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Help- I seem hell-bent on destroying myself

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  • #16
    The problem isn't that you're binging. The problem is that you're being so hard on yourself about it. I'm a 20 year old girl/woman and I used to do exactly what you're doing to yourself, right down to running cross country to prevent gaining weight from all the junk I ate. Certain foods can definitely be triggers--for me, dairy is the WORST. Dairy is also highly insulinogenic--it triggers a huge insulin response, which will make you crave even more sugar. Also, you didn't mention any veggies. EAT YOUR VEGGIES. They're good, they're good for you, they'll make you happy, they'll fill you up... I used to eat nothing but packaged junk and now I crave salad. People can change. Taste buds have a lifespan of only 8 days, so if you make it past that first week without eating a certain food (let's say yogurt), you'll forget what you ever liked about it.

    If you can, try to keep to "primal" foods. You're allowed to eat. You're allowed to eat a lot. You're allowed to eat 'til you're stuffed. Sooner or later, you'll learn not to overeat just like a kid learns not to touch a hot stove, but you have to give yourself some room to breathe. Throw out your scale, forget about your weight, forget about your parents breathing down your neck, and just be. I can tell from your second post that you know that you're eating out of boredom, which is awesome 'cause that makes it that much easier to solve your problem. You like being around other people, but that's not always an option. Read, watch a movie, play with an animal, learn an instrument, exercise... there's lots of things you can do to make your own fun. Not the least of which is.... eating! So yeah, it's okay to eat. Eat as much as you want. If you eat so much you feel sick, though, don't beat yourself up about it, just try and take a step back and say, yeah, I did that, now why did I do that? Because I'm bored, because I'm lonely, because he canceled our plans, because she said she couldn't tonight she had to "study"... Maybe keep a journal. Write that stuff down. You've got your shit way more figured out than I did at your age. You're headed in the right direction.

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    • #17
      It sounds like you are using food to cover up some feelings/emotions. This is nothing to be ashamed of because we all have some way of doing this, some people more than others. It's just that the method you're using to avoid looking at your feelings will (and is) having a direct effect on your health and body.

      Trying to spend time on the nuts and bolts of Primal eating right now seems like it would be putting the cart before the horse, though certainly you have chosen the best path for wellness with the Primal blueprint. For now, dear girl, help your heart. When you do this, following the diet will be incredibly easier and probably start falling into place. Getting in touch with Overeaters Anonymous could definitely be helpful, but as someone who tried to do a group style therapy as a teen, I was a little intimidated. However, it might be really helpful and build understanding and compassion for yourself that you are not alone out there. The other important step I would highly recommend is to call your health insurance provider, get a list of psychologists in your network, and start seeing one privately; this can be infinitely helpful in really looking at what's driving your current destructive patterns, understanding them, and changing them. You can work through your issues and move past this. Sending you mountains of luck and encouragement!

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      • #18
        Also noticed that you only get about 900 k.calories a day. Thats not enough. You see, you have to get calories from the right foods, not starve yourself while overeating the wrong ones. I did not know that dairy can make one carve sugar, possibly me too have to cut out more dairy (although I don't consume much now).
        And beware of trolls. Forum is full of them and your thread is no exception. Primal is a correct way to go.

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        • #19
          Maybe try overeaters anonymous, or get yourself a therapist to treat your disordered eating. And stop buying the stuff on which you binge, a few apples aren't too bad but bars of chocolate...don't keep them in your pantry.
          F 28/5'4/100 lbs

          "I'm not a psychopath, I'm a high-functioning sociopath; do your research."

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          • #20
            Originally posted by denisedb View Post
            It sounds like you are using food to cover up some feelings/emotions. This is nothing to be ashamed of because we all have some way of doing this, some people more than others. It's just that the method you're using to avoid looking at your feelings will (and is) having a direct effect on your health and body.

