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  • CW Anger Management



    How does everyone deal with resistive family members?


    I've been trying to get my family to understand the core principles of the PB but it gets harder and harder every night to eat dinner with them. It's gotten to the point where I have to make myself a completely different meal just so that I can stay primal. For example, tonight, my dad wanted to make breakfast for dinner. That means pancakes. Despite us having almond, coconut, and hazelnut flour at home, he goes and uses wheat flour. Now, it doesn't necessarily affect me because I didn't have any but my dad is worried about diabetes and heart disease and my mom and sister are overweight. I'm really trying to help them but, every night, I get so frustrated with them that I have to stop what I'm doing and take some deep breaths.


    Now my mom is on a mini crusade to have stuffing with bread in it for Thanksgiving after I mentioned an alternative that we could make. It really is getting harder and harder for me because they don't want to change. They're fully supportive of me it seems but not enough to try it themselves (despite my weight loss, muscle gain, and increased health).


    So, do you have any suggestions on how I should handle this? I know Mark has made a few blog posts about how to share the PB with other people but it seems like none of the logic is working with my family. I love my family and I'm just trying to make their lives better.


    Luckily, I'm moving back to school in January so, hopefully, I don't have to deal with too much more of my frustration soon.


  • #2
    1



    GtrBMart,


    Hang in there. Just try to take care of yourself best you can; don't try too hard to convert the others in your family. Despite your best intentions---they're not ready to hear you.


    I know it's frustrating---

    Comment


    • #3
      1



      GtrBMart,


      I had very close frend who said recently, "I would rather DIE than give up pasta!".


      Makes a big difference when you are actually given that option, as I was. Wasn't that tough of a call for me, but everyone is different.

      Comment


      • #4
        1



        GBM I second Kuno.


        Understand that some people need more time than others to properly digest new ideas. Also bear in mind that carbs are addictive. Picture heavy smokers in times when smoking was believed to be relatively harmless.


        The best you could do is continuing to stand your ground without antagonizing them, so that they remain receptive to new information coming from you. Pick your battles, be understanding, and let your results speak for themselves.


        Best of lucks.

        “Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.” -Oscar Wilde
        "The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." -George Bernard Shaw
        "The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass." -Martin Mull

        Comment


        • #5
          1



          I third Kuno. People won't change until they find out that eating pasta WILL cause them to die.


          That's what motivated me to give it up. Do I miss it? Yes. Would I go back? Hell no.

          Primal eating in a nutshell: If you are hungry, eat Primal food until you are satisfied (not stuffed). Then stop. Wait until you're hungry again. Repeat.

          Looking for my Cholesterol Primer? Here it is: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...mer-(Attempt-2)


          Ditch the scale!: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread33283.html

          My Success Story: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread30615.html

          Comment


          • #6
            1



            Volunteer to become the house chef. Dazzle with your cooking, spoil the heck out of them with buttery creamy delcious concoctions, and they'll never look back. Don't preach, it doesn't work.


            So... Dad wants breakfast? You just jump right in there and start mixing up the batter, have him pour and flip the pancakes while you fry up the bacon and sausages, and mix up some berry compote to top them with. Wizz up some real whipped cream and voila, delicious, showy, and spectacular tasting.


            I found living with my parents/siblings this summer, that if I was on the ball and made the meals, they didn't complain that it was low carb (though they did sometimes tell me I was going to give them all heart attacks with the amount of cream and butter I use).


            People love to be served, serve your family and you'll be serving yourself.

            The more I see the less I know for sure.
            -John Lennon

            Comment


            • #7
              1



              i second lil-earthmamma

              thats exactly what i do. i do all the cooking at home (my parents-in-law live in the same household). and nobody complaines. my MIL has already started to use coconutcream and butter herself. The others can have their porridge n sandwiches whenever they want. im done preaching.

              challenge yourself
              i blog here http://theprimalwoman.blogspot.com/

              Comment


              • #8
                1



                I have similar issues with my hubby so I just would not eat whatever he cooked that was not primal. Now he is reducing carbs on his own. I have forwarded some articles for him to read (careful to not overload him) and letting him make the change. He is beginning to do well.


                The only fork you have control over is your own. I know that it is hard to watch someone you love slowly kill themselves, but there is really nothing you can do but to set an example.


                Cooking for them is a great idea! Good luck!

                Bags
                Primal Since 10/2009

                Comment


                • #9
                  1



                  For a while, I was cooking every night for them. They loved most of the stuff I was making but then would ask why no rice or why no breading and they would make themselves some rice or grab a loaf of bread (we're Portuguese; there's always bread in the house whether I eat it or not) no matter what I told them. My mom was worried about the saturated fat and said it messed with her brain now that everything was backwards. Now, even though I make my own dinners, they scrutinize what I'm eating saying that my steak is too rare, or that I'm eating too much meat or fat, etc.


