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Some people just don't get it...

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  • Some people just don't get it...

    I typed up a long blog post a few days ago on being primal/paleo, and included a few resources like links to websites, books, and so on. We've been primal since around September or so, and before that we made an effort to stick to real food, so we were already mostly there. I had no real problems giving up bread and sugar, and while I keep telling my wife that at some point I'm going to really want a scone, I haven't felt a *craving* for it yet.
    I've gotten some strange reactions to the post that kind of make me go "wtf?". One person mentioned that the average life expectancy 10,000 years ago was 22, so "yeah, let's all eat like f*cking cavemen". Someone else mentioned that bread was hard to give up, so "Just go as raw, unrefined, and complex-grain as possible. Whole wheat instead of white..." On another of my forums, a poster mentioned that they might have celiac disease, and I linked to my post on being primal and paleo. They replied "I probably can't go that hardcore though. Gluten free will be hard enough, honestly. "

    It kind of makes me want to put up pictures of the Picard facepalm all over the place, especially that last comment. I'm perfectly happy being primal, and I realize that I can't change the world. These sorts of reactions just really make my head hurt, though... I didn't reply to the last comment, because I can't think of a way to say anything without sounding condescending....

  • #2
    It would sound condescending because it would be condescending. In all areas of life, it is best to not try to convert people to your way of thinking. It will simply frustrate you and quickly diminish your circle of friends. It is great that you are succeeding with Primal. Let that be enough. If people sincerely ask for advice, offer it, but don't get too invested in their outcomes.

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    • #3
      I agree with Yvonne PHX - If people sincerely ask for advice, offer it, but don't get too invested in their outcomes.
      Setting an example is sometimes all one can do -

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      • #4
        I've had the same experience... I'm not trying to convert anyone at all ... when I tell them I'm trying this Primal eating for 30 days to see what it will do and what I've heard about it... telling them about ME, with no intent to talk them into anything - not trying to Amway them into anything at all.

        They totally FREAK OUT.

        They go on to say how hard core it is, how restrictive it is... how I NEED to eat grains... it's like they lose their minds trying to tell me how I should be eating - and what cavemen would have eaten and how long they lived etc. etc. etc. Tho' some of these same people have been on cleansing diets and other types of diets and when they told me about their eating habits, I didn't go on about what I thought they "should" be doing - figure everyone does what they need to do.

        It's very weird - people's reactions to food.

        Mostly decided to not tell anyone about my eating habits because most react so violently about how drastic it is and like you, I haven't really felt deprived or that it's been very difficult at this point (I'm 26 days in) ... if anyone asks I'm tellin' them, "I'm just cutting back on carbs" which is true and seems for the most part to be "accepted" in today's society. roll eyes.
        We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. - Oscar Wilde

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        • #5
          I can only speak from the Celiac disease/gluten free point of view, but if you've been eating CW your entire life and now you've just been handed a diagnosis of Celiac disease and told you have to give up all wheat/oats/barley/rye, it can be difficult. I was royally pissed that my body decided to do this to me. I had been following Atkins for 6 years when I was diagnosed with Celiac and I wasn't even eating gluten. Yet just the fact that I had been diagnosed ticked me off so much that I started eating all the gluten-free stuff I was allowed.

          A big part of the problem for me was that it was no longer a choice like following Atkins was. Now it was a necessity and something I had to do. I don't do so well with being told "you have to do this."

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Shanster View Post
            I've had the same experience... I'm not trying to convert anyone at all ... when I tell them I'm trying this Primal eating for 30 days to see what it will do and what I've heard about it... telling them about ME, with no intent to talk them into anything - not trying to Amway them into anything at all.

            They totally FREAK OUT.

            They go on to say how hard core it is, how restrictive it is... how I NEED to eat grains... it's like they lose their minds trying to tell me how I should be eating - and what cavemen would have eaten and how long they lived etc. etc. etc. Tho' some of these same people have been on cleansing diets and other types of diets and when they told me about their eating habits, I didn't go on about what I thought they "should" be doing - figure everyone does what they need to do.

            It's very weird - people's reactions to food.