            The other important step I would highly recommend is to call your health insurance provider, get a list of psychologists in your network, and start seeing one privately; this can be infinitely helpful in really looking at what's driving your current destructive patterns, understanding them, and changing them. You can work through your issues and move past this. Sending you mountains of luck and encouragement!
            this x2

            Originally posted by SeaHorse View Post
            Also noticed that you only get about 900 k.calories a day. Thats not enough.
            and this as well.
            Last edited by Darz; 01-29-2013, 03:52 AM.

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            • #21
              Originally posted by Zach View Post
              Break the cycle by trying to eat intuitively, really listen to what your body wants and eat without any embarrassment or regret.
              Absolutely DO NOT "listen to what your body wants." At the moment Campanella has a real addiction to wheat and sugar and eating "intuitively" means to eat more wheat and sugar. Would you tell a drug addict to listen to his body and take more drugs?

              900 calories is not enough -- you should be eating twice that. My suggestion is to keep binging... but binge on the good stuff. Ground beef and veggies and butter and salt. Yup, it goes against everything you've ever been told. Always have a big pile of frozen veggies with a big pat of butter ready to go into the microwave, and binge your heart out. Eat ground beef for meals. If you need something sweet, drink Deit Coke. Yes yes it's bad stuff, but it's better than binging on real sugar.
              5'0" female, 45 years old. Started Primal October 31, 2011, at a skinny fat 111.5 lbs. Low weight: 99.5 lb on a fast. Gained back to 115(!) on SAD chocolate, potato chips, and stress. Currently 111.

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              • #22
                Originally posted by campanella View Post
                Thank you answerers. Louisa- I think you're right, but it's the stigma that deters me from that route. the stress would wreak more havoc than overeating does.

                Seahorse, I read Mark's blog but not the book. I'm a little unclear of the fat burning v. sugar burning scenario. Right now I eat a lot of fruit and potatoes every day, as a staple, as well as dairy, although not grains (and only recently have I started eating sugar again.) Is 150-200 g carbs per day impeding fat burning metabolism?
                Don't worry about a perceived 'stigma' -- most of us are so worried about hiding our own shit that we don't focus on others :-)
                ----------------------------------------
                F, 48, 5'10"
                Start Date: 25-06-12 @ 161lbs
                Goal Reached: 30-09-12 @ 143lb. Now bouncing between 145lb - 149lb. I'd like less bounce and more consistency :-)

                Started Cross Fit 20.12.12 ---- Can't wait to submit my success story on the 1st anniversary of starting primal.

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by oxide View Post
                  Absolutely DO NOT "listen to what your body wants." At the moment Campanella has a real addiction to wheat and sugar and eating "intuitively" means to eat more wheat and sugar. Would you tell a drug addict to listen to his body and take more drugs?

                  900 calories is not enough -- you should be eating twice that. My suggestion is to keep binging... but binge on the good stuff. Ground beef and veggies and butter and salt. Yup, it goes against everything you've ever been told. Always have a big pile of frozen veggies with a big pat of butter ready to go into the microwave, and binge your heart out. Eat ground beef for meals. If you need something sweet, drink Deit Coke. Yes yes it's bad stuff, but it's better than binging on real sugar.
                  You give the absolute worst advice.

                  People, this is a person who has a unhealthy relationship with food. She is also a teenager. Telling her to eliminate food groups and like the above is saying to go low carb is guaranteeing that she will binge further. No one on earth is going to be satisfied from ground beef and veggies with butter. In the context of gaining a healthy relationship with food and getting over nutritional deficiancies, she needs to not feel limited to anything, nothing is taboo. Eat what you want without guilt, wheat and sugar are not going to kill you, billions eat them without ill effects. you wont ballon up in weight overnight either.

