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  • Hugs, Gwamma!!

    No reason at all, just because.
    I have a mantra that I have spouted for years... "If I eat right, I feel right. If I feel right, I exercise right. If I exercise right, I think right. If I think right, I eat right..." Phil-SC

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    • Originally posted by Crabbcakes View Post
      Hugs, Gwamma!!

      No reason at all, just because.
      +1
      "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

      B*tch-lite

      Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

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      • I'm missing NZ looking at all of the pictures from my friends that are enjoying the sunny weather in and around wellington, going to the beach, etc.

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        • Originally posted by zoebird View Post
          I'm missing NZ looking at all of the pictures from my friends that are enjoying the sunny weather in and around wellington, going to the beach, etc.
          What, a freezing winter in PA is not as fun!

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          • Well, to be honest, it was an awesome day today with snow and everything. But, I'm missing where I was, too.

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            • raining heaps here today. we need water but i still feel like compaining LOL one child is away in wellington and the other is at her mates so i was gonna go for a long run down the beach with the dog before work. unless i want to swim and deal with wet smelly dog the rest of the day, it aint gonna happen. it's making everything look really green and pretty tho. the bush loves the water.

              i have been trying to work out what to do for xmas food. we have to go at least 2 places. my plan is to go for a very long walk when the kids have to go to their dads for a couple of hours. then come home and get everyone else to come see us and party. i need to get more venison and pick up some whitebait too. i already have cray fish. and i need to get a moki to smoke as i always make bacalao with it, instead of salt cod, on xmas eve. i am thinking of making my raw fruit cake balls with creamed coconut instead of almonds too this year. and OMG drooling at the thought of all the cherries. it will not be long now.

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              • Morning all, welcome back Zoe, hope you are not missing us too much!!!!!

                Haven't really got anything constructive to report. Only rantings!!!!!!!
                DH is continuing to do a mind job on himself. Blood pressure through the roof at 180/124. I managed to get that down to 169/103 lying down, but took him to afterhours. They have given him a sedative just to calm him down for a few days.
                One more sleep and we will know what our next step is, or our fate, as it were.
                He finally came out and said yesterday that he is so jealous that i am gonna get married again, and live a long and happy life. WTF???????????
                He is really jumping way ahead of himself. Anyway the tranquilizers are making him sleep and sleep and sleep a little more.
                The other thing that is really upsetting him, is how he now looks. I can so understand where he is coming from, and eldest daughter has not bought our wee boyz to us for this reason alone. That upsets me, but you cant say or do anything. We all do what we think is right at the time. However he loves his wee grandbabies, and really wants to see them. I cant tell him why they havent come round. One thing that i will say, is that children are really resilient and they cope alot better than adults on alot of situations. We try and sheild them from some things, but this isnt always a good thing, so i am actually thinking that eldest DD is scared of what she will see.
                Anyhoo rantings ravings of a looney old Gwamma!!!!!!! Apparently its going to rain the next three days, so i get a break from shifting the irrigation. Its not that its hard work, but i am just not in the mood to do anything right now, except drink myself into oblivion each night. I need to look up the local AA group- not joking!!!!!!!!!!!!
                I suppose what is scaring me is these results tomorrow. DH has screamed and yelled at me that if i say be positive, or live for the moment- one more time, he will not be responsible what he does.
                Why the f--- should he be positive???????? Aaahhhh hello mr gwandad- for your family!!!!!!!
                We have two scenarios......
                Firstly no cancer found in the lymph nodes, and we might have radio, or chemo, or immuno, or just be monitored really closely. This is the scenario that is running through my head.
                The other scenario, i just dont want to face, however i have to be realistic. It might happen!!!!!
                And that then means another major operation etc etc etc. if this scenario happens (and DH is adamant that it will), he is expecting to be dead by christmas.
                This of course will not be the case. He might live another 20 years!!!!!!

                Sorry guys i really am rambling this morning. I need a coffee.
                Have the best day, and heres hoping for favourable newz on the morrow!!!!!!
                "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

                ...small steps....

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                • Good morning Gwamma,

                  sounds like those tranquillisers of gwampa's are a bit of a blessing for you, at least while he sleeps you are spared his ravings. Keep on keeping on, girl, you are doing great in just awful awful circumstance.

