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A bit annoyed with my newly skinny friend...

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  • A bit annoyed with my newly skinny friend...

    Don't get me wrong--I'm happy for her. She's a year older than me and looks fabulous!

    Over the last two years, she has lost a LOT of weight by hiring a personal trainer and eating "healthy". She's 5'11" and now weighs around 150.

    I recently invited her over for dinner and I cooked ribs, a cauliflower "potato" salad and a lovely salad with vinaigrette. I made Primal barbeque sauce for the ribs (and it is delicious, BTW).

    Of course, she wanted to contribute to the meal, so when I opened the door, she comes in dressed in small shorts, a tank top, sandals (looking sleek and healthy) with two bags of groceries. She pulls out hummus, popcorn chips, guacamole (yay!), assorted crackers, chocolate, numerous other delicacies and the piece de resistance, a bottle of ice wine.

    And while I'm preparing dinner, she is pigging out on all of this stuff, and offering it to me (I had a few nibbles to be polite and tried to stick to the more "primal offerings"), then has no problem eating a large dinner, with ice wine for dessert (which was heavenly, BTW). She knows I am doing the Primal thing, and to be fair, I haven't really told her in detail what it entails.

    Then later that week, I went to lunch with her and I had a beautiful Veggie Chef Salad with all manner of vegetables, avocado, nuts and lemon olive oil dressing, and she ordered hummus with lots of bread and chicken tenders with gravy and ate every bite. Ugh--it was torture for me.

    Here's the rub, and I know this is MY problem. It made me rethink what I'm doing. It made me think that perhaps i am doing this the wrong way. She seems so happy and healthy. She says that now her metabolism is working as it should and she doesn't have to work out very hard anymore and can eat more and not be concerned as much about what she eats. She does not seem to be restricted in any way.

    Now, I know the way I'm doing this is right, but when I see her it makes me think that obviously she's doing something right. Sometimes I wonder if she only eats this way in front of me--maybe showing off a bit. Have any of you experienced this?

    Is it terrible to wish she'd start gaining a few pounds? ;-) I know, I'm an awful friend! :-)

    OK, maybe I AM a bit jealous.

  • #2
    Just remember that she is placing toxins into her body, instead of wishing she gained weight try to approach her with that.
    If she continues to place toxic crap into her body, just ignore it.
    Primal > Toxic shit.

    Comment


    • #3
      I used to eat all kinds of crap, and it didn't do a thing to make me fat until I was in my late 30s. What I didn't know, though, was the damage it was doing to my insides.

      Don't judge a book by its cover. Things may not be as they appear to be.
      Durp.

      Comment


      • #4
        i generally eat more in social situations than by myself, but not intentionally. it's possible that she's just eating a ton, and that's all she ate for the day. just remember that what works for some does not work for others. stick with what you're doing, and if you've given it a month or two (at least) to no avail, come back here and we'll see if we can troubleshoot what you're doing. when i first started, i ate whatever i wanted and i still lost a little weight. now i'm getting into a lower weight (what i weighed before kids), and i'm finding that i DO need to eat a little bit less then i'm used to. we're talking about maybe 1800 cal per day or so, and it's not a big deal to me. i'm easily losing weight with very little intentional exercise and no feelings of deprivation. (a solid 121 now on my 5'4" frame) pat her on the back, "you look great, good for you." but give yourself a shot!
        my primal journal:
        http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...Primal-Journal

        Comment


        • #5
          Here's the thing... because none of the people I know are really primal and many of them look sleek and healthy as well... different things work for different people. I've always been about least work for most results and you have to ask yourself what kind of fitness she's having to engage in to stay looking that way (and trust me, if she keeps eating that way, it ain't gonna so for long!). Now I know you said SHE said she doesn't have to work out very hard anymore, but our society has changed a lot in what conventional wisdom says is "hard" workouts. This is the day and age of Insanity, Crossfit, P90X; a day and age where marathons are now hip, 10k's (to a few people that just like to hear themselves talk) are for people who can't do half marathons or full ones... and now triathalons are becoming hip as well. Her version of not working out very hard might well be what strays into the "chronic cardio" range.

          Beyond that, as my mom says, different things will work for different people. As much as most of us following the primal way believe and know that probably everyone would be better off eating this way, it's not going to work out for everyone. I work with a guy that sits down in front of me every day with a bucket of fried cafeteria food, and slice of some type of cake, and usually a coke or something. In some ways, he's a sort of primal dude; he barefoot runs... but he runs and TON. He's also just a naturally skinny guy and I do occasionally get jealous. But I have to look at what changing my lifestyle has done for me. I take long walks with my dog now... and on the weekends when I sprint, he chases me relentlessly around the dog park and it's a blast. The long walks also calm me down after stressful work days and put me in a great mood. I've learned to cook (in just a few months) dozens of things I never thought I could. I've lost weight without having to over train or strain. In the evenings I put on music I love and cook and have a great time in my kitchen and really it's all very zen. I also was introduced to new experiences like paddleboarding.

