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For Love of Self, for Kindness's Sake

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  • For Love of Self, for Kindness's Sake

    This was said by Margaret Cho, after some rather disgusting comments regarding her picture she posted on Twitter. Found here.
    I have some wonderful new tattoos on my ass by the incredible Cris Cleen, who I love, and I posted a picture of them on Twitter, which got many favorable comments but there were two negative ones, and I blew a fucking gasket. I screamed out loud and tracked the perps down and blocked them, but not before really ramming it to them in the strongest language I could use. It was over the top and really kind of ridiculous, but I cannot help myself.Some outside Facebook observer said that my "language" was too much and told me that I had "lost a fan" because she couldn't condone my "language." I am sorry for that, as I love my fans, and it sucks to lose one, but obviously she doesn't understand that when you grow up the way that I did, with kids at school throwing rocks at my face because they hated it because it was so ugly to them and they wanted the blood from my wounds to cover it so it wouldn't have to be seen and at summer camps stuffed dog shit in my sleeping bag because I was told time and again that I looked like shit and that I had to empty myself in the dark forest and still sleep in smelling that shit all that night and for weeks after because my family was too poor to afford a new one my "language" is on the strong side. I apologize for offending the former fan, but I am only myself. That is all I can be, and if I must apologize for that, I don't mind. All I am trying to say is that no young girl should be told she is ugly. If she is, you kill her spirit, and she may grow up like me, and lose a fan.

    I grew up hard and am still hard and I don't care. I did not choose this face or this body and I have learned to live with it and love it and celebrate it and adorn it with tremendous drawings from the greatest artists in the world and I feel good and powerful like a nation that has never been free and now after many hard won victories is finally fucking free. I am beautiful and I am finally fucking free.

    I fly my flag of self-esteem for all those who have been told they were ugly and fat and hurt and shamed and violated and abused for the way they look and told time and time again that they were "different" and therefore unlovable. Come to me and I will tell you and show you how beautiful and loved you are and you will see it and feel it and know it and then look in the mirror and truly believe it. If you are offended by my anger and my might at defending my borders and my people you do not deserve entry into my beloved and magnificent country.
    If you were raised lovingly and told you were perfect and beautiful and loved and the best at all things, I am just jealous. You had it much better, and so you really should spread that love around as opposed to judging those like me who never had that, never knew what it was like and never could even imagine it. I could learn from you instead of feeling judged by you. Give the less loved and less cared for and less treasured a chance. If I had that opportunity, then my language and attitude might not be so offensive. If I had been told once when I was a little girl that I was pretty (other than when I was being sexually molested that doesn't count) it might have made me nicer. It just didn't happen. So I had to make do and make up for it myself. And that made me a bit on the edgy side. It made me a bit of a bitch.
    When someone says something negative about my face or body I will always and forever just completely lose my shit, because I have so much hatred in me, a violence that lies just beneath the surface of my delightfully illustrated skin. Being called ugly and fat and disgusting to look at from the time I could barely understand what the words meant has scarred me so deep inside that I have learned to hunt, stalk, claim, own and defend my own loveliness and my image of myself as stunningly gorgeous with a ruthlessness and a defensiveness that I fear for anyone who casually or jokingly questions it, as my anger and rage combined with my intense and fearsome command of words create insults meant to maim, kill and destroy.

    Things I could say should be left unheard and unsaid because I am not willing to be the bigger person. I do not take the high road. I take the low road and blows below the belt are my absolute favorite. The best revenge is not living well. The best revenge is revenge. My mouth and mind and typing fingers are weapons of mass destruction and I pity those ignorant idiots who would leave insults about mine or any women's bodies in comment boxes because there's ways of hunting people down. Lots and lots of ways. It's not as anonymous as they think, as stupid as they are.

    I'd like to say things that would haunt them for the rest of their days, because their hideous words stay with me eternally. Their insipid spouts of "no fat chicks" are branded onto my soul, so they must reap what they sow. If I am in my worst way and I talk to you, you will know you have been talked to. I want to punish you with the unforgettable shit you will take to your grave and hurt you long after you are dead in the ground. may my poison bore holes in your dry, decaying bones. I am not proud of this, but it's just the way this life has made me.

    I want to defend the children that we still are inside, the fragile sensitive souls who no matter how much we tried were still told we were not good enough. I want to make the world safe and better and happy for us. We deserve beauty, love, respect, admiration, kindness and compassion. If we don't get it, there will be hell to pay. I am no saint, but I am here for you and me. I am here for us, and I am doing the best I can.
    Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
    My Latest Journal

  • #2
    there really isn't much i can say to something that is so very very depressing, but i'm glad she goes for the low blow. so do i
    yeah you are

    Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.


    • #3
      I just discovered margaret cho's blog and I really, really enjoy her writing... and yeah, if you read this take a little snippet of that kind of love out in the world today, blow on it like a dandelion's head, and see where all the tiny downy bits drift.


      • #4
        Our children's story at church the other day wasn't really a story. She handed out paper hearts then had the kids crumple them up and stomp on them. Then they flattened them out again. "Does it look like it did before?"

