front of my work computer feels like a prison of misery
    ad astra per aspera

  • #2
    I know this is cliche, but find the pieces, pick 'em up, and keep walking. I had an ex do the same thing.
    If what you do is fairly brainless, use it as a form of meditation.
    Set aside a time to truly reflect on that relationship. I'm not talking 20 minutes. This may be an all nighter. Go through all of it, the happy times, the sad times, the rough times, the good times. Reflect on how she changed you and how you learned from each other. Allow yourself to feel as you go through it, to cry, get enraged, smile, and laugh. This will go a long way towards helping the healing. You may not be far enough into your mourning to do that though, so that call is yours.
    Let it out as you can. A soul in pain can only fester if not allowed to breathe.
    Find reasons to smile and laugh. Beg, borrow, or steal funny movies and books. Get lost in enjoying things you couldn't while you were attached.
    Your heart will heal, eventually. I can't say when, but you will love again. One day you'll wake up and she won't be your first thought. One day, she'll be put aside in a special box in your memories and filed away. For now, let yourself process it.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Latest Journal

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    • #3
      Surgical removal of the affected tissues. Seriously, just force yourself to think of something else.
      In all of the universe there is only one person with your exact charateristics. Just like there is only one person with everybody else's characteristics. Effectively, your uniqueness makes you pretty average.

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      • #4
        The only cure is time, but you can do other stuff to distract yourself and feel better in the meantime. I highly recommend physical activity, getting out of town and having an adventure (go climb something or whatever), spending time with friends, etc. After a while the pain will be less and you will be able to deal with the emotional fallout better and move on.
        “If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.” --Audre Lorde

        Owly's Journal

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        • #5
          Time and bacon.
          The Champagne of Beards

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          • #6

            well then

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            • #7
              Yes, there is a drug. That might or might not be the appropriate route for you, but if it is your local psychiatrist can fix you up. There's also homeopathy, chinese herbs, acupuncture, massage. There are friends to call, maybe relatives to visit. There is continuing to take care of yourself in all the basic ways people do--eating right, exercising, brushing your teeth. There are counselors and grief groups. Nature. Journaling. Other species to hang out with (may I suggest dogs). Gardens to cultivate. Finally there are people who need you, people you can care for, other people who are hurting in their own ways--sick people, poor people, lonely people. Someone left you, but so many people remain--those that you know, and those you have yet to know--who need what you have to give. Don't leave them.

              My two cents.

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              • #8
                Time. And exercise. Good luck. Everything always gets better eventually.
                Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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                • #9
                  I'll repeat advice given to me once. Dry your eyes on another woman's skirt.
                  http://www.facebook.com/daemonized

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                  • #10
                    Exorcise your demons. I always cry all my tears til I have nothing left.

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                    • #11
                      Sorry TFC.
                      If I just said LOL, I lied. Do or do not. There is no try.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by TheFastCat View Post
                        A woman I loved very much pulled the rug out from underneath me and broke my heart last weekend. My heart is utterly destroyed. I am so sad. Beyond this my life seems empty and lonely without her and I don't find fulfillment, enjoyment or motivation for anything. I have lost weight that I don't have to lose, food is unappealing and tasteless. I continue to exercise but lack desire to. I don't want to be by myself but I have no where else to be that I want to go. I look ahead and there is nothing I want or am excited for.

                        My heart hurts so much. I don't want it anymore. I am so sad.

                        Breakups SUCK: There's nothing worse that having your heart broken. Have faith that the universe has a plan for you and despite the fact that you are feeling badly now, there's a better plan for you and someone else in your future.

                        Continue eating well, working out and be ready when that next great person, unexpectedly walks into your life. Give yourself some time, and figure out how to be happy solo for a while. We've all been there, that's for sure.
                        ----------------------------------------
                        F, 48, 5'10"
                        Start Date: 25-06-12 @ 161lbs
                        Goal Reached: 30-09-12 @ 143lb. Now bouncing between 145lb - 149lb. I'd like less bounce and more consistency :-)

                        Started Cross Fit 20.12.12 ---- Can't wait to submit my success story on the 1st anniversary of starting primal.

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                        • #13
                          It's happened to me. It hurts for awhile, there's no getting around it, you have to go through it. It takes time. When you feel a bit better, sit down and list out the things that you contributed to it going wrong. Be honest, or it's a waste of time. Don't list the things she did wrong, just what you did wrong.

                          Why did you do them? If you don't know, find out. Fix the problem or it will affect every relationship you ever have going forward.

                          I once saw a great bumper sticker, which read: "I am the one common factor in all of my failed relationships"

                          People fail. If you don't learn something useful about yourself and try to make the next relationship better, it won't be better, just different.
                          Height: 5' 10"
                          Starting Weight: 292
                          Starting Primal Weight: 275
                          Current weight: 224
                          Goal weight: 172
                          Body Fat 30.5

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                          • #14
                            Whenever I have been dumped, I have always tried to wrap my mind around the thought that it was their loss. Takes work, but it always worked for me.
                            Female, age 51, 5' 9"
                            SW - 183 (Jan 22, 2012), CW - 159, GW - healthy.

                            Met my 2012 goals by losing 24 pounds.
                            2013 goals are to get fit and strong!

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                            • #15
                              Positive energy to you TFC. Remeber the only person that is guareented to be with you your whole life is yourself, YOU are ENOUGH!! Adopt a mantra, do some meditation, invest in yourself, because when you love yourself you bring love to yourself. You will make it though this and you will be stronger for it. Everything happens for a reason.

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