            Mostly decided to not tell anyone about my eating habits because most react so violently about how drastic it is and like you, I haven't really felt deprived or that it's been very difficult at this point (I'm 26 days in) ... if anyone asks I'm tellin' them, "I'm just cutting back on carbs" which is true and seems for the most part to be "accepted" in today's society. roll eyes.
            I think it was iniQuity who said in one thread, "The First Rule of Primal is: You Don't Talk About Primal." Sage advice.

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            • #7
              I wish there was a way to explain it so people would get it, but I've realized they just have to figure it out on their own. I had a long talk with a friend of mine recently. Her son was just diagnosed with Aspberger's, she has fibromyalgia, and is very overweight, her husband has sleep apnea. I sent her links, book lists, and told her all the benefits I've seen from eating this way. And this weekend she posted on facebook all about the hundreds of sugar cookies she made with her kids. This is one of my best friends, and she's heartbroken over her son's diagnosis, but I don't see her even looking into possible solutions. So that's that. I can't say anything else.

              It's so sad, because I actually did write a long post about my whole journey on my blog, and a month later got the best comment from a stranger who said that what I wrote really struck a chord with her, and she started eating primally. Within weeks her fibromyalgia symptoms and migraines have all but disappeared. It's amazing what eating well can do for a person. So I guess that's the silver lining, I think you can talk about it, but if someone isn't ready, you have to accept that it is their choice, but you never know when someone just might be receptive. Now I think the best course is to be sensitive, mention it when you think it could help, and then let it go.
              My Primal Journal with lots of food pr0n

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              • #8
                I am with the "I just don't talk about it crowd". But the OP apparently wrote an entry on his own blog. I don't understand people coming in and being offensive on someone else's blog. I mean if you don't agree, then stop reading and move on. There have to be thousands and thousands of blog, surely you can find one that fits in with your own eating habits.

                I know it is hard to watch friends suffer, when you have, what I consider an easy excellent solution. But there it is. I try really hard not to notice what they eat. My dh will not stop eating carbs, he will leave most of a portion of protein in the pan, then an hour later be hungry and pick up some cereal (he is almost out, and won't be finding any more I can tell you that much). He says "I have lost 30 pounds" as his answer. Of course it took 3 years. Well as of this week I have lost 30 pounds as well, and it took me 6 months. We will see how my continued weight loss and good health end up influencing him.
                Chris
                "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
                Unknown

                My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

                My "Program": doing my version of a 4:3 - 3 day fast diet with real food every day, with a little twist of anti-inflammatory mixed in.

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                • #9
                  I've had friends comment on how well I look, how slim I've got - and when I say that my asthma has gone too, they are amazed. Then if they ask how - I tell them. Several have asked for links / info - then come back with "Oh I couldn't do without bread / pasta / whatever. You're lucky to have found a way of eating that suits you, but the same diet that works for one person doesn't necessarily suit anyone else..."

                  So far, 2 friends have tried it and stuck to it. And now they are being asked how they lost so much weight, look younger, seem fitter. It is a ripple effect. If you can "convert" 2 people, and they "educate" 2 more each etc - it will gain a momentum.

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                  • #10
                    I keep it simple and am trying not to talk about it because the odd looks and arguing is tiresome. I had to pretty much tell my sister to F off because I posted something on Facebook about wheat (probably something about Wheat Belly) and she put in some snarky remark about "getting healthy from bacon". But she is vegan so I can at least get tips on how to cook veggies and build salads (except she uses beans & corn a lot). We talk about healthy wholesome stuff but keep off the grains & meat topics. Fortunately she is open to discussing exercise as well, but the whole topic of health is very treacherous as she is a recovering anorexic who still holds very low self-image. Unfortunately the rest of my family does not think about food at all beyond the CW-healthy crap except to give my brother "healthy shakes" in the morning based on soy because he doesn't eat anything but grains & meat. No fruit, no veggies. At all. We're dealing with the most stubborn of stubborn here: a 13yo with Down Syndrome, but I also blame my parents for not figuring out ways to introduce this food earlier on (or working with a nutritionist...EVER). Anyway, at this point people are probably just sick of seeing my entries for primal giveaways show up on their FB feeds, but I keep the specifically primal/paleo stuff to myself unless it's on my personal blog. Nobody comments there anyway.

