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  • Frustrated with other peoples opinions!?

    I just wanted to express my feelings on a few issues to see if anyone agrees and/or has or has had similar experiences. I am currently trying to lose weight. I am not totally primal but I follow to a certain extent. What I do works for me and I feel healthy so that's all that matters to me. Over the last two months I have lost 13 pounds and gained some muscle through strength training.

    I am so sick of people giving their opinion to me. Well, that sounds bad but here is what I mean. When I decide to make a certain food choice in front of people or when it comes up that I am losing weight someone always has an opinion. Friends, coworker, customers (I've worked part time in a small restaraunt for years therefore I know many of the customers more than I would even like to). always have something to say. It usually goes like this "Oh, you don't need to lose weightt." Or "Don't get too skinny!" Or "You're crazy! Aren't you going to be hungry?" I may not be obese but I don't believe I am healthy. Before I started I weighed 204 pounds. I am 5'10'' I don't think I look huge but I know I wasnt carrying around 40 pounds of muscle. When I hit 200 I knew something had to be done. I needed to drop some weight.

    The restaurant I work in is a Sicilian pizza place. Our food is TERRIBLE healthwise! Some people come in 4 times a week. This is why I am on a personal level with them. Sometimes they ask "How do you stay so skinny working here?" I am not skinny by any means. I am just not morbidly obese like some of them. I don't just go out there saying I am on a diet or trying to lose weight, I mean more of when it comes up in casual conversation. I was recently in my best friends wedding and the brides cousin said she didn't want to be in a wedding with all of her cousins SIZE 2 friends. I actually wear a size 12 in pants most of the time. (They're getting loose, hehe). She thinks I'm a size 2?? Just because she is a size 22?? I don't even really know what the point of this post is! It's just so frustrating the way this country is. People think I am crazy for trying to lose weight but I know if all of you paleo followers saw me you would see I have some work to do. It's like oerweight is normal now and it's not until you are morbidly obese that you have a problem!

  • #2
    Crab mentality - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    Crab mentality, sometimes referred to as crabs in the bucket, describes a way of thinking best described by the phrase "if I can't have it, neither can you." The metaphor refers to a pot of crabs. Individually, the crabs could easily escape from the pot, but instead, they grab at each other in a useless "king of the hill" competition (or sabotage) which prevents any from escaping and ensures their collective demise. The analogy in human behavior is that of a group that will attempt to "pull down" (negate or diminish the importance of) any member who achieves success beyond the others, out of envy, conspiracy or competitive feelings.

    This term is broadly associated with short-sighted, non-constructive thinking rather than a unified, long-term, constructive mentality. It is also often used colloquially in reference to individuals or communities attempting to "escape" a so-called "underprivileged life," but kept from doing so by others attempting to ride upon their coat-tails or those who simply resent their success.
    Ye shall know them by their fruits.

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    • #3
      To be fair, often when people say things like "Don't get too skinny," or "You don't need to lose weight," they are trying to be complimentary. Often people think they need to lose weight to look better and it is a way for someone to say "Hey, I think you look good already."

      Not perfect but I don't think they are being malicious. Just my opinion of course

      BTW You don't need to lose weight! Here, eat a calzone! (Kidding. Grok on with your bad self)

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      • #4
        Originally posted by canio6 View Post
        To be fair, often when people say things like "Don't get too skinny," or "You don't need to lose weight," they are trying to be complimentary. Often people think they need to lose weight to look better and it is a way for someone to say "Hey, I think you look good already."
        They are trying to be complimentary but their unconscious motives are selfish. When an obese person tells an overweight person that they are skinny, they are attempting to flatter their own ego too. The implication is that the obese person's weight is 'normal'.
        Ye shall know them by their fruits.

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        • #5
          I hear you, It's just frustrating. Maybe compared to them I don't need to lose weight and maybe they would be happy to only be 30 pounds overweight but it's usually people who are really really overweight saying this to me. My point is that this is what our society has come to? People thinking being overweight is "skinny."

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          • #6
            Opinions are like assholes, everybody has one.

