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  • Yeah, I would totally do that gift certificate thing. We actually do that for most of his gifts anyway -- focus on experiences.

    Right now, our current thing is managing his frustration by having "hawk day." ON this day, Dh and I budget a bit of money and we let DS decide what he wants to do. Due to his age, we give him choices that are easy to manage. He can choose whether he wants to have breakfast, lunch, or dinner out. He decides which activities he wants to do (movie, zoo, or other thing that's on at the time). And we basically let him do whatever he wants, telling us exactly what to do as the day goes on.

    He's really enjoying "being in charge" for a day about once a month. And, it makes him much happier in between "hawk days."

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    • i dont have anything red but i wil be there in spirit. fag hag from way back here. the kids poss have something red so i will dress them up lol sitting here sipping my green tea trying to persuade myself it tastes good. i keep thinking zero calories, fat burner, anti-oxidant and repeating it to myself lol this one is jasmine and orange so it is not as gnarly as the others. been looking up BCAAs which has been interesting. supplements galore but i am not on too much of the wrong track having a piece of smoked salmon on the way home from the gym. looked up how much sodium is in 1/2 c of sea water too and it is about 3.5g i think. too much for me to be drinking on a regular basis so i will just have to get the mineral drops after all.

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      • Right now, our current thing is managing his frustration by having "hawk day."
        ah the joys of having one child. unless i could dispose of one of mine temporarily somewhere, there would be a total riot if i tried this. they'd never agree to doing it together either, even if it meant they got what they sorta wanted. or they would agree till they got there and then there would be a dust up on some of the finer details. the theory is pretty good tho.

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        • Lol I love you girls :-D

          I don't think I own anything close to a red shirt.... Doesn't bring out my eyes ;-)
          If you're interested in my (very) occasional updates on how I'm working out and what I'm eating click here.

          Originally posted by tfarny
          If you are new to the PB - please ignore ALL of this stuff, until you've read the book, or at least http://www.marksdailyapple.com/primal-blueprint-101/

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          • Haha seaweed, I tell myself that green tea is liquid pain killer and I start chugging it back like nobodies business.

            Mmmmm fresh back from my cooking class, Thai yellow curry tonight. Have the leftovers tucked away for lunch tomorrow, but I'm thinking breakfast sounds tempting......

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            • what is yellow curry vs say green or red curry? i am definitely focussing on the beneficial properties of green tea. all the caffeine in coffee is not doing me any good so i need to habituate drinking something else after 10am i reckon. at least it is finally getting warmer so it is more like tea weather. the last thing i want on a stinking hot day is coffee and cream. maybe we can have a fave flavour of green tea thread lol has anyone tried it with cream btw? i'm too scared to ruin good cream.

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              • Originally posted by seaweed View Post
                ah the joys of having one child. unless i could dispose of one of mine temporarily somewhere, there would be a total riot if i tried this. they'd never agree to doing it together either, even if it meant they got what they sorta wanted. or they would agree till they got there and then there would be a dust up on some of the finer details. the theory is pretty good tho.
                I would alternate. One month it's one kid's choice; the next month it's the next kid's choice. This way, everyone gets a day, and it's up to the rest of us to be gracious about it all.

                You know, we demand a lot of kids. I demand that he be respectful, quiet and gracious in a lot of circumstnaces. I'm very strict. Loving, but strict. A lot of people say "too strict." I don't know what that means, but there it is.

                DS has been defiant. lots of push-back on minor things. sometimes just not doing something that we ask (ie putting on shoes in the house, not walking out in socks to the car and then putting them on). when he gets a firm 'no' due to safety, he might do something risky out of anger.

                So, i went looking for a few solutions. First, to the kindy (steiner), where they asserted that my strictness and DH's lenient-ness is a role reversal, but normal overall. It's within both steiner and peaceful parenting bounds (no punishment/rewards, just consequences at this age, and they are direct: if you don't relax and come with us now -- rather than freaking out and having a melt down over nothing -- we won't be able to go swimming. do you want to go swimming? DS says yes, calms down, and we go swimming.).

                then it's dealing with the frustration/aggression of the certain familial needs that we have (and under stress, we are not always awesome anyway). so, i went looking for a few more resources and happened upon this idea of a "child day."

