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There HAD to be a fault.

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  • There HAD to be a fault.

    Let's get one thing straight.
    I love my boyfriend. So, so, so, so, soooo much. He's everything I could ever have asked for. Well, he was.
    I was looking at some youtube videos and found this one: YouTube - Fitness - Boot Camp Workout 1: Burpee's Exercise And I thought' Wow. I want to look like that. And I'm on msn with the bf and I know he has a 'problem' with muscley women so I've been trying to find a happy medium that lets me get strong but doesnt make him think i look freaky. I thought I had got it here so I sent him the link...

    Khris says (19:45):
    *Six pack and shoulder defenition :/? Nooooo.
    ******(*)Pixie(@)Kitten(*) says (19:46):
    *She hasnt got muuuch of a 6 pack though D=
    Khris says (19:46):
    *Ick >.<
    Khris says (19:47):
    *It's still there. Specially when she tenses, or bends over.
    *It's just not right.


    I think I've found the 'problem area' in our relationship. -_-

    Anyone have experience with this? Has anyone had a bf/husband with a phobia of stronger girls who have overcome it and like it now or am I just going to be less sexy to him forever? -_-
    Bunny trainer extraordinaire!

  • #2
    Everything you've ever written about him points to insecurities on his end, find out the root of the issues and placate them
    Starting Date: Dec 18, 2010
    Starting Weight: 294 pounds
    Current Weight: 235 pounds
    Goal Weight: 195 pounds

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    • #3
      Well, I do not generally like bodies over 60, wrinkles, the sag that comes with age, gray hair, or the like. That said, one day my GF will be that age and I will love her just as much if not more. I hope she does the same for me. Grok on. He will get over it.

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      • #4
        He has a whole host of mental problems and he is very insecure about himself, its very hard to find a root under all the bracken! He can't go out and do a lot so he's not exactly the dude with the pack that everyone will stare at on the beach x]
        Thanks for the encouragement guys =]
        Bunny trainer extraordinaire!

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        • #5
          Originally posted by PixieKitten View Post
          He has a whole host of mental problems and he is very insecure about himself, its very hard to find a root under all the bracken! He can't go out and do a lot so he's not exactly the dude with the pack that everyone will stare at on the beach x]
          Thanks for the encouragement guys =]
          sounds like you need to get him off his azz and in shape?
          Starting Date: Dec 18, 2010
          Starting Weight: 294 pounds
          Current Weight: 235 pounds
          Goal Weight: 195 pounds

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          • #6
            Originally posted by PixieKitten View Post
            He has a whole host of mental problems and he is very insecure about himself, its very hard to find a root under all the bracken! He can't go out and do a lot so he's not exactly the dude with the pack that everyone will stare at on the beach x]
            Thanks for the encouragement guys =]
            Well, at the risk of being a d-bag, wtf are you with this person? I couldn't care less about stares at the beach, but the dude doesn't sound like he brings a whole ton of relationship capital.

            Edit: I should add that if you love him and all then more power to you. I just find the idea of being with someone with a whole host of mental problems to be not so great. Good for you if you are cool with that.
            Last edited by canio6; 04-19-2011, 12:14 PM.

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            • #7
              My X husband had a real problem with the fact that I had bigger guns then he did. He was always trying to put me down and make me less than I was or could be...

              In the end I couldn't change him and he couldn't change me.

              So, I found a new hubby who is a foot taller than me and thinks it is sexy that I can beat his buddies arm wrestling. This summer will be our 10 year anniversary.

              My advice is to be who you are and be really happy. If he is the one for you he will love you. If he isn't.... well, at least you know.
              ~Blog~

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              • #8
                Become the man in your relationship. No seriously, buy a strapon and do it.
                In all of the universe there is only one person with your exact charateristics. Just like there is only one person with everybody else's characteristics. Effectively, your uniqueness makes you pretty average.

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                • #9
                  Hey, you can't help who you fall in love with right? And I know he comes off as a very negative person when I talk about him here, but that's because he's not exactly thrilled about the Primal Blueprint and has decided it's one of my fads that will go away eventually xD So of course whenever he comes up here, it'll be how un primal he is and bleh xD He's not a fan of exercise as it gets his heart rate up which reminds him of the panic attacks and ooh it gets messed up from there and I stop trying to convince him xD
                  I'm seeing him tomorrow and there's a park by him, he's promised to play with me so I'll see what I can do!
                  Bunny trainer extraordinaire!

