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  • Stop Staring! :) (ok don't!)

    This might seem weird, but did anyone else struggle with accepting your hot self? As in struggle with getting more attention than you want?

    I was reading a different thread about more confidence and just now I'm feeling a little better about getting stared at... but especially women... how do you deal with men staring all the time.

    I'm really tall so that may make it worse.... Its not like we chose the bodies we were born with, and lots of people say they want it...

    but i don't know that they would... its kinda weird.

    How did you deal when you got hot and more attention than you need/want?

    I hope this doesn't make me sound like some kind of stuck up beeyotch lol... but i seriously wonder about this.

  • #2
    I don't think it's stuck up, some people (ahem... me!) lurve attention, absolutely desire being the center of attention, while other's don't crave that, or are actually repulsed by the limelight.

    I can't give any advice, as I am a lover of the limelight, but wanted to chime in that it's not stuck up beeyotch behaviour.
    The more I see the less I know for sure.
    -John Lennon

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    • #3
      I think it depends on the attention. If people are being creepy, you'll have to work up the guts to tell them to back off. (Serious biceps might help here.) If people are just being friendlier than you're accustomed to, or staring, well, practice accepting that you are a GODDESS and people want to be near you. (I am also tall & don't like being the center of attention. It takes some practice but you can learn to ignore it.)
      And most of all...
      ENJOY IT!


      ps my sister & I went to china a few years ago... there were people who had never seen a white person, let alone a blonde person, and no woman anywhere was more than 5'4. I must have been some kind of Amazon to them; I got to deal w/ staring, gasping, pointing, even touching. Just remember they've never seen anything like you before, and they probably never will again.

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      • #4
        It makes me extremely uncomfortable, and I've been known to go hide in the women's restroom.
        "Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food." -- Hippocrates

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        • #5
          Originally posted by elwyne View Post
          ps my sister & I went to china a few years ago... there were people who had never seen a white person, let alone a blonde person, and no woman anywhere was more than 5'4. I must have been some kind of Amazon to them; I got to deal w/ staring, gasping, pointing, even touching. Just remember they've never seen anything like you before, and they probably never will again.
          I know what you mean. When I was in my 20's we went to Hawaii. The place where we stayed had a tour from Japan and I don't think any of them had ever seen a redhead before. They actually stopped me and took turns taking pictures posing with me. It was really embarrasing. They were really nice about it though.

          Other than that, I don't really know. I kind of think I would like to experience this, but I can totally understand it being uncomfortable. Maybe in a few months I can answer this question

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          • #6
            Originally posted by LemonFreshScent View Post
            This might seem weird, but did anyone else struggle with accepting your hot self? As in struggle with getting more attention than you want?
            Let me preface this by saying that my body is still a long ways off from hot.

            But, i've written a lot on MDA about this based on my past experiences. I struggled with this tremendously in my 20s and really, I never found a way to deal with it. Being both cute and very friendly/warm meant that many people got the wrong idea and I was constantly dealing with men who misinterpreted my eye contact or other signals. My way of dealing with it? I stopped looking at people, stopped talking to people and stopped being any kind of social, ever....for well over 10 years.

            My mood and energy have shifted back though and now as I loose weight and as my body composition changes, I'm getting attention again. It's kind of funny to me b/c while I have a good shape (vv hourglass & .7 htw ratio) I am definitely overweight and on a teensy frame....I'm 5' 1/2" tall and am one of those size 2-4...and even at that size, I am *not* too thin.

            Anyway, wrt the attention, it doesn't happen every day, but when it rains, it pours. Twice in the last two days I've had men approach me to tell me I have a beautiful voice. Seriously? That has never happened in my *life*. They heard me having conversations with others and approached me to tell me so. A few weeks ago, I had the oddest experience of a man at Target quite lavish me with complements in the checkout lane and jokingly ask me to marry him. He was seriously hot, incredibly fit and probably early 30s. And South African (*dies from the accent*). A week before that, I was getting wolf whistles and lots of "stop and stare" while walking through L5P (an atlanta neighborhood).

            So how am I dealing with it? I'm 40 now and realizing fully that my fertility (and therefore attractiveness) has at best a very short shelf-life at this point in time. I am absolutely enjoying it. I smile and keep going.....or a friendly laugh, giggle and "I'm flattered". If I feel like talking, I change the subject but continue the conversation....otherwise I keep moving, grateful that they shared their thoughts on my appearance.

            Dh isn't the least bit uncomfortable with the attention I'm getting, in fact quite the opposite: he loves it. He *loves* it. I didn't really 'get' that until recently. Until I understood that, I was exceptionally concerned with insuring that I didn't give the appearance of instigating others attentions.

            Now I'm happy to just be who I am and not worry about the agenda of any particular man. I'm flattered by the attention and take in what it's telling me, but it doesn't define me or, finally, make me uncomfortable.



