Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Family Woes

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Family Woes

    I know this one comes up fairly frequently but I hit frustration level yesterday and I need to vent

    So it was my mother's birthday yesterday and we gathered at her place for a family function. They decided they were having Chinese takeaway. I politely declined and asked if I could just cook come bacon and eggs for myself as a quick tide-me-over and also to be social and eat with them. This was fine until we sat down. Then it started:

    "All you ever do is eat eggs now" (not true, I do love them but I have meats and lots of leafy greens and salads as well)
    "Your cholesterol will be terrible, what does you doctor say" (This while my pregnant sister is scoffing down the oily fried chinese food which I'm sure was much worse for her)
    "Are you telling me you know more than your trained doctor" (when I try to explain I have done research and that most doctors know relatively little about nutrition)
    "You are way to skinny now" (this after three months ago I was too fat apparently).

    It's just getting harder and harder. Today I've been invited to Yum Cha with a group of friends ... I'm going for the company, but I'll be eating primal before I go and just having green tea while I'm there. I'm sure I'll get constant "why arent you eating" and "just try this".

    I'm not a fan of 80/20. I want to do this 100%. Besides, I find non-primal foods make me feel sick now.

    I may die of frustration ... any thoughts?
    Buzz71
    Come visit my blog about life, my journey and seizing the day: www.thecarpediem.net
    Read my Journal of Awesomeness!
    Follow me on Twitter: @Buzz_71 and @the_CarpeDiem
    My Primal slow movement challenge: 208.29km of 1000km completed in 2012!

  • #2
    "Your cholesterol will be terrible, what does you doctor say?" - After my last set of results and weight loss, there wasn't much he could say.

    "Are you telling me you know more than your trained doctor?" - You always claim to know more than a trained politician.

    "You are way to skinny now" - Yeah, you jealous huh?
    Meat is Prized, Wheat is Despised.

    Real Food - The REAL staff of life

    Comment


    • #3
      If my family kept on at me every time I sat down to eat, I would stop eating with them. And if they ask, tell them why.

      I will eat with them again as long as they understood that how I ate was not up for discussion unless I brought it up.

      Having said that, I am always scanning other cuisines to see what Primal choices I can get from them.
      Meat is Prized, Wheat is Despised.

      Real Food - The REAL staff of life

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Rip @ MIPWID View Post
        If my family kept on at me every time I sat down to eat, I would stop eating with them. And if they ask, tell them why.

        I will eat with them again as long as they understood that how I ate was not up for discussion unless I brought it up.

        Having said that, I am always scanning other cuisines to see what Primal choices I can get from them.
        My aunt gives me shat cause I eat with fingers
        Starting Date: Dec 18, 2010
        Starting Weight: 294 pounds
        Current Weight: 235 pounds
        Goal Weight: 195 pounds

        Comment


        • #5
          Do you live with your family? If not, they can't do anything about it. You have to tell them that you don't want to talk about it. That's what I do. My family likes to argue with me and tries to convince me that I should eat a little of everything, including gluten. My dad thinks I should be eating dairy even though he knows I'm lactose intolerant because, according to him, there are no other good sources of calcium and he is never wrong. Sometimes all you can do ignore the comments and try to change the subject. I've learned that--at least with my family--diet discussion always results in unwanted tension and awkwardness.
          **Food and Meows**

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by lazatiger View Post
            Do you live with your family? If not, they can't do anything about it.
            I still live with mine. I now cook my own meals and would do so for my family except that they are on a low-fat diet and I, as you might guess, am not.
            Meat is Prized, Wheat is Despised.

            Real Food - The REAL staff of life

            Comment


            • #7
              I get a lot of emotional blackmail from my mother and sister. Don't get me wrong, I'm 40 years old and can fend for myself. They just think they know best (they don't) and get really upset when I try to reason with them.

              I've tried pointing out that the majority of their views are just CW. When I ask them to define where they got this information its either "doctors" or "everyone knows this".

              Obviously I could just ignore it, but I have a weak spot when it comes to family. They just make me feel terrible.

              Take my lunch today, they flat out told me I wouldn't have any friends anymore if I refuse to eat what they are all eating. I happen to think that good friends will respect my choices and appreciate that I still took the time to come and socialise with them even if I'm not eating.

              But still, it makes me feel guilty and terrible.
              Buzz71
              Come visit my blog about life, my journey and seizing the day: www.thecarpediem.net
              Read my Journal of Awesomeness!
              Follow me on Twitter: @Buzz_71 and @the_CarpeDiem
              My Primal slow movement challenge: 208.29km of 1000km completed in 2012!

