Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

She-Groks Only.......... cuz it works different for us

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Perfectionism can be a real tormentor. It's such a tricky thing to find the balance between giving up too easily and driving ourselves crazy with unrealistic goals. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference... So, so true.

    I am trying to accept that my body will never be in its 20s again, and it can't possibly be as tight and firm as it once was. (Briefly. Very briefly.) But at least I can make it better. An appreciative husband helps a lot. But I will still want to get a tummy tuck when I've finished losing. There is no exercise in the world that will remove excess skin and while losing slowly has probably helped in that department, I was too stretched for too long for it all to shrink back on its own.

    I think a healthier key word for all of us is balance, not perfection. And accepting that it is possible to be beautiful and happy without being perfect.

    Once when I was a student, I stopped in the office of one of my profs after the semester to find out if he'd finished grading yet. He told me it was my paper that was the problem. If he compared it to an ideal perfect paper worth a 5 (we were on a 0-5 scale), he couldn't possibly give me a 5. (This was literature, not science. You can always think of something else you could have said.) But if he compared it to all the other papers he gave a 4 to, he couldn't possibly give me a 4. You see, same dilemma. We will never measure up to an abstract ideal. There is always something that could be better. But we can still be one fine chunk of womanhood. In the end, he gave me the 5...

    So I will measure myself, not against an impossible ideal, but against where I have been for so many years. I am a clear winner there. I am healthier, I can wear normal-sized clothes, anybody who has known me in the past years is impressed, and I have even fielded a couple of compliments from people meeting me for the first time, and my husband just about pops his shirt buttons off when he's present for one of those compliments. Heck, he even repeats them back to me. I think there's enough material there to make me happy. Yes, I could give you a list of all the things that are wrong with my body, and it wouldn't be a short one, but what for? I'm not a movie star, I don't have to worry about tabloids publishing the worst photos of me they can find. Clothing hides most of the defects, and the one who sees me naked isn't complaining. I will be happy. I will still fix what I can, but I refuse to torment myself.

    And you know what? When I look back at the pictures of me when I was young at this weight, I think I looked fatter then. I must carry it better somehow now. Or maybe we subconsciously cut more slack for middle-aged women. Who knows? I know where I was three years ago. I know where I am now. Now is better. I will be happy.
    5'2", 55 years, Primal since April. Pre-Primal weight loss, from 216.6 to 157.8
    Primal low: 140.2 (Dec. 3) Goal weight: 135?
    Main Primal goal: beating back my CFS enough to function more normally and start writing again

    More and more, our life has been governed by specialists, who know too little of what lies outside their province to be able to know enough about what takes place within it.
    - Lewis Mumford

    Comment


    • AMEN AMEN AMEN Judg!!!!!!!! So true and very well written. Brought tears to my eyes.

      In a profession where people are supposed to be fit, I struggle with the image I portray. I work as a resistance stretching trainer and kettlebell coach. We moved to CA to pursue where we felt God was telling us to go. Most people here in the business are fit. I can throw some weight around and know my stuff, but I'm not 5'10" and 120 pounds. I feel that's what people want, not the 41 year old with (managed) fibromyalgia, cellulite, heaviest weight was around 230. I know what it's like to be there, but can't get those images and feelings out of my head. I guess because I haven't reached and maintained my goal, so I still feel like a failure. I have landed a fantastic opportunity (hence the above posts about travel food) as a trainer for an Olympic hopeful. I'm good at what I do, but the body image seeps into every part of my life and causes me to doubt my qualifications and capabilities.

      I'm going to print your post out and read it daily! it is so true that we need to not try to live up to an unrealistic standard.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by Pamsc View Post
        I was not expecting your story to turn out the way it did--the Mirena worked for me. I hope you can find what will work for you!
        thanks, me too. lol. it has been a week since the iud came out and i am 7 pounds lighter, even with a few nights of consuming wine and attending a less-than-primal-wedding on saturday. i did have a fairly heavy flow wednesday and thursday but as of saturday that's all finished. who knows though, that could start up again any minute.

        there is also the possibility that these last few horrid months were actually the worst of times as far as my pre-menopause goes? it's all so inexact and variable and doctors don't know much more than we do, ya know?

        most importantly though is my mental state: i feel almost like the old noodle. everyday. not just one day out 5. i don't feel anxious or sad or black or empty. i'm feeling full of laughter and social again.

        phew.

        am shopping for a naturopath to do a more all-around repair job and avoid any cw medical intervention if possible.

        we shall see.
        As I ate the oysters with their strong taste of the sea and their faint metallic taste that the cold white wine washed away, leaving only the sea taste and the succulent texture, and as I drank their cold liquid from each shell and washed it down with the crisp taste of the wine, I lost the empty feeling and began to be happy and to make plans.

