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Fern's right...Autistic people obviously have no place on this Earth...

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  • Fern's right...Autistic people obviously have no place on this Earth...

    And, if that makes me a bitch, then I'm a bitch! I have no clue how to deal with people - I don't know what people are. I have had to live with this for nearly 40 years - no proper diagnosis, no help, no support no nothing (and, no, I'm NOT looking for sympathy - I'm laying it down like it is, like it always has been, like it probably always will be).

    I didn't ask to be born like I am - fuck, I didn't ask to be born at all!

    Now, is there anyone else who wishes to take a shot at me - go, on , give it your best - it's open season!

    I spent last winter on the streets of Liverpool; the temperatures hardly ever rose above negative F. Every night I prayed to whatever might be listening that I'd not wake up; unfortunately every morning I did.

    You're all right - I'm completely sub-human, sub-normal, sub-everything. Why do you think I've got 'PURE EVIL" etched on my arm?

    I have fought for recognition, for proper acknowledgement of what I am - it's got me nowhere. Fern's right, I'm better off dead, but there's a paradox there; if I'm dead then I'm no longer suffering and surely someone as evil as I evidently am deserves to suffer...?


    There's no room in this world for a girl like me
    No place around there will I fit in...?

    Manic Street Preachers, Born A Girl, Lifeblood.

    But before I do take Fern's sage advice and top myself; answer this one question: - why would I - or anyone else - set out to be DELIBERATELY nasty? You call me a bitch and I don't understand why. You call me evil and I don't understand why. I am me - Sarah Jane Balfour, the Martian On the Forum.

    Goodnight and, hopefully, goodbye.

    Sarah
    La tristesse durera toujours...

  • #2
    Sarah, my one piece of advice to you, as a fellow Aspergian, is this: you must stop caring so much about what everyone else thinks of you. They aren't going to be kind. They just aren't. The way you and I tend to come across on forums is like we're hysterical, babyish, emotional maniacs if we don't exercise control. I do; you don't. You need to learn to control when and how you post, and if someone says something shitty to you, IGNORE IT. Their opinion vs. your self-control - which is more important to you?
    Primal eating in a nutshell: If you are hungry, eat Primal food until you are satisfied (not stuffed). Then stop. Wait until you're hungry again. Repeat.

    Looking for my Cholesterol Primer? Here it is: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...mer-(Attempt-2)


    Ditch the scale!: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread33283.html

    My Success Story: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread30615.html

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    • #3
      SV-
      Lie down with the dogs, get up with the fleas. Don't argue with a fool, they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. I know you're intelligent enough to catch what I'm saying with those two statements. I also know that you value your life enough not to do anything as foolish as suicide. If you are fully considering that (I sincerely hope you are not), there are suicide hotlines everywhere in the world, even in Britain. A suicide hotline saved my life once. Don't discount them because you don't know the person on the other side.
      Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, steak in one hand, chocolate in the other, yelling "Holy F***, What a Ride!"
      My Latest Journal

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      • #4
        I finally must ask this; It takes at least a little concious thought to type something out, no? This is not a case of blurting out the first thing on your mind, it actually takes a second or two to go from brain to fingertips. I mean, I type out my thoughts, backspace because of a spelling error or poor grammar and I can proof read and re-read what I typed. What is it about AS that would cause the written word to be as "in your face" as the spoken word?

        Did that come out right?
        Started my journey on May 22, 2010:

        Beginning weight ~180
        Current weight ~145

        Nov. 9, 2009........Nov. 9, 2010.....Jun. 17, 2011
        LDL 155...............LDL 176............LDL 139
        HDL 39................HDL 66..............HDL 95
        TGL 154..............TGL 77..............TGL 49

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        • #5
          SV - im neither Asperbergers no autistic nor do i have much experience in these areas
          but i have read many of yr posts and what comes across to me is the brutal honesty you express about yrself and others.. so what is on yr mind is what comes out in print and no doubt verbally as well ... it seems to me that the "shades of grey" which non Asp and non autistic people experience just dont exist for you and that makes it hard for us to understand ...

