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  • Husband not on board with my eating plan

    HELP!!!!!!

    I can not convince my husband to help me do this.He's totally not into giving up his bowls of cereal or his ice cream....

    I've been trying to only buy primal type foods when I shop,but he only wants cream cheese,ice cream,sweets,and all things not primal......

    I don't want to start any major arguments,but at the same time I don't want anything in the house that might tempt me to wander off my plan....

    Anyone have any suggestions???

  • #2
    Yeah, my wife isn't there either. She is eating a little more primal by eating meats and veggies, but she is Mexican(actually from Mexico) and likes tortillas and chips.

    My suggestion is continue to be an example. You can't force someone to change, but if you look better and feel better, he might want to also.

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    • #3
      I'd say you have to be strong.. make sure you've got lots of good food for you, and enough junk for the husband to feel like he's not being forced into something he's not ready for. Take your time, try to get him to eat some good stuff in addition to the ice cream and cereal

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      • #4
        You can't force anyone else to accept this liefstyle.

        This is something YOU have to do, on your own if necessary.

        Sure it will be harder without the support of your husband but you can't make him or anyone esle eat/live this way.

        I'm sure there are many who will support you here on the forum. Sorry it can't be any easier on you other than leaving him which may actually not be easier.

        Best of luck and hang in there, stay determined, stay focused, and stay disciplined.
        “It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creeds into law if it acquires the political power to do so, and will follow it by suppressing opposition, subverting all education to seize early the minds of the young, and by killing, locking up, or driving underground all heretics.”
        —Robert A. Heinlein

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        • #5
          my wife doesn't eat primal (though, i think i might finally be getting through to her), so she keeps a lot of pasta, cereal and sweets in the house. so i re-organized things in a way that gives us each a place for 'our' foods...specific cupboards, drawers in the refrigerator, etc. it really helped a lot with the temptations as first. after a while, the temptations go away and you don't even notice those foods.
          http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60178.html

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          • #6
            OOOhh.....reorganizing the food storage sounds like a great idea!!

            I knew someone here would help me!!

            Thanks everyone!

            I know I can't force him to change,but I do wish he would at least support me in my efforts.....I've never been slim,other than once in my life(birth control made me lose 80 lbs in six months,rather than gaining weight like most women do, lol). I just want to be able to shop in a clothing section that's not labeled "Plus Sizes"......

            I know he's a loving husband and he keeps saying "I love you just the way you are" BUT I don't love me the way I am,you know?

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            • #7
              My husband keeps his junk food on his desk - I'd never normally see it. Is there somewhere your husband can keep a stash of sugary things that's out of your way?

              On the positive side, give it a few weeks and this stuff won't look like food to you at all - you'd just as soon eat the cardboard box it comes in.

              Also, if you feed your husband more good things for his main meals - nice substantial helpings of meat and veg - then his desire for the sugary anti-foods may subside naturally, too. I think we're buying it in smaller quantities now.

              ETA: oops, missed seeing a couple of posts. Yes, exactly what Rob said.

              Also, I understand exactly what you're saying about the support. You can probably look forward to your husband being very happy with your new shape, though
              Last edited by Hilary; 09-03-2010, 07:39 AM.

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              • #8
                Definitely reorganize the food storage. As part of our own transition my husband "quarantined" all our non-primal dry goods in a nice, inconvenient location. So if we ever go to that cabinet, it forces us to at least acknowledge what we're doing.

                I know the feeling about plus sizes -- I would love to just go into any old store and be able to find clothes that fit again!

                Supposedly some spouses/partners are threatened by the idea of a partner being eager to make big changes. In their mind it sort of throws everything into question. Maybe he needs some reassurance, who knows? (But I agree, it would help if he'd at least buy into the idea of you doing something that you feel you need to do!)
                "Trust me, you will soon enter a magical land full of delicious steakflowers, with butterbacons fluttering around over the extremely rompable grass and hillsides."

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                • #9
                  I think your situation is more common than not. If not having "bad" foods around isn't an option, you'll simply need to steel your resolve, and ask yourself each time you reach for something to stuff in your face, "Is this helping or hurting?" You won't always win, but you can still do fine.

                  On the front of him not wanting to give up his habits, trust me, if saying to him "this is important to me, and I really want us to do this together" isn't working, nothing will get him to retreat further into his cave faster than telling him how "wrong" he is. Some people just aren't cut out for paleo eating. It makes mealtimes a PITA, and pretty much eliminates fun times like grabbing a slice together, but all in all, those are very small parts of your relationship.

                  Depending on who handles the budget, though (assuming anyone does) there may be some sticker shock. Paleo/primal is expensive enough by itself - separate meal plans increases that by quite a bit when the list of things you can/will both eat is smaller than the list of things you can't/won't share. Think of the common overlapping circle scenario - if the only thing in the part of the diagram that meets is "meat" there might be an issue.