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Buzz71 View Post
                I've tried pointing out that the majority of their views are just CW. When I ask them to define where they got this information its either "doctors" or "everyone knows this".
                "Everyone used to think the Earth was flat." "There are plenty of doctors who endorse what I'm doing."


                Take my lunch today, they flat out told me I wouldn't have any friends anymore if I refuse to eat what they are all eating. I happen to think that good friends will respect my choices and appreciate that I still took the time to come and socialise with them even if I'm not eating.

                But still, it makes me feel guilty and terrible.
                I'd be minded to put that to the test.

                I'm sorry to sound offensive...but I get the impression that your mother and sister have issues.

                Short of showing them a stellar set of test results...there isn't much you can do to change blinkered thinking.
                Meat is Prized, Wheat is Despised.

                Real Food - The REAL staff of life

                Comment


                • #9
                  Oh I feel for you! Its no fun when you don't have much of a support group around you.

                  If it makes you feel any better, after awhile most people run out of 'commentary' (well, most people anyways. There seems to still be a couple who take me eating healthy as a personal attack on them....so they still offer their unsolicited advice and I just smile and continue to ignore them).

                  I have been eating gluten free for 7 years, and mostly primal/paleo for about 5. At first they always thought it was a phase, that it was just another scheme to help my medical problems (fibro, chronic fatigue, etc). I had tried supplements, natrupaths, chiros, etc etc....so they were used to my experiments in health. Since I stuck to my guns on my diet changes, kept going for years, was feeling better and looking better, eventually the commentary faded because there was nothing left to say.

                  Now the majority of the comments are just "wow, you have such great discipline, I could never do something like that", and so on. I usually cheer folks on, tell them they could do anything if it meant they felt as good as I do. That discipline comes just like exercise, you just need to work the muscle and it gets easier. If they ask questions about the foods, I share info but I don't overwhelm. I also never give advice unless it is asked for.

                  Most of my friends and family are reasonably considerate now. They don't make a gluten free thanksgiving, but they always make sure there are several things for me to eat and use potato starch to make the gravy kind of thing. My friends ask whats a good restaurant to meet at, and I always try to accommodate them and myself if at all possible (its not fair if I pick something no one else will like or could afford kind of thing). I have also gotten more creative at restaurants and can usually come up with something just about anywhere (or I just eat before like your doing).

                  Sorry everyone is being a pain, just keep trucking and lead by example and maybe down the road others will follow
                  Erin
                  Daily Vlogs
                  Primal Pets Blog

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    What is emotional blackmail?
                    Starting Date: Dec 18, 2010
                    Starting Weight: 294 pounds
                    Current Weight: 235 pounds
                    Goal Weight: 195 pounds

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Thanks for the support people. In answer to the what is emotional blackmail, they just deliberately make me feel bad because they either (a) try and make out that I'm off on some weird fad or have joined some sort of eating cult, or (b) imply that I am actually damaging my health (eg cholesterol intake) which makes me doubt what I am doing on an emotional level.
                      Buzz71
                      Come visit my blog about life, my journey and seizing the day: www.thecarpediem.net
                      Read my Journal of Awesomeness!
                      Follow me on Twitter: @Buzz_71 and @the_CarpeDiem
                      My Primal slow movement challenge: 208.29km of 1000km completed in 2012!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Eventually it gets old. It used to suck being vegetarian- everyone made a HUGE deal of it. PROTEIN!How will you get PROTEIN! That has CHEESE can you have CHEESE? Eventually they shut up and deal with it.

                        http://maggiesfeast.wordpress.com/
                        Check out my blog. Hope to share lots of great recipes and ideas!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          You'll hate what I'm going to say but oh well; you make you feel bad. Don't abdicate your emotions to someone else. You can't control what they say or do but you can certainly control what you do. Quit trying to explain your self, quit trying to justify your self. Don't make it a subject of conversation. When they realize you aren't going to interact with them about your WOE, they'll let it go.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Stay strong. You have to do what's right for you.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I have to agree with mikebike...the only way it can be emotional blackmail is if you LET it emotionally upset you.

                              Find yourself a good mantra, something along the lines of "I have made the best most educated decision for myself", and repeat it to yourself when you have someone trying to pick apart your choices. Eventually their power will lessen on you until it means nothing.

                              Like water off a ducks back
                              Erin
                              Daily Vlogs
                              Primal Pets Blog

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X