                  Shalom xxx
                  Annie Ups the Ante
                  http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread117711.html

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                  • Aww G!!! i doubt he will be dead by xmas even with scenario 2 unless he wills himself dead with scenario 2. maybe he will be better once he knows. either way. sometimes it is better to have defined boundaries. out of it that his main concern is you remarrying. sorta wierd thinking. i have always said, and i will say it again, what i have learnt from my crazy ex is i cant project what he is thinking. i cant rationalise it or even guess what is coming next as my mind simply doesnt work that way. as to your dd, kids cope alot better if we ourselves are coping. from memory the grandkids are very young so they will be a reflection of her feelings. i didnt take my kids to the father outlaw's funeral as well, we were way down here, the mother outlaw was hysterical and crazy and they had him made up, tummy tucked and smiling in an open coffin. they were both under 4 at the time and i was not going to subject them to the crazy in laws. reading between the lines, i was not prepared to subject myself to them. if it had been my dad, i would have gone as it would have been a totally different vibe and i would have coped so they would have coped.
                    get yourself to AA too. i will yell soon but you need to look after yourself. for the sake of your own sanity and well being. you are doing an awesome job hanging in there xx

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                    • Thanx girls.......... Sanity is one thing, however i really could use a couple of days of insanity!!!!!!!! And i suppose thats where the drinking helps, but it doesnt but it does........... A wee bit of mind numbing therapy, and i havent had a hangover yet, so part of the problem is the morning after the night befores arent too bad!!!!!!
                      I so dont understand where his mind is going either. I mean i can understand that his mind is all over the place, but attacking those that love you. Doc had a good point about heading off to war etc.....distancing yourselves, but i just find that abhorrent.
                      Anyway sorry this is not just all about me, but i need some skills to help me help him. I will await tomorrows results and then irrelevent of the outcome i will go and see my doctor, and get some ideas on going forward.
                      I dont want to take meds to get through this, i need support...... So thats where im at........ Onward!!!!!!!
                      "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

                      ...small steps....

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                      • however i really could use a couple of days of insanity!!!!!!!!
                        this is what i refer to as being captured by aliens. except i've never been able to do it for that long. and even if i dont have the kids, i still have to a) be capable of going to get them and b) have to look after the dog and the horse and work etc so i only ever get half days vs days. i am also way too much of a control freak to be laying around in an out of it state for that long. btdt. hence the exercise addiction. off up a hill or away way down the beach with the dog instead! i try to avoid going for a drive or a bike ride when i get in those states as i need to keep my license and avoid tickets.

                        the going off to war thing is one angle but he's not going off to war. he's not leaving you behind and he potentially could actually need you so i am with you on the abhorent behaviour thing.

                        hangovers are one thing but there is the small matter of blood alcohol level the next day which can get you into trouble you are not needing if you happen to get stopped whilst driving. i knew someone got crashed into on the way to work one morning. everyone got breath tested at the scene of the accident and they were a smidgen over so they got done. and they got crashed into! this is the sort of thing too which is not good as it just adds problems to problems. and alcohol takes so much from your mind and your body that you are the one who loses there too. not a big fan here so bear that in mind when you read this. bear in mind too i have enough of my own issues i dont deal with and run from but i just have managed to dodge the alcohol demon so i understand how hard it is. it's not a matter of simply not having the will power to stop. it runs far deeper than that as if it was that simple. we'd all be saints!

                        i actually think you are coping incredibly well and in a very selfless way. and you need the skills to help yourself before you can help him or you will burn out. hugs xx

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                        • Awwwww thanx seas. Well the day has arrived, just another day. Raining so thats a blessing. It truely is not hard work lugging the sprinklers through the wet long grass, however its a half hour morning and night ritual that must be accomplished.....except when its raining!!!!!!!!!! So yay for me.
                          gwandad had a good sleep last night, dosed up with his little tranquilizers, so thats always an added bonus- sleep!!!!!!!!
                          Okay guys Gwamma is about to put her big girl pants on and face the world. We don't actually see the specialist until mid day, but i haven't let DH drive for the last week or two and he needs to see a client, so more knitting getting done!!!!!!!!!
                          I shall catch you later - hopefully with favourable newz. Have the best day all
                          G x
                          "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

                          ...small steps....

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                          • Holding you in my thoughts - hope it goes well.
                            I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

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                            • Originally posted by badgergirl View Post
                              Holding you in my thoughts - hope it goes well.
                              Same here xox
                              Annie Ups the Ante
                              http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread117711.html

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                              • thinking of you G xx

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