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  • #46
    Originally Posted by Warmbear
    I know, the idea of a woman wishing to serve her man is repugnant to western attitudes but I would kill for a wife that felt that way.
    Yes, but she is not trying to serve her man. Serving her man, nets the response in the vein of: "I admire your idea, my love. I shall start cooking what you asked for starting next minute."

    The typical response of an equal partner would be: "Hmm, interesting. Let us try it, and see how it goes. It's kindda hard for me to adapt, so maybe you should do some of the cooking, like chopping the enormous quantities of vegetables that life-style would require. Are you also willing to increase in our food bills, since meat is >> than rice? Oh, and I will also keep eating what I feel like eating, since it works for me."

    The lady's response was: "You are an idiot. Your ideas are stupid. I know better. I am going to mock you until you give up. And if mocking doesn't work I will play the 'poor little abused me' routine. Boy, men are stupid...." That's not submissive, that's passive-aggressive, and, imo, just plain wrong. Well, unless the OP is the type who brings in a new diet home every week and requires dramatic changes....
    Last edited by Leida; 08-03-2012, 06:03 AM.
    My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread57916.html
    When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

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    • #47
      Originally posted by randomcow View Post
      Additional points:

      - yes, you are correct that the Japanese diet is not what it used to be, and there is a "fat wave" sweeping the nation. Having said that, my girlfriend's cooking is healthy, albeit it contains salad oil, rice/noodles and sugar/mirin.

      - I may have used poetic license on the translation a little. But the fact that she feels pressure from not contributing to the household is true. I am demanding in response to the way she is wired. It might seem a little strange to the feminist crowd but all signs point to her being satisfied with the situation.

      - English is my native language. However seven years in Japan will change anyone.

      - Lots of different personalities on this site, and I honestly appreciate all the replies.

      - Sorry for the cross posts. At work, trying to type this up, and it took a little longer than I thought it would.

      RC
      I believe you are a good man. And I totally understand your wife's desire to make her best contribution to the household. I think it is sad that others can't really see that and that they respond with knee-jerk stuff. I've been in a position similar to your wife's, wanting to make a bigger or equal contribution and only having my unpaid work as the means to do it. I don't know the solution for you, maybe you could see if she'd cook even MORE traditionally than she does now, using fewer processed ingredients, less wheat. I don't know, but I don't think ill of her or you in your situation. I hope you can find an answer.
      Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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      • #48
        Originally posted by MrsC View Post
        As a woman who's been married nearly 30 years ... NO, I don't see how "fucked up" that thought it.

        I've also never had to lose 100+ pounds ... maybe "fucked up" females stay thinner???
        Really? You're postulating that the reason women get fat is because they aren't dedicated enough to catching and serving a man?

        Oh wow. Wow.

        Originally posted by cori93437 View Post
        But WISHing for absolute subservience from a person is weird.
        And I also equate the WISH for a completely subservient partner with some seriously messed up issues.


        To top it off... Personal jabs about weight... in a health and weight loss forum?1
        Shows a rather 'fucked up' picture of your personality.
        A very, very, ugly picture.
        This.

        _-J o u r n a l_--------- ---- ---- --- --- -- -- -

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        • #49
          Originally posted by MrsC View Post
          As a woman who's been married nearly 30 years ... NO, I don't see how "fucked up" that thought it.

          I've also never had to lose 100+ pounds ... maybe "fucked up" females stay thinner???
          That was an incredibly ugly thing to say. Unproductive as well.

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          • #50
            Nom Nom Paleo

            This might help? Good Luck.

            I try to leave judgements out of my dealings with others, especially when basically they are asking for help.
            Chris
            "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain."
            Unknown

            My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread36279.html

            My "Program": doing my version of a 4:3 - 3 day fast diet with real food every day, with a little twist of anti-inflammatory mixed in.

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            • #51
              Originally posted by Legbiter View Post
              The secret to keeping a man is very, very simple.

              A) Make a good home for him.

              B) Cook nice things.

              C) Keep him laid like a tile.

              There, I just saved you a decade of confusion.
              You know... my EX wife said basically the same thing in one of our therapy sessions

              " I know when he is in a bad mood i just need to feed him, fuck him, and put him to bed"

              Note my raised eyebrow when i said, if you know this why ( in 13 years) have you chosen not to do it.

              the session ended with the therapist prescribing paxil to her and her saying ( what i expected her to say ) "Why is everyone on HIS side... you can go fuck yourself"

              i closed that chapter shortly thereafter
              Optimum Health powered by Actualized Self-Knowledge.

              Predator not Prey
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              • #52
                Ohmy... crazy thought.

                challenge her to fix you a crazy cool bento ( including insanely silly bento boxes)





                how could she resist...


                Bento no. 53: Sesame beef and vegetable bento | Just Bento
                Optimum Health powered by Actualized Self-Knowledge.

                Predator not Prey
                Paleo Ketogenic Lifestyle

                CW 315 | SW 506
                Current Jeans 46 | Starting Jeans 66


                Contact me: quelsen@gmail.com

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                • #53
                  JMO~ arguing over food is really stupid. Over the long haul, dietary choices will change for both of you, being so invested in one WOE that flexibility is absent will undermine this relationship anyway. I'd have to say, if she can't/won't bend, then this isn't so much about food as who's in charge.

                  On the food note though, buy a case of sardines. On the days she chooses to please her palate and not yours, open a can and let her enjoy the aroma of canned fish while she eats her dinner. Maybe after a few solo meals, she'll get the point~ AKA *you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink*

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                  • #54
                    Originally posted by demuralist View Post
                    Nom Nom Paleo

                    This might help? Good Luck.

