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Incredible amounts of stress and now severe pain (sorry, long)

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  • #16
    I have hashi's too. An important thing to remember is that people like us with hashi's for some reason or another don't seem to respond well physically to stress. I know when I get stressed my body just shuts down. No energy, depression, and illness follow. And man, girl, it sounds like you've been buried under it! I am pro-marriage and everything, but honestly that doesn't sound like marriage. It sounds like parenting an obstinate teenager.
    You need a lot of really nourishing food! Bone broth, liver, dark greens, herbs, eggs, heart. Also, trying to sleep more. I am so sorry things have been so rough!

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    • #17
      Hugs, Shannon.

      Don't make assumptions about distribution of property and don't leave your family home....consult with a lawyer before making any move like that. Many states treat property of married people as joint.

      Other than that, you've got some good advice. All I can offer is to remember to breathe! and hug your children often.

      Peace.

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      • #18
        Just wanted to chime in and say I wish you and your children the best. You'll all be better without such a toxic person in your lives. You can't help him, he needs to help himself. You need to take care of yourself and those sweet babies.

        Can you afford a part-time housekeeper/nanny to pick up some of the slack? That might make the transition easier for you and be therapeutic in its own way.
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        It does not take a majority to prevail, but rather an irate, tireless minority, keen on setting brushfires of freedom in the minds of men. - Samuel Adams

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        • #19
          Originally posted by murf73 View Post
          I have hashi's too. An important thing to remember is that people like us with hashi's for some reason or another don't seem to respond well physically to stress. I know when I get stressed my body just shuts down. No energy, depression, and illness follow. And man, girl, it sounds like you've been buried under it! I am pro-marriage and everything, but honestly that doesn't sound like marriage. It sounds like parenting an obstinate teenager.
          You need a lot of really nourishing food! Bone broth, liver, dark greens, herbs, eggs, heart. Also, trying to sleep more. I am so sorry things have been so rough!
          I think I knew that people with Hashi's doesn't respond well to stress, but it's something I'd forgotten about.

          Those foods sound absolutely disgusting to me. I used to eat them and I know I need to...so I will find a way. But for some reason, my body wants seafood and rice with butter. Probably not the best stuff...but I think it has something to do with easy energy, good fat, and the minerals in seafood. I'm not sure. I made some boiled eggs because I love them and am hoping I can convince myself to eat some. My appetite is definitely low (and I'm still very overweight). I wake up and am not hungry for hours. I do have some homemade chicken soup (bone broth) with herbs in the freezer, so I will thaw that.

          I am very pro-marriage also. The thought of my marriage ending was causing frequent tears throughout my days when I realized it was likely to be a reality. I felt angry, let down, and just sad. Then I started focusing on the reality that my husband, while providing sperm to produce damn cute kids, is not going to change. In fact, right now, he is sitting with his tablet cheering his fantasy baseball and hockey players on. I kid you not when I say that he sat down at the computer at least 20 times through the day to "check his teams." Just idiotic. I'm sorry. I used to be non-adversarial with his fantasy football antics when he played just fantasy football and had one or two teams. That was about 10 years ago. And now he plays all sports and wastes so many hours on this every single day. Moreover, he stays up until 3 am and lays around until the afternoon when his energy finally kicks in. I can't go on criticizing him; rather, I'm just going to make the best of it while I save up money. I'm going to tell him that he needs to get his own health insurance and pay his own bills starting next month. That means getting a job.

          Speaking of working, I know being home with mom is best for kids. But I need to work (for money and sanity -- I'm not the saintly SAHM and never will be...I just know myself). My schedule will be pretty amenable to seeing my kids, though. I'll be with them all day Mondays and half days Fri. And Wed will be an early day. So my son will just be in daycare all day on Tues and Thurs, and short days on Wed & Fri (assuming husband gets a job). I was feeling guilty about working, but me staying home all the time isn't pretty. I'm just being honest.

          Anyway, I am going to do my best to eat those foods you mention...I know I need to. I just don't have a taste for them right now.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by j3nn View Post
            Just wanted to chime in and say I wish you and your children the best. You'll all be better without such a toxic person in your lives. You can't help him, he needs to help himself. You need to take care of yourself and those sweet babies.

            Can you afford a part-time housekeeper/nanny to pick up some of the slack? That might make the transition easier for you and be therapeutic in its own way.
            Thank you so much for your comment. I find that people are on both sides of the fence. Some say, "Do what you can to save your marriage." Others say, "Take out the trash." In my view, my husband's presence is toxic. And you are right that I cannot help him. I'm focused on myself and becoming the best mommy and PA I can be.

            I have asked if we can hire a part-time housekeeper and he absolutely refuses to have anyone clean the house. (But he won't do it.) He's so paranoid.

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            • #21
              He might need the wakeup call of you leaving. Who knows what will happen. Don't let his passive aggressive stuff dictate the terms of your life. Passive aggressive men are the worst to deal with. Good luck to you and take care of yourself.
              Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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              • #22
                Originally posted by pamola10 View Post
                Hugs, Shannon.

                Don't make assumptions about distribution of property and don't leave your family home....consult with a lawyer before making any move like that. Many states treat property of married people as joint.

                Other than that, you've got some good advice. All I can offer is to remember to breathe! and hug your children often.

                Peace.
                I am definitely going to look into this. Thank you.

