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I'm furious. How to stop being mad controlling and let go!

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  • I'm furious. How to stop being mad controlling and let go!

    Some of you may no me here. I post often. If not, I've been Primal for about 8 months now. I'm 5'4'' at 165lbs. I love primal and I wouldn't eat any other way. It was cured me of many health issues. Saying that, besides that, I'm furious because I see so much wonderful weight loss success and it just hasn't happened for me. I had to get on JUDDD to lose weight, I lost about 5 lbs, and I re gained it. It's not the gaining it back that bothers me, it's the fact that WHY can't it just work for me? I sometimes think I just need to "throw the towel in" and surrender into acceptance that maybe I just was meant to stay at 165. I'm just scared that I'll gain 10 more pounds if i'm not constantly tracking, doing JUDDD, IFing. It just doesn't seem stress free to feel like if I were to just not be on "IF" or "JUDDD" thinking that just "being" means i'll gain 10 more pounds, ya know?
    The last Marks Daily Apple success post was pretty wonderful... but all she did was just switch to primal. Why doesn't that work for me!! ahhh it makes me so upset. I'm 26 yrs old. I don't want to worry my life away. I stopped cheese, didn't work, stopped nuts, that didn't work, it's like what am I holding on to? I'm just SO frustrated and most of all scared to just stop tracking, weighing, ifing, and just let myself be for awhile... that IF I was to gain another 10 pounds that the happiness of "calm" is worth it. I just eat so healthy and I don't friggin get it why it does "fall off" for me. Why do I have to struggle with this. sometimes I wish I was just one of those already high metabolism people skinny people who never have to worry about food. I'm sick of thinking about it, worrying, I'm already uncomfortable again because I gained back all the weight I lost from JUDDD. I"M SORRY IF I"M ANNOYING ANY OF YOU! BUT I JUST NEED TO FRIGGIN VENT.

    Bottom line.. I want to stop being upset. I want to stop worrying. I want to be happy, I'm just so afraid of letting go of that control (tracking, ifing etc..) I'll just never be where I want. I want to just accept ME NOW, ya know? I feel I lost the battle, like I failed, my body wouldn't do it, wouldn't lose weight, at least I have my health, but I'm still chubby! I still don't fit into my clothes from before the last holidays... It's like I got up to a certain weight and there is just NO return, I get up to a certain weight again, no return. UGH.

  • #2
    I feel helpless. I'm complaining to everyone on here... it's embarrassing! I need advice.

    Comment


    • #3
      Yeah, i'm 26 and it hasn't been the magic pill to work for me either (and actually, was the opposite) though health improvements at least have been nice.

      You may have outlined your food/macros/calories/exercise routine, but not here. What are those at?

      Comment


      • #4
        there is no way for US to know Your Answer

        for me I require HCG to drop and Ketogenic Paleo to hold. it takes everything i have 24x7. the smallest lapse is failure.

        until you know why you are holding on you cant release.. i know that sounds trite, however it is the only answer.

        for me, i have tons of epigenetic issues which prescribe how i get to live my optimal life.

        you are 15- 50 pounds "overweight" given your stated height, however without your bone density, your race, your lineage i cant say more than that.

        i can tell you that each major loss for me corresponds to learning so meting major. like the time i lost 12 pounds overnight with cold baths which taught me i was still very inflamed. or the time i learned that my lead and mercury levels were extremely high and took steps to correct that.

        food is rarely if ever the problem thus it cannot be much of a solution.
        Optimum Health powered by Actualized Self-Knowledge.

        Predator not Prey
        Paleo Ketogenic Lifestyle

        CW 315 | SW 506
        Current Jeans 46 | Starting Jeans 66


        Contact me: quelsen@gmail.com

        Comment


        • #5
          I am not in your situation and do not have your goals, so I'd be the first to say that there are many women on here with much better n=1 advice than I will ever be able to give you. With that acknowledged, I think you have answered your own question.

          You haven't failed until you quit. So don't. You clearly want to change your body and your mind even more....so let go of the tracking and obsessing. I don't count cals or macros. I don't even really track my workouts that well. Because for ME, maybe like you, doing all of that starts to defeat the purpose of why I eat and exercise like I do to begin with. I am a contrarian on this forum sometimes because I have one big motto:

          Simple works. Complexity fails.

          If you can't stay on it, if it stresses you out to do it, then no amount of putting your food on a scale is going to mean anything. I like to break all of this stuff down to the essential, and let everyone else argue about the minutia.Here is all you need, in my opinion, to succeed at this approach:
          1) Fatty meats should constitute most of your calories. Veg over fruit. Fruit over starches. Starches over grains. Do as much as you can. Freedom will give you discipline more than a "target calories" number for the day. Screw that
          2) Fast for as long as you are comfortable, and try to give a roundabout time when you first eat for ghrelin's sake. It's why I don't like the JUDDD approach. I shoot for nothing before 2pm. Sometimes its 1:30. Sometimes it 7pm. Your body will tell you....for my money, nothing moves the "before and after" pics faster than the combination of fatty meats and fasting through long hikes.
          3) Lift maybe 2-3 times a week. Heavy compound lifts with good form. Let yourself recover. No machines.
          4) Walk, hike, chop wood, run in circles around your house, doesn't matter. Move a lot. 3-5 hours a week is bare minimum.

