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Self Sabotaging

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  • #16
    Meditation is a good tool to observe your habits (and underlying cravings). Try a 10 day vipassana course and you should come back a bit wiser

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    • #17
      Originally posted by janie View Post
      Yogi-
      I said "this is how I eat now", a declaration that kept me going through many circumstances and still does. Declarations are powerful.
      This is fantastic, Janie. A positive declaration rather than "I don't eat this" or "I can't have that". I really like it.

      In a similar vein "I'm doing this for my health" would be more positive than "I'm scared of cancer".

      I'm become ever more of the opinion that you have to do this for yourself, not for what others think or say. Sometimes they will compliment you and other times they will try to undermine you. We need to learn to let all these comments just roll off and carry on according to our own convictions.

      From my experience so far, it does get easier the longer you stick with it because you begin to both love the food and the way you feel and they temptations become less tempting until they are either barely tempting at all, or easily managed within your personal 20%.
      Last edited by Annieh; 04-15-2013, 03:45 AM.
      Annie Ups the Ante
      http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread117711.html

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      • #18
        Originally posted by dkJames View Post
        Meditation is a good tool to observe your habits (and underlying cravings). Try a 10 day vipassana course and you should come back a bit wiser
        Ahh
        Craving, aversion, expectations, disappointment, observe the sensations, pleasure, pain, observe the sensations.
        The endless chatter in this fickle brain, let it be, just continue to observe the sensations.


        To OP
        All good suggestions you have been given.

        We do not know the full magnitude of what you are actually dealing with,
        Is this cheat you have just a piece of cake, a whole cake or a week of eating cake?
        This point matters as to what approach you use to deal with the problem, just a piece, well maybe you just need to let it go, everyone has a bit of a cheat now and then. If it's the whole cake then it's a binge response and it may be a reaction to feelings of deprivation. If it lasts a week, then something more serious may be at play like depression, so the point is what is the actual magnitude of this cheat behaviour.

        Another thing to consider is the behavioural cycle, pleasure, regret and punishment.
        It may well be that the subconscious is holding onto the previous punishment, waiting for the next opportunity to satisfy the pleasure need, kind of like balancing the equation, it may well be that the cycle needs to be broken by not metering out punishment, but love to yourself, accepting you are not perfect and you will fall, but you will always try to become better, you may need to give yourself a positive affirmation for these situations, not to reinforce the behaviour, but to love yourself even if you aren't perfect. We like to think we practice this with others when they fall, but rarely give ourselves the same privileges.

        Hope you can find your way through this to a comfortable place.
        "There are no short cuts to enlightenment, the journey is the destination, you have to walk this path alone"

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        • #19
          I used to do the same thing and definitely found it helped to shift emphasis from diet to health. I also found that, as I realised how much better I feel on a primal diet I started self sabotaging less frequently. I suffered from really low energy for many years, but now I have energy to burn - NOTHING is worth going back on that for.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by janie View Post

            When I was younger, I also think I failed b/c I found success threatening...I mean if I succeeded at weight loss, what the hell else was the world going to ask me to succeed at? I'd have to step out on the stage. I couldn't hide. And suddenly I got way more attention from men and I didn't know how to deal with it. I felt uncomfortable. When I'd gain back the weight it took the pressure off having to succeed at other life goals or romance. Fat was a kind of safety.
            This is a large part of my problem, and one that needs fighting with eyes wide open. It is too easy to slip back instead of doing the hard work of changing my attitudes about myself. But I'm learning.

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            • #21
              It's also true that bad habits often go back to earlier programming we learned. It's not our fault for not recognizing what is going on. Certainly when we acquired unproductive habits we were doing the best we could have done at the time.

              So if your mother (as mine did) piled up your plate and forced you to eat it all, hungry or not, you were rewarded and called a good girl. You were encouraged to feel proud. If you didn't clean your plate, this was shameful. But then there's always a little voice telling me not to waste that food, encouraging me to eat when I'm not hungry, even though it won't help the starving children of India any more than it did when my mother used to say that to me.

              There weren't really any other coping strategies when you're a vulnerable kid. These are hard habits to break, even if we are aware of them.

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              • #22
                Originally posted by Katsuhiko the Rolfer View Post
                the compliments should serve as motivation to stay on track as the plan is clearly working!
                Okay, this kind of response just isn't helpful.
                You can't just tell someone how the should feel about and react to compliments if that person has l already stated that they feel/react a different way! There's a lot to the psychology of it.

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by s-piper View Post
                  Okay, this kind of response just isn't helpful.
                  You can't just tell someone how the should feel about and react to compliments if that person has l already stated that they feel/react a different way! There's a lot to the psychology of it.
                  it's called a reframe and I am a Master Practitioner in both Hypnotherapy and NLP and a both a weight management coach and a Physical Therapist with over 25 years experience in treating patients with all manner of issues - think I might have a few insights worth sharing

                  I was subtly trying to get the OP to think about the moment they receive a compliment

                  but as with most Americans everything has to be spelled out in letters as large as a building for the message to sink

                  Think I will leave you all to it, there was that other one whining that she didn't get serious replies when her first ever post was about how much sex she's getting

                  Yanks, sheesh

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Katsuhiko the Rolfer View Post
                    it's called a reframe and I am a Master Practitioner in both Hypnotherapy and NLP and a both a weight management coach and a Physical Therapist with over 25 years experience in treating patients with all manner of issues - think I might have a few insights worth sharing
                    Fair enough. Though using the word "should" also implied judgment.

                    but as with most Americans everything has to be spelled out in letters as large as a building for the message to sink
                    LOL! Funny.
                    Btw, I've held dual-citizenship since birth.

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                    • #25
                      Thankyou all for taking the time to read and comment. This is my first time at going primal so its all very new to me today but i think i did make a step forward today!!
                      I have had compliments about my body changing shape/losing weight the last two days. Friday night was my first and i admitted that i hadn't been on the scales but yes i feel things are changing, straight after that i said to myself in my head "im doing this for my health" then changed the subject.
                      My husband commented on me this morning to the point of saying what parts of my body, i said thankyou and again, took my dog for a run and during that time my head started playing games, i actually even started thinking about how i could lose more (that is one of my biggest things to overcome) but something in my head snapped and i thought "im doing this for my health" "if i get weight loss as a side effect of my better health GREAT!" and i left it at that.
                      Thats a huge shift for me, i really believed it and that little voice in my head shut up!! Today we spent a day in the hot pools with the kids (in togs!!) and i felt ok, not as embarrassed as i normally would, my head will still play games from time to time but i feel ive got one step closer to closing the chapter on self sabotage.
                      I feel proud of myself, i am in week 3, and for the first time in 25 years food no longer controls me, i control what i eat and when.

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                      • #26
                        Originally posted by yogi19270 View Post
                        Hi i really struggle with this topic! I cruise along doing really well and then someone says how great i look and that im losing weight and suddenly BANG!! Its almost like a green light to eat something naughty! Just wondering if anyone else has come across this, if so have your dealt with it and how. This stops me from meeting my goals, i get frustrated with myself and do the whole guilt thing.
                        Any suggestions would be greatly received!
                        Cheers
                        Just wrote an article on this. Have you read The War of Art?
                        Rebooted Body -- Ancestral Health + Modern Psychology | The Rebooted Body Podcast

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