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                • #23
                  Being rough with a baby because he's angry with you is not "passive aggressive," it's just aggressive. It's abuse. I send you lots of hugs and wish you the best, and I urge you to talk to a lawyer. I know I'm not there and internet advice is worth what you pay for it, but I don't think you and your children can afford to wait while you save up a down payment.

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by SuBee View Post
                    Being rough with a baby because he's angry with you is not "passive aggressive," it's just aggressive. It's abuse. I send you lots of hugs and wish you the best, and I urge you to talk to a lawyer. I know I'm not there and internet advice is worth what you pay for it, but I don't think you and your children can afford to wait while you save up a down payment.
                    Thank you for your comment. That's where I have a hard time. He held him down and forcefully brushed his teeth (otherwise, the baby grabs the toothbrush). But he's never done that specifically before. He usually calls the baby a PITA, stupid, or a moron when he wakes at night when he's very tired (not to his face, but under his breath as he's getting out of bed). For the most part, he's okay with the kids, but sometimes he gets angry. And he can be critical. He criticizes me to my daughter and will also criticize her. And I'm not sure what to make of it. I know it sounds stupid for me to say that. But I'm not sure if its abuse or immaturity on his part (regarding the kids). I'm just sad, because obviously what he's doing isn't right. Yet, he does love his kids. Sometimes I just feel like I'm in such a mess.

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                    • #25
                      Shannon,

                      The guy who does it here calls it "postural patterning." I think there's someone else who calls it "symmetry" or something. But looking for someone who specifically works in good posture will be helpful.

                      Also, if you are headed for divorce, why not just get one and see if your community (ie, church community) will help you with child care/etc. Seriously, you can just walk away any time.

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                      • #26
                        i agree with talking to a lawyer. by "leave" I did mean "leave the marriage" not "leave the house."

                        though, it is an option to leave for a shelter or family member's home or something. But, yeah. definitely talk to a lawyer ASAP.

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by ShannonPA-S View Post
                          Thank you for your comment. That's where I have a hard time. He held him down and forcefully brushed his teeth (otherwise, the baby grabs the toothbrush). But he's never done that specifically before. He usually calls the baby a PITA, stupid, or a moron when he wakes at night when he's very tired (not to his face, but under his breath as he's getting out of bed). For the most part, he's okay with the kids, but sometimes he gets angry. And he can be critical. He criticizes me to my daughter and will also criticize her. And I'm not sure what to make of it. I know it sounds stupid for me to say that. But I'm not sure if its abuse or immaturity on his part (regarding the kids). I'm just sad, because obviously what he's doing isn't right. Yet, he does love his kids. Sometimes I just feel like I'm in such a mess.
                          it's verbal and emotional abuse

                          it could be because he's an abuser or it could be because he's self centered and immature, the results are the same regardless
                          beautiful
                          yeah you are

                          Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                          lol

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                          • #28
                            Call the Family Services Agency in your area. They can find you low-cost/sliding scale help.
                            Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by pamola10 View Post
                              Hugs, Shannon.

                              Don't make assumptions about distribution of property and don't leave your family home....consult with a lawyer before making any move like that. Many states treat property of married people as joint.

                              Other than that, you've got some good advice. All I can offer is to remember to breathe! and hug your children often.

                              Peace.
                              This.

                              Also, staying in a bad relationship can be more damaging to children than divorce. I was married almost 10 years with 4 children (who ranged from 6 to 8 years) when I finally had the courage to divorce my mentally abusive husband. They are all grown with children of their own and turned out just fine. It's hard work being a single parent, but I was lucky that my parents were there to help. And I met a good guy and remarried 3 years after my divorce. Will be married 27 years in July. Of course then I had to deal with stepparent issues...... but that's another story.

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                              • #30
                                I'm sure you are getting your fill of help from all over.
                                I would like to add just a tiny bit.
                                1. Start at your diet, it will help your body to think and feel more clearly. Get RID of grains and beans ASAP - they feed your "yeast plant" and that throws off your ability to have emotional stability-speaking from experience-and get probiotics to get that back into balance.
                                2. Don't be quick to throw out the husband, it may be he will react to your improved mental and emotional state. You can always revisit the divorce later if it comes to that. However, NOT if there is physical violence - if that is the case safer is better of course. Right now it may be a case of "cheap day care" that you can keep until the rest of your life course is clear.
                                3. Remember men do NOT think like women, and never will. (again speaking from experience, this helps me a LOT)
                                4. Try to notice and verbally appreciate anything positive that he does. You get more of what you notice, so stop (on the inside) "noticing" any of the negative. Goes like this: You see the negative and say instead any of this that may be true "Thank you for those few minutes (seconds?) that I could sit and rest, that makes it better"(this may be that you had to go to the bathroom and lock the door to get those moments) "I noticed that you played with the kids, fed them lunch, (whatever it may be that you notice and NOT saying anything about the fact that you stepped on 15 toys the 5 steps from the door to the inside of the house, the mounds of dishes, etc) (NOTE: the first few times may make your head feel like its going to blow up or you will vomit..... this will pass as you see the results that show up eventually)
                                5. To get better sleep, after getting your body off the simple carb rollercoaster and getting enough probiotics, go outside and put your bare fee on the ground, dirt, grass. I have my son go out and ride his bike while I watch with my feet on the ground (not asphalt or painted concrete). Made a HUGE difference in my ability to have energy during the day and rest at night.
                                6. You are an amazing writer! You express yourself well..... wonder if there's a new career in there eventually?
                                Sorry it's not as short as I wanted but there you go.
                                You will have success in tiny bits and eventually it will add up to "bearable" and get better from there!

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