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  • #61
    I'd just text her back to get rid of your shit, and you'll get rid of hers.

    What are you going to do, really? She is confused, crazy and what not. For whatever reason, staying with you was not going to work. Unless you want to reconcile things and try and be friends, not much point.

    FWIW, people you want to be involved with long term, they don't have crazy feelings. She might perchance, grow up. But really, meeting up with her for whatever seemingly benign reason is just going to be more drama, and from that email.... she might like drama.

    http://maggiesfeast.wordpress.com/
    Check out my blog. Hope to share lots of great recipes and ideas!

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    • #62
      I so agree with not on the rug. I reckon she wants to see you. DO NOT FFS (for F--- sake) let this happen. DO NOT txt her back. DO NOT facebook her. Get on with your life. Enjoy the anger (smash a squash ball around the court), enjoy the sadness ( snot it about a bit), enjoy the guilt (have another piece of dark chocolate), and move on man.
      We all feel for you, but no point in taking a step back.

      Truely the offer still stands about a decent Kiwi girl. We would find you one !!!!
      G
      "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

      ...small steps....

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      • #63
        I suggest you look through this site 12 Relationship Truths I Wish I Knew 12 Years Ago
        Last edited by Loukia Maria; 10-08-2012, 12:14 PM.
        The truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: A human creature born abnormally, inhumanely sensitive. To thema touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death. Pearl Buck

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        • #64
          I just know she wants some sort of closure for herself from this. Whether it's acknowledgement by me that "we're cool" or "no hard feelings" or shit like that.

          I want to take the high road in terms of acceptance and being a good person but I don't think I owe her anything; not even the cosmetics she purposefully left at my house when leaving. Two days before she ended it she wouldn't return my texts or voicemails; when I asked why she said "I thought you would get the point". Not being out of spite, but I think she can do the same here. I don't want her to get an ounce or inkling of me allowing her to feel good about what she did.

          but as I am writing this my brother just emailed some very good advice:

          Man this is really just awful Bro. I'm really sorry.

          When I got laid off from [my previous job], I was totally blindsided (although I really shouldn't have been, but that's another story) and hurt (clearly not in the way or degree you have been) and pissed. I thought I got jobbed and everyone I knew (inside and outside of the company) agreed. Especially hurtful/frustrating/rage causing was that the managing partner of the firm (a HUGE a-hole in the very best of times) who made the decision to lay me off, didn't say 1 word to me in the month+ I had before my last day. I'd been there for 7 years, doing everything they had ever asked me to do, including a ton of recruiting about what a great place it was to work, etc... and that a-hole doesn't even have the decency to say anything to me? Cowardly.

          Anyway, several people told me that I should just walk out on my last day without giving that prick a second thought; however, I made myself walk down to his office and thank him for the opportunity. I could tell he was shocked and uncomfortable but that was not why I did it (just a happy bonus) and although my words were polite and professional in every way possible in my mind I was flipping him the bird. The real reason I walked down the hall, entered his huge office, and looked that pompous little troll square in the eyes is that: (a) I didn't want him to have ANY excuse to say any (true) negative word about me, ever, to anyone, and (b) I wanted him to see that I was not hurt/frustrated/mad (even though I was) because I will be damned if I am going to let him think he is that important. Bottom line, nobody would have blamed me if I'd avoided the situation altogether and I may have even been in my rights to march into his office and told him where he could shove it, but by masking my feelings I was able to act in a way I'll be proud of for the rest of my life.

          Anyway, the above is a very long way of providing support for what I'm about to suggest you do regarding Her texts.

          If you are asking my opinion on her texts I would advise you to do the following: Write a simple text back that says "Hey [you], thanks for the email and texts. Please don't worry about my stuff at you place. I'm not much of a stuff guy anyway and there was nothing I couldn't replace. Regarding the chest, I do want you to keep it as I made it/refurbished it for you. Hope you are doing well. Much love, TFC".

          The above would be simple, clean, and classy. No hard feelings or awkward potentially hurtful meetings.

          On a side note, do you know how I figured out I was in love (real love) with [My wife]all those years ago? It was the moment that I realized that although I didn't think we were ever going to be together and I was pretty sure she didn't feel the same way about me, I just wanted nothing but the best for her. It was pure and unconditional and I really think that's what you have for Her. It hurts now, but I know (and she knows) you wish her nothing but the best.



          love you brother!
          ad astra per aspera

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          • #65
            I have to agree with your brother. You don't owe her anything, but a nice, clean, polite email or text is about the best you can do. "Getting the hint" is the cowards way out. One last, "this is over, nice knowing you, best of luck" closes out that chapter of your life.

            http://maggiesfeast.wordpress.com/
            Check out my blog. Hope to share lots of great recipes and ideas!