          I completely understand the frustration you have. I am sure others can tell you more nuts and bolts of how they did it, but that is my 2c. Regimentation is overrated. Enthusiasm and the occasional extreme effort it begets trump it every time.
          Last edited by TheyCallMeLazarus; 06-24-2013, 11:24 AM.
          "The soul that does not attempt flight; does not notice its chains."

          Comment


          • #6
            Yoga11, you are definitely not alone! I have more weight to lose than you do and PB didn't get me any closer to my goals. I'm 5'6" and 190. I both love and hate those sucess stories. Some days they motivate me, but most of the time they honestly piss me off a little. Most of the people featured were not overweight for their entire lives, for one thing. My body has basically never known a healthy weight. I think that makes it much harder to get to one.

            In any event, I was feeling very desperate the week before last. I was about to go back to the doctor that prescribed me phentermine in 2008 and get another script so I could control my eating (meaning starve myself) enough to lose weight. I decided, instead, to read The Fast Metabolism Diet and started following it. I got the book from the library and since I was about to subject myself to drugs with a bunch of awful side effects I figured I'd give it a shot. Much to my shock it has actually worked so far. I have no idea if it'll work in the long run, but for right now it's what I needed. Maybe it's worth checking out.

            I don't know what the solution is to stop feeling so mad about this. It's not fair and it sucks! I have put so much of my life on hold because of my weight... it is insane! I decided I'm not doing that anymore and for the most part I just do what I want now regardless of how I'll look doing it. It's tough though. I'm so tired of hearing people complain about their weight when,I would be thrilled if I looked like them or weighed what they did. It is frustrating, indeed.

            Edited to add: Fasting has never worked for me! Neither has counting calories. My latest wave of desperation came after 3 weeks of very meiculous calorie counting that left me with a 3 pound weight gain. Totally not worth it.
            Last edited by nikitakolata; 06-24-2013, 11:25 AM.

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            • #7
              Nivan, I'm tried every macro, calories, exericise.. 1800 cal to 1500 cal, 70%fat-80%fat, 20carbs to under 100 carbs. I've tried it all and over time i've tried it. I exercise regularly. Sometimes I think it's because I'm such a regular at exercising that THAT might be what stalls me? either way, I don't know if I even care anymore... I've been looking SO hard and SO close at this for almost a year and I"m TIRED of looking for that ANSWER. I'm exhausted. I feel helpless. I just am tired of caring so much with no result. it's making me more unhappy and I still the same weight.. I feel like I could of just been happy and been the same weight, instead I'm frustrated, uncomfortable, and failed. UGH I want to delete this letter because i'm so embarrassed about how I feel. I'm going to hit "send" anyway...

              Comment


              • #8
                Yoga, I feel your pain. Don't be ashamed about your feelings - you're definitely not alone.

                A few things I can think of that might help you. It sounds like a metabolism issue so One - get your hormones checked. There may be something amiss that is hindering your weight loss. Two - try the fast metabolism diet. I've heard great things and I'm planning to jump on that thread in the next few days (Hi in advance Nivan! ) Three - Read this stuff about fasting: Paleo for Women | Shattering the Myth of Fasting for Women: A Review of Female-Specific Responses to Fasting in the Literature, Four - You say you might be exercising too much - are you doing chronic cardio?

                And finally, if your weight isn't shifting, the best thing you can do is focus your attention onto loving and appreciating your body for what it is. You can want to make improvements, but I honestly think that any kind of self hatred or abuse just sabotages weight loss and makes the process torturous. This is a thread that helped a lot of women here see through the trap of chronic dieting: What I gave up
                "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                - Ray Peat

                Comment


                • #9
                  Hey there, I'm not going to be of any help, but I just wanted to say: It's okay to be frustrated and it sounds like you need to vent somewhere. Do you have a journal here on MDA? Sometimes it helps just to get your thoughts out about the whole weight loss process and how you are feeling about your body. Or anything, really. It sounds like you might have some stress going on beyond just trying to slim down.

                  Since you mentioned it, I'm curious what kind of exercise you are doing (and how much).
                  Depression Lies

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                  • #10
                    It's quite possible that you need a "diet break" to reset your metabolism/hormones such as leptin and thyroid. If you've been dieting non-stop for a very long period of time, it's possible that your metabolism has down-regulated, which could explain your stall in progress.

                    This may not be what you want to hear, but maybe take a week or two during which you eat at your maintenance calories, do some activity that you enjoy, and try to avoid the stress. I know this is difficult, but sometimes it's best to take a break and forget about all of the details that go along with fat loss.

