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Fight erra.. "discussion" with the wife last night while watching the biggest loser..

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  • Fight erra.. "discussion" with the wife last night while watching the biggest loser..

    So we are watching the "last chance workout" last night as the two trainers scream and holler at the poor contestants for hours and hours.. and I referred to Mark's DA from a few weeks back when he noted how the real biggest loser are the people watching this show and thinking that this is the way to lose weight...

    I said "this is simply unrealistic, and possibly setting these people up for failure".

    Then a Nutrisystem commercial came on.. I said "Another great example of 'diets that really don't work'.

    At which point my lovely wife (who has her own weight issues - but I love unconditionally) fires back "oh and the "thing" you're doing now does work???" I saw the oportunity.. and I jumped on it...

    "Absolutely, I'm only about a month in, but I can see that this blueprint is making some good changes for me, and I could see myself following this program from now on, and easily get - and maintain- great results."

    Then she said "Yeah, and I bet anyone from Nutrisystem or Weight Watchers, or slim-fast, or any of the other weight-loss industry companies would tell me the same thing."

    Then I really went all out for it.. I said "Honey, how 'bout you give it a try for 30 days, and see what you think? If you really give it a try for 30 days, and follow it to the best of your ability, and don't look, or feel any better, I will stop the program immediately."

    She replied "No 'cause it is unhealthy, it will give you a heart attack with all that fat, and red meat." At which point I said "Fine, I'm going to have my yearly checkup with our family doctor in a few months, let's see what he says."

    Any comments or suggestions on how I could have handled this better???

    Any other comments??? What do you all think, any of you dealing with some of this from family or friends also?

  • #2
    I haven't had a heart attack yet. In fact, my already excellent blood pressure went even lower.

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    • #3
      It's rather like religion. Go quietly about enacting what you believe. Those who care will notice the change and grow curious. Forcing ideas on people -- especially those close to you -- will only drive them away.
      Nightlife ~ Chronicles of Less Urban Living, Fresh from In the Night Farm ~ Idaho's Primal Farm! http://inthenightlife.wordpress.com/

      Latest post: Stop Being Stupid

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      • #4
        I think you handled it perfectly fine. But then again you could use different tones of voice while reading and think completely the opposite.
        "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
        ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

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        • #5
          Not commenting to people who are skeptical until they ask about it is the best way to go about this. Besides, think about how much energy it takes to keep a secret! Wait until someone says "What's happening to you? How are you doing this??" and THEN hit them with the truth. That's all energy you can use to work out, play, and lift heavy things in the meantime. Everybody wins.
          Primal eating in a nutshell: If you are hungry, eat Primal food until you are satisfied (not stuffed). Then stop. Wait until you're hungry again. Repeat.

          Looking for my Cholesterol Primer? Here it is: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...mer-(Attempt-2)


          Ditch the scale!: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread33283.html

          My Success Story: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread30615.html

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          • #6
            Originally posted by BarbeyGirl View Post
            It's rather like religion. Go quietly about enacting what you believe. Those who care will notice the change and grow curious. Forcing ideas on people -- especially those close to you -- will only drive them away.
            Perhaps you are right, but my wife has seen me go from 275lbs to my current weight of about 190 or so..
            I don't think I was trying to force it.. I just suggested it to her.. never raised my voice.. just calmy asked her to give it a try. She knows that I love her no matter what!!!
            Originally posted by Meggilizz View Post
            I think you handled it perfectly fine. But then again you could use different tones of voice while reading and think completely the opposite.
            Nah.. I stayed calm..

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            • #7
              Did *she* give you any reason to think that you didn't handle it well????
              "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
              ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

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              • #8
                Yeah.. when she said.. "I don't want to talk about it anymore"..

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                • #9
                  If you and your wife are arguing then something's amiss, but that's not a bad thing. Perhaps paradoxically, you're fighting because you love each other so. The fact that you fight over health shows how much you care for each other's well being. Loving and being loved by your spouse is a blessing even if it causes pain sometimes, so first of off relax. If anything it's a sign you have a healthy marriage that your wife cares. I worry for the guy whose wife thinks he's killing himself but does nothing about it. Compared to him you're in great shape. That said, your wife isn't convinced what you're doing is right and there's going to be some tension over it until you both come to terms with it.