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Zach View Post
                    ...she needs to not feel limited to anything, nothing is taboo. Eat what you want without guilt, wheat and sugar are not going to kill you, billions eat them without ill effects. you wont ballon up in weight overnight either.
                    So, Campanella, this is the absolute worst advice from a dirty troll.
                    "No one on earth is going to be satisfied from ground beef and veggies with butter.
                    - if Zach couldn't break his suggar and wheat addiction, that doesn't mean nobody can. There are enough people who has done it and are satisfied from meat and veggies.
                    While wheat and sugar doesn't kill people as efficiently as cyanide would, still it does quite some harm and getting fat to level of illness is one of them. And there are billions of people all over the world who have this ill effect. Not overnight, but be informed that normally people tend to live more than just a few nights. Within some years of eating the non-suitable food groups some people do get fat, get diabetes, etc. We do not need all the foods that there are in the world, especially not wheat and sugar (and check the others you may want to avoid).

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                    • #25
                      Originally posted by campanella View Post
                      I came to my senses at a doctor visit in november when they said it was concerning that I lost weight since last year, and my mom started commenting that all my clothes suddenly seemed huge on me and she thought I might not be getting enough starch---
                      About 30 years ago my pediatrician told my mom that although I was healthy, i was too underweight and to start getting me eat more starches, it worked, I got fat and went through the rest of my life as a fat kid. To this day, she says the #1 mistake she felt she made in raising her kids was listening to that quack.

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                      • #26
                        I guess I should clarify. I ate far too little during the summer but since october/november I've eaten definitely somewhere over 2000 cal and have gained about 20 lbs...
                        Only the last week really have I touched sugar, and not because of the cravings I used to get but are now gone, but because I simply had a little bit, liked the taste and felt like I didn't care anymore about the effects. I haven't eaten wheat in over a year.
                        I think occasional sugar isn't such a bad thing as long as it doesn't become a habit. The bigger problem is that I've been binging on everything, every food, every food that is praised as unbingeable, and learned you can certainly gain weight on primal fare.

                        I appreciate all of your input and will work on ways to solve my inner issues first.
                        If you have a few minutes- please take a look at my story, in my journal
                        http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread87400.html
                        I do warn you, I am a copious writer.

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by Zach View Post
                          I think the last thing in the world you need is to start worrying about eliminating food groups or macro ratios.
                          Have note read past here, but..

                          +1,000,000

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                          • #28
                            Originally posted by campanella View Post
                            I guess I should clarify. I ate far too little during the summer but since october/november I've eaten definitely somewhere over 2000 cal and have gained about 20 lbs...
                            Only the last week really have I touched sugar, and not because of the cravings I used to get but are now gone, but because I simply had a little bit, liked the taste and felt like I didn't care anymore about the effects. I haven't eaten wheat in over a year.
                            I think occasional sugar isn't such a bad thing as long as it doesn't become a habit. The bigger problem is that I've been binging on everything, every food, every food that is praised as unbingeable, and learned you can certainly gain weight on primal fare.

                            I appreciate all of your input and will work on ways to solve my inner issues first.
                            Just my take, take it for what it is, a random internet oppinion, just like EVERY other response in this thread.

                            Personally, I agree with those that say you need to sort out what is going on to trigger this, not try by sheer willpower to modify, restrict or whatever, your diet. You already have an unhealthy relationship with food, and trying to force yourself to eat a certain way (regardless of what that way may be) is only going to hurt. You are not going to deal with what is making it happen.

                            I am a huge proponent of counceling. I have used it myself, on several occassions, and having someone with an outside perspective to guide you through your transformation is amazing. A good councelor or therapist doesn't tell you to do things, they ask you questions to help you understand yourself better. They guide your personal explaoration into your problems. They let you propose your own solutions and help you make them work. Just understanding what is going on inside you and working through those feelings makes such a diference.

                            That being said, yes I would go to a dr and make sure you have no medical issues that could contribute. (don't necessarily listen to their advice though, if I had I'd be on several strong antideppressants instead of completely depression free through proper diet change and counceling along with lifestyle changes)

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