          Don't just sit back and look at weight and numbers and looks and the way shorts fit on someone... yourself or your friend. Truly examine everything living the primal way has given you and I'll bet you'll find some things that, aside from being benefical health wise, have just overall improved your life. You're way might never be her way or vice versa, but if you find that you're a happier, healthier person, then hey! Why trade that for a flour coated chicken wing and a basket of fries? :-)
          ~All luck is earned in the end.~

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Saoirse View Post
            i generally eat more in social situations than by myself, but not intentionally. it's possible that she's just eating a ton, and that's all she ate for the day. just remember that what works for some does not work for others. stick with what you're doing, and if you've given it a month or two (at least) to no avail, come back here and we'll see if we can troubleshoot what you're doing. when i first started, i ate whatever i wanted and i still lost a little weight. now i'm getting into a lower weight (what i weighed before kids), and i'm finding that i DO need to eat a little bit less then i'm used to. we're talking about maybe 1800 cal per day or so, and it's not a big deal to me. i'm easily losing weight with very little intentional exercise and no feelings of deprivation. (a solid 121 now on my 5'4" frame) pat her on the back, "you look great, good for you." but give yourself a shot!
            Great advice, thanks! Actually, I'm sure she is much healthier than she was before, and is definitely a much happier person. She is a good friend and certainly will not discourage me on my path, and, right now, I am not going to discourage her on her path. I've been on my primal journey for 4 months now, and am showing results and feel much better, but sometimes it's just not fast enough for me. I have to keep reminding myself that it took many years to get where I was, that my body is healing, and it is going to take time to get to where i want to be (or where my body wants to be, which might not be the same thing).

            I've been plagued with a nagging foot problem, so I really haven't gotten to the exercise part yet (other than a long slow walk to lunch), but that will come. I'm not a stranger to exercise at all, so i know I will begin in earnest as soon as I am able. I know that then I will be seeing results faster.

            And, of course, I don't really want her to gain weight just to validate that what I'm doing is right, and what she is doing is wrong. I just needed to vent a bit, I guess.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by ChaserBD04 View Post
              Don't just sit back and look at weight and numbers and looks and the way shorts fit on someone... yourself or your friend. Truly examine everything living the primal way has given you and I'll bet you'll find some things that, aside from being benefical health wise, have just overall improved your life. You're way might never be her way or vice versa, but if you find that you're a happier, healthier person, then hey! Why trade that for a flour coated chicken wing and a basket of fries? :-)
              That's exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks!!

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Captain Archer View Post
                Just remember that she is placing toxins into her body, instead of wishing she gained weight try to approach her with that.
                If she continues to place toxic crap into her body, just ignore it.
                Primal > Toxic shit.
                What is toxic about bread, hummus, and crackers?

                Maybe bad for the digestive system (which can affect many areas). But I wouldn't say toxic....

                Comment


                • #9
                  i still like hummus *shrug*
                  beautiful
                  yeah you are

                  Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                  lol

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    me too *shrug*
                    so does my Primal friend, who is in the best shape of his life at 42 *shrug*
                    "Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food." -- Hippocrates

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Where I work there are 10 guys. We are all in our 40's- 50's. Only 2 of us (both 59) are still lean. 1 is primal and has got lean again. The other is fitter, leaner and a vegetarian who eats A LOT of muesli, cakes, sandwiches, fruit.

                      The answer must be in the DNA!
                      activate the rhythm, the rhythm that has always been within

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                      • #12
                        We have friends that constantly were bringing over JUNK, chips, dips, breads, cheezits - all manner of garbage. The last time they did it, I didn't serve any of it, esp after she told me how old it was, UGH, how could she? We have full healthy meals when they come, and I make a starch for them that they like which we just don't eat. And the dessert crap..... They are both bigger than we are, and we're overweight, and they've lost over a hundred lbs each and then go back to SAD+ eating, and you've got it, gain it all back + some.
                        We decided not to socialize with them as they make our lives harder with respect to eating. Asking them to not bring the junk was ignored. A drastic move for us, but a sad one we felt necessary.
                        You know you are eating correctly, hang in there, and do whatever is necessary to continue this WOE.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Smoking crack will help you lose weight, too.

                          But it doesn't mean it's healthy. She might look fine but you have no idea what her insides look like. Stick with what you're doing.
                          I'm a paleo foodie, come check out my recipes: http://strangekitty.ca/

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Stay the course!

                            Don't compare yourself to others. Do not give her size or eating habits another thought. Devote all of your energy to your journey. And as Bob Dylan said "...and the first one now will later be last 'cause the times they are a changin'." Your time will come.

                            Good Luck

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Nanzi View Post
                              We decided not to socialize with them as they make our lives harder with respect to eating. Asking them to not bring the junk was ignored.
                              I think that goes beyond a food issue. That's a respect issue if you've asked them and they ignore you. I try not to hang out with people that don't respect me, so I would agree with you.
                              Durp.

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