                It was actually designed for teenagers who felt really constrained. A small study was done out of a practice in CA with teachers struggling with depression and defiance. Taking out any major issues in the family life as well as noting that the parenting methods were not deeply authoritarian (as ours are not per se), the psychologist suggested that the family choose a day where the teen get carte blanche to do waht s/he wants for the day -- within healthy, agreed-upon limits.

                What he discovered is that the teens were way less defiant in school and home, much happier overall, and most overcame their depression with limited counselling and no medications.

                So, I was like. . . hmm. that might work with a 4 yr old. So, we agreed to do it once a month just to test it out. First time was really nice for him. We did what he wanted to do. . . having set up the basic rhythm of the day ahead of time and choosing simple options for him to choose. Then we did what he wanted.

                The next couple of weeks were really great. He was relaxed and happy. . . easy going with all of my strict-ness. LOL We are coming up on the next one, so he's been fractious this past week. He's also been going to bed late (our fault) which might have something to do with it.

                Anyway, it's been working well so far.

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                • Zoebird that is fantastic that it is working for you guys. You gotta do stuff that works for the family .
                  Gay to me - means like happy and gay. Am I missing something here ??????
                  The lions meeting went well. They have only just left !!!! Loved the CW cake, and the CW asparagus rolls. Made a cheese board, with nuts and dark chocolate, that also went down a treat - so only two more sleeps until the wedding....oh I will be so pleased when its all over and everyone has had a lovely time ! I am fuffed !!!!!! so off to bed.
                  my love to you all
                  G X
                  "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

                  ...small steps....

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                  • I would alternate. One month it's one kid's choice; the next month it's the next kid's choice. This way, everyone gets a day, and it's up to the rest of us to be gracious about it all.
                    as i said, the theory is good. it also shows the benefit of co raising children with another parent who is on side. mine have dealt with domestic conflict their whole lives and it shows. they get alot less now as they live with me and they only go to their dad every second weekend but what is it the jesuits say? give me a child before he is 7 and i will show you a catholic the rest of his life. whilst their dad does love them heaps, he really hasnt got a clue when it comes to appropriate ways to behave, things to say etc. funnily enuf tho, if they both got to come hang out with you for the day together and do it, they would be absolute perfect angels so that is at least a sign i am winning. i absolutely believe in being strict but fair. and i also dont expect total adherence to my orders unless it is something that is a security hazard as i do expect the kids to have some sense of self determination and they do need to be able to work out who to obey and who not to and make their own decisions in life. i do tell them tho that i am on their side and i only tell them what to do as i have their best interests in mind so they do need to do what i tell them lol

                    good luck with the last minute stuff gwamma! looks like it is gonna be an awesome day today out there so hopefully the weather will stay for the wedding. i am doing an ecotour tomorrow so i need to try to do the corporate outdoorsey look lol the mind boggles.

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                    • Originally posted by seaweed View Post
                      what is yellow curry vs say green or red curry?
                      Its just a variation of the ingredients which obviously changes the colour too. The green curry has lots of kafir lime leaves and fresh corriander, whereas the yellow had lots of lemongrass, tumeric and dried red chilli's. Of course the recipe's vary according to tastes/regions though. I've not made the red curry from scratch yet. I forgot to bring my curry to work so I'll have to rush home at lunchtime bugger it all - I'll have to ring and make sure my husband doesn't eat it first though!

                      Gwamma - the gay red shirt day stems from John Key who very publically (on live radio) used the word 'gay' as a derogatory term to describe the radio host's red shirt. So the gay red shirt day was born and off we go wearing our gay red shirts today just to proove that gay is a good and OK thing. I happily ditched my usual blue uniform shirt this morning.