        Ernest Hemingway

        Comment


        • Judg -- very well said! Thank you! I'm not happy with the image in the mirror - but I am making my peice with it.
          1. Love ME no matter what noises are screaming at me, or who is trying to tear me down.
          2. Eat to heal
          3. Move to live
          4. Embrace today
          5. Live with intention
          6. Respect my body
          7. Cultivate joy
          8. Find my passion
          9. Meditate on peace in my soul

          Comment


          • See, and that is exactly what bugs me. The idea that being attractive is unrealistic. Why is the desire to have the efforts put in the gym pay off as the fit reflection in the mirror to the level of shameful vanity or mental disease or something else abnormal? Are we accept the idea that time spent will net us abstract "better health", but shy away from the proof positive of it that you can see clear as day, as beautiful deltoid, trim waist and slender legs? I just fail to see what is so healthy about saggy thighs... If someone went to the Uni, and went through 3 years, and dropped out, and said it was good enough for them won't we all be thinking internally that it is weird to put all this time in, and walk out without the degree? Not to put a little bit more effort? Would we believe that the person really lacks brain-power to finish 8 more courses in Year 4? Obviously, you can't grow 5 inches taller, but losing 2 inches off the waistline shouldn't be impossible, no? Particularly when plenty others did it?
            Last edited by Leida; 06-25-2012, 11:49 AM.
            My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread57916.html
            When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

            Comment


            • Well said Judg. I might share parts of your wonderful post with my 15 year old daughter!

              Question for you guys. I just got my labs back and am very low on my D. I know what I want to take in terms of supplements for now. I hope to not use all of this for long but until I have been primal long enough to be healthy via nutrition only I want to boost things a bit. My confusion come with timing and ratios.

              Does anyone see any glaring issues with the following:

              AM: multi, 1000 D, fish oil, 500 magnesium, 1,000 calcium, probiotics

              PM (with dinner) repeat same (multi is a split dose 4 needed per day, so 2 at each time)

              Right before bed: thyroid meds. This keeps them from interacting with my morning coffee and supplements.

              Thanks!

              Keri

              Comment


              • 1000 IU is probably not enough to boost vitamin D levels unless you are spending a decent amount of time outdoors as well. How low is "very low"? I would start at 5000-10000 IU daily for a month, then start to reduce, retest in 3 mos.
                Depression Lies

                Comment


                • Judg, so nice to read your contentment.

                  But I'm still on the beginning of the path and sbhikes echoes my frustration and angst. I know I'm doing well in my eating (not enough exercise still, I admit that) and now it's *40 lbs* lost, but I look almost exactly the same. I fit into a pair of pants I haven't fit into for several years, but I'm still wearing mostly all my old large clothes of 40 lbs ago. My husband says he can't tell yet that I've lost any weight. I look in the mirror at my huge belly and feel like filling a ziplock with ice and placing it on my belly in desperation. I knw how you feel, sbhikes. Though I'm enormous and not fit, and you look great and fit, I understand how frustrated you are knowing what you could be, what you should be, and aren't yet. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be slim. Other times I feel I'll finally get close. It doesn't matter if it's 5 lbs or 50 lbs, 1 inch or 10 inches, frustration and confusion is the same for both.
                  SW: 243
                  CW: 177
                  Goal: Health

                  Comment


                  • KerryK, I think you might need to have a shopping trip for new clothes. Seriously. you are not seeing the changes exactly because you are wearing what you were wearing back then, they mask your progress. I never realized it until I was chatting with a gal in my office in front of the mirror about how uncomfortable I feel in my pants, and she looked at me like I was crazy and said: "Yeah, if you keep wearing pants two sizes too large..." She was right. They didn't seem to fit any differently, but they slipped down lower, and were sagging around the bum and thighs making me look like I was still 10 lbs heavier.