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                  • #10
                    This is the first post I've read about your boyfriend, so this may or may not be the case with you, but...

                    With me, my hubby has what I affectionately call "Jenn goggles" whereby things that he doesn't find attractive on other people he thinks are just fine on me. He does *not* like too many muscles on women, but as my muscles have gotten bigger (not that I'm ripped) he's liked them just fine. And as my muscles continue to grow I expect that he'll continue to like it. It was the same way when I was out of shape - he would say something about someone being flabby, and when I'd point out that she was smaller than me, he wouldn't believe me. I'm telling you, love is better than beer goggles!!

                    So, just because your boyfriend doesn't like the look in general doesn't mean that he won't like it when it's you who looks like that. And honestly, if he does, that's his issue not yours.

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                    • #11
                      My husband has said similar things to me in the past and it comes down to what YOU want for yourself. If you want to be muscly, go for it and if he doesn't like he either A: has to except it or B: move on with his life.
                      Georgette

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                      • #12
                        Sounds like the classic "if I put you down or hold you back, then I can feel better about my self" complex. I speak from experience on this, but not because someone did it to me.....I did it to others. I am much better, thank you

                        One day I realized all my sarcastic comments and put downs to my husband for various reasons were just an indirect way to attempt to boost my own bottom of the barrel confidence.....DUH. Now I stop and think before I make those comments, analyze where they are coming from, and make sure anything I do say is helpful, positive, and growth orientated. Took years of practice and awareness....and I am FAR from fixed, that's for sure....but I try now to work on MYSELF for myself, lead by example, and let others do as they please in the end. Leading by example though is probably my biggest internal conversation change.

                        By the way, my husband doesn't like the SUPER strong ripped veins bulging body builder chicks.....but he doesn't mind me being fairly defined. I have an almost 6 pack and he, well, he has never come close to that, but he is not intimidated by it. I have no intention of being on stage in a bikini with a super tan anytime soon, but I also know if I decided to do that, if it was my passion, he would STILL support me. He would also support me if I was in a wheelchair tomorrow, or whatever the case may be. He loves me first and foremost for our mental and spiritual connection.....the body we inhabit is just fluff (although I am glad he appreciates it all the same).
                        Erin
                        Daily Vlogs
                        Primal Pets Blog

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                        • #13
                          Sounds like he's worried that if your sexy you won't be with him.

                          My husband and I had a similar conversation. He's a real boob man and since gaining weight the girls have gotten huge (having a kid probably helped too). I told him my goal was to get back into the shape I was in high school. He said that was cool. I said my cup size is going to go down like 5 sizes. He said NOT COOL!!! I told him to shut the hell up. So far, we're down two sizes and, while there has been some general whining in the beginning, he's liking the smaller shape.

                          Maybe your guy just doesn't want change but once things do change he'll realize he'll like it? Or maybe he's trying not to hurt your feelings, aka-that babe is hot (with muscles) ergo, all chicks without muscles are not? Its sorta like the "is that girl pretty" question or the "do these pants make my butt look fat" question. Some guys just can't accept that we might actually want an honest answer.
                          See what I'm up to: The Primal Gardener

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by PixieKitten View Post
                            I think I've found the 'problem area' in our relationship. -_-
                            Anyone have experience with this? Has anyone had a bf/husband with a phobia of stronger girls who have overcome it and like it now or am I just going to be less sexy to him forever? -_-
                            I've been dealing with something similar in a new budding relationship (sounds like yours has been around a while). This guy just thinks the whole PB "thing" is cute but he doesn't see the point in it other than keeping me busy. He calls my VFFs my "gorilla feet". He is a skinny IT geek who is way too far into his head. I think he is just disconnected from his own physicality and so physicality in me is sort of off putting like a "does not compute" reaction. It's not that I want to be stronger than him, it's that I want him to want to get stronger with me. It's just not high on his priority list. Which of course begs the question of if this may be a mismatch from the start.

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                            • #15
                              I don't understand how these two statements go together....

                              "He's everything I could ever have asked for."

                              "He has a whole host of mental problems and he is very insecure about himself"

                              Why couldn't you ask for someone who doesn't have a whole host of mental problems and is secure enough about himself to support your pursuit of health and happiness? I understand the whim of falling in love, but to label him as all you could ever ask for seems to be implying that you don't think you're worthy of support.
                              Liz.

                              Zone diet on and off for several years....worked, but too much focus on exact meal composition
                              Primal since July 2010...skinniest I've ever been and the least stressed about food

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