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  • Proper Care and Feeding of Trolls

    So, you brought home a new Internet Troll. Congratulations! If you are a first timer having a troll, you may have questions. Here are a few suggestions so that you and your troll can live in karmic balance. Now remember, each troll is different and your results may vary. However, this primer should help you get on your way. Welcome to the world of having a troll!

    How do I refer to my troll now that I have him/her?


    First, your troll may show up already named. Yet, you will find the “pre-fab” names to be rather unoriginal such as Annonymous [sic], ihateyou or yousuck. Never fear, you can always change their name. If this is your first troll, I find that it is best to give him/her a soothing, happy name to remind you that they are really just helpless, sad creatures. A good name can make all the difference! I recommend something like FluffyLoveBunny or Silly Billy Chickie Boo. How scary is that? Not so much.

    So your troll has a name! Congratulations! You are on your way!

    How do I discipline my new troll?

    Now as trolls are known to do, yours may act up from time to time. He or she may get down right nasty and vicious towards you. Remember: That is in their nature. They are inbred to act that way. It is just NOT their fault. (And rumor has it most of them were dropped on their head often as tiny, baby trolls.) Of course, your first instinct as you get used to your new troll is to lash out and want to punish them for being so incorrigible. That would be your first mistake! It only encourages their behavior. The best way to keep your little FluffyBunnyLove in harmony with you and your home is to ignore him or her. Unlike their human counterparts, neglect keeps trolls temperamentally neutral. Allowing them to see your anger or pain at their behavior merely encourages them to keep it up and makes them raging mean. Neglect. Ignore. Restore (the balance). Those are the keys to disciplining your new troll.

    Now that I have a new troll, what do I feed him?

    Like any wild animal, it is important to understand the indigenous nature of their diet. Your new troll may try to convince you that the best thing you can feed him is a diet of your anger, frustration and pain. Don’t listen. As any child can tell you, they will try to get away with anything they possibly can. It would be a mistake to listen to them. Your anger, frustration and pain is their main source of nutrition and growth and– unlike human beings who need good nutrition and growth to survive– it is vital that trolls maintain a steady diet of ambivalence and ignorant bliss to maintain their puny stature. As much as you want to punish him or her, remember that little FluffyLoveBunny needs to be ignored after he or she comes home with you. A steady diet of neglect will keep you living in harmony with your new troll!

    Where do I keep my new troll?

    That is a great (and normal) question! As with any troll, he or she will want to be front and center in your life. He or she will want your never-ending attention at all times. It is their nature. However, to live successfully with your new troll, you must remember to keep him or her locked in a corner or sitting so far in the back of the room that you forget he or she is there. Remember: Neglect makes this work! Don’t feel guilt. It is how this relationship was meant to be.

    What if my troll runs away from me and never returns? Does this mean I failed as a troll owner?

    Absolutely not! In fact, just the opposite. If your troll gives up in frustration and leaves you for another, that simply means you have done a good job in the care and feeding of your troll. Pat yourself on the back. You deserve it!

    However, remember this: The troll population is diverse and re-spawns quickly. Don’t get too comfortable. Before you know it, another troll may follow you home. But, with this handy primer, you will be ready for the care and feeding of your troll!

    Good luck with your new troll! May your journey be swift and painless!
    Chief cook & bottle washer for one kid, a dog, 6 hens, 2 surprise! roosters, two horses, and a random 'herd' of quail.

    ~The ultimate ignorance is the rejection of something one knows nothing about and refuses to investigate~

  • #2
    This is a thing of beauty and a joy forever. May I share it with friends on other sites?
    Primal eating in a nutshell: If you are hungry, eat Primal food until you are satisfied (not stuffed). Then stop. Wait until you're hungry again. Repeat.

    Looking for my Cholesterol Primer? Here it is: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...mer-(Attempt-2)


    Ditch the scale!: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread33283.html

    My Success Story: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread30615.html

    Comment


    • #3
      Holy crap it was hard to find where that originated, lol... I want to use it elsewhere but wanted to be sure I was citing it properly.

      The Care and Feeding of Your Troll: A Primer » Mommy Needs Coffee
      "mayness, you need to have a siggy line that says "Paleo Information Desk" or something!" -FMN <3

      I'm blogging again, at least a little bit.

      Comment


      • #4
        +1,000 !!!
        "As if you could kill time without injuring eternity"

        Primal Journal *WinkBlu*

        Comment


        • #5
          *Snort* NICE! High five to the originator.
          Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
          My Latest Journal

          Comment


          • #6
            Hah!

            Comment


            • #7
              Superb.
              The Primal Holla! Eating fat. Getting lean. Being awesome.

              You were sick, but now you're well, and there's work to do. - Kilgore Trout

              Comment


              • #8
                FlufflyLoveBunny Bwahahahahaha
                Karin

                A joyful heart is good medicine

                He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose. - Jim Elliot

                Mmmmm. Real food is good.