          For what its worth ive also seen great beauty in yr posts and in you ... i dont see evil or a bitch or any such thing .. you are who you are in the great melting pot of humanity and that makes you good and worthwhile and as good and worthwhile as anyone else

          and if you are seriously considering taking Ferns advice (if such crass nonsense can be called advice) then pls get help NOW.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Griff View Post
            Sarah, my one piece of advice to you, as a fellow Aspergian, is this: you must stop caring so much about what everyone else thinks of you. They aren't going to be kind. They just aren't. The way you and I tend to come across on forums is like we're hysterical, babyish, emotional maniacs if we don't exercise control. I do; you don't. You need to learn to control when and how you post, and if someone says something shitty to you, IGNORE IT. Their opinion vs. your self-control - which is more important to you?
            This is the problem here. Admittedly I know nothing about Asperger's but you Griff seem to control yourself WAY better than S_V to the point where if you had never admitted to having it I or any others would never know.

            I know Sarah has exhibited plenty of positive qualities (in my opinion) but her lashing out is so uncalled for most of the time that it makes it hard to deal with. Obviously I don't want her to die, but I would like if it she exercised more self restraint. I'm assuming that this is easier for some (ie: you) than it is for other sufferers.
            I used to seriously post here, now I prefer to troll.

            Comment


            • #7
              who the hell is Fern?

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by iniQuity View Post
                This is the problem here. Admittedly I know nothing about Asperger's but you Griff seem to control yourself WAY better than S_V to the point where if you had never admitted to having it I or any others would never know.

                I know Sarah has exhibited plenty of positive qualities (in my opinion) but her lashing out is so uncalled for most of the time that it makes it hard to deal with. Obviously I don't want her to die, but I would like if it she exercised more self restraint. I'm assuming that this is easier for some (ie: you) than it is for other sufferers.
                Different folks get hit with things at different levels. Autism is a spectrum, and some people just happen to sit closer to the "normal" end (Griff and myself, for example).

                From what I, personally, experience I can't really say it's all about self restraint. I obviously can't comment for SV, but I've known folks (and I have some issues with this) who very simply did not see or understand the world in the same way as normals. Different view of the world can lead to some very different behaviors.
                "A man in this world without learning is as a beast of the field."

                My Primal Journal

                Comment


                • #9
                  i think "self-control" means you must know what it is you're controlling. correct me if I'm wrong Sarah, but it's possible she just doesn't realize how she comes across because she lacks the ability to put herself in another's shoes. this is a skill that comes easily for most, but must be painstakingly learned by those with asperger's. Just a guess, as a person who isn't an aspie.

                  Sarah, my advice to you is to not care about what others say to you. sometimes it's easier said than done, but remember that they don't know you (and obviously, neither do I).
                  my primal journal:
                  http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...Primal-Journal

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    No one likes to feel irrelevant, no one likes to feel like the world wouldn't notice if they died, its not nice to be contemplating dying as a means of relief. I feel that way too, alot, so I feel bad and sad for you if you honestly feel that way. I really do. ..but its hard to know when you are simply trying to incite more attention and 'poor Sarah' remarks after you witness a wave of disgust at yet another offensive post you have directed to someone who did not deserve it.

                    You have enough insight to know the difference between your Aspergers reactions and deliberately abusing people. You are smart and you have insight. You also know how to switch off the computer. Don't blame your Aspergers for everything you do, in my opinion you have a real nasty or a bitchy streak that you continually get away with because you continually blame your Aspergers instead of looking at your behaviour. Attacking people about spelling or grammar? about their personal decisions? about personal information they are disclosing in this safe environment? You attack people with nasty cruel unsolicited comments that require thought and time to deliver as kcult says. If you don't accept this, and continue to say you have no control over it then consider this - every action has repercussions. Aspergers or not when you continually insult people, people are eventually going to react. If you don't like it, how do you think the recipients of your abuse feel.

                    Go for a walk, contemplate how people are reacting to your shitty comments (after a sustained period of tolerance), and if you recognise that reaction is going to get you down, don't go onto forums.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Griff View Post
                      Sarah, my one piece of advice to you, as a fellow Aspergian, is this: you must stop caring so much about what everyone else thinks of you. They aren't going to be kind. They just aren't. The way you and I tend to come across on forums is like we're hysterical, babyish, emotional maniacs if we don't exercise control. I do; you don't. You need to learn to control when and how you post, and if someone says something shitty to you, IGNORE IT. Their opinion vs. your self-control - which is more important to you?
                      HOW...?! Griff, I don't know how!!! I'm a kid stuck in an adult's body (you've seen Big, haven't you...?) I've always been impulsive, compulsive, demonstrative, destructive, obstructive.

