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  • Frustration Rant



    When I became primal 4 weeks ago, I went from strict vegetarian (in a misguided attempt for animal cruelty) to a pastured meat lover. I can feel the positive changes (consistent energy, no bloating, & a few lbs weight loss) but the lack of support from my family is frustrating to the point where it's stressful. I am of Asian descent and my family tends to focus their meals around rice. I've tried many times to explain how rice turns to sugar and raises insulin which leads to fat storage, but they won't listen. I am always getting criticized about the huge amounts of saturated fat and cholesterol I am eating, and I know that they are concerned for my well being, but they're stuck in CW thinking. I even showed them the studies that prove saturated fat is not the cause of cardiovascular/heart disease and how dietary cholesterol has little to no effect on the cholesterol levels. But of course, they will have none of that. Almost everyone in my family got sick this past winter (I didn't because I already cut out all the processed junk) and I see a steady increase of weight gain. I am tired of watching my mother eat junk and gain weight when she used to be thin and fit (she loves her cereal now..) and also taking my grandmother to the doctor only to watch her pay $200+ for medication for her eyes. My little sister is already 10lbs overweight and has taken a liking to cereal like my mother and she is deathly afraid of ANYTHING FAT, which I'm scared will be problematic in the future for her health and self-esteem. I get so frustrated because I know that simple changes in their diet can reverse all these effects and improve their health. I know that I cannot save everyone, but it is hard to watch those that you love do damage to themselves. It's stressful because my mother and father are going behind my back and commenting on my new lifestyle to everyone about how concerned they are. They think that I am just going through some kind of phase like when I refused to eat meat. But now, apparently, I am inhaling protein and fat at an alarming rate and my lack of grains will cause future health problems (in their opinion). I know that I am not the only one who doesn't have support, but it just makes it that much harder and is much more stressful. Sorry for the long rant, but it is something that has been bothering me for a while. I plan on sticking to PB and hoping that my results will inspire them to make their own changes to their life..


    And sometimes I wish that people would stop being so judgmental. It's one thing to disagree with someone else's lifestyle, but it's another to criticize and impose.





  • #2
    1



    My mom is a nurse. She tries to mind her business, but she says things like, "I don't think you should eliminate any food group." The only thing I can say is that grains aren't a food group for humans. It may be starting to make sense to her. Every time we get into it, I stretch it a little further. Like rehabbing a stiff joint.


    I don't know if that will help, but it's how I approach it.


    And I also find that people who are close to you are more likely to be open to new ideas if they don't come from you. Because you're so close to them, it's hard for them to absorb your change. If you get their doctor, or someone else to say something similar to what you do, it helps (as long as it doesn't seem as though you orchestrated it). Try to get them to watch Fat Head if they won't read PB.

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    • #3
      1



      I understand completely. I am also of asian decent. I live far from my family but friends are surprised to hear I am not eating rice. I adore rice. I do but I can see how all the rice and sugar I ate made me well...fat. Sigh. I ate rice by the bowl full as comfort food several times a day. My acupuncturist believes asians become rice addicts. I have heard him lecture many clients including myself. He has encouraged me for years to get off so much rice, sugar, and fruit. I have tried but its hard. Right now I am doing really well and I feel great!


      My husband's family live very close and although they are not asian they do not appreciate my diet. They also don't understand dairy intolerance. They think I am imagining the fact that I can't digest dairy. I get calls all the time about this TV doctor recommending cottage cheese or more whole grains.


      The problem is there is so much garbage out there, be it food or CW. Hang in there!

      http://paleochickcooks@blogspot.com/

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      • #4
        1



        Hey, chin up darlin! It's really rewarding having such a caring family, but I'm sure it's also a stressful task when they don't ask YOU what they should be caring about re yourself. My only advice is to keep doing what you're doing and show them through commitment and time. My family has never listened to a word I've said about a single thing in my life (or at least it seems that way) which could be why we're a million miles apart right now, but you've simply got to stand your ground girlie! Especially when it comes to them talking behind your back, thats not caring, thats gossiping. If you think you can confront this behavior in a respecful manner I suggest attacking that first, and then move onto the younger ones in your life like your sis, because though she may not seem receptive, it's more likely she will be in the near future. Good luck!

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        • #5
          1



          I am lucky to have a father who has a phd in organic chemistry, so when I adopted PB he was very interested and read all the research and watched all the videos I sent him, he has now adopted PB also.


