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Cure for broken heart?

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  • Going through a heartbreak of my own right now, and I'm hoping, like you, to find the strength to cut it off completely. I deserve better.
    F 28/5'4/100 lbs

    "I'm not a psychopath, I'm a high-functioning sociopath; do your research."

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    • I don't have any advice to give, but I offer hugs! /HUG

      Music has always had sway over my emotional and mental state. Maybe it might have some power to help you? Here's one that makes me feel rather optimistic:

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      • Magnolia - wow, that's awful. So when she couldn't get his attention she lashed out to tell you? That must have been hard to hear about the affair, but did her carry on make it easier to side with him when she contacted you? ouch.
        Yeah, she was pretty bizarre. Her crazy actually made my husband really appreciate me. She had a meltdown at my house.

        The affair was maybe a 3-4 month thing. He claims it was just about sex, and I believe that he did not lead her on about there being potential for more. I think for me, my initial reaction was insecurity (no one mid 30's wants to compete with a gal younger than 21). But then I saw how she acted and was like, hell.... if he leaves me for her, he's a fucking idiot and deserves misery.

        He was kind of broadsided by the crazy and it made it very easy to look beyond the nice body and apparently crazy sex. He actually got the whole "pregnancy" scare from her even. She was a piece of work.

        To the OP, I hope that your ex does not harass you. However, if she does it will hopefully remind you of the bullet you dodged.

        http://maggiesfeast.wordpress.com/
        Check out my blog. Hope to share lots of great recipes and ideas!

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        • Magnolia - Wow. No, no one in their 30s wants to compete with a young un! Glad she unstuck herself. Must have been very tough for you, glad you worked through it ok, and beyond the instinctive response.

          TFC - hope you are feeling better and getting stronger about it each day.

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          • So in the vein of keeping everyone in the loop:

            If you remember She had sent a text (god I hate texting):


            "I would very much like to talk to you."

            Over a day later (of absolute agony) I responded with

            "I will listen to you [Her name here]."

            "Thank you for letting me know that. I didn't know if my voice was welcomed or not and I would like to explain things further to you, but I don't want to be invasive."


            "Would you prefer an email, a pone call, or in person for listening?"

            :/

            I replied with: "I read your email and I understand why you ended things. There is nothing to explain."


            "I feel like there is."


            "Unless you don't want to hear it


            "Which I can respect"


            (4 hours later)


            "I didn't end things because I'm dating other people. I want you to know that I still feel strongly about you."


            "You haven't communicated anything to me. That's really hard"



            I replied with: "Thank you; I know. I trust that."


            "I understand your reasons from what you have told me. You know how I feel. I could talk to you

            for a week [Her name here]. I miss you. But nothing would be different."


            "You're right, it wouldn't but I don't know I can't imagine losing you. I guess I have to figure me out"


            "I feel likean asshole, an idiot and a mess. I am very sorry"



            "You didn't lose me koko. You threw me away." [monday night - 9pm]


            [Tuesday early morning] "Please don't say that. That's super hurtful."


            "And I don't think It's true"


            She was at yoga last night, I joined after she was in and was behind her for the class. She seemed sad; I tried to not be and tried to act light and happy to see her, but also in my own zone if that makes sense. She was happier after that. It's the fist contact or time I've seen her face to face in 16 days, the last time being when I told her to leave my apartment when she broke my heart when she said me she didn't want to see me anymore.


            It was really hard seeing her because it's the first time when we've been together -- but haven't. I was looking at her the sameway I have always and then caght myself - because I can't anymore. I'm not going to be a creep in the back of yoga class oogling an ex girlfriend -- so I didn't. I liked being near her though; I really miss her.


            after the class I got my things and ran away. distracted myself last night.


            I woke up this morning and I couldn't get it out of my head. I re-read her texts a few dozen more times.


            I text her this morning at 5:30


            "What does it mean that you have 'strong emotions' for me? Why can't you imagine losing me? Why did you reach out to me?"

            7:30 AM she responds with


            "I love you"


            She told me that before - but not since she broke up with me. I don't think she'd say that lightly or for attention or to mess with me.


            what. now.


            I love her to death -- she knows that. She also doesn't say what she feels, like I do.


            Im going crazy again.


            Who breaks up with someone that they love and loves them? I don't understand anything
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            • not sure if you answered this already, but how long were you with this girl?

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              • 3 months - intensely, every day etc.

                I know it sounds like nothing; but it was incredibly intense. Or maybe I'm just blind and it wasn't. I don't know what to think or believe anymore.
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                • She's craving drama. Block it all out. Everything. If you don't you'll be back here in a year telling us how bad it all is.