                  My dad has been slowly trying to understand what I do and implement some of it, but he doesn't have the commitment yet and easily breaks under the pressure of having the food or the means to make the food in the house. I know it takes time to adjust for some people but it's affecting me in a negative way now.


                  Oh well, one of these days I'll make them a full course meal again and see how they like it. Until then, I'll just have to make my own dinners and not let my family affect me.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    1



                    Family is a tough one, especially when you are in college. Your parents have watched you grow up and go through a lot of "phases" in your life, and they may just think that you're in another phase right now. It may take quite some time of you being dedicated to eating/living Primally for them to accept it completely. They've been around a lot longer than you, and have ideas of their own too


                    Preaching and getting frustrated is a terrible idea, you just have to do what you need to do for yourself and be gracious the rest of the time. When my family-in-law visits in December, I plan on making completely primal (and delicious!) meals that I know they will love, but accompanying them with a baguette or some sort of side dish so that they feel comfortable. Having bread as a side is so much less offensive than making a meal out of cans and boxes in my opinion (which is what will happen if I don't do all of the cooking).


                    I hope your family can come around for their health's sake, but let them see you do it rather than hear you talk about it

                    You are what you eat,
                    and what you eat eats too - Michael Pollan

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      1



                      I try to convert no one. I never bring it up unless asked. There's nothing worse then a new convert (think religion) prosthetising their beliefs. Put the information out there if asked and then let them come to it on their own terms. All IMHO of course.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        1



                        I can't help thinking that it must be hard being the younger member of a family. Your parents are accustomed to teaching you, so it's difficult for them to accept that you know things they don't. As others have said, example is the best teacher.


                        For me, as the mother of grown daughters, it's interesting to see the different reactions they've had to the PB. My oldest daughter has wholeheartedly embraced the primal way of life. My youngest daughter agrees with the organic, local aspects, but hasn't taken the time to understand much of the philosophy. But, my middle daughter, who recently moved back home for a short while after living in Italy, complains that there's too much meat, and can't embrace eating saturated fat, but then recognizes she feels worse after eating pasta.


                        It's a journey, that's for sure, and they've all watched me go through "diet phases" over the years. It will take a while to demonstrate that the PB is much more to me than a phase. As my daughters see the changes I believe they'll be inspired to more seriously investigate.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          1



                          I try to convert no one. I never bring it up unless asked. There's nothing worse then a new convert (think religion) prosthetising their beliefs. Put the information out there if asked and then let them come to it on their own terms. All IMHO of course.

                          The thing is, I live with these people. I've probably told two other people about the PB and only when it came up in conversation. It's almost impossible to avoid talking about it with my family as they see what I eat and I see what they eat every night. I am, however, going to stop talking to them about it. I move back to school next semester anyway.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            1



                            Don't preach, just set a good example. Soon they'll see the changes in you and will want to follow suit.


                            I think thanksgiving can be greatly modified here -just did it as I am canadian...but its a holiday of traditions and I can see why she would not want to give up the stuffing...why not make your alternative and they can try that one too?


                            Understand your frustration...it kills me to see my BF pour syrup all over my awesome almond flour pancakes (that are expensive!!!)...or I'll make an great crustless quiche and he puts it between 2 pieces of toast! ack!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              1



                              [M]y dad is worried about diabetes and heart disease and my mom and sister are overweight.
                              I'm really trying to help them...
                              They're fully supportive of me it seems...
                              I love my family and I'm just trying to make their lives better.

                              Rather than focus on the (understandable) frustration you experience, reflect for a minute on your words above. From those words you wrote I gather that you have a loving family that truly wants each other to be healthy, and a family that supports you. Consider how lucky you truly are and perhaps your frustrations will gain a bit of perspective.


                              This isn't intended to downplay your frustrations. I would suggest though that perhaps your parents feel the same frustrations about your Primal life. You might think your way of eating is best (and you're probably even right), but you won't win them over by forcing the issue. Logic's powerful but unless that logic resonates with them on an emotional level (i.e. they start "grokking it") there will always be resistance. You'll be seen as pushing something onto them, something they don't yet want.


                              So, how to deal with the frustrations? Realize you're already doing it. You didn't eat the pankcakes. You can skip the stuffing at Thanksgiving. Remember (as you wrote): They support you. Lead by example as suggested above without making it into a confrontation. Recognize that any frustration you feel is probably equal and balanced on "the other side." And try to understand that the reason your frustrations are so strong is because you and your family love each other so.


                              Looked at that way you might find your problem's actually a nice one to have.

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