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  • #46
    1



    Kam, why do your family and friends give you a hard time over BFing? I think that's mean. But I can imagine what kind of advice they might give you. Someone at work comes and tells me the other day that I should wean my child within one year. I wanted to tell her it's NOYB but kept quiet.

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    • #47
      1



      If it helps, the only advice I ever got as a new mama that stuck with me was this:


      "The idea isn't to spare your children all pain, frustration or difficulty. The idea is to teach them how to cope."


      So when you stay calm and comfort your little one after a vaccination, that calm and comfort IS the preverbal way of teaching him to cope. One day, he will be able to soothe himself because you are soothing him.


      "The idea isn't to spare them all pain, frustration, or difficulty. The idea is to teach them to cope."


      I still have to say that to myself sometimes because my older son (now 19) has autism, bipolar disorder and anxiety disorder, and I am *still* teaching him how to cope. (I also still wish I could spare him his pain.)


      Sooze

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      • #48
        1



        Yeah, that's right. It's part of the job to appear peaceful and in control. I never let on that there was something about it, or the entire medical profession in general, that bothered me. Part of providing good care is to always be confident in yourself. That's what was so stressful about it. Plus, the whole, "hold your baby down while I jab them" was just... I can't quite put my finger on why it bothered me so much. It seems so counter-intuitive.


        I remember one day a whole family came in, five kids, five injections each. It was absolutely horrid. I had to do three more kids after that and I was so stressed out that I had to leave work that day before my shift was over just to keep my sanity. I'm not anti-vax, but I think there's really got to be a better way to do it than this.

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        • #49
          1



          I need to vent and this is actually a safe place to let off a little steam so here goes...


          maba - I get crap for BFing because I was an 'oopsie' baby born ten years after my closest-in-age sister. My mom had her first kid, my eldest sister, at age 19 in 1966. So, there ya go, an idea of the time period she raised her kids in.


          They (doctors/nurses/etc) told her to feed her kids rice cereal in milk to get my sisters to sleep through the night. They told her formula was better than breastmilk. They told her to let her kids cry it out. They told her (and my aunts and my husband's aunts, grandma, etc) a lot of things that just don't fly today but because that was the time she was raising her first three kids in, that's what she learned.


          Here's a good example: In 1980, when I was six hours old they let my mom out of the hospital after giving birth. They stopped at McDonalds on the way home. I was apparently fussing and hungry. I'd come a little earlier than expected so they didn't have any formula or bottles on hand. So my mom bought a strawberry shake and fed me the shake, dipping the straw into the shake, sucking a little in, and then dribbling the rest into my mouth. At six hours old. They have pictures. I apparently ate half the freakin' shake.


          My mom isn't a dumb lady, but she is one of those sorts who believes what she believes and that is that. If she learned something a certain way it will always be that way, forever and ever, amen.


          I'm actually mad about this - yesterday my son fell asleep in my lap. He's 9 weeks. NINE WEEKS. I didn't want to move my arm because 1) he's cute and 2) I might wake him and he hasn't been sleeping well lately so PLEASE NAP BABY PLEASE PLEASE. I snapped a pic with my cell and sent it to my mom though, because he was snoring and his mouth was gaping open and it was adorable. I also mentioned my stuck arm.


          I ended up with a text lecture ten messages long about how when SHE was raising kids HER kids slept through HURRICANES and the fact I don't let him wail himself to sleep in the crib is just SPOILING HIM ROTTEN. Ugh. I love my mom, I really do, but sometimes I marvel that kids of my sister's generation ended up as well-adjusted as they did - fed fatty formula and rice cereal, let scream until they gave up, etc. So breastfeeding is just one of the many hurdles I have to face when it comes to my family.


          You should have heard the shitstorm when I told them I was planning on ECing!


          "Just because some poor woman in China can't afford diapers doesn't mean my grandbaby should crap all over the floor!" Kinda missed the point there, Mom. That's not exactly how it works. *sigh* LOL


          So just count yourself lucky. You don't have twelve ladies all born in the 40's looking over your shoulder and judging your every Mom moment.

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          • #50
            1



            Kam, my sister and I were born in the 70s in India, when thankfully, Nestle and Pampers hadn't spread their tentacles there yet. I was BFed for 5 years and was raised on cloth diapers. But my nieces were born in the US and although my sister BFed, she also supplemented their diet with formul as advised by the pediatrician and weaned them both within one year. I know my family is going to think I'm crazy to use cloth diapers when disposable ones are readily available. I see my cousins in Indian buying American formula from specialty stores under the assumption it's somehow superior to Indian formula and breast-milk!!! I've been talking to my husband about extended BFing and EC and although we disagree on many issues, he seems to agree with me on these 2. Co-sleeping is something I'll have to slowly tackle. His initial reaction was "SIDS!!!" I haven't told my family yet about the midwife because they'll freak out otherwise.