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            • #7
              Originally posted by cillakat View Post

              Now I'm happy to just be who I am and not worry about the agenda of any particular man. I'm flattered by the attention and take in what it's telling me, but it doesn't define me or, finally, make me uncomfortable.
              Thats what I probably needed to read . I'm turning 38 this year so there is definately a shelf life ... But from the looks of Mark's wife... it looks like being hot can last into your 50s!

              Here's to being hot granny's!

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              • #8
                Originally posted by LemonFreshScent View Post
                Thats what I probably needed to read . I'm turning 38 this year so there is definately a shelf life ... But from the looks of Mark's wife... it looks like being hot can last into your 50s!
                Oh the benefits of HRT. And yes, I will be doing bio-identical hrt at the first sign that it's appropriate.



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                • #9
                  Originally posted by TigerLily View Post
                  It makes me extremely uncomfortable, and I've been known to go hide in the women's restroom.
                  I used to as well. But that was in any social situation :/

                  *hugs you*

                  Now I'm embracing it instead



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                  • #10
                    I'm 6'7", I've been stared at pretty much my whole life. My one friend told me he preferred to walk behind me in the university halls because then he got to see all the people turn and point and such when i walked by.

                    Played football with a guy who's 6'6", he didn't like walking with me in the halls cause he didn't like the attention he got on his own let alone when there were two "freaks" walking together.
                    I didn't like the rules you gave me, so I made some of my own.

                    Strong people are harder to kill than weak people, and more useful in general. - Mark Rippetoe

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                    • #11
                      Thanks, doll. I'm working on it. I wear a wedding ring (even though I'm not married) as protection. (Yeah, so I've got issues -- LOL.) I admire and am inspired by your progress. It's a tough one.
                      "Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food." -- Hippocrates

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by federkeil View Post
                        I'm 6'7", I've been stared at pretty much my whole life. My one friend told me he preferred to walk behind me in the university halls because then he got to see all
                        You are 19 inches taller than me. omg!

                        I have some pretty damn tall relatives (nephews, cousins, step brothers .....6'3-6'6) that I was recently visiting.....My head is right below sternum level when hugging them. lol

                        Oh that I might have gotten just a *little* of our dutch/norwegian height. But let me tell you, in Italy I know I've found my people. lol *my people*



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                        • #13
                          Your post touched me. Excessive, unwanted attention is one of the reasons why I gained weight in the first place. I called it asshole-padding (pardon my french). I only got attention from the men who were truly interested in me, not just my body. I hated all the unwanted attention (I won't bore you with the stories) but once I started gaining I felt like that part of my life got so much better. Now? Not so much, because I've gained too much, can't shed it, and have started dealing with the ugly side of being overweight (health problems). This is something I've thought about a *lot* because every time I've lost weight in the past all the unwanted attention started up again (regardless of a wedding ring) and I know it's something I'll likely have to face again. At least I'm older now so ... maybe that will help.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by TigerLily View Post
                            Thanks, doll. I'm working on it. I wear a wedding ring (even though I'm not married) as protection. (Yeah, so I've got issues -- LOL.) I admire and am inspired by your progress. It's a tough one.
                            Yah. I used to like literally hide from people at times. Also, I had a stalker once.....in high school actually and it got really - really - scary before anyone took seriously. So I think that had a very sigificant affect.

                            I swear though that getting lots of D and saturated fat have helped a lot.

                            Yesterday, I had a massage and took off my wedding ring - something i never ever ever do. Like I even leave it on when cooking, baking, sleeping. I never take it off (not even for manicures). But I really needed my hands worked on so I took it off.

                            Anyway, forgot to put it on last night and sure enough.......out for dinner with a friend.....

                            So yeah, it's a layer of protection....but all of the other recent times I've been wearing it, incl the time at Target so *shrug* who knows......

                            I hope that over time you feel more and more comfortable with letting their stuff be their stuff. Ya know....another thing that helped me was reading Way of the Superior Man. Oddly enough.



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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by cillakat View Post
                              I struggled with this tremendously in my 20s and really, I never found a way to deal with it. Being both cute and very friendly/warm meant that many people got the wrong idea and I was constantly dealing with men who misinterpreted my eye contact or other signals. My way of dealing with it? I stopped looking at people, stopped talking to people and stopped being any kind of social, ever....for well over 10 years.
                              This is my story, exactly!

                              I never have been able to figure out how to decline advances without the guy hating me/glaring at me for YEARS(!~)/making things lies about me within my rock community. It's embarrassing to say that I'm 40 and I've not figured out how to navigate all this. Best to just be unavailable, across the board, and avoid the drama. Unfortunately, however, on a rare blue moon, a guy will actually pique my interest.... and -- gah! -- he sees the ring.
                              "Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food." -- Hippocrates

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