                  How about this: You wrote that you planned to see the doctor "in a few months". Why put it off? Tell your wife that you've thought about what you've said and you want to make sure you really are improving your health, so you're going to see the doctor ASAP and get checked out. Then do it. That will show that you take her point of view seriously and are acting on it which should, hopefully, get a more constructive dialogue going between the two of you. A follow up test after another few months would be helpful too.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by coach81 View Post
                    Perhaps you are right, but my wife has seen me go from 275lbs to my current weight of about 190 or so..
                    I don't think I was trying to force it.. I just suggested it to her.. never raised my voice.. just calmy asked her to give it a try. She knows that I love her no matter what!!!
                    It's very likely that she's feeling defensive about her own issues with weight. If she'd gone from 225 to 150 and you were still hovering around 275, you'd probably feel a little vulnerable yourself, no?

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                    • #11
                      That reminds me a quote from Cool Hand Luke. "What we've got here is... failure to communicate. Some men you just can't reach. So you get what we had here last week, which is the way he wants it... well, he gets it. I don't like it any more than you men." (Which sounds a bit harsh now that I think about it. I don't mean to be harsh.) That's great that you've lost that much. I don't know about your wife, but when I was married me taking about my own working out and getting in better shape never helped with her goals and eventually caused some resentment. The only thing that worked for me was to leave that topic along and hope she came to see the light at some point. Then again, things didn't end up working out all the well anyway.
                      In any case, my advice would be to wait for her to see what's working for you and decide to try it herself. Sooner or later maybe trying things your way will seem like her own idea and she'll be better off then.
                      http://www.facebook.com/daemonized

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Geoff View Post
                        If you and your wife are arguing then something's amiss, but that's not a bad thing. Perhaps paradoxically, you're fighting because you love each other so. The fact that you fight over health shows how much you care for each other's well being. Loving and being loved by your spouse is a blessing even if it causes pain sometimes, so first of off relax. If anything it's a sign you have a healthy marriage that your wife cares. I worry for the guy whose wife thinks he's killing himself but does nothing about it. Compared to him you're in great shape. That said, your wife isn't convinced what you're doing is right and there's going to be some tension over it until you both come to terms with it.

                        How about this: You wrote that you planned to see the doctor "in a few months". Why put it off? Tell your wife that you've thought about what you've said and you want to make sure you really are improving your health, so you're going to see the doctor ASAP and get checked out. Then do it. That will show that you take her point of view seriously and are acting on it which should, hopefully, get a more constructive dialogue going between the two of you. A follow up test after another few months would be helpful too.
                        Great idea, the only reason I suggested to wait for a few months was that is when my annual checkup is anyway. Perhaps I'll suggest going in sooner to her, and see what she thinks.

                        Originally posted by Suki View Post
                        It's very likely that she's feeling defensive about her own issues with weight. If she'd gone from 225 to 150 and you were still hovering around 275, you'd probably feel a little vulnerable yourself, no?
                        I agree totally..

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by coach81 View Post
                          I agree totally..
                          I put myself in her shoes and, while I'm not your wife, I can be very stubborn and prideful; in past relationships, I've had more than one conversation like the one you described. I think what I would most like is an honest conversation. Something along the lines of "this is really important to me and it would mean so much if you were doing this with me..." That changes the journey from "coach81's personal journey away from wifey" to "coach81 and wifey's journey toward good health and fitness."

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Suki View Post
                            That changes the journey from "coach81's personal journey away from wifey" to "coach81 and wifey's journey toward good health and fitness."
                            I second what Suki said. Maybe wait a bit, but I would let her know that you only brought it up because you would love this to be something you two would do together, and that having her support means a lot to you. If she brings up the unhealthy part, you could say something like "I understand your questions, I had them too. But I've read a lot of research which shows that what I thought about saturated fat and carbs was incorrect. If you'd like to review that information, I could get it for you." Or something that sounds more like you! :-)

                            And then, let it go! After that point she'll either see it, want to learn more, or not.

                            At the very least you can invite her for some outside hiking/walking/playing as couple time!
                            sigpic "Boy I got vision and the rest of the world is wearing bifocals" - Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

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                            • #15
                              You know ........ I wonder if you could just have the blood work (lipid panel) done now, in a spirit of reassuring your wife that what you are doing isn't harming you.

                              Is it possible to get one's cholesterol and trigycerides tested without a prescription?

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