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  • Eating disorder recovery attempt, panicking

    I found out last week that the anorexia I thought I got rid of never left. I've had it unintentionally for eight years. It's wrecked me, essentially. Tiredness, emotional instability, weakness, inability to get stronger, skewed body image, anxiety, massive obsession over food, etc., even though I'm at a normal BMI. Today I started the recovery plan from youreatopia.com, which says I need to eat 3000+ calories a day to heal, over double what I was eating when I thought I had beaten this, and triple what I ate from ages 8-14. I've got about 2500 so far today, mostly primal, and I'm freaking out because my stomach hurts but I want to eat more because I'm suddenly hungrier than I am after not eating for a day, but I also don't know if I'm starving or full and my head hurts and this is really really sudden and it's scaring me.

    I'm not really asking a question here, I just needed to say something because no one is listening.
    Last edited by Alexis47; 09-29-2013, 04:52 AM. Reason: Deleted information that isn't relevant anymore

  • #2
    Wow. This whole post makes me very sad. I'm sad about what you are going through, and sad (and mad!) at the response of your parents. You need help right now, more help than you maybe even realize. Is there anyone at your school maybe, a counselor or trusted teacher, that you can talk to? I understand you not wanting to ruin your parents' shot at adoption, but frankly, if this is their idea of parenting maybe they shouldn't be adopting anyway. I understand that you maybe feel this is something you can or should manage yourself, but eating disorders are not that easy to overcome, even for people with tons of support.

    I want you to get better, and if that means seeking help from your doctor, your school, other family, then do it. Please.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Alexis47 View Post
      I found out last week that the anorexia I thought I got rid of never left. I've had it unintentionally for eight years. It's wrecked me, essentially. Tiredness, emotional instability, weakness, inability to get stronger, skewed body image, anxiety, massive obsession over food, etc., even though I'm at a normal BMI. Today I started the recovery plan from youreatopia.com, which says I need to eat 3000+ calories a day to heal, over double what I was eating when I thought I had beaten this, and triple what I ate from ages 8-14. I've got about 2500 so far today, mostly primal, and I'm freaking out because my stomach hurts but I want to eat more because I'm suddenly hungrier than I am after not eating for a day, but I also don't know if I'm starving or full and my head hurts and this is really really sudden and it's scaring me. I can't talk to my parents because they don't think this is a real problem, and I can't go to the doctor because my parents are adopting and it requires a medical sign off on my health for some reason and if I tell them about this it'll jeopardize that.

      I'm not really asking a question here, I just needed to say something because no one is listening.
      Hi Alexis,

      Very sorry to hear that you or anyone goes through this. I've never had an ED, but sounds to me like focring yourself to eat so much more than your used to in a short time period could be causing the symptoms (both physical and emotional), that your experiencing. Try backing off a little.
      A better plan might be to experiement. Eat until you feel comfortably full. Track what you eat in one of the online food trackers but don't force yourself to attain a certain calorie amount. Personally for someone your size, I would say 3000kcals a day is a little high. I'm a 6'0 male and thats about what I eat. Take things a little slower for awhile. Establish a routine of eating until comfortable and tracking. See how this works for you.
      As to your parents. I know this may be hard for you, but maybe you can get them a book or other literature that explains your condition. Not sure how far along in the adoption process you are, but if it isnt going to be much longer maybe put off pressuring your parents until the adoption is complete.
      The age group your in is very stressfull for everyone, but remember your not alone in this. Check out some online communities of people who are suffering the same issues (ED), you are and see what they have done (are doing), to conquer it. I will be praying for your success in this.
      Last edited by Mini_mi; 09-28-2013, 04:17 PM. Reason: spelling

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      • #4
        I agree with Mini_mi that 3000cal a day is too high. I generally don't think much of any diet that specifies you must eat X amount of calories, whether high or low. Especially for people struggling with an eating disorder, I think telling them to eat a certain number of cals to "recover" is destructive, as it perpetuates a path of disordered eating- overeating past the point of fullness can be just as bad as restricting calories, and doesn't address the underlying psychological issues at all.

        I don't know what the appropriate path is for someone suffering anorexia. I'm hopeful that someone else on this board who has suffered from it (there are plenty) will chime in with some more solid guidance than I can offer you.

