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Getting a SAD mindset to leave you alone about being primal

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  • #16
    Maybe he's got latent insecurities coming through cos you're lookin so good, now the pressure's on him to get those ab's.

    Do what you do, be confidant, sometimes people question me and I simply say it's a long story, do you want to hear the whole story?, if not then it's just the way it is.
    I find that knocks out the little tit for tat argument, and soon as they say something I just look at them, whole story or not, may take a few days or weeks, then they usually let go, no one wants to listen to me for 2 weeks straight.
    As for your boyfriend, nothing you can do, you have put the water in front of him, he needs to choose to drink.
    Last edited by Omni; 02-19-2013, 04:06 AM.
    "There are no short cuts to enlightenment, the journey is the destination, you have to walk this path alone"

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    • #17
      How long has this been going on? With a weight loss in the 70+ pounds range, more than just two weeks, but I am curious.

      I have been married for 19 years now to Hubby, and when he married me I was ovo-lacto veg. Then I had babies and got mixed up and went SAD for a while. Then I recently got Primal. Along the way we discovered one of our kids was a dairy-allergic celiac, and one other had gut issues to the tune of her needing the Specific Carbohydrate Diet to get well (if you haven't dealt with THAT one, be grateful). And in none of this, and I mean none, has hubby been like your guy. He was always willing to check out my sources and listen to the mental path I was on, even if he did kinda exude the "please, can't we just eeeeeeat already" thing at times.

      Flat-out rejection to even LOOK at the sources you are using tells me there is something deeper going on. Try some of the suggestions to call a truce to the food fights, and if he cannot abide by that, all while still yelling about a WOE he refuses to research even though his girlfriend is doing it - time for a better model, sweetie.

      If you were married with kids, my advice would be somewhat different, because kids trump a lot of things, but you are still in the pre- stage, and you will want to stack the deck in your favor as strongly as you can with the choice of partner. Mine really couldn't care as long as food hits the table, because mine just wants to eat, but he is just as patient anyway, just as I describe. So, mine will never be the self-energizing kind to go out and get abs and be like Grok, but that is okay with me, as we live peacefully (and my food choices for the family have been obviously beneficial to everyone - having proof helps).

      HUGE congratulations on the weight loss!! Good luck, and let us know how this turns out, okay?
      I have a mantra that I have spouted for years... "If I eat right, I feel right. If I feel right, I exercise right. If I exercise right, I think right. If I think right, I eat right..." Phil-SC

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Croak View Post
        There's an outside chance he's threatened by your weight loss. As you lose weight and gain confidence, you become more desirable to others, so he might worry he's losing his "lock" on you, and his defense is to passive-aggressively try to derail your metamorphosis.
        This x 1000. Also what others said about a non-supportive boyfriend. Run now before you get the ring!
        "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

        B*tch-lite

        Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

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        • #19
          "Fuck off" is a complete sentence. As is "there's the door."

          Seriously, if this guy can't respect your ability to make a decision about what to eat, what else about you doesn't he respect?

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          • #20
            My partner sounds a lot like yours. I have just soldiered on. I got tired of eating fatty things, so I started making things that were more on the borderline between what he thinks is healthy and what I think is healthy. I make a lot of salmon and lean meat items. I only use bacon as a flavoring. When I do serve something sort of fatty I remind him it's grass-fed so has all the heart healthy Omega 3s. I serve simple dishes of meat and vegetables. Often I serve him rice or bread on the side if it seems like it would go well. I will sometimes make him pasta, too. I try to make him feel like I'm not forcing too much on him other than general healthfulness. He is microscopically slowly moving in my direction as far as diet goes.
            Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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            • #21
              I have to agree with the folks here that are saying he needs to RESPECT your right to eat as you wish. I also think it's a red flag that he appears to be trying to control how YOU eat. He has every right to control how HE eats. But he doesn't have the right to tell YOU how to eat. Frankly I wouldn't even try to justify the diet. I would tell him, "I'm following Primal Blueprint and if you want to learn more about why here's the website and here's the book. End of subject." I can't even imagine my OH trying to tell me how to eat. He loves his carbs- his bread, his pasta. Good for him. He also loves and respects me enough to let me be Primal. Your guy needs to do the same.
              High Weight: 225
              Weight at start of Primal: 189
              Current Weight: 174
              Goal Weight: 130

              Primal Start Date: 11/26/2012

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              • #22
                he's fighting you.. about... bacon
                beautiful
                yeah you are

                Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                lol

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                • #23
                  Put it back on him. Make him be logical, though:
                  "I look better. I feel better. I've lost (a lot of) weight. I eat meat and vegetables and fruit. I am no longer obese/overweight. Everything about my body is better than before. For what reason should I change? Why should I go back to the way that made me into what I am trying so hard not to be anymore?