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                  • Originally posted by Mr. Anthony View Post
                    She's craving drama. Block it all out. Everything. If you don't you'll be back here in a year telling us how bad it all is.
                    This.

                    TFC, you are ignoring all of the good advice you have gotten in this thread.

                    Stop communicating with her. Immediately.

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                    • I am ignoring the good advice. You are right.
                      But that's because I still love her. I've tried to get over that.
                      But a (crazy) part of me hopes and wishes she realized she made a mistake.
                      I would fight for her... that isn't bad is it???
                      I know it's stupid. I just accept I am imperfect and am continually learning and growing as I understand myself.
                      A part of me is always willing to accept that about others.

                      I realize it's self desctructive but I can't shut the door that looks like from here it's opening.
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                      • oh man. that is really nothing. honestly. i'm not trying to tell you how you feel, but my take is that you don't love her. and she doesn't love you. 3 months is lust. it's really liking. its puppy love. but it isn't real love. you barely know each other. you haven't been through anything together. haven't had life experiences (good or bad) together. you may grow to love each other. or after dating for a year or so, you may grow to hate each other. i think you need to make a decision and make it soon. you shouldn't live like this anymore. either cut her off completely, or date her again. shit or get off the pot

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                        • Well, she might genuinely regret her actions, but it's about herself hurting, not about hurting you.
                          I don't think there is a particularly painfree way to break up. I'd be surprised if two people split and made a clean, non-dramatic break.

                          Maybe I have you confused with someone else, but was this not the woman who can't find work and nags you? Really, think about what kind of person you want to hitch your wagon to. Beauty fades, and sexual chemistry can wane, along with it a lot of the feeling of caring. What you end up left with is someone who needs to be a friend, a reliable person and someone who's core values you like. Part of what kept me going was that at heart, my husband is a good person, hard worker, good provider.

                          You don't want to string this along. Yeah, maybe you get back together and in a year the horniness fades and you are left with a useless slacker of a girlfriend that you don't really like, and it's even HARDER to get out of.

                          You will fall in love again. You will meet someone that you want to spend every second of the day with. With a little luck, it will be a woman that you can rely on, that supports you and helps you become an even better person.

                          http://maggiesfeast.wordpress.com/
                          Check out my blog. Hope to share lots of great recipes and ideas!

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                          • Originally posted by magnolia1973 View Post
                            Well, she might genuinely regret her actions, but it's about herself hurting, not about hurting you.
                            I don't think there is a particularly painfree way to break up. I'd be surprised if two people split and made a clean, non-dramatic break.

                            Maybe I have you confused with someone else, but was this not the woman who can't find work and nags you? Really, think about what kind of person you want to hitch your wagon to. Beauty fades, and sexual chemistry can wane, along with it a lot of the feeling of caring. What you end up left with is someone who needs to be a friend, a reliable person and someone who's core values you like. Part of what kept me going was that at heart, my husband is a good person, hard worker, good provider.

                            You don't want to string this along. Yeah, maybe you get back together and in a year the horniness fades and you are left with a useless slacker of a girlfriend that you don't really like, and it's even HARDER to get out of.

                            You will fall in love again. You will meet someone that you want to spend every second of the day with. With a little luck, it will be a woman that you can rely on, that supports you and helps you become an even better person.

                            No that was not me/her; she has her masters and a post grad certification. She's awesome at crossfit, has a dog, eats Paleo and is very attractive, has a good job etc, no kids, is healthy, 29. I'm thirty two years old; I have had my heart broken at least 4 times; I know the difference between love and lust, I've had three relationships of 3+ years; I've fucked all of the women I really want or need to. At this point I know the difference between potential, a good catch etc. I definitely appreciate and value your advice and perspective -- everyone I promise. I'm just trying to give context.

                            at what point do you flex and "try" and at what point to you close yourself and move on?
                            At what age?
                            What happens if you regret not trying later in life?
                            What's the worst that happens if you do try?
                            She has run away from me but she has some issues in the past with being mistreated in relationships as well. She hasn't been intentionally malicious.

                            This is not puppy love; it isn't lust. I am whole-hearted in the vein of



                            It isn't always easy but is different and sometimes very hard.
                            Last edited by TheFastCat; 10-17-2012, 08:18 AM.
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                            • I'm sorry I am just typing out loud the thoughts that are in my head. I am trying to process everything before I do anything. I do not like drama I'm sorry if this thread is annoying.
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                              • OK, that must have been someone else having issues.

                                It does make it harder if she otherwise has her shit together.

                                http://maggiesfeast.wordpress.com/
                                Check out my blog. Hope to share lots of great recipes and ideas!

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