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    After dating for 5 years (married 9 months) my spouse sent me a text message this morning while I was away for the weekend stating that our relationship is over. I realize that this is not at all primal related but my whole life now feels meaningless and out of control and I felt the need to just write it.

    I am crushed. I don't not even know how to begin to pick up the pieces.

  • #2
    Originally posted by canes84 View Post
    I don't not even know how to begin to pick up the pieces.
    You could start by posting a message here.

    My initial reaction is that this doesn't make any sense. Why would your spouse suddenly get up and leave you after five years?

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    • #3
      What?! a text, Really? That is such bad form.

      I am so sorry.
      ~Blog~

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      • #4
        Been there... through divorce that is. Your husband certainly could have handled this better. But no matter how you get the news, no matter who wants the divorce and who doesn't, it is a traumatic, life-altering time.

        In time, you will get through this and will find happiness again. But it does take time. The best advice i have for you is to take care of yourself, eat well, workout.

        Comment


        • #5
          It doesn't make any sense. None. Last week we were talking about children, this week we're done.

          The only thing that makes any sense is that there is someone else in the picture.

          Thank you all for the kind words... I;m at my parents house now (on the other side of the country) and checking out the local crossfit in the morning. I have had 3 meals in the last 72 hours (since the strange texts began on Friday) and they have all been primal. Eating primal and doing crossfit are the only familiar things to me right now....I'm not letting go of that.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Zophie View Post
            What?! a text, Really? That is such bad form.

            I am so sorry.
            5 years of love and devotion and all I deserve is a text message. a text message.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by canes84 View Post
              5 years of love and devotion and all I deserve is a text message. a text message.
              something is definitely wrong with him/her. That's not even remotely sane. Will your spouse speak to you at all?

              also, amazing that you refuse bad food and couch hugging for comfort. You show incredible strength
              A change in perspective is worth 80 IQ points - Alan Kay

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              • #8
                Originally posted by canes84 View Post
                5 years of love and devotion and all I deserve is a text message. a text message.
                Which only serves to illustrate the fact that he is not man enough to deserve YOU. There is a greater life waiting for you once you see yourself through this pain. Believe it and take good care. <hugs>
                Female / 5' 8" / 42 / SW: 166 CW: 159
                Journal: Inspired by success story. Working on my own.

                My mermish life: ENTER to WIN Real Mermaids Don't Hold Their Breath (until Mar 15)

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                • #9
                  Sorry to hear about this ... don't worry about how to begin picking up the pieces, because right now it's going to be too overwhelming. Take the time to grieve, to acknowledge your hurt and the loss ... yell, cuss, rant if you need to. Then stay focused on doing what you need to do for yourself, eat, breathe, workout, sleep .... be kind to yourself. Your life is not meaningless, it has changed. Obviously not in a way you want, but it has changed and you will move forward.

                  It just takes time, but I know it is truly shattering when it comes out of the blue like this. My ex-fiance came in one morning with the panniers to his bicycle, sat down and told me he was leaving me (after living together for 2 yrs.). We never fought, and our relationship was really good. We had just moved into a different house two and a half weeks before, but two weeks later he was riding his bicycle from NM to CA. I was devastated, in a total state of shock and with big time anger. Did a lot of crying, cussing and stayed on the phone a lot with his Mom and sister who were an amazing support system for me. A year or so after this, I talked to him on the phone and he did tell me that yes, the relationship had been good, and he did love me, but he just wanted something different (as in another woman). Lame excuse in my opinion, but whatever.

                  It's been over five years but I can look back now and know with certainty that there was a reason he became an ex. You will get to that point too. Hang in there.
                  Last edited by Orannhawk; 01-29-2012, 04:57 PM.
                  Everything's shiny, Cap'n. Not to fret.




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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Orannhawk View Post

                    It's been over five years but I can look back now and know with certainty that there was a reason he became an ex. You will get to that point too. Hang in there.
                    I look forward to being in that place. I want to be mad, I really do...but all I feel is pain

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                    • #11
                      Been there...several years ago, I got a phone call from my ex-husband, after I had moved out of the country and was waiting for him to join me a few weeks later....well, the phone stung but honestly I am in such a better place now than I ever was with him. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take care of yourself and do not spend years wallowing in self doubt and pity like I did! You are worth so much more!

                      I am now remarried to someone I truly consider my soul mate.
                      http://itcantbe2012already.blogspot.com/

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by barefootbaby View Post
                        something is definitely wrong with him/her. That's not even remotely sane. Will your spouse speak to you at all?

                        also, amazing that you refuse bad food and couch hugging for comfort. You show incredible strength
                        I know. All I can think is, "Who is this person???" I don't know where the person I knew for five years went....I really don't.

                        I won't give anyone the satisfaction of ruining the progress I've made....They can take my heart but not the rest of me.

                        Thank you...

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by canes84 View Post
                          I look forward to being in that place. I want to be mad, I really do...but all I feel is pain
                          The anger didn't hit me for about a month. I was consumed in pain and trying to figure out what I had done wrong. Bottom line, I did nothing wrong, he was just an ass.
                          Everything's shiny, Cap'n. Not to fret.




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                          • #14
                            It hurts, yes, but you will get over it and move on with your life. We don't live for anyone else but ourselves...remember that.

                            A few months ago my bf and I had an argument and he decided that it was the last straw and that he didn't want to carry on with me (we've been together for almost 4 years and have been living together for 3 of those). I couldn't believe that it was his final decision and I didn't quite understand what I had done wrong. At this point I also could not discuss things very well because I was a blubbering mess.

                            My best friend offered to come over and act as a mediator to bring us both to the table and have a discussion. This upset my bf immensely, though he agreed to it because I wanted her help. We actually made it through the whole thing (yeah, there was crying (me) and yelling (him), but eventually we we could talk and were able to unearth the various points of difficulty and find ways to resolve them.

                            If your hubby is willing to talk, perhaps you guys could get through this as well. If his mind is made up and he isn't interested in saving this marriage, then he's not worth keeping around anyway. It will still hurt you, but you will eventually find someone else who does give enough of a shit about you to be willing to communicate through difficult times.

                            Hang in there...hugs.
                            Ramblings of an Unamused Mouse (Lots of Food Porn, Too!)

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by canes84 View Post
                              5 years of love and devotion and all I deserve is a text message. a text message.
                              Don't even say such a thing. That he sent you a text message shows what a total coward he is and how much more powerful than him you are.

                              P.S. No matter who is at fault or who initiates it, a divorce feels somewhat like a death. There's grieving. Don't worry about what you think you should feel. I was not angry when my ex-husband told me he didn't want to be married anymore. I was very sad. I never was angry, still am not angry. Relief was more like it. If anything, we helped each other through it in a lot of ways. My life turned out so much better in the end.
                              Last edited by sbhikes; 01-29-2012, 06:54 PM.
                              Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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