                    I try to leave judgements out of my dealings with others, especially when basically they are asking for help.
                    +1000.

                    Honestly, I didn't see anything offensive in this thread. The subject title suggested some gender bashing, but I thought the guy presented the conversation quite nicely and didn't demonise his gf.

                    OP, just ask her to try something once or twice a week. It's better to do a gradual transition anyway.
                    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                    - Ray Peat

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                    • #55
                      I agree, why not just start small? Like asking her to change from canola oil to olive oil or macadamia oil?
                      Then in a month or two, ask for another small change. Changes can be made gradually! I don't see why it has to be such a big issue. And rice is not that bad for you anyhow, if you're active. Hit the gym more, and eat that rice... for a while, anyways.

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                      • #56
                        Originally posted by randomcow View Post

                        GF: "Well where does that leave me? You are already covering the rent until I find a job, and so now my only contribution will be keeping the house clean. I am a woman and therefore my purpose is to serve you, and you are preventing me from fulfilling this purpose."
                        She can serve you by serving a different plate of food!

                        Seriously though, buy the primal cookbook and she can learn some new tricks. And you know .. maybe be nice and tell her that her company is enough.. *cough*

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                        • #57
                          Originally posted by randomcow View Post
                          Thanks for the responses ("don't breed" - dad/mum is that you?? ). It seems the consensus is to take responsibility for my own meals, my girlfriend's feelings be damned.

                          FWIW I had success on the 4 hour body diet, going from 165 to 154 (9% body fat), with 150 the goal I never quite reached. I started working my current job and moved in with my girlfriend about 12 months ago and slowly expanded to 169 (17% body fat). I'm still getting the same amount of exercise but sitting on my ass 10-14 hours a day probably isn't helping. It's very possibly not the dinners my gf is cooking but I wanted to rule this out completely before I look at the other factors.

                          I'll break the news to her tonight. Thanks everyone who commented.

                          RC

                          Originally posted by Legbiter View Post
                          My wife is Norwegian. I simply told her jokes for 10 minutes, then I explained to her the thrust of what I would be trying to accomplish, gave her Mark's cookbooks, whispered a filthy thing or 2 in her ear and let her natural love of cooking take it's course.

                          Don't try to argue with logic. Change her mood, change her opinion.

                          See if there's not that particular softspot you can use to change her mood.
                          Nicely played, both of you.

                          Could you entice her into a bet? See if she can cook (and you both eat) without using anything processed for 30 days.

                          You bet that she will like it so much she wants to keep doing it. Primal isn't (just) about weight loss, it's about how awesome good nutrition, more sleep, less stress, and lots of energy is.

                          She bets whatever she wants you to do, either at the same time she tries the cooking, or as what you owe if she hates eating whole delicious nutritious food.
                          "If man made it, don't eat it." ..Jack LaLanne
                          "It doesn't matter how beautiful your theory is, it doesn't matter how smart you are.
                          If it doesn't agree with experiment, it's wrong." ..Richard Feynman

                          beachrat's new primal journal

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                          • #58
                            Tough situation. It will eventually come down to how important the primal lifestyle is to you. If this is a deal breaker on the relationship you need to let her know, if you really love each other then compromise is the solution. I once had a very serious relationship with a smoker, I told her its the cigarettes or me, she chose the cigarettes and I found someone much more compatible.
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                            • #59
                              Originally posted by Leida View Post
                              Yes, but she is not trying to serve her man. Serving her man, nets the response in the vein of: "I admire your idea, my love. I shall start cooking what you asked for starting next minute."

                              The typical response of an equal partner would be: "Hmm, interesting. Let us try it, and see how it goes. It's kindda hard for me to adapt, so maybe you should do some of the cooking, like chopping the enormous quantities of vegetables that life-style would require. Are you also willing to increase in our food bills, since meat is >> than rice? Oh, and I will also keep eating what I feel like eating, since it works for me."

                              The lady's response was: "You are an idiot. Your ideas are stupid. I know better. I am going to mock you until you give up. And if mocking doesn't work I will play the 'poor little abused me' routine. Boy, men are stupid...." That's not submissive, that's passive-aggressive, and, imo, just plain wrong. Well, unless the OP is the type who brings in a new diet home every week and requires dramatic changes....
                              I was married to a Japanese woman for 10 years. This post is the correct one. It took me a really long time to realize that though. OP, if you are providing financially and she is contributing by doing household stuff, there's nothing wrong with that as you and most sensible people know, it's a type of partnership. But you ought to be a Japanese dude here and insist that she cook more of the food that you want as long as she is going to insist on doing all the cooking for you. That's what's actually fair in this situation. Not you being guilted out of primal, or her not being allowed to feel useful. But you've got to grow a pair and make it happen. Also never seek relationship advice on a nutrition board again. Ever.
                              If you are new to the PB - please ignore ALL of this stuff, until you've read the book, or at least http://www.marksdailyapple.com/primal-blueprint-101/ and this (personal fave): http://www.archevore.com/get-started/

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                              • #60
                                Also, there is a TON of very traditional Japanese food that fits awesomely within Primal. And it's not white rice and a dash of Mirin (! Seriously!) that made you puffy, it's probably MaKuDoNaaRuDo.
                                If you are new to the PB - please ignore ALL of this stuff, until you've read the book, or at least http://www.marksdailyapple.com/primal-blueprint-101/ and this (personal fave): http://www.archevore.com/get-started/

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