                    Saying anything in response will generally get you riled up so I find it's best to either remind them that they're being mean on your "personal space" (seriously, tell them not to be mean, they will get so embarrassed that you are treating them like they are 5yo), or just leave it alone and know that you are right and eat some bacon.
                    Depression Lies

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                    • #11
                      Thanks for all the responses!

                      To clarify a bit: I wrote the entry for one of my forums, because someone had mentioned that they were possibly interested in going that route. After I posted it, I decided it might make a good blog entry, and copied/pasted it to my blog. I also copied/pasted to another of my forums(fora?). The responses I mentioned above are from the forum threads, not the blog itself.
                      I'm starting to slowly see that the Fight Club rule really does seem to apply - just don't talk about it. The responses are liable to just frustrate me, and people don't seem to get it. As I said, I'm happy with it, and plan to stick to eating the way we have been since September. I've already lost 10 pounds with little to no effort, and the only frustrating thing there is that all my jeans are now too loose, as is my utilikilt.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by MAlthaus View Post
                        utilikilt.
                        kilt??? Pics! LOL
                        Karin


                        Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter

                        What am I doing? Depends on the day.

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                        • #13
                          Well, since you asked... Taken by my wife, and modeling one of the Renaissance shirts I make.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by MAlthaus View Post
                            Well, since you asked... Taken by my wife, and modeling one of the Renaissance shirts I make.

                            Utilikilts are the ultimate in nerd street cred.

                            As for the original topic, I walk a thin line. On the one hand, I dont want to get all preachy up in peoples faces because gods know I always get irritated when people do that to ME, and often my reaction is to move even further away from it. But on the other hand, I am an educator and a science writer so my bloody JOB (and, in fact, passion) is communicating information about how the world works and trying to help people understand it. Its a hard habit to break.

                            So my best strategy has been thus: First, to advertise primal by being quietly primal. Everyone I know has commented on how good I look (weight, skin, posture, muscle tone, everything) and how cheery and energetic I seem. Then I start talking about how ive been eating lots of good meats and exercising less. At that point, if it looks like theyre mentally shutting down, I stop. But more and more often, they look focused and start asking more questions, so I talk about it more.

                            It takes patience, but it does work. I have two friend-couples that are giving primal a serious go so far.
                            "Since going primal, I've found that there are very few problems that cannot be solved with butter and/or bacon fat."

                            My amusing take on paleo-blogging: http://whatshouldwecallpaleolife.tumblr.com/

                            Are you a Primal in San Francisco, or the SF Bay Area in general? Join our facebook group!

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                            • #15
                              No, people really don't get it at all.
                              My husband's best friend and his family visited us a while ago. We told them about our new 'diet' and they seemed interested.. at least politely so.
                              When we tried to get them to watch Fat Head (they actually suggested that we watch it after telling them about it), or read either The Primal Blueprint or Paleo Solution... they completely and totally ignored it.
                              Seriously, you could see their eyes glaze over during the documentary Fat Head. Hell, his wife and daughter actually got up and left the damn house while it was on and the husband talked almost throughout the entire thing while texting his wife. Rude much?

                              My husband got a text from his friend saying how much weight he's lost and what he's been eating... it's just sad.
                              He's a big guy and from what it sounds like, he's starving himself and not even eating good stuff. Granola bars and cereal for dinner.... WTH? Sure he's lost some weight, but who the hell wouldn't when they're only eating about 1000 cal probably less a day?

                              I just don't understand why people resist eating this way with every ounce of their being.
                              DD born August 2012
                              TTC #2
                              SW: 1/20/14- 212.4
                              CW: 2/21/14- 202.6 (9.8 loss)
                              Goal: Short term, get below 200 and get pregnant. Long term, get to 120-130
                              Mini goal, get in to a size 12.

                              My boring uneventful journal for your viewing pleasure

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