                My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread29685.html

                Comment


                • #9
                  that.
                  is.
                  awesome.
                  "It's never too late to be what you might have been." George Eliot

                  "Excuses are like asses, some are just bigger than others" Kathryn Martyn Smith

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I like it! I should also learn to not be provoked. Man, do they make me angry!!

                    Carrie

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      a9y361..jpg

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Eklecktika View Post
                        So, you brought home a new Internet Troll. Congratulations! If you are a first timer having a troll, you may have questions. Here are a few suggestions so that you and your troll can live in karmic balance. Now remember, each troll is different and your results may vary. However, this primer should help you get on your way. Welcome to the world of having a troll!

                        How do I refer to my troll now that I have him/her?


                        First, your troll may show up already named. Yet, you will find the “pre-fab” names to be rather unoriginal such as Annonymous [sic], ihateyou or yousuck. Never fear, you can always change their name. If this is your first troll, I find that it is best to give him/her a soothing, happy name to remind you that they are really just helpless, sad creatures. A good name can make all the difference! I recommend something like FluffyLoveBunny or Silly Billy Chickie Boo. How scary is that? Not so much.

                        So your troll has a name! Congratulations! You are on your way!

                        How do I discipline my new troll?

                        Now as trolls are known to do, yours may act up from time to time. He or she may get down right nasty and vicious towards you. Remember: That is in their nature. They are inbred to act that way. It is just NOT their fault. (And rumor has it most of them were dropped on their head often as tiny, baby trolls.) Of course, your first instinct as you get used to your new troll is to lash out and want to punish them for being so incorrigible. That would be your first mistake! It only encourages their behavior. The best way to keep your little FluffyBunnyLove in harmony with you and your home is to ignore him or her. Unlike their human counterparts, neglect keeps trolls temperamentally neutral. Allowing them to see your anger or pain at their behavior merely encourages them to keep it up and makes them raging mean. Neglect. Ignore. Restore (the balance). Those are the keys to disciplining your new troll.

                        Now that I have a new troll, what do I feed him?

                        Like any wild animal, it is important to understand the indigenous nature of their diet. Your new troll may try to convince you that the best thing you can feed him is a diet of your anger, frustration and pain. Don’t listen. As any child can tell you, they will try to get away with anything they possibly can. It would be a mistake to listen to them. Your anger, frustration and pain is their main source of nutrition and growth and– unlike human beings who need good nutrition and growth to survive– it is vital that trolls maintain a steady diet of ambivalence and ignorant bliss to maintain their puny stature. As much as you want to punish him or her, remember that little FluffyLoveBunny needs to be ignored after he or she comes home with you. A steady diet of neglect will keep you living in harmony with your new troll!

                        Where do I keep my new troll?

                        That is a great (and normal) question! As with any troll, he or she will want to be front and center in your life. He or she will want your never-ending attention at all times. It is their nature. However, to live successfully with your new troll, you must remember to keep him or her locked in a corner or sitting so far in the back of the room that you forget he or she is there. Remember: Neglect makes this work! Don’t feel guilt. It is how this relationship was meant to be.

                        What if my troll runs away from me and never returns? Does this mean I failed as a troll owner?

                        Absolutely not! In fact, just the opposite. If your troll gives up in frustration and leaves you for another, that simply means you have done a good job in the care and feeding of your troll. Pat yourself on the back. You deserve it!

                        However, remember this: The troll population is diverse and re-spawns quickly. Don’t get too comfortable. Before you know it, another troll may follow you home. But, with this handy primer, you will be ready for the care and feeding of your troll!

                        Good luck with your new troll! May your journey be swift and painless!
                        Gods bless you, Eklecktika. ^_^
                        5'6" 27 y/o female, Primal 6 months and counting.

                        CW: 160 -- in single-digit dress sizes for the first time in 12 years!

                        GW: 150 -- for swimsuit season

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          OMEFFNG GOD! this made my DAY!!! : D
                          The most depraved type of human being is the man without a purpose. ~ Ayn Rand
                          What's your purpose? Mine is Optimal Health.

                          Converted to PB November 2010
                          SW 190lb
                          Leptin Reset Redux (1Sep 2011) SW 170lbs
                          25 Sep 2011 160lbs
                          1 Dec 2011 158lbs!
                          GW ~135lbs
                          5'3"
                          Mother of 2, and wife to a kick ass husband...trying to contain chaos and havoc on a daily basis

                          My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread40609.html

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Best thing about trolls is you can cut a chunk off and cook it and it grows back! Endless meat supply!

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Yo mamma did it for the lulz (I had to christen this thread with a bit of lame trolling).
                              In all of the universe there is only one person with your exact charateristics. Just like there is only one person with everybody else's characteristics. Effectively, your uniqueness makes you pretty average.

                              Comment

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