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  • Dealing with snide in-laws

    This past week was Chinese New Year celebration. My in-laws were over for dinner.

    My one sister-in-law tends to be quite flippant. 17 years ago, after my son was born, I had a great deal of trouble losing the weight. I was 185 lbs at 5'3", I had started at 120lbs. She never let me forget it. In the last 3 years the weight has finally started to come off. I lost most of it just in the past year, mainly because I was very ill and not eating at all. She cuts me down whether I'm overweight or losing weight. I just can't win.

    Since starting on PB at the beginning of January I have lost all the Christmas pounds (too many carbs from bread) plus a little extra without any real effort. She hasn't seen me since Christmas, and made a flippant remark that I was wasting away, in that caustic tone of voice. At 128 lbs, hardly. But she was snide about it. So I said to her, 'Every pound is 1/10 of a second around the track. If I wilt away to nothing, I should have killer lap times at Laguna Seca this year!' That shut her up.
    You donít stop riding because youíre getting old, you get old because you stop riding.

  • #2
    So she wasn't nice to you when you were heavier, and she's not nice to you now you're getting in shape? I think the problem is hers and hers alone and has NOTHING to do with how you eat, what you look like, how much you weigh. In fact, it may have nothing to do with you at all!!
    Liz.

    Zone diet on and off for several years....worked, but too much focus on exact meal composition
    Primal since July 2010...skinniest I've ever been and the least stressed about food

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    • #3
      She could be jealous. Jealousy makes people do odd things. Or she could be someone who is only happy by making others miserable.
      Georgette

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      • #4
        Hit her over the head with every Groks' ever-present giant turkey leg?
        "Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food." -- Hippocrates

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        • #5
          i would just zing it back to her. more often, though, i just speak the truth. mom gets onto me about my weight: "are you having a tough day? because that's a projection. my weight is fine, how are you feeling about yours?" when SIL was going off about god-knows-what and my ILs were with her (sort of ganging up on me) as if in a "joking" way (not at all a joke): "well, i'm actually quite happy with myself and my life, unlike anxious, drugged up, alcoholic others." (sil is a drunk and drug addict; both ILs are on meds for anxiety.).

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          • #6
            If I hit her with a turkey leg, she'd peel off all the skin & fat first... She's one of those high-carb, low fat adherents. She thinks because it's brown rice and whole grain it's good for you.... She wasn't too happy with my 'your food is very rich' dinner that we had - lots of beef and pork fat!

            She's always been thin. Something like a size 1 or 2. She complained that she'd have to go to the gym for 3 hours to work off what she ate.

            I think she's one of those who likes to see others miserable. She's negatively critical of everyone.
            You donít stop riding because youíre getting old, you get old because you stop riding.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by zoebird View Post
              i would just zing it back to her. more often, though, i just speak the truth. mom gets onto me about my weight: "are you having a tough day? because that's a projection. my weight is fine, how are you feeling about yours?" when SIL was going off about god-knows-what and my ILs were with her (sort of ganging up on me) as if in a "joking" way (not at all a joke): "well, i'm actually quite happy with myself and my life, unlike anxious, drugged up, alcoholic others." (sil is a drunk and drug addict; both ILs are on meds for anxiety.).
              I wish I could let her have it, all the time. It's not easy when my mother-in-law and father-in-law are always around. We only get together on special occasions (birthday, Christmas, Chinese New Year, etc) so my husband doesn't want me to 'get into it' with her during these functions. But she has no problems dishing it out. So I'm learning to be more crafty with my come-backs. Jab back with things she's too chicken to do, like riding a motorcycle. She was gung-ho when I started to ride, but has never followed through herself.
              You donít stop riding because youíre getting old, you get old because you stop riding.

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              • #8
                < s > She sounds lovely. </ s >

                We've all known someone like this. I don't see how their spouses can stand it.

                I had (past tense) a friend like that. In retrospect, I can see that I handled it all wrong. I would just ignore her zings. But then she would only escalate them further.

                I'd say to ditch her from your life, but you can't very well do that since she's your SIL. Looking back on it now, what I should have done is zing my (ex) friend right back. And that's what I'd recommend you do. It's akin to having a bully. If you ignore, they only get worse.
                "Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food." -- Hippocrates

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                • #9
                  "Well BLESS your HEART!! It's SO kind of you to ALWAYS be concerned with MY weight! You're just THE MOST thoughtful person when it comes to that. I was telling my husband the other day that I just feel so LUCKY to have you as a sister-in-law."

                  (said in the most insincere sweet tone you can manage)

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by kitana View Post
                    "Well BLESS your HEART!! It's SO kind of you to ALWAYS be concerned with MY weight! You're just THE MOST thoughtful person when it comes to that. I was telling my husband the other day that I just feel so LUCKY to have you as a sister-in-law."

                    (said in the most insincere sweet tone you can manage)
                    That's awesome!!!
                    You donít stop riding because youíre getting old, you get old because you stop riding.

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                    • #11
                      I say just ignore her. She is toxic and nothing you say or do will change her. If she makes a snide remark just act like she didn't say anything. For as limited time as you see her, your husband is right, don't get into it with her.
                      Check out my primal blog: http://primalroar.posterous.com/

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                      • #12
                        Oooh, like Kitana says, BLESS YOUR HEART! It's a southern lady's deadliest weapon. Use it!

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                        • #13
                          You don't have to associate with people who treat you that way.
                          ďThe whole concept of a macronutrient, like that of a calorie, is determining our language game in such a way that the conversation is not making sense." - Dr. Kurt Harris

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                          • #14
                            "you're wasting away"

                            "thanks, feeling great!"

                            "you look fat"

                            "thanks, feeling great!"

                            Etc.

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                            • #15
                              just say
                              "yeah im really hating fitting back into the clothes i wore in my teens .. its a real bummer"

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