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  • There would be no middle stage where I looked like the current standard of fit and beautiful.
    Do you seriously give a shit about a standard of physical beauty set by gay men and women with eating disorders?

    http://maggiesfeast.wordpress.com/
    Check out my blog. Hope to share lots of great recipes and ideas!

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    • Originally posted by Urban Forager View Post
      It's sad how many women hate their bodies. I once overheard the neighbor girl looking at herself in the mirror at our house say "I hate my body", she couldn't have been more than 7 at the time. I couldn't believe my ears, makes you wonder when this type of thinking starts.
      I think it starts when a child is told something negative about their bodies/themselves. I think too many parents, and people in general, think it's acceptable to tell children things, that while they think they are enlightening/helpful/true, leave the child with a poor self image that can last a lifetime.

      I can not remember one nice thing my parents said about me to me. I know they told other people because those people relayed those comments. I can, however, list a ton of negatives they felt I should know.

      All of this is compounded by the unrealistic societal view of what is and isn't normal/acceptable. And how children are bombarded by that view everywhere.

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      • I get it... Beauty and physical attractiveness may be subjective, but subjectively I find fit bodies with low body fat to be attractive, and not "normal" weight bodies with chubby bits. Alas, I'm of the chubby variety (even though I'm now as fit and strong as I've ever been) and thus consider myself unattractive.

        And the thing is, I can't help what I find attractive! I'm not going to see chubby as attractive no matter what.

        So yeah I get where Leida and others are coming from. Maybe it is wrong to make such negative comments about yourself, but it IS hard to be accepting of the way you are when your aesthetic ideal is so far off!

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        • I always find it surprising when people make "definitive" statements about what they find attractive.

          Perhaps I'm just nuts, but I find *lots* of things attractive, and the thing that I like the most is the "x factor" that most people have. It's not about their weight or this or that so much as it is about how they carry themselves and their overall sense of themselves and how they 'project' into the environment.

          Perhaps because I'm attracted to "that" I'm attracted to a lot of different bodies. I find a lot of women sexy/beautiful -- of all different shapes and sizes and what not. THat includes "very fat!!!!!" women. In terms of men, I like all kinds, too. My kind-du-jour is tall/skinny (tendon-y) like herons and also strong men with their big bellies and big muscles.

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          • Maybe in part it's because I find so few people attractive? (Not saying I don't find attractive qualities in people, I'm talking purely aesthetics here).

            I've discussed this with my husband as he found it hard to believe I found so few people attractive while he finds a much larger range attractive.

            Stuff like hair and skin colour are irrelevant to me and I'm just as likely to find a dark person as attractive as a light one, but I've never been attracted to someone overweight.

            It might sound horrible, but really it is what it is. I can't explain attraction or why I feel the way I do. My biggest issue is that as I don't meet my ideal I can't understand why someone would find me attractive and this impacts on my relationship with my husband.

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            • My biggest issue is that as I don't meet my ideal I can't understand why someone would find me attractive and this impacts on my relationship with my husband.
              You are not going to solve that with dieting.

              I dunno, the point of being attractive is to "attract" a mate. If you were built short and curvy, the guy who likes long and willowy is just never going to happen. But there are plenty that like short and curvy, or big hips or big thighs. Or whatever. I have a guy friend that LOVES big thighs and thinks its gross when legs have "space". HE THINKS THE VICTORIAS SECRET MODELS HAVE CHICKEN LEGS.

              Would I like to look like Beyoncé (not the photoshopped version)? Why yes I would. Is that going to happen for me? Doubt it.

              Maybe it's because I genuinely spent some time in a morbidly obese body that actually was unhealthy, socially unacceptable, embarrassing and clearly "different" that I see just how insignificant a bit of cellulite, wider hips or "soft arms" actually are in determining attractiveness.

              I've posted these before:
              http://www.flickr.com/photos/85827650@N06/8060248298/

              I was actually heavier than the heaviest photo at one point. I can tell you the way I am treated and perceived based on physical appearance is NIGHT AND DAY. I honestly think there is a diminishing return on positive feedback about your body from others once you are look healthy.

              I think it is fine to try and lose that last bit of vanity weight, but understand that if you get obsessive and unhealthy about it, you are making other aspects of yourself unattractive. I think most guys would rather you have some thigh chub and enjoy your dinner and a drink versus be 18% body fat and pick at your salad, no dressing and proclaim how beer makes you fat. And for god's sake, hiding in frumpy clothes while you lose 5 lbs is just stupid.

              And honestly, for the sake of people carrying unhealthy weight, stop with the "hate talk". It doesn't help anyone, least of all you. At least change your dialogue- by all means, work to lean out your legs or flatten your stomach. But stop calling your self gross or flabby. Being able to kind of pull up some fat on your stomach is Mother Nature's storage for your future baby. It's hardly full on fat rolls.

              http://maggiesfeast.wordpress.com/
              Check out my blog. Hope to share lots of great recipes and ideas!

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              • Originally posted by magnolia1973 View Post
                Do you seriously give a shit about a standard of physical beauty set by gay men and women with eating disorders?
                I don't mean the coat-hanger look. I mean a well-proportioned look. I just am not the same shape so I don't worry myself about trying to acquire something that isn't possible. I do struggle to stay the size I am comfortable being, though.

                Originally posted by magnolia1973 View Post
                You are not going to solve that with dieting.

                I dunno, the point of being attractive is to "attract" a mate.
                I've attracted a lot of mates in my life. There seems to be a sub-set of men who really like dykey-looking and outdoorsy women. I belong to a few online backpacking forums and I can't tell you the number of times some guy posts about how he really wants to try to get his wife/girlfriend to enjoy backpacking so he doesn't have to go alone. Or worse, the poor guys whose wives worry so much the guys feel like they can't really go backpacking anymore. My guy doesn't have that problem. His problem is he doesn't lift. He's my girly-man.
                Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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                • There seems to be a sub-set of men who really like dykey-looking and outdoorsy women.
                  I don't get what "dykey" looking is unless you mean the women who dress manishly and have short man looking haircuts. I mean, I look at the bikini photo, and it's a feminine body. boobs=hips, some curvy legs, no excessive fat on the legs. You look more feminine than most runway models. I don't see anything out of proportion though you look to have better/shapelier legs than most women with nice defined calves and small ankles.

                  http://maggiesfeast.wordpress.com/
                  Check out my blog. Hope to share lots of great recipes and ideas!

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by magnolia1973 View Post
                    HE THINKS THE VICTORIAS SECRET MODELS HAVE CHICKEN LEGS.
                    Not to mention that those girls are TOTALLY photoshopped!! To the point that once in a while they are accidently missing an arm or leg or what not. It's ridiculous!
                    Breathe. Move forward.

                    I just eat what I want...

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                    • Originally posted by magnolia1973 View Post
                      I don't get what "dykey" looking is unless you mean the women who dress manishly and have short man looking haircuts.
                      Yes, that. Although I don't have the manish haircut anymore. Instead, I give off an aura of dykiness based on my interests, my mannerisms and my overall deficit of femininity. I feel like a drag queen if I get dressed up in traditional feminine clothes. I kind of have my own style for that, sort of crunchy granola. That's as feminine as I can get and still feel like myself.
                      Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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