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Perfection, worthiness, and being enough right now

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  • Perfection, worthiness, and being enough right now

    Most people who are struggling with their weight are probably struggling with the ideal of what their "perfect" body should look like. I know there are other reasons to do the PB, but I see this so often on this forum ("I'm not losing weight fast enough/I'm so fat and ugly/I hate my body") that I thought I'd share this article.

    The main message: You are good enough RIGHT NOW, as you are RIGHT NOW. It's okay to be who you are and where you are RIGHT NOW. You are worthy of being happy with who you are RIGHT NOW. You do not have to wait another 20 pounds or 200 pounds to think you are worthy RIGHT NOW - because you are already worthy, RIGHT NOW.

    The longer we put off living because we think we aren't good enough yet, the more time we're wasting.

    Here's the article: http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/11/01...ion/index.html
    Primal eating in a nutshell: If you are hungry, eat Primal food until you are satisfied (not stuffed). Then stop. Wait until you're hungry again. Repeat.

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    Ditch the scale!: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread33283.html

    My Success Story: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread30615.html

  • #2
    A beautiful article. Thanks for sharing.
    The Primal Holla! Eating fat. Getting lean. Being awesome.

    You were sick, but now you're well, and there's work to do. - Kilgore Trout

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    • #3
      It's a good message, but I'm not sure I buy into the whole 'worthiness' thing. I want to get leaner and stronger because it would put me nearer my mental image of what I want to be, not to please anyone else or earn more self-esteem from myself. I think a life where you aren't constantly trying to better yourself physically and mentally is a pretty stagnant life. It's fine to accept who you are at the moment - and very healthy as well - but I see far too much total acceptance of a sub-par existence around me, not too little of it. A lot of people in my area could do with a hefty dose of 'I need to better myself'.
      The Primal Journey of Mr and Mrs Fist
      Blog
      sigpic

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      • #4
        I've seen this attitude a lot. Women will put off vacations until they have that bikini body. Because they never get where they want to be, they never take that vacation. It's a waste of life.
        I want to improve my body, I do. But, I'm not going to let the fact that I'm chubby keep me from living. I don't let the fact that I travel alone keep me from going on trips. Just because my life isn't exactly where I want it to be, I'll still party and live and enjoy as much as I can. At the same time, I'm working to improve my health and my strength. I want to be able to enjoy the choices I make as much as possible, and respect myself in doing so.

        In other words - woohoo!

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        • #5
          It's a fine line, and an important one. How do I be grateful and appreciate what I have, without settling for less than what's possible? How do I enjoy the journey, without getting hung up on the destination? Work to achieve my goals without thinking less of myself now?

          Thanks, Griff, for bringing this up.

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          • #6
            I've seen this attitude a lot. Women will put off vacations until they have that bikini body. Because they never get where they want to be, they never take that vacation. It's a waste of life.
            I want to improve my body, I do. But, I'm not going to let the fact that I'm chubby keep me from living. I don't let the fact that I travel alone keep me from going on trips.
            I wasted my twenties doing this. I never went on a solo holiday till i was 27, I never skied until i was 28 (i thought I was too heavy to) and now i'm setting up my own solo holiday business.

            I know i'm still chunkier than the average girl but i've found guys are still attracted to me...very much so...i spent most of my twenties dateless and single.

            Don't any of your DARE put your life on hold....it's short and precious.
            xx
            Scottish Sarah

            Join our UK/ROI Primal group here! http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...php?groupid=67

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            • #7
              Nice Article!

              Primal Fist... I do see what you're saying. But I think some of us (and I am one) have a really hard time with balancing that desire to be lean and work towards a goal without having a huge dose of self-hatred about where we are right now. It's not like feeling WORTHY right now means we "give up", or "just accept" that we won't get to our goals. It's knowing that whatever goals we have and are working on are great, but we have to also be caring, supportive and loving of ourselves right now, and not put our self-approval and self-love off for months/years/...ever.

              Some people have no problem doing that and that's great. But some of us equate "working on improvements" with "we suck." And it's that mindset we're working on... not giving up on our goals.

              M
              sigpic "Boy I got vision and the rest of the world is wearing bifocals" - Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

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              • #8
                Thank you. I needed that.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Minxxa View Post
                  Nice Article!

                  Primal Fist... I do see what you're saying. But I think some of us (and I am one) have a really hard time with balancing that desire to be lean and work towards a goal without having a huge dose of self-hatred about where we are right now. It's not like feeling WORTHY right now means we "give up", or "just accept" that we won't get to our goals. It's knowing that whatever goals we have and are working on are great, but we have to also be caring, supportive and loving of ourselves right now, and not put our self-approval and self-love off for months/years/...ever.