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                  • #10
                    You've already received lots of good advice.

                    My hubby is not primal either, and has no real desire to be. I cook our meals, so his dinner is always primal anyway, lol.

                    As a few people mentioned, stick with it and those foods don't even SOUND good anymore, they are no longer a temptation. It will help when you start noticing changes in your body too.

                    A funny (to me) story that helps illustrate what I'm trying to say: A couple of days ago was my MIL's birthday. In keeping with tradition, we all got together at their house and had an icecream cake. I declined to have any and my hubby started in on me - you LOVE icecream, she never eats anything anymore, blah blah blah... His mom and his SIL were both like, hello! Look at her, I wish I had that kind of will power! Leave her alone, she looks great. I was beaming and hubby shut his face!

                    Anyway, I'm still a newbie too, so enjoy, you'll love it!

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                    • #11
                      Yes,I have discovered that primal food is a bit higher in price,but compared to the price of junk food,it's really not that bad....I can buy meat direct from the meat packer for way cheaper than the store.I place my order,he buys the steer from a local farmer,and cuts the meat to my order...I can also order pork,chicken and turkey from all local sources,so meat is the easy part.....veggies are what kills the budget......

                      I've been slowly buying less and less junk stuff,and more healthy stuff,and encouraging him to eat more of it.

                      We're not newly weds by any means(12years,been together as a couple for 16 years),so we know each other pretty well.

                      He would choose watching a movie over going for a walk,or sleep rather than a bike ride.....

                      SO I decided that I am spending this holiday weekend revamping the cupboards and food storage,and will be making a point to go out for an early morning walk or ride first thing before he's even out of bed....

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                      • #12
                        On the support issue...

                        He does support you. He said he loves you the way you are. What he does not support is your decision to make him suffer with you.

                        Too a man these are 2 seperate issues. You can't take away a person's freedom to make choices on his own and then guilt trip him by calling it "not supporting you". It's not fair. Besides getting rid of ice cream or whatever is not "support" it's sympathy. Why would you want to be with someone who needs sympathy?

                        This is coming from a man who has been there done that.
                        Don't be a paleotard...

                        http://www.bodyrecomposition.com/nut...oxidation.html

                        http://www.bodyrecomposition.com/nut...torage-qa.html

                        http://www.bodyrecomposition.com/fat...rn-fat-qa.html

                        http://www.bodyrecomposition.com/nut...-you-need.html

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by chima_p View Post
                          On the support issue...

                          He does support you. He said he loves you the way you are. What he does not support is your decision to make him suffer with you.

                          Too a man these are 2 seperate issues. You can't take away a person's freedom to make choices on his own and then guilt trip him by calling it "not supporting you". It's not fair. Besides getting rid of ice cream or whatever is not "support" it's sympathy. Why would you want to be with someone who needs sympathy?

                          This is coming from a man who has been there done that.
                          I actually appreciate this male point of view. It is a good reminder that people respond differently. Are you going to love him even if he doesn't eat primal? Even if he ribs you? Tell him so and let him be. Your will power will improve and you will feel so much better - hang in there, it is worth it. When he starts to make changes in his own eating, just be happy! no grudges.

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                          • #14
                            Sorry I didn't read any of the other comments, but I have been following the PB for about 5 months now and I am the only one in the house following (or any other house that we visit for that matter).

                            You are going to have to be more disciplined since the tempting foods will always be in your house. Until you break your initial sugar (carb) cravings it will simply be your strong will. After that, you just have to accept that some of these foods will be around and your husband should accept what you are doing and not keep it excessive!! If there are foods that are really a weakness for me, I will ask her not to buy them at all or choose a different snack etc.

                            Also, I think it is even more important for me to not let myself get too hungry. If I do, the pantry is right around corner and has plenty of horrible food in it (whole grains, cereal, oats, etc...).

                            Here is the good news: before eating primally and making sure I get enough fat (terribly important!!), I could never resists the temptation. Maybe a day, a week, or even a month, but not consistently through time. Now, it is pretty easy!! Good luck!!

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                            • #15
                              My wife isn't into it either! Even with my 15+ lbs i have lost over the past 4 weeks! She keeps telling me that she HAS to eat grains in to make it through the day and won't listen to all the science. I read her the 1st chapter of PB with the PB vs. CW examples when I started and she was super excited to get started but in the end the CW brain washing has won. It is hard for dinners because she wants us to eat the same thing but when she makes rice and beans for dinner I either IF or have some leftovers and a BAS. It has caused a few fights because she thinks it isn't a sustainable lifestyle but being a doc with a strong nutrition background she knows that I wouldn't start if there wasn't plenty of science backing it up.

                              I feel that it is the addiction that gets in the way and the only way around it is the detox, but you can't make an addict quit unless they want too. Even with the 80/20 fall back written into it!
                              "The power that made the body HEALS the body" - B.J. Palmer

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