        However, for those that don't say sorry in an attempt to uncrumple the heart- I'm glad that there are people out there that can give them a proper whuppin'. Clearly, they need it. My blog exploring the beginning stages of learning how to homestead. With the occasional rant.

        Originally Posted by TheFastCat: Less is more more or less

        And now I have an Etsy store: CattailsandCalendula


        • #5
          Kids were mean to me for being fat, but not that mean. The kind of funny thing is, two girls in particular were really mean, and daily would call me fat, ugly and let me know I'd never have a boyfriend because I was fat and ugly. One friended me on FB a few years ago.... bygones and all.... and lo and behold, pics of her and her friend, both mid 30's, single and now both morbidly obese, eating at Melting Pot.

          So I posted a pic of me and my rather handsome boyfriend. I wish I could hug kids being bullied and let them know how awesome life gets once you hit 21 and can be yourself and find your people. And I wish I could tell the mean girls that one day they might find themselves less than pretty and in their mid 30's very alone.

          Check out my blog. Hope to share lots of great recipes and ideas!


          • #6
            I don't believe in that nonsense that you shouldn't tell a little girl she's pretty. You can tell a little girl she's pretty AND talented AND able to do any damn thing she pleases. Telling a girl she's pretty won't turn her into a mindless centerfold.
            Words are so powerful. Especially words flung out with no thought or with a momentary aim to hurt. I've always thought Margaret Cho was glorious in ALL respects.


            • #7
              Clearly, she has issues. She may have a fine grasp of the written and spoken word, but she has a very sour starting point. She has a malevalent soul. I know a woman who grew up with abusive step fathers, and a codependant mother; she didnt use it to embitter her soul, to use the low blow, she used as a motivation to better her lot in life and to ensure her children did not suffer the same indigneties. It is all the decisions YOU make.
              Learning the intricacies of healthy eating and nourishing my body the right way.
              I am not bald, that is a Vitamin D collector. Time to Grok and Roll!
              Eased into a primal diet starting at Christmas 2011. Goal weight - 205 started: 240 pounds waist 40, now 227 pounds and waist 38 Summer 2012 - weight =215 and waist is actually still 39"
              ljbprrfmof = LJ = Little John = John


              • #8
                I love this post by her!


                • #9
                  Who is this person, does she have something to do with paleo?

                  It's a shame she didn't hold onto anything deeper than anger, from what she has been through.


                  • #10
                    Wow, I can understand where she is coming from even though I was never actually physically assaulted for people thinking I was ugly. People started to tease me about how I looked right at the most vulnerable point in my life, and this sounds like a horrid thing, but I do hold onto it and it does make me bitter towards people who are making judgmental statements about others. I try and make sure I never judge people based on how they look because I know what that did and has done to me, I will not stand around and let others do that to people.

                    I think my feeling of this has increased since moving to Korea a country where plastic surgery has run rampant and was told by my kindergarten student that her mom was going to get her surgery to remove a mole on her face so she would be "pretty" and my co-workers sit around saying "I like this student the best because she's the prettiest" and calling other kids ugly.


                    • #11
                      I can empathize having been through hell myself in school and in some ways not ever recovering but if I posted pictures of my ass tats on Twitter (which is what I believe she did that got the response) that's about what I would expect. If you're that worried about what perfect strangers are thinking of you you've got some real problems.
                      Wheat is the new tobacco. Spread the word.


                      • #12
                        John Gray (author of the "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" books) writes about 90/10's. That is, if someone gets over-the-top angry at something, then only 10% of that anger is from the current event, whereas 90% is from something in that person's past. This is clearly what's going on with Margaret Cho. While I feel really bad for the bullying she endured, I wonder if she's gone to therapy to deal with this.

                        And I agree, she is in the public eye. When you are a public persona, AND you post photos of your new tats, you have to take the good comments with the bad. If you don't want bad comments, don't post pics.
                        Truly Paleo since 1/1/2012 (Doing Leptin reset)
                        Turned 50 on 3/8/2012 !!!
                        5'2" Female
                        11/27/2011: 162.8 lbs.
                        7/15/12 : 148.6 lbs.
                        Clean Paleo diet: Lots of CO, Meat, Seafood, and doing CT 5x/week, 40 mins @ 50-52 degrees F


                        • #13
                          If I posted pics of cawk tattoo is expect a lot of haters to post back, then again I'm not doing that so I'm not getting the hate she is
                          Starting Date: Dec 18, 2010
                          Starting Weight: 294 pounds
                          Current Weight: 235 pounds
                          Goal Weight: 195 pounds


                          • #14
                            I realize that the anger is extreme and over the top, especially given what it's in response to. I'm not saying I idealize that. It's merely refreshing to see a take on the topic of bullying and it's ilk that isn't cleaned up and made pretty for the camera, even if it isn't necessarily the most healthy response.
                            Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
                            My Latest Journal


                            • #15
                              I'm ok with her on this because she is the product of her environment. I don't think her anger is extreme at all.