                    You don't need anything brand new. Just visit the second-hand and try a few things without looking at sizes. You might find a winning number! Or just dig in your closet. You never know what's hiding in the back of the rack...
                    My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread57916.html
                    When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by KerryK View Post
                      I know I'm doing well in my eating (not enough exercise still, I admit that) and now it's *40 lbs* lost, but I look almost exactly the same. I fit into a pair of pants I haven't fit into for several years, but I'm still wearing mostly all my old large clothes of 40 lbs ago.
                      OMG!! buy some new clothes. even if it's through goodwill or consignment shops. you can buy pants for $5-$10 and you will look so much smaller and feel better about how you look. you are hiding in your old big clothes. c'mon out!

                      don't wait til you're at goal to do this. what else do you spend $5 on everyday, ya know? treat yourself to some new tops and jeans. seriously.
                      As I ate the oysters with their strong taste of the sea and their faint metallic taste that the cold white wine washed away, leaving only the sea taste and the succulent texture, and as I drank their cold liquid from each shell and washed it down with the crisp taste of the wine, I lost the empty feeling and began to be happy and to make plans.

                      Ernest Hemingway

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by namelesswonder View Post
                        1000 IU is probably not enough to boost vitamin D levels unless you are spending a decent amount of time outdoors as well. How low is "very low"? I would start at 5000-10000 IU daily for a month, then start to reduce, retest in 3 mos.
                        I am at 15. My doctor recommended 2000 for a month then down to 1000 so I was going to take 1000 in the morning and 1000 in the evening. I am very comfortable doubling or tripling that though as I believe the RDA is really low so 2000 doesnt seem like much. Here is here I get confused tough. Do I need to adjust calcium or anything else to create an specific ratio or just make sure I am getting some calcium? Thanks!!

                        Comment


                        • I think the problem for me is that as I shrink all the proportions stay the same and all the bulges stay in the same place. They just get smaller. I swear I get shorter, too. Obviously that last one isn't true, but I do feel more like an incredibly shrinking woman than an incredibly slenderizing woman.

                          The body dismorphic thing is such a bugaboo. When I was gaining I would try to see if any part of me still looked okay. While I was gaining, I could fool myself pretty well that everything was still okay. Up to a point anyway. As I was losing it pleased me to see it come off. But now that I'm at some kind of stable weight, my mind sees me getting fat when maybe it's not really happening. My pants today feel looser than ever but the image in the mirror looks fatter than ever. Argh. Turn it off!
                          Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

                          Comment


                          • Hang in there KerryK. I have totally been in your shoes. I agree with everyone else. Go get a few new things in a smaller size. You dont need a lot because soon you will need an even smaller size! Thrift store or just cheaper new stuff. You will feel better and I am willing to bet you will see a difference!

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by bakers3 View Post
                              I am at 15. My doctor recommended 2000 for a month then down to 1000 so I was going to take 1000 in the morning and 1000 in the evening. I am very comfortable doubling or tripling that though as I believe the RDA is really low so 2000 doesnt seem like much. Here is here I get confused tough. Do I need to adjust calcium or anything else to create an specific ratio or just make sure I am getting some calcium? Thanks!!
                              you're super low. unless you are outdoors several hours per day,i'd start at 10,000 per day.

                              my only supplements are vit d and magnesium. i seem to get enough of about everything else so don't worry about it. enter your meals into something like cronometer or nutritiondata and see how your micros come up.
                              As I ate the oysters with their strong taste of the sea and their faint metallic taste that the cold white wine washed away, leaving only the sea taste and the succulent texture, and as I drank their cold liquid from each shell and washed it down with the crisp taste of the wine, I lost the empty feeling and began to be happy and to make plans.

                              Ernest Hemingway

                              Comment


                              • Everyone... I have bins from size 18 down to size 6 (only one of those). My friend and I get gorgeous clothes at Greenwich and Westport CT tag sales. I can't WAIT to fit into them. I do admit the size 18s are snug but mostly wearable... Maybe another week before they're comfy. But I have been so unhappy that my 22s still fit. You're right they're looser now which gives me comfort. I shouldn't complain, I know... it's probably healthy to shrink all over imperceptibly instead of in spot areas... it's just so subtle.

                                Speaking of which, I hope I can mail a few choice size 20s & 22s to someone who's also transitioning like I am (in a month or so). For instance, I recently got an EXPENSIVE leather coat for fall for $5 which I hope will be too big by then. Fingers crossed. I guess I should start a new thread when I'm ready?

                                Oh and thank you guys. Sometimes words of encouragement are sorely needed and I'm not getting them at home yet
                                SW: 243
                                CW: 177
                                Goal: Health

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X