                      I honestly, truthfully don't know how to be anything other than what I am. How old are you, Griff? How were you at school? It was different for you, though; boys have AS, girls don't. End of (at least that's what every shrink I've ever raised the subject with has told me!). It's like attempting to escape from Alcatraz by filing the wall with a nail file!

                      I have NO support from ANYONE - I am attempting to do EVERYTHING by myself. I have no parental support, no medical support, no peer support, no nothing.

                      I HONESTLY do NOT want to die, but only for the reasons stated above.

                      This world will not impose its will
                      I will not give up and I will not give in


                      Manic Street Preachers, title track, Postcards From A Young Man

                      Finally

                      http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/manic...ntpages12.html

                      Now I'm going to bed.
                      La tristesse durera toujours...

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Mog View Post
                        No one likes to feel irrelevant, no one likes to feel like the world wouldn't notice if they died, its not nice to be contemplating dying as a means of relief. I feel that way too, alot, so I feel bad and sad for you if you honestly feel that way. I really do. ..but its hard to know when you are simply trying to incite more attention and 'poor Sarah' remarks after you witness a wave of disgust at yet another offensive post you have directed to someone who did not deserve it.

                        You have enough insight to know the difference between your Aspergers reactions and deliberately abusing people. You are smart and you have insight. You also know how to switch off the computer. Don't blame your Aspergers for everything you do, in my opinion you have a real nasty or a bitchy streak that you continually get away with because you continually blame your Aspergers instead of looking at your behaviour. Attacking people about spelling or grammar? about their personal decisions? about personal information they are disclosing in this safe environment? You attack people with nasty cruel unsolicited comments that require thought and time to deliver as kcult says. If you don't accept this, and continue to say you have no control over it then consider this - every action has repercussions. Aspergers or not when you continually insult people, people are eventually going to react. If you don't like it, how do you think the recipients of your abuse feel.

                        Go for a walk, contemplate how people are reacting to your shitty comments (after a sustained period of tolerance), and if you recognise that reaction is going to get you down, don't go onto forums.

                        I have absolutely no idea what any of this means. I see words, I see sentences, but I do not see anything which makes any kind of sense to me.
                        La tristesse durera toujours...

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I wonder about this: Why is it so hard to go back to your original comment and apologize? When someone points out that you've said something unkind, uncalled for or inappropriate, why can't you go back and apologize for it? Why not admit that you framed your opinion in the worst possible way and that it was offensive to do so? Does it put you in a better mood to treat others poorly? Because it certainly doesn't put you in a good mood to be treated poorly by someone else.

                          If you know that you don't always have the same social filters that are expected by society, then it would seem wise to question why people react the way they do to you. If someone points out that you've failed to fully research your position, its ok to say they are right and that you aren't basing your opinion on research.

                          If react meanly to people before you've had coffee, or when you are grumpy, or when the sky is gray, don't hit post. The thread will still be there later, why not drink your coffee, use your blue light, and make yourself feel a little better, before spouting off? ...or at least be willing to accept the consequences when you do.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Shrinking_Violet View Post
                            I have absolutely no idea what any of this means. I see words, I see sentences, but I do not see anything which makes any kind of sense to me.
                            If that is true, don't go onto forums and engage with people in writing.

                            But you seem to be good at articulating yourself when you are dissecting other people's comments to tear them to shreds. Just making my own honest observations.

                            Why don't you go back and read all your posts and ask yourself how others would feel after reading some of your posts. Also, look at the tension it has created between members of this forum. Make an honest assessment.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              You aren't as alone as you think: Liverpool Asperger Team.

                              The Liverpool Asperger Team are a team of professionals who provide a specialist service for people aged 18 and over with Asperger syndrome, adopting a person-centred approach and using creative and innovative interventions to assist the individual with the social and communication barriers that they may face in everyday life. The team offers assessment and diagnosis of Asperger syndrome, together with clinical interventions based on the needs of the individual. The team also offers training and advice to other agencies about Asperger syndrome.
                              Even if you are further on the AS spectrum, i'm sure they can point you in the right direction for resources, support, and services.

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