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Having a VERY difficult time with the kids - help!

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  • #31
    Originally posted by Crabbcakes View Post
    Hey Alydar

    Just one last thought about the gardens and cooking and all that... It won't work quickly. It is a lot like choosing good books - the best way is to grow up with it, and let the influence and lessons sink in bit by bit.

    As for the mean mommy thing... Hell Yes! I am a card-carrying member of the Mean Mommy Club! And wanna' know what - I love it. For all their techie sophistication and stuff today, kids still depend on us to make the tough calls and be the proverbial immovable object. I do not advocate real meanness in dealings with kids, but when mine ACCUSE me of meanness, it tells me I'm doing my job. You'll do great!
    Thanks Crabbcakes!


    • #32
      A couple things - and bear in mind this is coming from a mom who has a child with NO eating issues whatsoever, she's always been an adventurous eater...

      First, kids tend to model behaviours they see, either from parents, grandparents, or other kids. If you or your partner have been known to utter phrases such as "I don't like <insert food>" or "<insert food> is gross" or if they've seen you leave part of your dinner you didn't like, or if they see and hear that sort of thing regularly from someone else, it normalizes that kind of thing and makes it ok. I think part of why my daughter is so happy to try anything is that my husband and I have always been pretty food-positive - we go out of our way to comment when stuff is yummy and we don't make a big deal about it if it isn't, we just eat it and are grateful for it. We also don't make a big deal out of it when our daughter decides she doesn't like something, because her tastes change all the time. She used to dislike eggs, but now she asks for them for snacks. She wouldn't go near sweet potato, then she had some prepared a different way at a friend's house and now it's "can we have Susan-style sweet potato for dinner?" all over. But then again, when she was a baby she loved chard and beet greens, and now she can't stand them.

      She isn't insulated from junk food by any means. I'm actually pretty lenient with the candy and her grandparents feed her all kinds of processed crap. But she is being raised in a multi-ethnic family with highly positive attitudes towards food in general, and I think that makes all the difference. I think the only negative comments she's heard about any food are from me towards junk food.


      • #33
        Originally posted by Goldie View Post
        @ labmonkey -- if your daughter's main meat problem is with texture, have you tried crispy bacon? How about meat/bone broth? If she's a good chewer, maybe beef jerky?

        I agree that if she's that emotional about it, trying to push things will only make it worse. If you're worried about her getting enough protein, maybe you could fortify her milk with protein powder.

        She will lick bacon..sometimes. lol. I tried to get her to lick the bacon on my plate yesterday but she said she'd rather like her broccoli, which she did. What a turkey eh? *shakes head*

        I have done bone broths in the past. Like make a soup and she drinks it but, it's been so bloody hot here that I've run out and the last thing on our minds is soup. But, thanks for the reminder, when it cools that's one of the first things I'll make. I've never tried beef jerky but, I do have some in the house. I should give her a piece and see.

        Thanks for the protein powder advice, I'll look into it. I've never used the stuff and not sure what to buy nor how much to give her (or if I even CAN) given she's 3


        • #34
          I salute all the women who are dealing with a two-household life! I got divorced when my daughter was 5, and she spends weekends with dad. Chuck E Cheese, Krispy Kreme, Spongbob TV fests, stay up however late you want ... oh yes, every cliche, every weekend. Shortly thereafter he added 2 early teen step-sisters to the ugly brew. She'd come home Sunday night an absolute wreck every week, sick to her stomach, asleep on her feet and/or wired, attitude like you would not believe.

          I decided that no matter what I did, I was going to be the Mean Mom, so I embraced it. No junk, get your homework done, get to bed, brush your teeth ... but at the same time I spent the time pointing out, "Why do you think you feel this way? What did you eat? What did you watch? What did you do? It's no fun feeling like this, is it?"

          My daughter's now 11, and although I can't say she still doesn't enjoy all the chaos and junk at dad's sometimes, she knows she'll feel crappy if she overdoes it. She knows what she eats will impact her ability to focus the next day in school and her mood (she's sensitive to wheat). She can say NO to fast food, recognizes when she needs to sleep, and actually notices what's going on with herself and questions "what caused this?"

          We still battle over food (and everything else) when she's here, but when she's out of the nest I know she at least stops to think, what would my Mean Mom do?


          • #35
            Hugs Deadnskinny: that is my fear...but my soon to be ex is moving 4 hours away, so the kids might spend a weekend with him once a month (he CAN get them more than that, but I dont think he will)...but I hate the idea of them getting sick at all. Your daughter sounds very smart and self-aware.

            I think I am going to aim towards a Weston A Price type WOE. I have lots of heritage rice (though they prefer the white rice as it is served in Chinese food restaurants), and they love raw milk, but I have to find a way to make it taste like chocolate without the HFCS. Maybe cocoa and honey? Going to work on a good homemade bread recipe that will make tasty grilled cheese and peanut butter and honey sandwhiches. homemade cookies instead of oreos, that kind of thing. Mostly I want to stay away from store bought, transfat, HFCS processed type stuff. The apartment we are moving into has a large playground and a kiddie pool with a splash pad, so I plan to wear them out and make them hungry and then pull the bait and switch with healthy food. :P

            I hate Spongebob with the passion of ten thousand suns. We mostly watch Nick Jr, Disney, and Sprout. For my own sanity...
            It's just another day in paradise
            As you stumble to your bed
            You'd give anything to silence
            Those voices ringing in your head
            You thought you could find happiness
            Just over that green hill
            You thought you would be satisfied
            But you never will-
            Learn to be still
            -The Eagles


            • #36
              The one thing that continues to surprise me is how resilient kids are; my daughter's totally adapted to the back and forth and although she doesn't like it sometimes, she handles it. Even during my darkest moments of thinking "I should have stayed married to avoid putting her through this", it was my dark, not hers. She's fine, it's just the way things are.

              Totally off-topic, but keep an eye on their 'other' consumption too ... I outlawed Nick because I hate Spongebob, but Disney (once you're past 'baby shows') is full of shows where parents are either non-existent or totally stupid and kids run everything. I sat down and actually watched and was stunned; no wonder parents aren't respected, they certainly aren't in kid-aimed entertainment! I've found that what's consumed through the eyes is just as important as what goes in through the mouth. Me included.