            I sometimes wish we didn't have all these "experts" (OBs/ pediatricians/ big businesses) telling us what to do and instead just relied on our instinct, tradition and culture.


            *Hugs*

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            • #51
              1



              We were super worried about SIDs too. We weren't planning on co-sleeping persay, we just bought a pack-n-play and were going to let him sleep beside the bed in it... and then it turns out my kid REFUSES to sleep anywhere but 1) on Mommy, face-down or 2) the swing while it's going full-speed with white noise blaring (THANK YOU Happiest Baby book!).


              So regarding the co-sleeping, I wouldn't worry too much. Side-lying feeding is awesome and the first time you try it you're worried you'll roll over on the baby but you don't. You sleep fitfully at first but then you develop this sleeping 6th-sense about where the baby is and the worry starts to drop away.


              Seriously, if I couldn't nurse while lying down I wouldn't ever sleep. My husband and I are WORLDS better rested than most of the other new parent we know because I nurse on my side so we all sleep and we do the 9-2 & 2-9 shifts. (IE I pump a couple bottles during the day and get to sleep from 9pm to 2am while he takes the baby, then I take over at 2 am and he sleeps until 9.) It's AWESOME. So I wouldn't worry about "tackling" the co-sleeping issue. After a week of staggering to the crib to care for the baby the kiddo will be brought into the bed with a little concern but an eye towards practicality in the end.


              One last little thing on sleep now that I'm on a roll. I go outside every chance I get because he sleeps SO MUCH BETTER on days we go for a walk.


              I still haven't transitioned to the cloth diapers yet. *sigh* We have them but I hate wasting money and/or gifts and due to the c-section I ended up with well-meaning family members sending bulk packages of disposables. We're still working through them!


              Finally - FIVE YEARS?! O_O Holy friholes Batman! I've never met anyone who was BF'd for that long before. That's amazing!

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              • #52
                1



                LOL kam! That's what my mom says but I remember things from when I was 5 and I don't remember being BFed, but she insists I was BFed till 5!! Maybe it was done to comfort me when I had a booboo or something, not something she did everyday.


                In other news, we decided to go with the midwife

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                • #53
                  1



                  YAY maba! I'm so happy your hubby came around!

                  My blog: Pretty Good Paleo
                  On Twitter: @NEKLocalvore

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                  • #54
                    1



                    Yay!

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                    • #55
                      1



                      My dad's mom turned up her nose when i nursed my babies and said, "When i was young, only POOR women nursed their babies." I just smiled, because i already knew that my mom's mom breastfed her twins, because she *was* very poor (even though her doc told her it was impossible--because, you know, women aren't made to nurse two babies, nevermind that they have a *set* of breasts? lol). I probably don't even need to mention how much healthier my mom and her sisters are, well into their 40s, than my dad and his sister are.

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                      • #56
                        1



                        Breastfeeding causes all sorts of (mostly small) reactions from the people in my life. My mom is 100% supportive. My MIL thinks it's something that is best kept to private rooms and only to the first few months of life. She sees it as a necessary evil that has health benefits, like how she forces herself to eat 10 almonds everyday. My friends all are somewhere on the scale of squeamish to totally cool. I tend to be a boisterous person who does what I want and puts it out there, so I guess I've put a lot of people in situations where they can react.


                        Mostly I think it's funny that BOOBS are such a big deal. One of my more squeamish friends mentioned that she found the perfect baby gift for me- a nursing cover! I laughed and told her that's what the baby's head is for.


                        Anyway, I'm saying all this to add to the point that the world has all kinds of ideas about breastfeeding and while it's mostly tolerated it is still not really "supported" in my experience.

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                        • #57
                          1



                          hehehe.....I BF my younger son until he was about 3 years old. Our code word for nursing was "Ta", as in "I want Ta."


                          One day, we were rocking in our rocking chair, and he had finished nursing, and he looked up at me with milk dribbling out of the corner of his mouth, and said, "Mommy, TA: Tee-Ay spells Ta." I just laughed and said, "Honey, if you can spell it, you are done!" A short time later, he was done, but man, that was funny.


                          Sooze

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                          • #58
                            1



                            lol, cute story Sooze!


                            When i had my first baby, i tried to be very sensitive to other peoples' comfort levels. But one day i was nursing my baby in a hot car, WITH a blanket covering us both, and some old woman STILL gave me a dirty look when she walked by, so i decided i was finished playing nice. When i had my second baby, i found a private place only if it was convenient and clean (an empty fitting room, for example), and by the time i had my third, i just did my thing in front of everyone. It got a few strange looks, but mostly people are just like "Ok...that's...interesting..."

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                            • #59
                              1



                              The goal is to BF exclusively for a minimum of a year and just sort of wait and see when he's ready to wean.

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