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            • #66
              That's what I did

              "Hi TFC - obviously you don't want to talk to me. I get it but I have your belongings and would like to return them to you, how would you like me to do this?"

              "Also, I would like to keep it as its very meaningful to me, but understand if you would like the chest back. Let me know."
              "Hey [Her], thanks for the email and texts. I'm not much of a stuff guy and what is there can be replaced; please toss it. As for the chest I do want you to keep it as I made it for you. Hope you are doing well. Much love, TFC"

              hopefully there are no more emails/texts and no face to face contact. We go to the same crossfit gym so it is only a matter of time unfortunately :/
              ad astra per aspera

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              • #67
                Luckily my ex had the good sense to leave the country when she left.
                "Go For Broke"
                Fat Kine-230/24% @ 6'2"
                Small Kine-168/9%
                Now- 200/8%
                Goal- 210/6%

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                • #68
                  Hmm, with that text? You left the door open for reconciliation in my mind.
                  Starting Date: Dec 18, 2010
                  Starting Weight: 294 pounds
                  Current Weight: 235 pounds
                  Goal Weight: 195 pounds

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                  • #69
                    Now block her number!

                    Your brother gives some pretty good advice. Don't let her weasel her way back into talking to you. The text back to her does sort of open a line of communication, but don't let that happen.

                    Is there another cross fit gym? Or are there classes that don't fit her schedule?
                    Down from 275 to 250!
                    Werewolf Primal Living Blog - http://lycanthropology.com
                    Some fact, a lot of fiction! Keep track of my progress there!

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                    • #70
                      Change gyms, don't let that hinder your workouts. They are to important for your mind, body and soul.

                      I read this whole thread. It is interesting to see the advice given by ( what I assume) men vs women.

                      Salt water heals all wounds - the ocean, sweat and tears. Looks like you like to pour a bit of yourself into your hobby/ art, seek more of that.

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                      • #71
                        I think you handled it the right way. You sent her a polite message, that I think ended things well. It will be hard if you run into her again, though. Do you know her usual CF schedule? If so you can probably avoid her that way. However, I'd consider going somewhere else (if possible... personally there's only one CF gym in the vicinity of where I live and I'm on a contract, but it may be different for you).

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                        • #72
                          whoa no you can't let some girl chase you out of your gym. own it and be confident. the sight of you working out should be like rubbing a dog's nose in poop when they have an accident indoors to her
                          Here to eat and move like a caveman, not look or stink like one

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                          • #73
                            Not sure if this has been covered, but here's my 2 cents.

                            You can center your life on many different things. Some are self-centered, friends-centered, school-centered, workaholics, religion-centered, bf/gf-centered, etc. The best thing to be is principle-centered. If you live on principles, all those things will come to you. Hard work, altruism, honesty, etc brings success, friends, and happiness.

                            In contrast, you sound like you're living a bf/gf-centered life. When shit happens there, your day is ruined. If it's permanent, your whole life turns to crap. You have to not put all your eggs in one basket.

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                            • #74
                              Why not start- right now -to think of and feel about your ex as you will think of and feel about them in 20 years?

                              So take some time for yourself. Chances are you're withdrawn and not going out to see people anyway. So go off by yourself, turn off all your telephones and just give yourself some time alone. Turn off the TV.

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                              • #75
                                Originally posted by wiltondeportes View Post
                                Not sure if this has been covered, but here's my 2 cents.

                                You can center your life on many different things. Some are self-centered, friends-centered, school-centered, workaholics, religion-centered, bf/gf-centered, etc. The best thing to be is principle-centered. If you live on principles, all those things will come to you. Hard work, altruism, honesty, etc brings success, friends, and happiness.

                                In contrast, you sound like you're living a bf/gf-centered life. When shit happens there, your day is ruined. If it's permanent, your whole life turns to crap. You have to not put all your eggs in one basket.
                                Carnegie said to put all your eggs in one basket and guard it like hell!
                                Starting Date: Dec 18, 2010
                                Starting Weight: 294 pounds
                                Current Weight: 235 pounds
                                Goal Weight: 195 pounds

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