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  • Self Sabotaging

    Hi i really struggle with this topic! I cruise along doing really well and then someone says how great i look and that im losing weight and suddenly BANG!! Its almost like a green light to eat something naughty! Just wondering if anyone else has come across this, if so have your dealt with it and how. This stops me from meeting my goals, i get frustrated with myself and do the whole guilt thing.
    Any suggestions would be greatly received!
    Cheers

  • #2
    My specs wouldn't be considered great when told to people online:
    19 male
    5,10
    150 lbs
    10-12% BF

    But everyone I know around me says that I'm in a great shape and doesn't require any improvement, they always wonder why I keep going on more and more extremely diets and trying to improve. It's just the whole point of it of how badly you want to achieve what you want and once you have what you want, you keep wanting more and more! Just have to understand the concept and "Rule your mind" to the point of what you want to achieve.

    Do whatever you think it's right for you and that you're happy with it!

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    • #3
      Put yourself in one of those situations mentally and walk through it. What is the little voice in your mind telling you at any given time? There is a sequential dialogue going on in your mind that you are able to change.

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      • #4
        focus more on how you feel not how you look

        so when someone says 'you look great'

        reply with 'I feel EVEN better because I constantly make the right choices '

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        • #5
          I used to do exactly as you describe, Yogi. It is as though a compliment is permission to veer off track. Several years ago I shifted something in my brain and decided that nothing (even success!) was going to stop me. You can do that. Don't wait as long as I did.
          Starting Weight: 197.5
          Current Weight: 123
          Far healthier!

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          • #6
            the compliments should serve as motivation to stay on track as the plan is clearly working!

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            • #7
              Perhaps you are thinking 'diet' rather than lifestyle? If you are feeling deprived you need to determine why and how to correct that.

              I just focus on feeding my body well, that is my priority. If I eat junk I don't feel guilty about it but I don't binge because being healthy is the goal.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Katsuhiko the Rolfer View Post
                focus more on how you feel not how you look
                +1
                be the hair that knots with my hair
                - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
                primal since oct. 1, 2012

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                • #9
                  I have the exact same problem. Also, if I've had a really good drop in weight, I get cocky and think I can eat this or that crap. I am really trying to get to the root of it, as I want to weigh 120 (or look like I do). Apple fritters aren't going to get me there... I start a new strength training at my gym this week, I am hoping the new keeps me motivated to stay healthy.
                  Primal since 4/7/2012

                  Starting weight 140
                  Current weigh 126

                  www.jenniferglobensky.blogspot.com

                  Jennifer

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                  • #10
                    We do have an unfortunate tendency to repeat the same behaviors that failed to work in the past, imagining that things will turn out different this time.

                    Are you telling yourself you're "done" and you don't need to "diet" anymore? Concentrate on the goal of good health and how it follows from eating healthy food, not just in a general way but directly from each good thing you eat. Then practice imagining the opposite: how each unhealthy thing you eat will degrade your body.

                    This is a lifelong process, not a temporary distraction from "normal" eating.

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                    • #11
                      Thanks for replying to me, its definintely a mental thing, that second voice in my head, ive being dieting since i was 12 yrs old (currently 39) so those sneaky behaviours have had a long time to work! This is not a diet for me, its for long term health, i have bowel issues and since eating primal foods this has pretty much gone unless i slip up then its back for a day. In the last 2 years there has been 5 people around me that have battled cancer, 2 people unsuccessfully (3 people immediate family), thats my biggest fear.
                      I guess i need to train the mind to focus on that rather than the side effect of eating healthy which is weight loss.
                      Does anyone have ideas on how to "shift" the thought focus when that second voice gets talking? I try to talk to it at times (im sure people think im nutts) but its a big battle!

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                      • #12
                        Hi Janie, can you give me some ideas on how you did this? I find i have an battle in my head quite often.
                        Thanks, i appreciate your time

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                        • #13
                          One thing to keep in mind is that often everything is not as it seems. So the cascade of events that started with you receiving a compliment is basically a pre-recorded script, of which you may only be consciously aware of the first and last steps.

                          Often when dieters fall off the wagon and eat something they shouldn't, even just one taste of something that they have decided to deny themselves entirely, they go on a frantic binge ("Now that I did that I may as well eat everything in the house, even if it's stuff I don't want and don't like") and then blame themselves for gorging. But the voices inside their heads are actually trying to punish them for failing. ("You knew you shouldn't taste that but tasted it anyway. You don't deserve to be thin.") It is often the case that when people are aware what is happening they can break the cycle in any of many different ways.

                          What do you really feel when you get a compliment? Is there an uneasiness you can't put your finger on? Is there a voice down deep saying, "You don't deserve this compliment because you haven't completely and permanently overcome your issues"? Or something else entirely?

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                          • #14
                            Yogi-
                            I'm old enough to be your Mom and I fell into the trap you describe so many times, so if I can help you get out sooner, I'd be delighted.

                            You are right that it is a mental thing, and eKatherine makes some excellent points in that regard. I lost weight on a variety of diets over the years but self sabotage was my downfall. It was always precipitated by people giving me compliments or my reaching some goal such as fitting into a particular size. I think I took this as a sign that I was done. It was an okay from the world to return to eating "normally" (i.e. SAD). This was mainly b/c I viewed diets as temporary and not a lifestyle change.

                            So, the biggest change for me this time was holding this as a lifestyle change. I declared that this was it and that I was doing it for me and for my health. I said "this is how I eat now", a declaration that kept me going through many circumstances and still does. Declarations are powerful. Diminishing pants sizes and comments from others no longer had power in the face of my resolve.

                            I began my losses following Atkins, and found it empowering to toe the line with the guidelines of the program. Having structure worked for me and eliminated the temptation of bad options. Everyone is different so a structure might not work for you as well as it did for me.

                            When I was younger, I also think I failed b/c I found success threatening...I mean if I succeeded at weight loss, what the hell else was the world going to ask me to succeed at? I'd have to step out on the stage. I couldn't hide. And suddenly I got way more attention from men and I didn't know how to deal with it. I felt uncomfortable. When I'd gain back the weight it took the pressure off having to succeed at other life goals or romance. Fat was a kind of safety.

                            I don't know if any of this is useful to you, but I wish you well!! Please feel free to ask questions if need be. I waited way too long to claim my own power in this regard and hope you won't wait that long.
                            Starting Weight: 197.5
                            Current Weight: 123
                            Far healthier!

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                            • #15
                              I've been reading a book about habit. It seems habit is a feedback loop of craving (usually prompted by something) action, reward for satiating craving. If you keep step one and two but change the reward, eventually you can make a new habit. So for example, walking past the ice cream shop, causes a craving for ice cream. So you eat it and feel better. Alternative action: walk past the ice cream shop, crave ice cream, eat a piece of dark chocolate you've put in your bag ahead of time. Sometimes prompts aren't obvious so you've gotta make an effort to write down when you crave, what you were doing / feeling for you to know what to change. It takes some trial and error.

                              I'm totally in the same boat though. I do so well during the week and then Friday roles around and I find myself at the bar, drinking something terrible for me. Good luck to us all. I'm trying the above approach.

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