                  Some people have no problem doing that and that's great. But some of us equate "working on improvements" with "we suck." And it's that mindset we're working on... not giving up on our goals.

                  M
                  Took the words right out of my bread basket.
                  I used to seriously post here, now I prefer to troll.

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                  • #10
                    Primal Fist, I do absolutely agree that there are too many people who don't work to better themselves. But, I think that in a lot of cases that comes from not believing that they can change. I've had a lot of conversations with overweight people who've asked me about weight loss (I've conspicuously lost quite a bit), but they tell me that they can't even make the simplest changes, like getting out and going for a walk every day. I know that couldn't possibly be true, but I think that seeing yourself as capable of getting in shape can require learning to love yourself first: "I may be fat and out of shape now, and the deck might be stacked against me, but I deserve to be as healthy and happy as possible."

                    On the other hand, there are some people who do seem to be motivated by self-loathing. Just from personal observation, these people typically have a difficult time understanding why finally getting skinny (or whatever their goal was) did not automatically translate into happiness.
                    The Primal Holla! Eating fat. Getting lean. Being awesome.

                    You were sick, but now you're well, and there's work to do. - Kilgore Trout

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                    • #11
                      Self-hatred was actually my motivating factor up to a year or so ago, so I have some idea of what you're saying. However, I'm glad that I felt that way - I think the strength of that feeling was both caused by how far from my ideal I was, and also necessary for me to start changing my 'reality'. In fact I think it would be possible, perhaps even helpful, to dispense with terms like self-hatred and just see such feelings as somewhere on a sliding scale of intensity, dependent on how much distance there is between you as you are and you as you want to be.

                      I think that when closer proximity to your ideal does not translate into greater happiness with yourself, then there are other issues at work which may be manifesting themselves as self-loathing or other emotions/drives, and the person concerned would have to sort those out separately.
                      The Primal Journey of Mr and Mrs Fist
                      Blog
                      sigpic

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Primal Fist View Post
                        I think that when closer proximity to your ideal does not translate into greater happiness with yourself, then there are other issues at work which may be manifesting themselves as self-loathing or other emotions/drives, and the person concerned would have to sort those out separately.
                        The problem is: what if you work hard, but are not closer to this "ideal?" Where does that leave you emotionally?

                        Never mind the fact that even as people lose weight or change their career in some way, they find something else to fixate on in terms of the need to be perfect. For a lot of people perfectionism is a personality trait that is hard to let go of. The article is just approaching the idea that negative self-talk and self deprication based on attainment of goals and pursuing perfection is detrimental to the view of the self.

                        I think that the article can be summed up in this (corny) way. . . that instead of fixating on a goal and placing all of your self-worth in that goal, you need to focus on the journey itself and enjoy the processes of working towards improving yourself.

                        Instead of thinking "I need to get up those stairs and every step is a move towards my goal" you need to think "I want to get up those stairs and boy-oh-boy do I ever love walking up stairs. Isn't life fun!" lol

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                        • #13
                          Beautiful article, thanks for sharing!

                          And once we can start accepting ourselves for who we are right here, right now, then we need to start applying that to others. Just think how our relationships would be if we first accepted ourselves for everything we are and are not, and then the people we love as well
                          Redflame
                          Started PB Aug 9, 2010 then let 'stuff' get in the way
                          Back to start and make a fantastic 2012
                          Goal of Significant Weight Loss
                          15 pounds down! with more to go!

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Redflame View Post
                            And once we can start accepting ourselves for who we are right here, right now, then we need to start applying that to others.

                            For sure!

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                            • #15
                              great article, Griff, thanks for sharing!

                              I believe that it is possible to accept yourself now, and still have an idea to which you work--so long as that ideal is not ridiculously impossible. For example, if you are blonde like me, it's pretty darn hard to look like Iman (gorgeous!). But, there are attributes about Iman that i like such as how she has such grace, elegance, and self confidence. But, she is taller than me, and a different body type, and--oh yeah--black.

                              So long as the goals are reasonable, attainable, and that self-acceptance still exists on the path to, then absolutely these ideas can coexist.

                              that's where i am. I love my body right now, but i decided to start primal and work toward a particular yoga certification in 2011. i'm psyched about it. I don't need to loose weight, but i do want to gain some strength, some skills, and get leaner too (if that is in the cards; i think it's possible--i haven't done a body fat % test in a while, so we'll see how far i want to go with that!).

                              anyway, that's me.

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