          Perhaps you could get some basic blood tests done to prove to them that your new way of living isn't causing your body harm, they are parents, they naturally want to protect you, and PB is such a diversion from CW that it is difficult for a lot of people to swallow.

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          • #6
            1



            So sorry to hear of your troubles! I am a brand-new baby Primal (just started yesterday), and I have a much different scenerio in my household. My wife is THRILLED that I've become primal.. on my old way of eating I avoided fat like the plague, and I consumed a good portion of whole grains as part of my "healthy diet". So when my wife heard that steak and beef are back on the menu, she cheered!!! "Now maybe I can get you to grill some decent food for all of us again." Was here exact words..


            My advice.. stay Primal.. and perhaps by your example they may hopefully see the light. I would gently point out to them who is overweight, and who is healthy.. who is sickly, and who is not.. in the family.. Perhaps soon they will start to see the light.


            Good luck!

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            • #7
              1



              I suggest (horse may have left the barn on this one already) sidestepping these issues. People, even loved ones, have short attention spans and I have found that, when questioned, I can dismiss them with a casual remark rather than a full blown Primal lecture.


              For example, "No, just skipping (rice, bread whatever) today." and shut up. "KISS", right? Over time, (and I'm only seven weeks in now too) people begin to ask HOW you're looking so good and then you can introduce the science of it. Until then, leave the skeptics with little or no information. It requires some good "avoidance" skills but it's easy enough to redirect these questions with an "oh shucks", nothing going on here approach.


              Good luck and stay true to what your believe, not what others want your to believe.

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              • #8
                1



                I know EXACTLY what you're going through, Lillian.


                Ever since the transition to eating primal fully recently, my parents won't stop worrying about the elimination of grains, potatoes etc. (traditional staples), making remarks like "but whole grains are good for you!". It's seriously frustrating to have both of them against my way of living when my dad has a high cholesterol (and thus avoids eggs like the plague, but is ironically fine on still having a couple of chocolate bars as snacks with cereals and sandwiches for the majority of the day's meals) and my mum has a high blood pressure, which she is on "medication for life" for. CW is etched into their minds so much that it's gonna take months for me to make any significant shift in their lines of thought.


                Despite that, they are being more supportive of my choices as time goes on. Ever since going to the farmers' market, I've been spending a LOT more on food, purely because it's top-quality nutrition with no drawbacks. Both my parents keep repeating "don't spend all your money on food! We have food here!". Really, now? I don't exactly call a shopping list loaded with processed foods (seriously, there's only a minority of items that haven't been tampered with), healthy. Such as yesterday, my mum told me to "finish the sausages in the freezer, they're nice and they're completely fine! And I WON'T have no for an answer!". Oh right, you mean the sausages that are filled with gluten and all sorts of artificial crap, gluten of which I believe I have a sensitivity or intolerance to? Again, no thanks.


                It's just too annoying. I want them to eat primal as well, but I'm not going to FORCE them to. I'll give them all the information they need and debunk all the myths and distortions that they have been fed by CW, but I will never say "stop eating all that junk". That's their decision, they're adults and so am I in December once I turn 18. I'll persist. Once I have some truly genuine results (currently going through low-carb flu, so not the best time!) I can be a lot more confident about how to help them.

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                • #9
                  1



                  I'm 30 now and so my thoughts are turning quickly from playing around to settling down and having kids. I'm with a Japanese girl now and it's virtually impossible to get them to give up rice and soy. A few have said to me, "I'm Japanese. I have to eat rice."


                  If I'm going to raise kids, it's going to be Primally. So I may have to look for someone else :/

                  You lousy kids! Get off my savannah!

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                  • #10
                    1



                    That's such a shame, I'm sorry. My dad has been living in a gardening co-op for a few years and eats pretty strictly organic, and when I told him my switch I think he nearly pooed himself with excitement. It's great to know someone has my back.


                    Maybe when your family sees your results they'll feel less obligated to give you a hard time.

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                    • #11
                      1



                      I'm sorry to hear of all your troubles with loved ones who use CW as an excuse to try to control your diet. I can relate.


                      I got a cold a few weeks ago that's been tough to shake. The other day my wife correctly pointed out that I rarely get sick for this long at a time. I could sense what was coming next. "I think it's because of your diet change! I really think you need some bread."