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                      • Originally posted by Lizzielou View Post

                        Gwamma - the gay red shirt day stems from John Key who very publically (on live radio) used the word 'gay' as a derogatory term to describe the radio host's red shirt. So the gay red shirt day was born and off we go wearing our gay red shirts today just to proove that gay is a good and OK thing. I happily ditched my usual blue uniform shirt this morning.
                        oh right....I have so not been watching the news lately. I never wear red.....so am gonna find me a red gay shirt and wear it with pride.
                        Wow last minute jobs take forever !!!!!!! but getting there. Yes I think it will be a beaut day tomorrow, so good to be able to tick that one off the list. Honeymoon suite looks awesome - if I do say so myself. I have made a loveheart with chocolates on the bed. The bubbly is chilling all set for the bucket tomorrow, towel rail on, bathrobes ironed and all looking good !

                        Seaweed good luck with the corporate outdoorsey look. You will look fabulous I am sure !

                        Zoebird that is an interesting concept. I think it is good for children to have choices, but also they need to learn that there are rules and boundaries and consequences. And what works for one family doesn't neccessarily work for another. Consistency is also really important - in my view....... but hey whatever works.

                        LL how many hours left before Hubby gets his PPL? Brother number 1 flies at Piako (just has his PPL) and also Dad was a glider pilot for many years. Brother number 1 also has a tigermoth in bits in his garage - one day....he tells us...... his new toy is an Astin Martin (2011? I think). Very sleek
                        "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

                        ...small steps....

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                        • Originally posted by NZ primal Gwamma View Post
                          LL how many hours left before Hubby gets his PPL? Brother number 1 flies at Piako (just has his PPL) and also Dad was a glider pilot for many years. Brother number 1 also has a tigermoth in bits in his garage - one day....he tells us...... his new toy is an Astin Martin (2011? I think). Very sleek
                          Not sure, he can't be far off though. He won the local aero club scholorship last year, which was 20hrs free lessons and he's well through those (I prefer not to look at our bank statements ATM). He's actually an aircraft engineer anyway, so flying has always been his passion. He loves helicopters most of all, his father is a helicopter pilot, and all three brother in-laws and one uncle are professional pilots also. There is a fine line between a hoby and a mental illness! Thankfully his father actually owns a plane, so I hoping that he won't need to to actually buy one of his own *prays*.

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                          • Originally posted by Lizzielou View Post
                            Not sure, he can't be far off though. He won the local aero club scholorship last year, which was 20hrs free lessons and he's well through those (I prefer not to look at our bank statements ATM). He's actually an aircraft engineer anyway, so flying has always been his passion. He loves helicopters most of all, his father is a helicopter pilot, and all three brother in-laws and one uncle are professional pilots also. There is a fine line between a hoby and a mental illness! Thankfully his father actually owns a plane, so I hoping that he won't need to to actually buy one of his own *prays*.
                            fantastic, does he work for Air NZ? I so hope he gets his dads old plane. Nothing better than keeping things like that in the family !!! LOL

                            You will have to fly down and stay for the weekend. We have friends who live on an airstrip 2 kms away - forest field, so - perfect !!!!
                            "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

                            ...small steps....

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                            • Originally posted by NZ primal Gwamma View Post

                              You will have to fly down and stay for the weekend. We have friends who live on an airstrip 2 kms away - forest field, so - perfect !!!!
                              Excellent he can drop me off and then go spend some time with his sister who lives in chch! I feel a plan coming on.......

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                              • I'm not advocating the method absolutely, just that we are finding benefit from it. And overall, the kid isn't "bad" you know? He's very easy going and fun and easy to care for and all of that. I am consistent, he has boundaries and consequences, but i also began to see the frustration he was experiencing. There were so many "no"s. "Can we go to the cafe and play with the blocks there?" no, because we have to go to work. That's got to be frustrated to hear 4 days in a row. So, it's nice to be able to say to him "yes, we can go, because you want to!" I think everyone wants to hear that sometimes.

                                Kids' yoga is going really well (the teacher training anyway). we start a session on 27 nov -- psyched about that.

                                Tired today. I talked (via teaching/meetings/training) from 10 am until 7 pm. Nice, right? LOL

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