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        • #5
          Alexis,
          Honey you need to start slowly. you can't go from eating too little to eating so much in one day without getting sick. Your stomach and body won't be able to handle it. Just take it one step at the time. Try to eat for now just around the 2000Kcal. It will be enough for a few days to not drop the weight.
          Build in snack slowly and make sure that the snack are high calorie snacks like banana bread, dark chocolate, chocolate covered nuts. Your stomach needs to get used to more food just like mine (as I'm going over to ketosis) needs time to get used to the fat intake.
          As you are trying to gain a bit of weight I'd say try eating high calorie bites later on the day. Your body will store the felt over carbs as fat or make it into muscle tissue.

          You've got to remember that an eating disorder is a chronic illness, just like an addiction, you might be strong enough not to give in and feel like you have conquered it, in moments of weakness or stress you can fall back easily. it's nothing to be ashamed off, that's how it is, it's up to you to recognize it and try to deal with it.
          You can't beat the monster in one day... take your time, deal with the stress and with the feeling of failure (because it will be there whetter you like it or not) and take one step a day with the food...

          YOU CAN DO IT!!!
          My story, My thought....

          It's all about trying to stay healthy!!!!

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          • #6
            Do you have a school counselor? First and foremost you need someone to talk to in order to deal with your stress.
            Everything is bad for something - How do you feel today?

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            • #7
              Hi Alexis, I know what you're feeling. I'm trying to fight with my ED too. I found out that adding around 100-200 cals a week for good. Your body will adapt to bigger amount of energy and food to digest. Also try to eat calorie dense foods: fatty cuts of meats, parmesan/aged cheese, maybe some starch (sweet potato, rice etc.) as they aren't very filling, but give a lot of kcals.
              And remember one thing: you are not alone with your problems! Try talking about them with friends, I hope they will help you. Mine were really nice to me, and they encouraged me in fighting with myself!
              Hardgainer trying to gain - my primal journal : http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread91644.html

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              • #8
                Alexis, don't force yourself to eat that much. Eat enough to have energy, but don't gorge yourself either. Gorging yourself is just going to create more problems in the long run. Start off slowly, and do it at your own pace if you're comfortable listening to yourself.
                F 28/5'4/100 lbs

                "I'm not a psychopath, I'm a high-functioning sociopath; do your research."

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                • #9
                  The 3000 calorie minimum for active-ish teenagers is supposedly needed to restore physical health so the mental part of it can be sufficiently cleared up afterwards, since the physical damage affects the mind quite a bit. I've recently started going to therapy for this.

                  Obviously I've calmed down quite a bit since originally posting this thread. I've talked to my father and now that side of it is resolved.

                  New question: would I be going wrong in drinking a lot of calories through oil and butter in tea? I'm thinking it would be physically easier to consume for now.

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                  • #10
                    I'm using a gainer for pure calories. Eating lots of calories out of whole foods is hard, bloating even.
                    Everything is bad for something - How do you feel today?

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Alexis47 View Post
                      The 3000 calorie minimum for active-ish teenagers is supposedly needed to restore physical health so the mental part of it can be sufficiently cleared up afterwards, since the physical damage affects the mind quite a bit. I've recently started going to therapy for this.
                      I can see that. Simply "eating until you're full" with a history of an ED would certainly not work very well. Having a guaranteed high number to aim for would certainly help with a specific counter, especially if you can't exactly trust your appetite and all.

                      New question: would I be going wrong in drinking a lot of calories through oil and butter in tea? I'm thinking it would be physically easier to consume for now.
                      Honestly, I would use sugar. It's far cheaper, and much easier to consume in mass quantities. Butter and oils are a little too thick for me. Sugar dissolves much easier, without the creamy texture. We use two cups per gallon over here.

                      G'luck with all this.

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                      • #12
                        I wouldn't go for the sugar, coconut oil or other fats will give you a more stable energy and blood sugar. Sugar will only make you feel bad after an hour or two.
                        A tbs of oil in coffee (search for bulletproof coffee) or a cocoa drink or full creme will work. Build up the amount of oil you drink or you might get stomach problems.
                        You can also eat nuts, they are high in calories and micronutrients or some dried fruit.
                        And since you have had anorexia for a long time don't try to cure it overnight, if you feel better building up to 3000 calories by eating a bit more everyday and reaching it in 2 or 3 weeks you will be better of in the long run.
                        I hope you will feel more relaxed around food shortly and feel better about yourself as well.

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                        • #13
                          I would say eat more in general, but don't focus specifically on fats or sugar or carbs (but a balanced amount of everything would be wise). You need to make sure you are getting adequate nutrients from your food and if you try to get more/most calories from something like fat, you may end up missing out on other things.
                          Depression Lies

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