            I'd go ahead and find some healthier people to hang out with, outside of work. I ride horses with a bunch of teen girls. Looking at them confirms to me that I need to lose some fat, even if I am looking svelter than the ladies at the WalMart. And yes, slowly our society is accepting fat as the norm... I do believe the obesity rate in America is 30%. Probably at 5'10/200lbs (well, 187 now! congrates) you probably do look thinner than most. The funny thing is we still worship unattainably thin as beautiful- god forbid we have models with some biceps, glutes and shoulders.

            And I think people like to drag you down to their level, it's easier than rising up to yours. It's work so you really can't be honest with them.

            http://maggiesfeast.wordpress.com/
            Check out my blog. Hope to share lots of great recipes and ideas!

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            • #7
              lmao, I totally need to use this in some of my discussions or as refutals in convos with people
              My chocolatey Primal journey

              Unusual food recipes (plus chocolate) blog

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              • #8
                And well, maybe you should thank them for being fat- probably helps keep ya off the pizza...

                http://maggiesfeast.wordpress.com/
                Check out my blog. Hope to share lots of great recipes and ideas!

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                • #9
                  I'd just say "Aren't you sweet! Would you like a refill?" and hope for a nice big tip.
                  Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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                  • #10
                    Lol, I do hang out with some healthier people! Work used to make me feel good because I would think "At least I don't look like them!" I work at one of the busiest/best pizza places in my town. I make awesome tips but sometimes it's sickening! Because the place I work is so popular I see some crazy people. They chow down on trays of pizza that is deep fried in peanut oil, and our salads are really popular. We serve them in deep fried tortilla shell bowls. Everyone orders them with "low fat italian dressing and a diet coke, of course!" It's hilarious. I like my job because of what I see. I'm not making fun of people, I just naturally pay attention now and I make so many observations as to what people order. The worst part is when they are feeding it to their chubby little kids. As adults we have a choice, young children do not.

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                    • #11
                      Do it Dorothy Parker style: 'Never complain. Never explain.'

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by magnolia1973 View Post
                        looking at them confirms to me that i need to lose some fat, even if i am looking svelter than the ladies at the walmart.

                        Lol! I like that

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                        • #13
                          Yeah, I was at Walmart- I needed a new scale. The scales were hidden back in hardware and they had one brand and maybe 3-4 to choose from. It was suprising that they had such a small selection. I guess, maybe I should not have been suprised. All around me were very obese people shuffling around piling soda into their carts. Seeing the kids makes me pretty mad. I can see the occasional pizza as a treat, but all the time, and all the soda. Yikes.

                          http://maggiesfeast.wordpress.com/
                          Check out my blog. Hope to share lots of great recipes and ideas!

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                          • #14
                            I hear ya, LisaAnn. I was recently told by two guys that I really didn't need to go to the gym- I looked great! (yes, they were trying to get in my pants, but still- two totally different guys in totally different situations) I'm 5'6 and at last weigh-in was 206#. Yes, I carry it well- but it's more than I should carry. Not to mention the fact that maybe I'm cleaning up my eating and going to lift and walk at the gym because it makes me feel better? Not only will I never be a stick figure, but I don't want to be one. That doesn't mean that I can't want to be healthy.

                            Have you thought about making it about how you feel at work, rather than how you look/how much you weigh? Maybe the real reason is vanity (I know that's at least part of mine), but if you say that you don't eat things because you feel better without them- how can they argue with that? "Don't feel too good, now!"
                            http://cattaillady.com/ My blog exploring the beginning stages of learning how to homestead. With the occasional rant.

                            Originally Posted by TheFastCat: Less is more more or less

                            And now I have an Etsy store: CattailsandCalendula

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                            • #15
                              I totally identify with this thread! I find family is often the worst ... three months ago my mother outright told me I was getting fat. Now after adopting primal and dropping about 13kgs I kept getting told I am too skinny!

                              Ultimately I think some people - especially family - just view the world through their own lens. I agree with the other posters, 99% of the time people mean it in a helpful way. Sometimes we just have to remember to try and understand that they are coming from the right place, even if their delivery method leaves something to be desired!
                              Buzz71
                              Come visit my blog about life, my journey and seizing the day: www.thecarpediem.net
                              Read my Journal of Awesomeness!
                              Follow me on Twitter: @Buzz_71 and @the_CarpeDiem
                              My Primal slow movement challenge: 208.29km of 1000km completed in 2012!

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