                  Honestly, if he can't be supportive and happy that you are healthy, then you may have to find some more deep-seated issues and work those out. (Why does he want you to go back to the way things were before?)

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by jfreaksho View Post
                    Put it back on him. Make him be logical, though:
                    "I look better. I feel better. I've lost (a lot of) weight. I eat meat and vegetables and fruit. I am no longer obese/overweight. Everything about my body is better than before. For what reason should I change? Why should I go back to the way that made me into what I am trying so hard not to be anymore?
                    I said this to my partner. He responded with the same. That he's different from me, he can't eat stuff like bacon or fat, that the way he eats is how he needs to eat to be healthy. Okay, I can be reasonable. I can give to him what I want him to give to me.

                    So I serve less fat and if I want to eat fatty things or big huge steaks, I make them for myself when he's not home. In fact, I make him lower fat, healthier stuff than he ever made himself. And I make sure to point it out so he notices. And now there is harmony.
                    Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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                    • #25
                      I'm always shocked when I hear about people who eat that many grain products per day.

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                      • #26
                        When I met my boyfriend, I was 215 pounds. At that time he thought I would look good if I put on more weight. Whenever I mentioned losing weight and getting in shape, he would put on a sad-puppy face and say things like "but round is a shape, too". At that point I had a gluten-free household due to necessity.

                        He eats and enjoys the food I fix (it's good) and has never tried to bring in gluten products. Serving rice, potatoes, or other starches with meat-and-vegetable dishes I fix for myself satisfies him and keeps him on even keel.

                        He respects the fact that I decided to lose weight and has been surprised at how good I now look as I approach 150 pounds. I guess he thought I would become spindly or skinny-fat.

                        If your boyfriend can't respect what you are doing for yourself, you can't change him. You can only change yourself.

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                        • #27
                          He doesn't support you.

                          He eats like a child and acts like one too. You, however, eat like an adult. You eat and cook whole foods. How he can argue against that is beyond me. You are also growing in a lot of ways without him.

                          He's trying to exert control over you by trying to dictate what you eat.

                          Think back to other things in the relationship where he has shown this part of his personality. If this is part of who he is, then you don't need that. No one does.

                          You're strong enough and independent enough to do whatever you need to do without being in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect or support you.

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                          • #28
                            Originally posted by sbhikes View Post
                            My partner sounds a lot like yours. I have just soldiered on. I got tired of eating fatty things, so I started making things that were more on the borderline between what he thinks is healthy and what I think is healthy. I make a lot of salmon and lean meat items. I only use bacon as a flavoring. When I do serve something sort of fatty I remind him it's grass-fed so has all the heart healthy Omega 3s. I serve simple dishes of meat and vegetables. Often I serve him rice or bread on the side if it seems like it would go well. I will sometimes make him pasta, too. I try to make him feel like I'm not forcing too much on him other than general healthfulness. He is microscopically slowly moving in my direction as far as diet goes.
                            I do believe that I am going to have to soldier on as well. My bf i know is only fussing because hes worried that im going to be unhealthy and have a heart attack as it runs rampant in my family. He's not really a controlling person, he just likes to give his opinion about everything...all the time. I'm used to that now, but it just is kind of weird that he's so stuck on this even though I have stated facts and have the 75lbs loss of proof. I have been reading that people get so protective over their foods that a lot refuse to make any changes no matter what. He is in his average size for a male of his height and weight and has never had to feel like he's been at the end of his rope. He's never had to feel like the biggest failure in the world because you're doing everything "right" and not getting any results and even seeing things get worse. I think that's the difference that a lot of us who discovered paleo or primal have had to go through. Maybe I should tell him this, as I haven't, and he doesn't know all the hears of crying I've done due to it either. Anyway thanks all for your responses.

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                            • #29
                              Would he agree to the results of a cholesterol lipid panel test. If so, how about if you both take one and compare results. Part of the agreement would be that he says no more if your numbers are godd.
                              "When the search for truth is confused with political advocacy, the pursuit of knowledge is reduced to the quest for power." - Alston Chase

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                              • #30
                                Originally posted by Cryptocode View Post
                                Would he agree to the results of a cholesterol lipid panel test. If so, how about if you both take one and compare results. Part of the agreement would be that he says no more if your numbers are godd.
                                This is a good point- I had my lipids checked one month into doing Primal and every number improved. I'll check again at 6 months.
                                High Weight: 225
                                Weight at start of Primal: 189
                                Current Weight: 174
                                Goal Weight: 130

                                Primal Start Date: 11/26/2012

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