                      I pointed out that I've actually replaced bread with healthier carbs (fruits and veggies) in my diet, and that her advice would amount to replacing fruits and veggies with bread. I asked her if she had ever heard anyone in her entire life say that it's good for one's health to replace fruits and veggies with bread. She admitted that she had not. But then, "The problem is you don't get enough carbs. You need to eat those fruits and veggies AND add bread back into your diet."


                      I asked her if she could think of any reason why bread or an increase in carbs would have a healing affect on my body, or would have prevented my illness in the first place. She could not, but is still convinced that lack of carbs/bread is the reason I'm still sick. BTW, I'm eating about 100g of carbs per day. CW casts a strong spell.

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                      • #12
                        1



                        Lillian, you have my greatest sympathy.


                        My own family said nothing at first because, well, I'm grown up and out of the house and nobody knew that I was doing this except my wife. But my body soon turned into a billboard for primal living. I expected my mother to be opposed when I told her, and at first she was shocked -- when I said I was eating loads of saturated fat and bacon fried in butter, she gasped like I'd kicked her in the gut, and said, "well, that's what your Uncle Dwayne did every day." That poor gentleman, like several of my relatives, died of extreme obesity. My dear mom was heading the same way despite avoiding Uncle Dwayne's bacon. But what else did he eat with his bacon? "Hash browns... biscuits... toast..." I didn't press the point. I just wanted to plant the seed.


                        A month later, my mother is actually going primal. I didn't believe it at first, but now she's sending me emails on the joys of kale fried in butter with salt and cinnamon (ooookay, mom) and has already lost several pounds and seems to be changing her entire life.


                        Lillian, I think that in time, your example too will speak louder than any words, in contrast to the symptoms of your CW-eating family. There is no better answer to their irrational criticisms than increasingly radiant health.


                        In the meantime, I suggest you find a way to see the funny side of it all. Following another poster, I now mentally substitute the words "pure sugar" when I hear anyone say "rice". It's hilarious, like adding "in bed" to the end of fortune cookies. You should try it!

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                        • #13
                          1



                          Lillian, I could have written your post just a few months ago. I'm Asian too and most of our meals are centered around rice also. My parents never said anything about my diet but were (still are) reluctant to try Primal WOE because they get the exact opposite advice from their doctors. They thought I could handle the diet since I'm still young. Both of them grew up eating traditional foods that included lot of butter/ghee etc., but are changing all that now because of the "experts" advice. My husband, a physician, on the other hand was completely against my diet and I have myself written many rants like yours here on MDA. But over time, he has crossed over to the bright side He's not primal (currently, even I'm only semi-primal) yet, but is not scared of eating fats. Since I'm the cook at home, it's easier for us to follow Primal WOE. It took him time, but I was persistent and would show him studies every now and then. And he saw the changes in me. He himself has lost 10 lbs without even being primal, but eating less processed foods and including good fats. What I'm trying to say in short is, I totally empathize with you. It'll take time to convince your family members, they won't make changes overnight. Maybe you can start by having them eliminate processed foods. I highly recommend Sally Fallon's "Nourishing Traditions". While it's not grain-free, the book talks about including healthy fats in your diet and discusses how to remove anti-nutrients from grains. Maybe you can give it to your mom and have her read it. I'm sure your grandma would recognize some of the traditional techniques described in the book.


                          Right now, it's only my husband who's on my side but I haven't lost hope that the rest of my family will someday realize that CW's nutrional advice is totally wrong. Good luck to you!

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                          • #14
                            1



                            Thank you everyone for all your advice and support.. It helps to be able to draw strength from such a helpful community like MDA I definitely hope that over time, they'll become more primal and follow less CW. For now, I'll just have to keep at it and in the meantime, enjoy the abundance of meat and fat, since no one else in my family seems to share my enthusiasm. I did however, manage to convince my mother to start looking into buying pure pastured beef and more organic foods, so that's a step in the right direction. And as I'm doing research, more and more articles are popping up that debunk CW myths so there might be more hope in the future.


                            *crosses fingers*

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                            • #15
                              1



                              I always try to remember that I didn't change my mind about fat overnight and that it was a gradual acceptance and learning process. It's hard when I'm enthusiastic about something not to want everyone else in my life to immediately accept it. But, if it's a true lifestyle change, people will get used to it and some may even start wondering about it.

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