                    Constantly being stressed out is not going to help you reach your goal; I know, I've been there. Like I said, maybe the best option is to take a week or two at maintenance calories to give your metabolism a chance to "reboot", and then reassess from there.
                    My nutrition/fitness/critical thinking blog:

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                    • #11
                      Just want to say the stress ain't helping.
                      The Champagne of Beards

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I'll start by saying I'm pretty much in the same boat My clothes fit exactly the same as when I started this 2 years ago. My shoulders are more defined, but that is it

                        So it sounds like you have tried everything but "letting go". Higher carb, lower carb, IF.... etc. Fast Metabolism Diet may be worth a read - but it is just another "diet" to try. What if you tossed the food scale and the food log and your regular scale for 2 weeks (because it doesn't sound like you've tried this). Unless you go on a 2 week bender there is no way you'll gain 10 lbs in that amount of time. Just have some ground rules for yourself: no sitting down with a bag of almonds or 3 Green & Black's 85% bars, no blocks of cheese for lunch, etc. Instead, each day focus on eating as WELL as you can - the best, most nutrient dense food you enjoy - with normal portions. Don't try to restrict - I'm sure you know what normal serving sizes are - just don't over indulge.

                        I had my own little breakdown (you essentially covered the points in your original post!) about two weeks ago. I went out and got Fast Metabolism Diet and returned it. And then decided that I need to move on. I work in a hospital and see people each day who can't walk the length of the hallway. Their bodies have failed them. Mine works perfectly. I can run and swim and hike and climb ropes and monkey bars. I can dead lift 200 lbs and squat bodyweight multiple times. People constantly complement my skin and my color. My teeth look whiter than they used to. I eat foods I really like. Overall I've got $hit to complain about. Fine, you can't really see my abs and I can't write in for a success story - get over it. So, my husband put the scale somewhere unbeknownst to me and I haven't touched my online food journal in 2 weeks. I don't wake up each morning worried what the scale will say. I honestly just feel better - by taking away the tools that allow me to beat myself up on a daily basis (scale, food log) - I just stopped doing it Who knows if this will help but, like you, it is the ONLY thing I have never really tried, so I'm going to give it a shot. And try not to eat my body weight in cheese and chocolate

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I am no expert here but I have gone through a lifetime of weight struggles. Maybe you are not eating enough. I know that sounds crazy but when you don't eat enough or IF too much, your body may think its starving and start shutting down its systems, including fat burning. I personally stopped getting on the scale. Its been several weeks now and I feel great about it. It has given me so much freedom emotionally and joy! Just my thoughts, good luck to you!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by lorichka6 View Post
                            I had my own little breakdown (you essentially covered the points in your original post!) about two weeks ago. I went out and got Fast Metabolism Diet and returned it. And then decided that I need to move on. I work in a hospital and see people each day who can't walk the length of the hallway. Their bodies have failed them. Mine works perfectly. I can run and swim and hike and climb ropes and monkey bars. I can dead lift 200 lbs and squat bodyweight multiple times. People constantly complement my skin and my color. My teeth look whiter than they used to. I eat foods I really like. Overall I've got $hit to complain about. Fine, you can't really see my abs and I can't write in for a success story - get over it. So, my husband put the scale somewhere unbeknownst to me and I haven't touched my online food journal in 2 weeks. I don't wake up each morning worried what the scale will say. I honestly just feel better - by taking away the tools that allow me to beat myself up on a daily basis (scale, food log) - I just stopped doing it Who knows if this will help but, like you, it is the ONLY thing I have never really tried, so I'm going to give it a shot. And try not to eat my body weight in cheese and chocolate
                            Bingo. This is where I am too. I had to stop the dieting thing for a while to give myself time to recover emotionally.! I really think that until you accept where you are, you can't move on permanently.

                            I'm heavier now than I've ever been and I honestly don't care anymore. I've realised that how attractive you are is more about how comfortable you are with yourself. Saying that, I am going to try the Fast Met diet, but if it makes me crazy again I'm going to ditch it.
                            "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                            In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                            - Ray Peat

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Mine is a pretty unpopular view. I believe that people who tend to be overweight are broken somehow. We/they don't have the natural mechanisms to stop eating when we/they're full. Since being an adult, I've weighed between 118 and 263 pounds. I am the same person no matter what I weigh. The difference is that when I'm at a good weight, I am monitoring every fucking morsel that I put in my mouth.

                              There are no magic bullets. Even Primal, though I think it's a fantastic way to approach eating, isn't a magic bullet if you are the kind of person who doesn't even grok (Heinlein's grok the verb, not Mark's Grok the noun) what satiation is. When asked if I'm hungry, I answer, "I've been hungry since puberty." It's sad but true.

                              I currently weigh in the 140s. That's way above my skinny weight of 118 - not sure why I latched on to that as my perfect weight, but there you have it. I'm happy here. I never thought I would be happy over 120. Every day is a struggle. I could eat 24/7. I like all the food that is bad for me - pizza, po'boys, etc.

                              But it gets easier. As I eat meats that are raised with an attention to animal welfare, I become a more conscientious consumer. There is not much cheating - I hate the word cheating. There is not much eating off plan. My big transgressions are things like too many bananas in a day. Egad! Or a day without animal products.

                              What was so hard to fathom a year ago has become a way of life. Hang in there.
                              "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

                              B*tch-lite

                              Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

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